Chapter 7
Bucky’s POV
As far as nights out go, this one sucked. I mean Vicky and Mary weren’t too bad, but both Steve and Carmen left early, and I know that the sick feeling in my stomach is because I let them go. I don’t even think I apologized to Carmen.
My thoughts cloud my head as I pace around my living room, searching through the grey for an answer. I could go to Carmen’s house and apologize. But, why do I need to be the one apologizing? I was just trying to have a good time before I left! But then I think about her tear-stained cheeks from this morning and I can’t even pretend to be mad. I just feel so stuck. I need to talk to her, but I won’t have a chance tomorrow - we leave too early - and it’s way too late to go to her house now. But I can’t leave the things I want to say, unsaid.
My mother comes downstairs and watches me pace around the room for a moment before grabbing me by my shoulders, leading me to the couch and pulling me into a tight embrace. I hide in her shoulder like a little kid and the sobs escape my throat with no control.
Carmen’s POV
I lie in bed trying to figure out what I want to do. I need to apologize to Bucky but it’s 1 am and I can’t just march through the streets to his house, although I think I might have to. If I don’t do anything, I will regret that for my whole life. I know that. But I just can’t pluck up the courage to do it. Shit, shit, shit, this could be really dangerous. But before I can talk myself out of it, I change my clothes, grab my coat and sprint out of the house. I run faster than I ever had, chasing only one thing, Bucky.
I stop to catch my breath right in front of his door. I feel like I’m on fire and the hot, summer night is not helping me cool down. Hoping that he’s awake, and that I don’t have to answer to his angry parents, I knock three times on his door, but my heart is beating so loud that I can hardly hear my fist on the firm wood. I see Winifred Barnes look through the window because ‘Who would be here this late?’ Once she sees that it’s me, she opens the door.
“Hi Mrs Barnes, sorry to be here this late, I was wondering if I could see Bucky,” I blubber out, still trying to breath like a normal human being, “If he’s still awake.” She looks a little shocked at how I’m acting but doesn’t tell me to leave. Bucky’s mother is a nice woman, but I think she thinks I should act ‘a bit more like the lady I am.’ She glances behind her, as if asking for permission from someone and then I see Bucky’s figure sitting on the couch with a box of tissues sitting on his lap.
“Yes, of course Carmen.” I enter through the door, trying to dodge her disapproving glare at my hastily thrown on clothes.
“Thank you Ma’am.” I look at Bucky and I can see, he’s never cried like this in his life. I sit next to my best friend and stare deep into his eyes, preparing myself for what I want to say.
“Bucky, I’m sorry for leaving tonight. I know that you were just trying to make your last night memorable and fun.” I begin steadily, but my pace quickens as I get more nervous. “But-uh, I-'' I don’t know how to express all of these feelings inside me. I take a deep breath, “Whenever I look at you, my heart screams for you, it splutters when you say my name and a lose my breath when you smile.” I watch as his expression changes from sadness to something that looks too much like shock for my confession. I hurry on before I think better of it. “Bucky, I love you. I can’t remember when I started loving you, maybe I always did. God, I don’t know. I-” I cut myself off before I embarrass myself even more. I get up while mumbling, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come here.” I shuffle over to the door in shame, twist the knob and take one single step over the mantle before he grabs my hand and stops me.
“Carmen, I love you too, so, so much. Maybe it took me too long to realize, or say, or act on, but you make me smile every single day. Your goofy laugh makes me laugh, your smile as bright as the sun makes me strive to be as happy as you, and your sweet, smooth voice makes me want to kiss you.” Like a bud opening in spring, happiness blossoms inside me, its sweet fragrance eradicates all fear from my heart. But then he resumes talking and the swell in my heart falters. “But I leave in 5 hours. I don’t know if there’s any point in-” I kiss him before he can keep on talking, and I feel his warm hand around me. I kiss him deeper, for all of the times that I have wished I was able to, and all of the times that I will miss in the future. Pulling him tighter to me still, I break the kiss and bury myself into his chest and hug him. I start to worry when he doesn’t say anything, but then he lets out a happy sigh and squeezes me.
“Wait, your mum isn’t still here, right?” I look around with a blush, bright on my checks.
“Hey Carmen, do you think you could keep an eye on Steve for me?” He says unsurely.
“You know I will. Don’t worry about us, we’ll be fine here, we’re safe. You just need to keep yourself safe, okay? Just come back to us.” I quiver, holding in my tears.
“And what if I don’t?”
“Then I’ll always find you. No matter what.”