Chapter 1
Steven Grant opens the door to his flat. Upon arriving, he turns on the TV.
"Another girl has been found dead. This is the 5th body found on the entrance of the same building, all the victims have jumped off the roof of the abandoned hotel. 20 years ago, Rose View Hotel and Residences was the most talked about hotel on the block with its opening celebrated by the local official until a crisis slowly bankrupted the..."
The TV reporter continues but Steven is barely listening. He ignores them as he has there are other things occupying his mind right now.
Steven takes a look at the calendar posted on the wall, the sides are covered with markings in different handwriting in 3 pen colors as well as post-in notes and some postcards taped to it. He shares it with 3 "other" people. He can see his pen, in Blue. While Marc's writing is in Black ink. Jake, for some reason, picked the Red ink, but sometimes uses Green ink from time to time.
It's been a year since the events of Cairo, the truth about Marc. How his life is basically a facade, he was a fictive alter created by Marc.
And to be honest, he has some thoughts about going back to that bubble, at least it is simpler, easier to live. None of this Gods, alters and soul-eating supernatural stuff that should just be in books and movies.
And he finally found some semblance of normalcy again, or at least some parts of his old life back. He just started working as an assistant in a Antique Bookstore. A rather boring job but he learned to love the number of books he has access to now.
Steven does miss his work at the museum, but he can't go back after what happened to the toilet. He was lucky to have come across a sign saying "Help Wanted" while walking one day.
It is also been 6 months since he learned of Jake. Another alter, just like himself. Now he don't know what else to think.
Is this what Plato meant in his Allegory of the Cave? The prisoner is finally seeing the real world for the first time after spending his entire life in a cave, watching shadowy imitations that was fed to him. Until the prisoner stepped outside and finally saw the real world. The harsh sun that just burns his eyes.
Steven felt like the prisoner, except he didn't even realize he was a prisoner. But instead of colorful plants, the warm sun, the beautiful moon and starts. All he got was the painful truth, the fact that he is not as "real" as he was, an abusive mother, a shitty moon god.
Sure he saved the word, but once that high came down. Once he sat down on his favorite chair, looking at Gus swimming in his tank, he ask the question.
Now what?
Can he even go back to his old life now that he got out of the allegorical Cave? He can't even look at the night sky like before anymore. He don't even know what to think about it, in wonder or frustrated hate and disappointment over the God that have control over it.
Everywhere he looked, he can't help but get a bit angry at how civilians can just go about their day, happy and ignorant of the dangers. Not even realizing just how close they were to having their soul eaten. There is also the thought of that cult community being still around, possibly with children, possibly still recruiting.
The police will handle that, even though some of the police were Harrow's followers. Doesn't matter anymore for him. It's not his problem so he should just walk away from that mess.
And the Gods. The very thing he have been obsessing for years (if it really was years). He should be happy about this revelation, the many nights of reading those fantastical tales, myths he spends countless hours studying and researching over and over.
But All he found was a massive disappointment. Where all of those myth just lies then? Just like his life.
Despite his newfound world view, he can't hate it. He is scared, but he have Marc now. Marc have him.
That's okay, he never liked being alone. He can reconnect with Marc, hopefully get him to open up and be friends again.
That's one good thing that came out of this mess. The cause of Marc's problems is gone now so things will definitely be smooth sailing.
Until he suddenly woke up at the back of an alley one night, with a gun on his hand and a dead woman in front of him. It was a house of cards suddenly collapse. A very delicate house of cards that he knows will drop but hoped it wouldn't. He knew from then on, that Khonshu is still around.
That would mean that he is still not free. Both him and Marc are still under that damn bird's control.
Steven called out, demanding to free them like he agreed. But he was only met with his reflection looking at him.
"Marc! Khonshu is still here, he never freed us."
"I know, I'm the one who called him here."
His reflection replied with a Spanish accent, a knowing smirk and a glint on his eye that is very non not Marc-like. That is not Marc.
To say Steven was shocked was an understatement. He and Jake have been fighting non-stop on everything. Saying it is Steven's body, but it is also Jake's body, and Marc's.
Marc would been silent the whole argument. Marc did try to say something, but Steven would speak first and interrupt in his behalf.
