Splintered Arrows

“Did we get ‘em all?” Bruce asked. I was looking around to see who wasn’t there.

“You’re telling me this actually worked?” Clint asked. Thank God, I thought, immediately feeling guilty when I saw Rhodey collapse to his knees.

“No,” Pepper whispered beside me. Before I could react, she ran up to the platform and knelt down in front of Rhodey. I stood there, unable to move; did he know he wouldn’t make it back, and that’s why he gave me the letter? Does anyone else even know I have the letter? I looked back up at the platform, where everyone else took a knee. I slowly walked up and knelt next to Clint, feeling selfish but grateful that he was okay.

After a few minutes, the twelve of us drove in silence to the lake house. They quickly decided that bringing everyone back could wait; for now, Pepper had to tell Morgan that her dad isn’t coming home.

When we got there, Rhodey and Pepper went inside, while the rest of us went out to the dock. I finally let myself be outwardly grateful that Clint survived and gave him a hug.

“I was so scared,” I said between sobs. “I’m so glad you’re okay. And I know that makes me sound like a horrible person, but-”

“It’s okay, Alex,” he said. “I know. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing at once.” We all jumped as we heard the screen door slam, and we were joined by Happy, who immediately collapsed onto the dock. Natasha and Bruce knelt down to comfort him, but the wails still came. I buried my head into Clint’s chest, trying to drown them out with my own sobs.

After what seemed like forever, we were all calm enough to talk about it.

“We can’t have the funeral,” I said, getting some angry looks. “Not until everyone’s back. He gave me a letter to give to Peter. We can’t have the funeral right now. We bring everyone back, then have it.” Happy looked at me, gave a weak smile, and nodded.

“Alex is right. Peter would never forgive us if we had the funeral without him.”

After going inside to hug Pepper, Morgan, and Rhodey, the rest of us went back to the compound.

“He gave you a letter?” Clint asked as soon as we started driving. I nodded.

“He said that if he didn’t make it back, to give it to Peter. I tried to refuse, but he insisted, said that he would give it to Peter himself if he could. I guess he saw a lot of Peter in me, so he thought I would know when the time was right to give it to him.”

“Do you know what it says?”

“No. Why would I? It’s not for me to read.” The rest of the ride back to the compound was spent in silence, and tears started silently streaming down my face.

When we got back to the compound, Bruce immediately went to work in the lab. I wanted to talk to him, but I knew better than to disturb him. Sure, he was grieving, but he was also working on a way to actually use the stones to bring everyone back. Instead, I grabbed some paint and went to Tony’s room. I looked at the mountains I had painted and added his helmet to one of the peaks, and all of us surrounding it.

“I thought you said you couldn’t draw for shit.” I turned to see Steve leaning against the doorframe. He had a small smile across his face, but his arms were crossed and his eyes were red. I shrugged.

“I can’t. Pencils and pens handle differently than paint brushes. I don’t get it, either.” He chuckled and walked up to admire what I had done.

“It looks amazing, Alex. Does this mean you’re fighting a panic attack?” His question caught me off guard, but part of me also saw it coming; by this point, everyone knew that I painted when I was either fighting off a panic attack or trying to recover from one.

“Actually, no. I’m just-” I sighed and sat on the bed. “I’m really struggling with it. I know I never got as close to him as any of you, but it still hurts. It feels wrong that he’s not here.” Steve sat down next to me and nodded.

“I know. And I think part of him knew he wasn’t coming back. I think part of me knew he wasn’t coming back. After the fight in Germany, things were awkward between us. We kept everything civil, but he looked at me before we left in a way he hasn’t looked at me ever. It was one of those looks that could mean a million different things, and I knew what he was thinking.”

After a couple hours of everyone sitting around and maybe talking about their feelings, Bruce came out of the lab.

“It’s ready.” Everyone stood up, almost mechanically, and followed Bruce to the hangar. Everyone, except for Clint, who walked towards me.

“You’re staying here. If something goes wrong, I-”

“I’ll stay here,” I said, hugging him again. “Nothing’s going to go wrong. It’ll be okay.” I wasn’t sure if I was trying to convince myself of that, or him. Either way, it seemed to work, because I felt a little more confident, and he seemed to relax a little.

