Chapter 9
After a week and a half of the same routine, Clint came into my room.
“How do you feel about going to New York for a couple days?” he asked. “I know we haven’t spent a lot of time together since you got here, and I feel kind of bad about it.” I sat up and scoffed.
“Nat’s your best friend; she needed your help, and you gave it to her. I was fine. But, I would love to go to the city.” I wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity to go; my high school usually takes the seniors in the spring, but we didn’t go my senior year.
We left early the next morning and spent the day doing whatever touristy things we could; Times Square, Rockefeller Center, Madame Tussauds. If it’s a stereotypical tourist trap, we tried to do it. We left the next day after lunch.
“That was amazing,” I sighed. “Thank you. I really needed it.” Clint smiled.
“I think I needed it, too. There was a lot happening at the compound, and I figured both of us could use a little bit of respite.”
When we got back to the compound, we were greeted by an ecstatic Pepper.
“Tony’s back,” she said, unable to get the smile off her face. “He’s alive.” She explained the whole story to us; Carol Danvers showed up asking for Fury, was briefed on the Snap, then sent to find the ship the Guardians used. “He’s resting now; he was in bad shape when he came back.”
“That’s amazing, Pepper!” Clint and I both said.
“Is everyone else still inside?” I asked. She shook her head.
“Thanos’s daughter was on the ship, too. She told them where he would be, so they left. They think they might be able to bring everyone back.” Bring everyone back? I could get Charlie back? Clint could get his family back? We thanked her, then went inside. Pepper went back to Tony’s room. After we unpacked from our trip, Clint and I went out to the living room. I maneuvered myself onto the couch and sat beside Clint.
“What happens if it works?” I asked him. “If everyone comes back.” He put his arm around me.
“If it works, and everyone comes back, Laura and the kids’ll come back, and you’ll have Charlie back.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of,” I sighed. “Everyone’s gonna come back, and we’ll go back to the way things were a month ago. I can’t do that; it’s physically impossible for me to go back to the way things were a month ago.” He nodded, suddenly realizing what I meant.
“You’re worried that I’m going back to Missouri, and you’ll go back to Ohio, and we’re only going to see each other through phone screens again.” I shrugged and nodded. “The only reason we never saw each other face to face then was because I couldn’t leave my house. As for what’s going to happen, we’ll play it by ear. We don’t even know if it’s going to work. If it does work, we’ll talk to our families and see if we can figure something out.” I nodded and put my head on his chest. Pretty soon, I heard him singing Magic. “When I was young, I thought that stars were made for wishing on…”
When I woke up from what was apparently a short nap, Steve and Natasha were sitting on the couch. I shot up and asked them if it worked, even though part of me already knew the answer. They looked at each other, then shook their heads, confirming what I already knew; it didn’t work, and Charlie was gone forever. I maneuvered myself back to my chair. When Steve tried to help me, I snapped. I don’t remember what was said, but I went to my room as quickly as I could and slammed the door. I practically threw myself into my bed and started crying.
After a couple minutes, there was a knock at my door.
“Alex? It’s Bruce.”
“Leave me alone,” I grumbled. I had barely talked to Bruce; he was always in the lab. So why, out of everyone, was he outside my door?
“Do you want me to get Clint?”
“I want to be left alone.” What part of “leave me alone” do you not understand?
I spent the rest of the day alone in my room, grieving Charlie all over again. The pain was somehow worse this time; I think part of me hoped the Avengers would fix everything and bring everyone back. This time, there was no hope; Charlie was gone, the stones were destroyed, and no one is ever coming back.
When I came out to the living room late the next morning, Thor, Carol, Rocket, and Nebula were gone; I assumed that they left when I was indisposed. Clint was sitting on the couch by himself. The TV was on and he was looking at it, but I could tell he wasn’t paying any attention to what he was watching. I sat beside him and started singing Magic to him.
“I miss them,” he said when I finished the song. “And more than just Laura and the kids. I miss Wanda, too. After Ultron and Sokovia, I retired, but stayed in touch with her. When I met her, her brother was all she had left, and he died protecting me and a little kid. I couldn’t help but feel at least partially responsible for that. Not to mention the fact that I convinced her to join the fight.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I said. “None of it is. Her brother made the choice to protect you and that kid. She made the decision to join the fight. She made the decision to stay. When you first told me about her, you told me what you told her- that she didn’t have to fight, but you couldn’t stay with her, and that you would get her brother to come get her if she wanted out. She made that decision, not you.”
Over the next few days, Bruce was once again locked away in the lab; on the rare occasion I actually got to talk to him, he refused to tell me what he was doing. Tony joined him every once in a while, but neither of them would tell me what they were doing. Meanwhile, I had established routines with Clint and Steve; Clint would come into my room every night, and we would talk about the day before he sang Magic; Steve and I decided that we needed to check in with each other once a week, so we did on Sunday afternoons.