"I'll handle this for you Marc, it's my job to protect you from this and I will do it. Just listen and stay back for a while". Steven would always say. And Marc would just agree.
Until Jake revealed that Marc knew about Jake for 2 months now. And the simple life Steven envisioned for Marc is not smooth, it is maddening.
Marc needs the action, the adrenaline, the trill or he will implode. Steven's mundane lifestyle have no such adrenaline-inducing activity. It works for Steven, but Steven is not Marc. And Marc is never Steven.
The only excitement Marc felt when living Steven's life was catching a running bus or going to the gym. But the gym is still too sterile, too contained, almost like Marc's time in the institute again. And he still didn't tell Steven about the institute.
How can he? It's bad enough for Steven to know that his "loving, picture-perfect" mother is not real. That's just the tip of the iceberg, how will Steven react to knowing the truth of the many maltreatments in the institute.
Marc will need to tell Steven soon enough. Just, not now. Marc will let Steven relax after Cairo; they all need a break from all the supernatural stuff.
But that urge, that contained rage eventually reached its limit and Marc can't keep it inside anymore. He once threw the remote at the TV so hard it broke the screen. He would scream in the shower when it became too much. Throw plates and cups around just for some noise but never touching Steven's favorite cup. He can't risk Steven knowing this.
Before Khonshu's booming voice, as condensing as it is, filled the purpose of breaking the silence in Marc head. The excuse to do something without saying it is his fault. Now he hated how much he misses the bird's voice.
He even thought about jumping off the window and going from roof to roof just to feel the wind on his face again, just like those nights of hunting Khonshu's target. The rush and feel of the night, far away from the sleeping eyes of the ordinary mundane civilians call him "crazy". Away from the crushing 9-5 life expected of him, the Karens, the stuff that only happens during the day.
At night is when he feels truly free from the shackles of society, the expectations of the doctor, his father, his mother and everyone else.
There is still Khonshu, but after Marc lived through a night of a Drunk Wendy with a broken wine bottle. A creepy incorporeal Mummy bird who never really touch him, and one who can actually sass back to is like Sesame Street.
Marc remembers that he no longer has the suit, no longer has Khonshu. And he'll just fall to his death if he tried to jump off the roof. He can't do this to Steven.
He tries to push those forbidden thoughts down as much as he can, or Steven will know. He can't disappoint Steven and Layla. (Like how he disappointed his dad, his mom, the doctors, his superiors, Khonshu)
All broken items are always replaced. But Marc still craves for the adrenaline. A reason to just run around at night, even if it is saying someone else told him to.
But he can't, it is not his life anymore, it is not what Steven wanted so he just had stayed quiet. Comply to Steven's decisions for their sake. Marc promised Steven a life without Khonsu so he will just pretend again. It was supposed to be smooth sailing now that Khonshu is gone, but why is it hurting even more? Wasn't Khonshu always the problem?
Marc eventually started to sink deep in his own consciousness and front less. He have nothing left do to and Steven have a job now. It hurts to live but Steven calling his name is the only thing that he is keeping him from fully disappearing. Which thankfully happened every hour. As long as Steven do not know, then Marc is fine, he isn't at all
Marc is just floating, barely even alive and resigned himself to this fate. Until he woke up outside a cab one night, surrounded by angry people who clearly have a grudge against him.
Marc quickly went to a defense stance and blocked an incoming punch. Then it's like everything clicked to place. Every block, parry, punch, block and kick followed with such fluidity, it's like he is dancing. A very dangerous dance of Tango. For him, it was like meeting a dear old friend after years apart, finding an Oasis after months of no water. A spark of life suddenly exploded inside him and Marc just kept on punching, too high to stop.
Once the fight is over and Marc is surrounded with dead bodies. The situation finally sinks in. He started having a panic when a voice told him to calm him down.
The air suddenly smelled of flowers, fragrance oils and burning myrrh and sand. He never realized it before, but he smelled it whenever Khonshu comes close.
He started to even panic more, that would mean Khonshu is here. He can't breathe suddenly.
"Hey, Breath, Marc.. Breath with me, One...two...three...four...There you go, come on. Again, with me. Breath in (Inhale), Breath out (exhale), Breath in (Inhale), Breath out (Exhale)...."
