Our Son

Bruce finally arrives.

-Tony, what happened!?

-He.. he tried to kill himself.. Please, just.. just hurry.

-Jesus... Okay..

After what it felt like forever, Bruce fixes Peter and gives him something to wake up, but he's still unconscious.

They both sit down on the bed, besides Peter, holding his hands.

-Is he gonna make it? (Tony says basically whispering)

-Tony... 

-No, Steve, we gotta know.. Bruce?

-Look, I... the cuts... were everywhere and were very bad, it looks very bad. I really don't know. We'll have to wait. I'm.. I'm so sorry..

-Oh my god... (Steve says, falling apart once more, getting closer to his son and crying on his chest)

Tony just stands there.

They all slept there in case Peter wakes up.

Tony had a nightmare about what happened that day. Steve couldn't sleep.

Around 6 a.m, a miracle happened.

-Dads?

They both get up really fast. 

-Peter! Peter! My baby! Thank God! (Tony)

Steve doesn't say anything, he just hugs his child tighter than he ever had, kissing his head and loudly crying. Tony joins them.

-Oh, baby... My baby.... I was so scared... Jesus Christ! My baby.... It's okay now, you're okay, I've got you. (Steve)

-I'm sorry, Pops, I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

-Cub... No need to apologize, okay? We're just glad you're... you're alive... But, God! You scared the shit out of us! We thought you were dead. Seeing you like that... It's.... It's the worst thing for a parent to see.. Please, don't ever do that again, please... Peter....

They just cry.

After a long time, they can let go of the hug and look properly at their son.

-Peter... I... I don't know what to say.. (Tony)

-Me neither..

-What... What were you thinking? Why would you do that? 

-I wasn't... I wasn't trying to...

-Then what the hell was that, Peter? We almost lost you! You.... Fuck!! I'm sorry.. I'm sorry, I'm not helping. I'm sorry.

And he just leaves the room.

*****

Tony goes to Peter's bedroom. His bed is filled with blood. It makes him sick to his stomach.

-God... Why would you do this to me, kid..

He takes out the sheets and put them in the washing machine and goes back. 

He notices there are what it seems to be two letters on Peter's desk. It has Steve's and Tony's name each.

He gets the one with his name. The letter also has blood on it.

He opens it and already starts to cry when he noticed what this was about.

"Hi, Daddy. I'm sorry for what you saw today. I'm sorry for the horrible scene I made you and Dad see. I'm really sorry for doing this to you two.

But I had to, I really had to. I can't take this pain anymore. It hurts getting up from bed, it hurts when I look myself in the mirror, it hurts seeing what my depression does to you. 

I'm a burden, I didn't deserve to be adopted. I'm a waste of money and space. I don't want to be alive anymore. After everything I've been through.

Daddy, you are the most selfless person I've ever met. You take care of those in need even if they don't deserve the attention or don't want to receive it. You have such a beautiful soul and I'm sorry that you have to go through the nightmares every night. I'm sorry for being such a burden to you. 

But... I really hate myself.. Always have. Specifically after Aunt May died... and there's nothing that will be able to fix me. 

I hope you and Dad can get another child, because you deserve it and you're the best parents in the whole world. And I didn't do what I did because I don't feel you love me, on the otherside, I know that and that's why I have to do this. So I can spare you from more pain.

Thank you for always being there for me, thank you for loving me and for always supporting me. I love you more than anything and I'm gonna miss you.

I hope you can be okay one day.

Take care of Pops for me.

With love,

Underoos"

And Tony cries. He cries what he's never cried before. How can this child have so much self hatred inside of him? How can he ever think he's a burden to him? He just wants to protect the kid forever. He doesn't deserve this much pain! He's just a baby! His baby! And he's been thinking about dying for so long! How could he not notice it? He has failed as a father. He has failed. And he just cries until there are no tears.

*****

-I knew he was going to be mad at me...

-Pete, he's not mad at you. He's just... scared.. 