After about a week or so, Tony came out of his room, Pepper clinging to his arm.
“Is anyone ordained?” he asked. “We’re getting married.” We all looked at each other as if Tony hadn’t just given us the best news we’d heard in almost a month.
“First of all,” Rhodey began, “it’s about damn time.” We burst into laughter. “Second off, didn’t you practically force Happy to get ordained when you two first got together?” Tony snapped his finger and pointed at Rhodey.
“You’re right.” He pulled out his phone and walked into Bruce’s lab. When he came back a few minutes later, he told us what he had planned; Happy would come to the compound tomorrow morning, then we would leave for their lake house. There, we would have a small ceremony, and they would live at the lake house after the wedding. “I’ll still be around for a while, though. Banner asked me for help on something.” He looked at me and winked. Does it have something to do with me? Is that why Bruce has been avoiding me? Does Clint know what they’re doing? Before I let myself go down that rabbit hole, I forced myself to think about the wedding instead. It was going to be a very small ceremony, and the reception would just be us hanging out at the lake. Clint would grill hamburgers for dinner, then we would leave.
That night, there was a buzz in the compound like I had not yet experienced; they were rushing around and finalizing plans, but they were happy. When I first got there, the rushing and planning was more frantic; they were trying to find Tony and Thanos at the same time. There was a constant sense of anxiety in the air, so we could never truly relax and appreciate what we had. Now, we could relax. The thing we were looking forward to was a happy thing. The attention was finally off me for the most part (I could still feel Clint and Steve constantly watching me), and I felt optimistic for the first time since everything happened.
The next morning, the buzz was even stronger than the night before. Bruce decided to talk to me more, so I took the opportunity to catch him off guard.
“What’s so important that you need Tony’s help? I thought you had like 20 Phd’s.”
“I- uhh- first of all, I have seven. Second, it’s a secret.” Definitely has something to do with me. “Besides, Tony’s the engineer, not me.” Why does he need an engineer? After a little bit of awkward silence, Happy showed up, and we left for the lake house.
When we got there, everyone immediately started setting up chairs and decorations, while Pepper and Tony got dressed. I did what I could, but it wasn’t much. Pretty much all I could do was tell them whether the flower bouquet should go more to the left or the right. Soon, Natasha came out of the house with a camera and handed it to me.
“Pepper told me to give this to you,” she said. “Can you take pictures today?” I nodded and smiled. Tony Stark is getting married, and I’m taking the pictures. If Charlie could see me now… I caught myself before I started spiraling again; today’s about Tony and Pepper, not me.
The wedding was beautiful; everyone was so happy to finally have something to truly celebrate. Everyone else was seated and facing the altar; I was behind the altar and off to the side so I could get better pictures.
“Let me be the first to say,” Happy began the ceremony, “finally.” We all chuckled. “Seriously, Rhodey and I have been waiting for this since you two met. These past couple of months have been hard on all of us, so I’m glad we finally have something to celebrate together.” I looked at Clint, who looked back at me with sad eyes. I knew he was thinking about his family, and I was thinking of mine.
“Genius, billionaire, playboy philanthropist,” Tony began. “The press slapped that label on me. And, for a long time, I was okay with it. Today, I get to cross ‘playboy’ off that list. I have loved you since you first stepped into my office. You have always been the true brains of the company. I never gave you enough credit. 12%. That was all I gave you. If anything, I should be the one getting 12% of the credit. I’ve always been more of the inventing, charming the press, type of person; you were the one that ran the company. Even when it comes to everyday life, I don’t know what I’m doing half the time; you always do.
“Whenever I have to leave, I hope and pray that I’ll come back to you, and that you’ll be safe. I thought I lost you this time. I don’t think I would have made it if you were gone.
“I love you, Pep. I always have. You have always made me a better man. And I am so proud to say that, as of this moment, I am a genius, billionaire, husband, philanthropist.” When Tony finished, everyone had tears in their eyes. Happy handed Pepper a tissue from inside his jacket, and she took a few minutes to compose herself before she spoke.
“I don’t know if I always loved you. I think I did, but I think the exact moment I knew I was in love was one of the first times you came back from a mission. JARVIS couldn’t get the suit off, and I came down. I asked if those were bullet holes in your suit, and you responded with ‘Let’s face it. This is not the worst thing you’ve caught me doing.’
“That was the moment I knew; I had fallen hopelessly in love with Tony Stark. I knew that meant I had fallen hopelessly in love with Iron Man, too, but I had no idea what that would mean for us. I don’t think any of us knew that the Avengers would be protecting the planet. But you are. And I’m 100% in. For all of it.