A voice called out to him, it must be Khonshu, he can't listen to Khonshu again. He quit, he promised Steven and Layla.
"I'm not Khonshu, you know the bird won't even bother with explaining breathing exercises. He doesn't need to breathe or have a neck capable for it. How is he even keeping that Skull on his shoulders? Did you know you can just spin the skull around like a top if you hit it hard enough? Like those floating magnetic top toys?"
Marc can't help but chuckle at that comment about Khonshu's non-existent neck. "Who are you?"
"I'm Jake, nice to finally meet you."
Jake explained that he didn't break the contract with Khonshu, since after all. It was only both of them, Marc and Steven. But for Jake, he refuses to. No matter how much Marc keeps insisting that Khonshu should not be around. Jake only had to point out all the times Marc tried to hide all the broken plates.
Jake stayed with Khonshu, because he wants to. That and Jake insists that they need the God. Whether Marc admits it or not.
"I don't listen to Khonshu the way you do, I'm not you, ya know? I tend to just ignore the bird, but I just see him, like really see him. Had a lot of time to since you are too busy sulking and playing house with Steven to notice properly. Believe me when I say Khonshu is a lot like you. Have trouble expressing himself that he ends up doing the opposite of what he actually wants to do. Impulsive, lashing out if it gets too much. He yells since it's the only way to be heard, have you seen his family?"
Jake once explained. Marc still won't believe him.
"I can keep Khonshu in check if he gets too much and trust me when I say the bird really needs it himself. He doesn't have a Steven with him, unlike you. But you have me now. We can make this work, for both you and Khonshu."
Since then, Jake and Marc when to a silent agreement. Jake will continue to do the harder and more extreme orders Marc can't stomach, while Marc himself would secretly front here there to get in on the action.
It worked for a while. Marc soon stopped screaming in the shower, broke less plates, even got a hobby that made Steven proud.
In those 2 months, Marc can't help but watch on the sidelines. He should just ignore it, he actively gave up the job, so he should just leave it to Jake alone. But he is curious if Jake is experiencing the same stuff he did under Khonshu. If Khonshu is still the same over-bearing shithead as he remembered. He just needs to make sure Jake is not being treated badly to he can swoop in and take the body to save Jake's ass.
But the more Marc watches the more he notices things, how Jake somehow gets along with Khonshu, not afraid to talk back and call him out when the bird is being unfair, but also stays friendly with him. Jake makes jokes and sasses the bird, and Khonshu actually sasses back without any malice. He had seen the two exchange quips, but the two manage to stay on friendly terms.
Marc thinks he saw Khonshu opens the door for Jake, even though Jake called him a dick a few seconds ago. And Khonshu don't even look like a creepy mummy he is more used to. Instead the God is wearing that white piece suite that he probably stole from Steven. The outfit makes Khonshu look like he is cosplaying some Italian mob boss in a macabre version of the Godfather, but it also makes him less intimidating, less creepy and oddly....more human.
Then he heard Khonshu laugh, not that condensing, dark chuckle out that makes his spine shiver. It's a deep laugh he didn't know the bird is capable of.
Marc was peeping through the window reflection watching the whole thing like a spectator. His alter, currently using the body, and the God are sitting face to face inside a white limo while it rains outside. Something else Jake forgot to mentioned.
It's so casual, so surreal that Marc wondered if he is looking at a parallel universe. Khonshu is holding a glass of wine, while Jake has a bottle of beer. Never mind that Khonshu doesn't even have a neck to swallow. The God is patiently listening while Jake is droning on about his night, and over some rumor he heard on the streets. They joke, exchange riddles, the conversation eventually evolves to discussing how it might affect the stocks, inflation, the working class and how most will be laid off, resulting in more crimes as the poor get more and more desperate for money.
They are talking about economics of all things. Khonshu even went to a whole "Back in my day" talk when he compared it to the grain shortage in Thebes, resulting in a workers strike for 3 weeks.
Ancient Egypt have strikes ? Marc wondered for a while.
There is some sort of connection, a sense of understanding. A connection that Marc doesn't have with the God, and he can't help but feel angry.
