Fuck you
That girl. That stupid brown-haired girl. The girl whose father died in a mall fire. The girl that is talking about her father like he's the best person in the world. I can’t help but feel jealous. My dad isn't like that at all. He wouldn't save anyone even if he could. He wouldn't save anyone, not even his daughter. He wouldn't save me. That's not the only reason I'm jealous, though. It can't be; This lame ass reason is what I want to tell myself.
In all honesty, I want Jane Hopper to talk about me like that. Like I'm the only person in the world who matters. But not in the way she's talking about her dad. More like she's talking about a girl who makes her feel happy even when the world tries to get her down; A girl she likes.
I want Jane Hopper to like me. To want me. It's stupid because one, we’re both girls. And two, she hates my guts. I know she does. And it's all my fault.
My eyes watering pull me out of my thoughts. Jane’s still talking as just a minute ago, she got up to present her diorama. I hardened my face as she looked in my direction. I don’t know if she saw the tear about to roll down my cheek or not. In a panic, I do what I always do: fucking ruin everything.
I make a rude, snarky comment about Jane's idea of a hero. I can see by the look on her face, that this got to her. I mentally screamed at myself, all while my face stayed still; holding that annoying smile that’s always directed at Jane Hopper.
The poor girl sat down at her desk, holding her head down. I feel ashamed. I don’t show it, though. My friends are all laughing, in her direction, at her. Not me, Though. I'm staring at her. I know I am, but I can't stop. I'm still holding that fucking smile on my face. What else can I do?
If anyone saw how weak I am for this slightly shorter, dark-haired girl, I'd be ruined. So ruined that my dad would hear about it somehow. And the things he’d do if he did find out. I wouldn't be able to recover from them. He might even take me out of school. I can't let that happen. I have some freedom at school. And I gain more freedom by doing as my dad asks: don't socialize with people he wouldn’t like.
My grin falls as the bell rings and everyone starts packing up. Except for Jane and her brother, William? I think. He’s a tall boy with a bowl cut. Their stuff never left their bags except one of William’s books. But he quickly stuffs it in his bag to follow after his sister as she rushed out of the classroom.
I hear a loud noise in my ear then someone calls my name. “Angela? Hello?” It was Jake, He was snapping his fingers right by my ear. “What?” I asked, trying my best not to sound annoyed. “You zoned out a bit there” I stared at him. Like obviously, Iknow that. I let out a noise that was a mix between a sigh and a groan. “No, like, What were you saying?”
His eyebrows raise as he remembers. “We are going to the rink tomorrow night, wanna come?” He asks as he runs his fingers through his over-washed shaggy brown hair. Half paying attention I answer with a “sure” before we finish packing up and finally leave school for summer break.
We stop for a moment when we get outside. One of the boys had forgotten something in his last period. I lazily look around the crowds of people until my eyes land on her. Jane Hopper. And of course, her brother is to her right.
I zone out again, staring at the beautiful girl. I was so entranced by her. I didn't realize my friends had been whispering in my ear until I felt a shove on my back. I almost fell forward but I caught myself just in time. Jane didn't notice my foot out; she tripped and dropped her project.
My friends were encouraging me, thinking it was on purpose. Playing this part for so long, the words come out naturally. “Is Mr. Fibley okay?” I say with faux concern and a pout. A pang in my chest causes me to chuckle and turn to walk. Even then, Jane kept getting harassed.
Jake kicked Jane’s project over to Chad, who stomped on it. Which destroyed the important bits, Jane’s father and the cabin. I feel my stomach drop but, my friends are laughing. So I laugh too. Then Jane looks at me with rage. She lifts her hand and I ask about it with genuine confusion. But I know how I came across with how everyone around us burst into laughter.
I feel my throat tighten as she looks visibly uncomfortable and embarrassed. And that I was the cause of it.
A teacher comes up to her and says something. I don't know what. but the next thing I know, I'm being dragged by my arm. and I, for some reason, ask Jane to lie and say that I had no part in what just happened. But she says nothing and picks up the broken pieces of her project before walking away with her head down and her brother running after her.
The teacher pulled me back inside and scolds me. “A week of detention when we get back, after the summer break,” She says. She lets me go before the buses leave. So, my dad doesn't have to be called to pick me up.
When I get home, I take a quick shower and put on an over-sized ‘The Clash’ shirt and comfortable shorts. I crawl into bed despite it being only five-thirty, and I grab my light pink body pillow; I position it between my legs and wrap my arms around the top half before pushing my face into it.
I pretend that it's Jane. And that she likes me. And that we’re okay. And that today never happened.
A tear falls down my face before I drift off to sleep, exhausted from what happened earlier. My last thought: why the fuck did I do that? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, Angela.