“You are my love, my happiness, my best friend. And I’m so honored to be your wife.”
After the ceremony, we all went down to the lake until dinner. Tony and Pepper had their first dance on the dock, and I almost forgot I had the camera in my hands until Natasha jokingly whispered “Tony might kill you if you don’t get pictures,” shaking me out of my trance. I took a few pictures before they finished.
“You’re gonna wanna get this on camera,” Rhodey said as he walked past me and onto the dock. We all thought he was going to dance with Pepper, but he pushed Tony into the water in his suit before jumping in himself. Pepper jogged over to me, trying to avoid getting wet.
“Please tell me you got pictures,” she said, a huge smile on her face.
“Oh, absolutely,” I laughed. “I got all of it.” Bruce and Happy ran past us and jumped in. Steve walked up to the dock, looked at the water, and sighed heavily before jumping in close behind them. Clint walked up behind us.
“They’re five years old,” he said, shaking his head in disapproval. “These grown-ass men are five-year-olds.”I chuckled lightly, but realized why they were being so childish.
“When was the last time you saw them this happy, this carefree?” I asked. “I mean, you heard Happy during the ceremony; the last couple of months have been actual hell, and they’re finally letting themselves go. I think you should do the same thing. I love you, and I know you lost everything that day- I did too- but you still need to enjoy yourself every once in a while.”
“Alex is right, Clint,” Natasha said. “Besides, they’re probably gonna go back to moping around tomorrow. Go. Join them.” Clint looked at me, and I nodded.
“I’ll be fine, so don’t even bother asking.” He nodded and smiled, then handed Natasha his hearing aids before jumping in the water.
“I’m going to change into something that’s… not white,” Pepper said, making Natasha and I laugh. “I’ll be right back.” She walked away, leaving Natasha and I to watch everyone else in the lake.
“Clint was right,” I said. “They are five-year-olds.” Natasha chuckled.
“You were right, too,” she said. “I haven’t seen some of them this happy ever. They needed this.”
“What about you?” I asked. “Why aren’t you getting in?” She shrugged.
“Voluntarily swimming in anything besides a pool? No thanks.” I chuckled, suddenly feeling self-conscious. She’s not swimming because I’m stuck here. She didn’t say it, but that has to be the reason. A few minutes later, Pepper came back in a swimsuit with towels in her hand. She handed the towels to Natasha, then turned to face me.
“I brought a life jacket for you,” she said. “I wasn’t sure if you wanted to get in or not.”
“I didn’t know that was an option,” I said, taking the life jacket and putting it on. I gave the camera to Natasha and pushed myself over to the edge of the dock. Steve got out to help me in, and Clint was waiting for me in the water. I got in and immediately started freaking out; I couldn’t kick, I couldn’t swim.
The next thing I knew, Clint was right in front of me and Steve was right behind me; Clint held his hands out, and I grabbed onto them.
“Hey, hey hey,” he said calmly, even though he looked terrified. “I’m right here. You’re not drowning.” I shook my head, still unable to calm myself down.
“Do you want to get out?” Steve asked, and I nodded. He got out and carried me into the house. Natasha followed us with my chair and a towel. When we got in the house, Steve put me in my chair, and Natasha followed me into the bathroom with dry clothes.
“They’re Tony’s, so they might not fit, but they’re dry. I’ll be right outside if you need anything.” She put the clothes and towel on the counter, I thanked her, and she shut the door behind her. I looked down at my hands; I couldn’t stop shaking. I sighed and took a few deep breaths, until I stopped shaking so much. I clumsily got dried off and changed.
When I got out of the bathroom, Natasha was waiting outside the door, as promised, with two cups of tea. We went to the kitchen table, where she set one of the cups in front of me and sat down.
“I don’t- I don’t know what happened,” I said, cradling the mug. “I can swim. Or, I guess I could.”
“It’s okay, Alex. You don’t have to apologize.”
“I know. It’s just- I had a life jacket on, so I was fine. Besides, today’s about Tony and Pepper, not me.”
“First of all, this wasn’t our day in the first place,” Pepper said from behind me. Still soaking wet, she sat down on the other side of me. “And even if it was, you didn’t ruin it. I wouldn’t have given you the life jacket if I didn’t want you to get in with everyone else.” We heard the door slam behind us, and Clint was between me and Pepper by the time I could turn.
“Are you okay?” he asked breathlessly. I nodded.
“Yeah. I guess I just thought it would be easier to swim without legs than it was.” I tried cracking a joke, but I didn’t even make myself laugh.
“We can try again another day,” Clint said. I nodded, thankful that everyone understood and was being so patient.