Angry that Jake is not tortured like he was, not crying like he was, not feeling like shit under Khonshu like he did. Jealous that Jake gets to experience this side of Khonshu, gets to be respected. That God can act so casually, so friendly to a man with his face, but never to him. All he got was the overbearing pigeon that made his life hell.
Was it really Khonshu's fault, Marc? Or were you just so tired of blaming yourself that you wanted to finally put the blame on someone else for a change.
Marc’s silent camaraderie with his Alter slowly starts to crumble.
If Jake has the suit, then technically Marc still does. So, Marc started to force his way to the front more and more during missions.
No, he is not jealous, Marc would say. Khonshu never left anyway, Marc is just taking back what was his since the beginning.
I had it first, Marc would say to Jake.
"And you broke the deal, You're the one who wanted him gone", Jake countered.
"That was Steven. Not me."
"Oh, now you're blaming Steven for this. You're the one who keeps promising to leave before, how Khonshu was ruining your life, and now you finally did. You can have your normal life, your normal whatever. But this is mine. Or you're just jealous?"
"Of being someone's lapdog? Not even the slightest, this is my body Jake. Khonshu is just going to ruin your life like he did mine."
"This is my body too you dick. I didn't ask you to make that contract with Khonshu. You didn't even ask me or Steven when you took that job for Bushman and got shot at. You didn't think of us when you pointed that gun on your chin. You just wanted to end your life, but what about me and Steven? Do I look like I want to die at that shitty temple because of someone else's actions?
Jake and Marc started to have constant tug of wars on the body. So much that Khonshu had to interfere. He did agree to leave Marc and Steven alone, and Jake made sure he remembers it. Only allowing Jake to relay messages, which was also at the request of Jake. But now the God can feel his Avatar begging for his help, that's good enough for him. With his avatar's consent, he stalked out of the alley way he chose to hide, still wearing that 3-piece suit.
"Hello Marc, did you miss me?"
Khonshu walked, floated to stand infront of Marc. Upon seeing, hearing Khonshu actually say his name for the first time in months, Marc just screamed at the God.
It's like a dam broke. Every pain, every rage. All the unfiltered words and things that Marc wished and wanted to say to Khonshu for the past 10 years. Marc let everything go with no filter, no insecurity, nothing stopping him from saying every, honest word. He raged on and on for what felt like hours. On how no matter how much, how hard Marc pushed himself, Khonshu never seemed to appreciate it, never thanked Marc for his loyalty, for his service, his devotion. How he was never enough, felt like he was never enough. But now he was replaced, by himself of all things. A "version" of himself that is worthy of Khonshu's approval.
Marc sank to his knees, emotionally and physically tired after pouring his entire heart out. After a minute, but felt like hours, Khonshu walked forward to stand infront of Marc, still on the ground.
Marc would normally be scared. This would usually be the time when Khonshu would start belittling him like before, saying how much of a coward Marc is for not finishing the job faster. But surprisingly, he isn't. Marc doesn't feel any fear, or pain. Just exhaustion, so much he doesn't care anymore. Khonshu can say all the stuff he wants, and Marc won't give a damn. He will not waver at the words, not this time, he just wants to hear the bird say something, anything.
But instead of the expected insult, Khonshu just slowly lifted a gloved hand. Very slowly, like the God don't know if he should do it or not. Until it is just a few inches above Marc's bowed head. The hand even flinched for a second, as if the God is having second thought on this, before it finally settled on Marcs head.
Marc didn't move, he's not sure if this is even happening. The God is softly petting his head, something the Khonshu would never do. Maybe he does, just never to Marc.
Marc would take a beating, pain, screams, but a soft head pat is new territory. He does not deserve soft. He deserves pain, to be beaten, to be hit, to be told he is a lowly shit who should have died in that damn cave.
"Your doing it again, Marc. Saying you don't deserve kindness, actively look to be hurt and say you deserve it. Why did you even go to Bushman of all people? We know other mercenaries who are less shitty than him. They are all mercenaries of course, but at least they don't shoot kids, we saw Bushman kill a 6 year old. An actual 6 year old kid. It's like you are just asking to be fucked over."
He can hear Jake complain in his head.
"Why is he like this? Khonshu is not kind" Marc asks.
