Splintered Arrows

A couple weeks after we got back from Wakanda, Tony unexpectedly came one morning and wordlessly sat on the couch.

“Is he okay?” I asked Clint. We were just finishing rehab and getting ready for lunch. He shrugged and looked at Bruce.

“Do you know what’s going on?” he asked. Bruce shook his head, then took a deep breath.

“What is today?”

“The tenth, I think. Why does that- oh, crap.”

“What?” I asked. “What’s so special about the tenth?”

“It’s Peter’s birthday,” Bruce said. I tried racking my brain for any mention of a Peter since coming to the compound.

“You don’t know Peter. Spider-Man,” Clint said. I nodded, starting to understand as I looked over at Tony, who was staring at the TV. Rhodey went over to join him, but I didn’t think either of them were saying anything. “When he brought Peter to Germany, none of us expected the kid to stick around.”

“Then, when the Snap happened,” Bruce added, “he was with Tony. He disappeared in Tony’s arms, and that’s all we know.” I looked at Clint, knowing that both of us had lost people close to us. Granted, neither of us were literally holding the person as they disappeared, but we knew what it was like. I slowly walked over to him and stood behind him, putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me and gave me a small smile. I walked around the couch to sit down next to him, and we just sat in silence. After a few minutes, Rhodey stood up and left.

“I miss him,” Tony said, trying not to cry. I put my hand on his back.

“I know. I miss my brother, too. I know it’s not the same thing, though.”

“No, I know what you mean, and I appreciate it. It’s just- I made it a point to hang out with him on his birthday. No matter where I was, I made sure I would be there for his birthday. And I only got to do it twice.” He sighed shakily, obviously trying to hold back tears. “I just wish I had more time.”

“It isn’t fair,” I said, and he nodded. “It isn’t fair that you only got to spend two years with him. It isn’t fair that I lost the only family I had left. None of this is fair. But you know what’s been getting me through this? You, Bruce, Clint, Natasha, Steve, everyone. Knowing that I still have people here. Knowing that I’m not alone. Knowing that we’re all hurting, and we all need each other. You’ve all helped me so much. Without you and Bruce, I wouldn’t be able to walk right now.” The two of us spent the next half hour talking, then Clint called us from the kitchen to tell us lunch was ready. Tony stood up first, then held his hand out to me. I took it, and he pulled me up and into a hug.

“Thanks, Kid,” he said. I smiled at him, and we both walked to the kitchen for lunch.

That day, we established an unspoken rule; none of us were going to mention the impromptu therapy session Tony and I had. Every once in a while, I would catch Rhodey giving me a look, but he never actually said anything.

***

I loaded the groceries into the car. It was a Saturday afternoon, and we- my parents, step-brother, and his parents- were getting ready for a camping trip. It would be the first vacation since Charlie and I graduated almost a year ago.

As I pulled out of the parking lot and started driving home, I saw a thick, black plume of smoke coming from the general direction of my house.

No.

The next thing I knew, I was pulling up to my house. What was left of it at least. I threw my car in park and sprinted towards the smoking pile of rubble. As I ran past the small crowd that had gathered, an arm reached out and grabbed me.

“No!” I screamed and kicked, trying to break free. “My family!”

“Alex.” That voice. It wasn’t any of theirs, but it sounded familiar. It was distant, too; almost disconnected. “Alex.” It was that same voice again, only closer and clearer.

***

“Alex, wake up!” Clint yelled. I shot up and inhaled sharply. I opened my eyes and looked around me; I was in my room at the compound, and Clint was standing by my bed. I fell back, closed my eyes, and started crying.

“Hey,” he said softly, sitting on my bed and putting his hand on my arm. “You’re okay. It was just a dream. I’m right here.”

“I- I was-” I tried telling him what happened between sobs, but words weren’t coming out and I couldn’t catch my breath.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he said. “Look at me. Deep breaths.” I looked at him and watched as he slowly nodded. I followed his cues and was able to eventually catch my breath. “Good. Now you can tell me what happened.” I took another deep breath and nodded.

“Charlie and our parents were gonna go on a camping trip. I was driving home from the grocery store and the next thing I knew, I was pulling up to what was my house, but it was just smoke and rubble. They were all gone.” He sighed, and I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say.

“I don’t need to tell you that you’ve lost a lot, more than anyone should by your age. How much have you talked about Darren and Clara? Because it sounds like losing them is affecting you more than you’ve told me.”

“I talked about it with Charlie and his parents a lot when it first happened, but I thought I moved past it.”

“Losing family isn’t something you move past. I know you weren’t super close with them, but they’re still family. You still need to talk about it, to process it. It doesn’t necessarily have to be with me, but talk about it with someone. I think it’ll really help.”

“I just- I wouldn’t even know where to start.”

“You don’t have to talk about it right now. Get some sleep, and you can talk to someone tomorrow if you’re up for it.” I nodded and rolled over. Clint stood up and started walking away, but stopped in the doorway. “I’ve been meaning to ask you, what were you doing when we got back from Wakanda?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the rest of us went to sleep, and I kept waking up that afternoon to check on you, but you weren’t in your room.” Damn. I really thought I was going to avoid having this conversation.

“Oh, I was talking to Steve about some stuff.” Way to go, Alex. Brilliant cover.,/em> “It’s not exactly my place to say specifics, but I think he had been needing to have that conversation.” That was not even close to what you were supposed to say.

“That’s a little cryptic, but okay. I’m gonna let you get back to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning.”

By the time I was awake enough to function, it was almost 1:00, and everyone was finishing their lunch.

“Look who’s finally up,” Tony teased. I half-smiled, knowing that he didn’t realize why I slept so long.

“Not the time, Tony,” Steve said. Did he hear me last night?