Chapter 5
I was humming to myself as I pattered around the spacious apartment, just doing some general tidying. It's the least I can do for Steve letting me stay here.
He's been in court for the past few days. He hasn't told me much about it, just muttering that it had something to do with this big case he's been working on. It seems to be going well, but he says he can't wait for it to just be over.
Bucky hasn't been able to come and spend time with me while Steve is at work as he has his own cases to attend to. I've been here two weeks now, anyway, staying here alone for a bit shouldn't be a problem. Honestly, the alone time has slowly helped me gain some confidence. My first day here by myself I spent the whole day shaking and watching the door, waiting for the familiar sound of it slamming open and an angry figure screaming my name. Slowly, though, I have been able to start going back to a new normal.
The only issue is that when I am alone, there's nothing to distract me from my running thoughts. I start thinking about him. Thinking about how I still love him even though I shouldn't. I start to wonder what would happen should I go back to him. I wonder about how angry he is.
I try to shake the thoughts out of my head and continue sweeping the kitchen.
Suddenly, though, the front door slams open, causing me to flinch. Angry footsteps storm through the apartment before Steve is standing in front of with a red face. The slamming door. The anger. Things are starting to feel familiar in way I don't like. A way that makes my stomach drop.
"Where's your fucking phone?" He says, seething.
"W-whats wrong?" I took deep breaths, trying to stay calm.
"What's wrong? How about the fact that your shitbag of an ex paid off one of my witnesses to fuck up my defense today!" He screams, walking towards me. I try to stand my ground but can't stop myself from beginning to cower and prevent the tears from building in my eyes.
"He wouldn't do that," I tried to defend, "he doesn't even know I'm here."
"Then what's this? Huh?" He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket, slightly crumpled up. "It reads, 'Take my girl, I make your life hell. Brock.' I found it on my windshield. Is that the name of your piece of shit boyfriend, Dandi?"
He's still yelling at me, and the tears are now streaming down my face uncontrollably.
"I'm s-s-sorry, Steve, I didn't know h-he would do that," I stuttered, my chest feeling tight. My senses felt iverloaded as I took in everything around me.
Steve was pacing the kitchen angrily. The room was filled with his voice and my sobs. My grip on the cool counter tops kept my hands from shaking. I could taste the salt of my tears on my lips.
"Dandi, just get me your phone." His hands flew towards me. The movement was too quick, my hands raised in front of my face.
"I'm sorry, Steve, I swear I never m-meant for it to happen!" My chest shook as I sobbed.
The room fell into silence, and my arms kept me from the heartbroken look that covered Steve's face. His arms fell, lightly gripping my elbow.
"Dandi, I promise I was never going to hurt you," he whispered, slowly pulling my arms away from my face. "I wasn't even mad at you! I was mad at him. I didn't mean to take it out on you. I was only going to grab your shoulders! I promise."
I let him pull me into a tight hug. While I would rather be doing anything than let another person touch me right now, I know he needs this hug. I know he would never hurt me. I know that, because that isn't normal.
People don't hurt the ones they love.
People don't hurt the ones they love.
People don't hurt the ones they love.
I kept repeating the phrase over and over. Something a nurse told me about a year ago when I went to the hospital for two broken rips and a concussion. I told her it had been a roller skating accident, but she didn't believe me. She looked at me skeptically before telling me, "Okay, but people don't hurt the ones they love. Right?"
I'm sure my stuttered response told her everything she needed to know. I wish I could tell her I left him. That I heard her voice telling me, "If you ask for help, help will find you," as I walked out that front door to never return.
She had spoken the words softly as I exited the hospital. It had been a year ago but I remember the day like it were yesterday. That was the days I started to realize, Brock doesn't treat me right.
Him. Brock.
He wasn't treating me right.
"You can have my phone," I whispered into Steve's shoulder, wondering if he could even hear me. "Just don't call him while I'm here. I'll go, and then you can call."
Steve pulled away from me abruptly.
"Go?"
"Yes, I'd like to go out. Go see Wanda's shop. I haven't spoken to her since Saturday."
When I saw Steve's shoulders relax I realize he misinterpreted my statement. He thought I meant leave the apartment for good. It made my heart feel full at the thought he wanted me here. That I wasn't a complete burden.
"Let Bucky take you, please. He should be off work. I'll call him."
I nodded in approval and he stepped away to make the call. While he did that I walked upstairs and grabbed my own phone, staring at it like I'd seen a ghost when I pulled open the nightstand drawer. All I could think of was the constant messages coming through after Bucky had turned the device on. The hateful words I could read on the one notification before they were swiped out of my view.
When I came back downstairs I could hear Steve saying his goodbyes and that he'd see Bucky in just a moment. When he sees me he gives me a small smile.
"Bucky was actually already on his way. Heard about my bad day in court." I nodded in response before holding my phone out to him. "Are you sure its okay?"
"Yes, it's okay," I answered. I didn't want him to talk to my ex, but Brock had taken it too far. He isn't just effecting my life anymore. If Steve wants to handle the issue, he can.
Buckys' arrival occurred only moments later. He spoke to Steve briefly before offering me one of those smiles I've grown so fond of. I gave Steve only a nod before entering the elevator with Bucky. Neither of us spoke until we were in Buckys car.
"I heard you had a scare," Bucky said softly. He tried to catch my gaze but I refused to look at him. Instead i.stared at my hands that were settled in my lap.
"He didn't mean to. I know he didn't mean to," I whispered.
"Sure, he didn't mean to, but you're allowed to be scared sometimes. He shouldn't have yelled like that either." Bucky spoke with such conviction, I almost believed him. "You're feelings are valid, Dandi. You hear me?"
I nodded in response, desperately wishing he would start the car.
"I need to hear your words, Dandi, please?"
Finally, I turned my head to look into his crystal blue eyes. Immediately, my stomach settled, and my hands stopped shaking. I bask in his aura and wonder, was it ever like this with Brock? Did I ever feel this safe with him?
"Yes," I spoke softly, "my feelings are valid."
Bucky kept my gaze, nodding with a smile that almost looked - proud?
"To Wanda's?" He asked.
"To Wanda's." I say.