"Because I asked him to, I don't want him to hurt me so I told him to knock it off or I'm leaving for good. I have no problem walking away, you on the other hand, have this annoying habit of begging to be hurt. It's all that Khonshu heard from you and what you want of him so he just keeps doing it."
Marc is still kneeling while Khonshu continues to stroke his head softly.
Marc thinks that it may not even be real. That everything is just a hallucination, and that the Moon God is not really there, petting his head like the desperate dog that he is. But Marc doesn't want it to end. He is that desperate for acknowledgement that he'll even take a hallucination.
Marc keeps his eyes down, forcing the tears away. Afraid that moving will break this oddly hyper-realistic illusion and he'll wake up alone in the middle of the street.
" I can assure you I am real."
"Your not mad at me? I told you to leave"
"You did, but I'm not mad at you telling me to leave. If you wanted to leave you would have done it 10 years ago. I'm dissapointed that you didn't follow my last order."
"I'm not killing anymore"
"And leave Harrow alive? He shot us, Marc, twice. His cult is still around. You saw it. We all saw it. A small country is full of them, inside British police, a private security firm. Harrow has lieutenants and brainwashed followers in high places who will try to break him out. Me and Khonshu had to take care of the leftovers who tried to revive the cult and wanted you dead".
Jake ranted inside Marc's head.
"Then leave me out of this, let it be someone else's problem." Marc countered.
"Oh, like the police, who may be in Harrow's cult the whole time? The ordinary citizens who will just have their soul eaten by a genocidal Crocodile Lady. The other Powerful Gods who do have the capacity, but refuse to get off their high horse? I saw that trial and both of you are shit. Yeah, I'm also talking about you Khonshu. Your both idiots who don't know how to talk even if both your existence and the Earth depended on it. And if you didn't notice, I like the Earth. There's good coffee on Earth, and I rather being alive to drinking coffee. "
Khonshu for a moment freezes at that jab. Before the God goes back to stroking Marc's head.
But Jake is not done yet, he continued.
"Oh. And that hospital you put Harrow in? Some of his followers already work there. One of the hospital owner was funding Harrow's expedition. A lot of rich and powerful people where supporting Harrow. Or did you think Ammit just magically gave Harrow bags of Gold to support a small European town and that community in the heart of London? Khonshu doesn't even pay us shit."
"Wait, the Hospital Staff are Harrow's followers?"
"Yeah, Khonshu told me, but I didn't believe him at first. I didn't sign up to kill random people and it is not the Bird's M.O. So, We made a bet. I do a background check on a list of people and if I prove him wrong, he will let the Ennead to stone his ass again. And I won't break him out."
Marc let this sink in, Khonshu is willing to be imprisoned again just to prove he is right. It's stupid, risky, and exactly the thing he expects from Khonshu.
"I'm guessing he was right? Khonshu is still here". Marc asks.
"2 of the staff are members of a club called "House of Ammit". One of them even has it on their facebook profile. How dumb can they be? Then I recognized one of them, a young Red Head. She was in that safehouse where Harrow's police goons took Steven to. Sitting in front of the Projector watching whale videos. You were probably too busy to remember a bunch of random strangers in the background, but I was paying careful attention and so did Khonshu"
Marc stayed silent for a few more minutes, then Khonshu stopped.
Marc lifted his head, now looking at Khonshu straight in his hollow non-existent eyes. He never realized that it is like a miniature night sky inside those sockets. Marc expected it to be pure darkness but it wasn't the case. Up close the interior of Khonshu's head is speckled with tiny sparkling dots, like stars floating in the vast void of space. He can even make out what looks like swirling galaxies.
Khonshu remembers every night, metaphorically and literally. As a Deity of the Moon, he remembers every person who walked under the Moon light, every laugh and every cry for help whether he wants to or not. After thousands of years, he's not sure if it is a blessing or a curse.
Of all the nights Marc have worked under him, Khonshu never remembered seeing Marc look up at him with such conviction. Marc does look up before, but it is just a mask to hide a deep layer of fear and anxiety rooted so deep in his past. Now, the God can't sense much of that underlying fear. Marc won't realize it, how one simple head action can reflect the growth of one man.
But Khonshu not going to tell Marc any of that. The God have an image to keep. It's better that way.
"Next time you want another head pat, ask it yourself. Have some dignity to not wait for some else to do the asking for you."