“I’ll be right back, okay?” I nodded and went back to my room, sitting on my bed with the baby blanket on my lap. I pulled out the scrapbooks again and smiled; the first one was full of pictures from my childhood, but the rest of them were from little trips we took. I didn’t even realize she took half the pictures she did, but I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face the entire time I looked through them. There was a slight rumbling noise, and I watched as the window in my room was covered in what I assume was reinforced metal of some kind. I put the scrapbooks down and rubbed the blanket between my fingers, holding my breath.

I don’t know if I was expecting an explosion or a rumbling noise, but I was expecting something. As soon as the metal was gone, I sprinted out of my room towards the hangar. I heard Clint’s phone vibrate on the kitchen table, and grabbed it before getting to the hangar.

“I think you want to take this,” I said, handing it to him with a huge smile on my face. He looked at his phone and gasped, then looked at me and nodded; it worked. I ran back to my room and pulled the one number I had memorized from my memory.

“Come on, come on, come on,” I said as my phone rang. He didn’t pick up, so I tried FaceTime; I knew that if I called him, there was a chance he wouldn’t answer, but a FaceTime call might make him answer. I watched the screen change from “calling” to “connecting” and barely held in the tears until I saw his face.

“Alex? Is that you?” It looked like he was still on the side of the road where he disappeared.

“Oh, my god. Charlie? Is it really you?”

“Yeah? Who else would it be? Where are you?” I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer; instead of actually explaining everything to him, he watched me cry like a baby for a solid five minutes.

“Okay, what do you remember?” I asked when I finally pulled myself together.

“We were on our way to the campgrounds, and the next thing I know, I’m on the side of the road and our car is nowhere to be found.” So, he remembers nothing? How in the hell am I supposed to do this?

“Charlie, there’s really no easy way to say this.”

“Say what?” I sighed and hesitated. “Say what, Alex?”

“Charlie, it’s been five years.”

“Wh- what?” It looked like he collapsed onto the ground, but he managed to not drop his phone. I sighed and decided to just rip off the band-aid.

“I was in a car accident that day, and-”

“What? Are you okay?”

“Yes, Charlie. I’m fine now. I wasn’t for a while at first, but I’m okay now.” There was a knock at my door. “In a minute,” I said.

“Who was that? Where are you?”

“Okay, don’t freak out any more than you already are, but I’m at the Avengers Compound.”

“What did you do to get there?” I chuckled.

“Well, after you disappeared, I freaked out and called Clint. I got hit right as he picked up. I woke up in the hospital, and he was there with Black Widow and Captain America.”

“So, wait. You called Hawkeye, and woke up with three Avengers in your hospital room?” I laughed, realizing just how ridiculous it all sounded.

“Yeah, pretty much. Clint lost his family, too, so we came here after I was released from the hospital.”

“What about our house?”

“I, uhh, I may or may not have told Caroline she could use it. She said that there were a lot of parents who didn’t want to go home because they lost their kids, so I told her she could use it for the parents who need it. All of our stuff is either here at the compound, or in a storage unit. Please don’t be mad. I just, I couldn’t go back there, and-”

“Stop,” he interrupted. “I’m not mad. I don’t blame you at all. Honestly, I’m surprised you didn’t just sell it.”

“I would have if Caroline wouldn’t have taken it.” There was another knock at my door. “I should probably get that.” When I opened the door, Clint was standing there, beaming.

“Is that Charlie?” he asked. I nodded and turned the phone towards him.

“Oh, shit. Alex was telling the truth. You really are there,” Charlie said before Clint could even get in a “hello.” Clint and I both laughed.

“How’s it going, Charlie?” he asked.

“I’m a little shaken, but I’m okay.”

“That’s good. Has Alex told you what happened?”

“Not really, just that it’s been five years.” Clint nodded.

“Is the offer still on the table?” I asked Clint quietly. “It doesn’t sound like he wants to go back to Ohio.”

“Of course, it’s still on the table. Laura and the kids would love to have you guys.” I smiled and turned back to my phone.

“Charlie, I have a proposition.”

“Oh, God.”