-I'm so sorry, Dad! I'm sorry... I swear I didn't want to do it. At least.. not... not today..

-What do you mean, kid? You thought about dying before?

-Y—Yeah... When I was depressed. I mean.. I've always been depressed.

-I know you've been depressed for a long time, but.. but I didn't think it meant that... 

He can't even say the words. He can't imagine losing him like that. Losing his son.

-Peter, look at me... Just.. Please, look at me. 

He does and Steve touches his face with both hands, caressing his cheeks.

-I need you to listen to me very closely now, okay? Can you do that, baby?

He nods.

-I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry for what that... monster did to you. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that torture. I'm sorry I wasn't there to protect you. Those words you said at the trial, will be forever in my mind. I'm astonished by your strength, astonished by your courage to stand up for yourself and for others. 

Pete, I'm so proud of you. So proud of you. You are such a beautiful person. Inside and out. You always help others when they're in danger or just need the friendly neighbor spiderman. You help us every day even when you don't notice. 

You're the love of my life, I love you more than life itself and I just want you to be happy and healthy. That's all I want, sweetheart.. For you to conquer your dreams and to find happiness in the little things life gives us from time to time. You're a good person. And I'm not just saying that because you're my son and I love you, it's because it's true! You are the most beautiful light in our lives and we love you more than anything in this world! You could never be a burden or anything like that. And we're gonna be here every step of the way, because you're my child and I love you so much! I love you, cub..

Peter just cries a lot.

-Oh, baby... C'mere.. 

They hug tight for God knows how long.

Tony enters the room with the letter on his hands. He's shaking.

-Peter... Why... When did you write this?

-What is it? (Steve)

-When, Peter?

-Right when you adopted me..

Tony collapses on the couch in front of them, covering his face with his hands, crying.

-What is it, Tony!?

-His... His.. suicide letter... To me. There's one for you too... Peter, Jesus Christ... My child....

-I'm sorry for disappointing you.

-We're.. not let down, Peter. Just... scared..

-Why? Why would you do this!? We adopted you when you were 14! How much sorrow can a child take!? You're... you're just a child!

-Dad... I don't know what to say.

-I do. (Tony)

-I'll leave you two alone. (Steve)

He leaves. He hopes these two can talk what they need to.

-I do. And you know what? You're gonna listen to me and understand because I won't lose my kid like that, okay!? So listen! You.. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.

-Dad...

-Na uh! The adult is talking! You're the best thing that has ever happened to me. Me and your father are very proud of the young man you're becoming. You always want to help people, you always want to help us. That's why you're not a burden. This letter? Was the scariest shit I've ever read in my life and seeing you like this is the worst thing that has ever happened in my life. You're my son, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you. And you will survive this. You.. You already did. When you shared your story and asked for help. When you allowed me and your pops to touch you and hug you and say that we love you. Because it's true. We love you so much, baby. We would never give you away. You're not a burden. 

Tony starts crying because he wants his kid to believe in him so bad.

-I don't deserve this, Daddy, let me go!

-N—No! No! I won't give up on you! 

-Daddy...

-And... God, kid... When I saw your wrists.... Jesus... I was terrified. I thought I was going to lose you... And if I had, I would've gone with you. I can't imagine my life without my baby. Without my son. And.. what happened to you.. It was NOT your fault, okay? It doesn't matter what that monster made you believe or what he made you do. It was not your fault and I'm gonna keep saying this every day if I have to. I'm always gonna be here if you need a hug or a kiss or words to remind you how much you are loved. I love you! I love you so much! And we're gonna fight back, we're gonna win this and that bastard is going to jail forever! I promise. I love you, cub. Okay? Do you understand? 

He says while touching his cheeks.

All Peter can do is cry. He's overwhelmed and those words helped him a lot, he needed to hear them. But he doesn't know what to say.

-Oh, baby. C'mere... C'mere...

Tony hugs his child as tight as he can. Rocking him back and forth, kissing his head then resting his chin above it. Crying what he hasn't his entire life.

END OF CHAPTER