Khonshu just said before he stepped back. The god then turned around and slowly walked away.
"That's it, no talk, no degrading gloating. None of that 'I knew you would come back speech', you ungrateful little lowlife human". Marc said after Khonshu's back.
"I don't recall ever calling you lowlife. Insufferable, yes, an idiot, absolutely. But you are never a lowlife. I would rather kiss Osiris' disembodied member than be associated with what would you consider as lowlife."
The God then slowly disappears until Marc is left alone in the road again.
That's something. Marc is not sure if it is supposed to be a compliment or an insult.
"I'm still trying to get him to be more honest. But I'm used to dealing with emotionally constipated idiots." Marc heard Jake say from somewhere.
He looked down at the puddle on the side of the road, he saw Jake on the reflective surface. His alter is currently looking at the spot where Khonshu disappeared. Marc never noticed but the way Jake turns his head makes it look like his left eye is more reddish than his right.
"Emotionally Constipa....You're the one who didn't tell me you even existed!"
"You were aware that I existed Marc. You just won't accept it. Remember when We died, Khonshu called that place the Duo, or something. I was stuck in some dark coffin; I heard you and Steven talking. I know you were there, and I called for you, but you didn't help me. You just left me there, screaming for help. For somebody, anybody to just open the damn lid."
Shit, The red Sarcophagus.
Marc remembered; in the Duat Boat he passed by a Red Sarcophagus. But he didn't open it, all he was thinking was getting Steven and himself away from what-ever violent creature was inside it. It dawned to him that Jake was inside the entire time.
"Jake, I'm sor.."
"Save it." Jake quickly cut him off. Sounding more angrier than usual before he continued.
"I'm not asking for an apology, it won't change anything and I'm used to being forgotten anyway. But if you really want my forgiveness, learn to take care of yourself and stop being an idiot. Makes my job much easier."
Jake just scowls at Marc from the puddle surface. There is clear repressed anger, but Marc felt it is well-deserved.
"If you two idiots are done with your little heart-to-heart. Jake, the target is on the move again."
Khonshu's booming voice can be heard in the air.
Marc realizes Khonshu is only referring to Jake's target. Not him. That should not have stung.
"Patience Maestro, the night is still young as the saying goes." Jake answers back from the puddle.
Marc didn't know Khonshu can hear Jake even though Marc is fronting. But then again Khonshu's a literal God.
"Not young enough. Unless you want to go to South Africa tomorrow, you better wrap this up tonight. The Target have a lot of connections."
South Africa? How is Marc going to explain that to Steven? His other alter still thinks Khonshu is not around.
"We're going to have to tell him, Marc. Get the bullet out before it gets infected."
Jake informs Marc, sensing his dreaded thoughts.
Marc knows that, but Steven is going to be so heart broken. He promised Steven he would change and his alter is just starting to trust him more. It's a miracle that Steven didn't suspect anything from Marc's little nightly "stroll" for 2 months now.
Jake took over the body and quickly got inside a Car parked nearby.
"So where to maestro". Jake looked at the rear-view mirror. The backseat of the vehicle is empty, but on the mirror reflection, Marc is seen sitting on the cushion, with Khonshu beside him.
"South-east toward the old church. If you hurry you can reach it in 20 minutes."
Jake quickly drove south. Arriving with only 15 minutes to spare.
By the road is a medium sized and really old Gothic Church that had seen better days. The stone walls are crumbling and half of the left side is torn down. But the roof looks sturdy enough to hide whatever is inside. A good place for any secret transactions.
This was supposed to be a quick mission, kill a judge who happens to be behind human traffic & drug cartel operations, amongst other illegal stuff.
The woman, by sheer coincidence, also looks like Wendy's doppelganger. Jake’s hand accidentally flinched and missed. Thankfully Marc is not fronting and is currently asleep. But the woman heard the missed gunshot and ran out towards the back of the abandoned church, holding the gun she secretly had in her purse. She clearly experienced assassinations before. Jake did quick records check and it seems she has been doing this illegal business for 14 years.
If she gets away now it will be difficult to track her down. Well, Khonshu will always know. But the lady judge will get a ton of bodyguards and make sure to be surrounded with innocent civilians, making it difficult to get a clean shot without collateral damage. Jake will need to finish this now rather than spend the next week in another continent.