“Nothing bad. But, Clint is offering a spare bedroom for us in Missouri. If you want, we can-”

“Yes.” I looked at him, shocked. That was easy. I looked at Clint and nodded.

“Okay, then. In the meantime, do you think you can get back to the house? I can be there tomorrow night, but we’ll need to come back here before we go out to Missouri. It’s a long story, but I need to see you first.”

“Yeah, I’ll figure it out. I can talk to Caroline and see if she can come get me.”

“Okay. Charlie?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad you’re okay.”

“You, too. See you tomorrow?” I nodded.

“See you tomorrow.” We hung up, and I immediately collapsed into tears of relief.

By dinnertime, we had made our plan; Clint, Natasha and I would go to Ohio. Then, I would stay with Charlie while Clint and Natasha went to Missouri. They’d pick us up for the funeral, then make the same drive again, only Charlie and I would also be going to Missouri.

After dinner, I sat in the living room with the envelope Tony had given me sitting on the coffee table. Everyone else was sitting either on the couch or the floor.

“It feels wrong, still having the letter. I mean, I still haven’t even met Peter, and I’m supposed to give him this letter when ‘I feel like he’s ready.’ Those were Tony’s words, when I think he’s ready. I don’t even know what this letter says, but I’m supposed to know when to give it to Peter.”

“I think you might have to read it,” Nat said. I sighed and nodded.

“It’s not an invasion of privacy?” She shook her head. I sighed and carefully opened the envelope.

Hey, Pete.

If you’re reading this, it probably means I’m not here anymore. And I’m sorry. I know I promised I would help you with college applications, and your love life, but I guess life had other plans for me.

When you get this letter, I want you to know this: it wasn’t your fault. None of it ever was. I never should have brought you to Germany. You were too young, you weren’t ready for anything like that. I chose to do this, not you. No matter what happens, it wasn’t your fault.

Don’t close yourself off. If I know you, that’s exactly what you’re going to try to do after you read this. But you know it’s not healthy. You’re a lot like Alex. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It doesn’t have to be Alex, but it has to be someone.

Love,
Tony

I wiped the tears from my eyes and sighed; not yet. The funeral. I looked at my phone and saw a text from Charlie:

Charlie:Made it back to the house. Caroline keeps offering to leave.

Me:Sounds about right. You told her we were moving to Missouri?

Charlie:More than once.

Me:Yeah that sounds like her.

Me:We’re leaving right after breakfast tomorrow. Should be there around dinner:)

Charlie:Can’t wait. I miss you.

Me:You have no idea.

Once again, it was a sleepless night for me. It was different, though; this time, I was excited. This was the first time I couldn’t sleep out of sheer excitement. I had packed up most of my things into boxes, even though they wouldn’t get moved until after the funeral.

The next morning, I couldn’t sit still. The smile would not leave my face. I still felt guilty; Tony’s gone, and I can’t wipe a smile off my face. Before we left, I made sure that the letter was safely in my bag; I knew I could have left it at the compound, but I felt better knowing that I actually had it in my hands.

When we finally pulled into the driveway, I didn’t even turn the car off. I threw it in park, unbuckled as fast as I physically could, and sprinted into the house, tackling Charlie in a hug. I didn’t even bother trying to hold the tears back, and neither did he. I heard the door open and close, and I looked up to see Nat smiling and holding my keys in front of her.

“Forget something?” I chuckled and took the keys from her.

“Sorry, I got excited. Natasha, this is Charlie. Charlie, Natasha.” He stood up and shook her hand, obviously starstruck. “Where’s Clint?”

“On the phone with Laura.”

“He’s okay with this? I mean, you guys won’t get there until tomorrow.”

“Yes, Alex. He’s fine. He wants to get there as soon as he can, but you know him. You know he’s not going to leave until he knows you’re okay.” I sighed, knowing she was right. The three of us walked outside and waited for him to hang up. He got out of the car and gave Charlie a hug before turning to me.

“You’ll be okay?” he said.

“Clint,” I began, “I’ll see you in a week. Go, see your family. We’ll be fine.” I looked over at Charlie, who looked like he wasn’t sure that the last five minutes were real. We all hugged one more time, and Charlie and I watched Nat and Clint leave.