It's not her, that puta is dead, it's not really her.
Jake would constantly tell himself while chasing the woman and disarming her with ease. He can feel Steven slowly forcing up to the surface in response to Jake's panic, so he had to finish this now. And just when he finally got a messy headshot, he can feel his consciousness sink while Steven is propelled to the front.
Cat's out the bag. As the saying goes.
Things were really messy after that night.
Steven refuses to listen to Jake, calling him all sorts of hateful words. On how Jake is ruining his and Marc's life, he should just disappear and die. Those words reminded Jake way too much of their mother. With just the same amount of malice but less alcohol.
But Jake just did what he has always done, take in the harsh words so Marc doesn't have to. He is aware Steven does not realize how cruel the words are, he is not aware of the full story and is just acting out of instinct. Jake gets it but that still didn't make the insults hurt less.
To be fair. Jake did kill people. He is very much aware of what he is doing, and he would still do it even without Khonshu.
Jake quickly learned that the world is not pure black and white, no matter how much Steven says so. Steven may have read "All Quiet on the Western Front" but reading it will never compare to actually experiencing the horrors of being on the field. To shoot or get shot at, to see his colleagues get shell-shocked, get violent from the pain, lose themselves to PTSD. The bonds he formed from shared trauma and empathy knowing that someone else is experiencing the same thing you did.
And to see their eyes dim to a blank haze as their life inside slowly fades away, and there is nothing Jake can do to stop it. Jake learns that death can sometimes be a better mercy than living. Giving up is not in his vocabulary, but sometimes desperate questions require equally desperate solutions. After years of being beaten, being hurt by the world. He felt it was finally his turn to hurt back.
Marc had to tell Steven the truth. That he knew about Jake and Khonshu. Actually, did some of Khonshu's dirty work too.
All the stuff Steven suggested to Marc to relax before. It just did the opposite; it only drove Marc stir-crazy. Over the days Marc just felt trapped again. Like he is suffering from cabin-fever for being confined for too long, unable to run and breath from the crushing silence. Like his time in the institute.
Steven doesn't fully remember the institute. All he remembers is a forgotten haze of white coats and white walls, but he always believed they were nice people who just did their jobs. Right?
Steven sometimes feels tense whenever he steps inside a hospital. But he just ignores it. Marc eventually despised the sterile confinement of the institute. He craved the action, the wind on his face, the freedom the cover of the night provides. Away from the eyes of a judgmental society where Marc's only witness is the Moon himself. Literally.
Steven, as expected, felt just horrible at this revelation, devastated even. Marc lied to him, again. Khonshu is supposed to be gone but he never was. That Marc was fine, but he never was.
Steven should have found it suspicious, but Steven was also lying to himself that Marc's compliance is a sign of progress. Deep inside he knew something was off with Marc accepting his suggestions too fast and not complaining back.
Steven just wanted to go back to having a normal life as fast as possible, bringing Marc with him so they can move past Khonshu and have a life together.
He talked to Marc, he shared his life, his hobbies, trying to reconnect with. He is just happy to share his interest with someone else and to finally not be alone. Too happy that he didn’t realize how Marc isn’t. Or was it?
"Why didn't you tell me?". Steven quitely asked
" I can't see you broken…”
"I'm already broken!". Steven yelled before he continued.
"I found out I was born from of your own mind, most of my life was a lie, my mother is dead and that I have been calling on an empty phone. The Egyptian Gods I thought were cool turned out to be a massive disappointment. Now there's another alter you didn't tell me about. What's next, you're going to tell me you have a secret child somewhere.”
"I didn't know Jake until 2 months ago."
"Sure you don't. As If your not lying to me again."
"You have to believe me." Marc tried to reason.
"You may be able to get back to a normal life, but I can't. Steven, I tried even before Khonshu. I got married, it was the one normal thing I could to do. You have no idea how many times Layla tried to get me to really stop, settle down in England and start a family, but I just can't. I keep making excuses every night, saying I have some business to take care of. Buried myself in Khonshu's work until it hurts. Layla didn't know about the suit yet and thought I was doing some vigilante work. I even tried to go 2 weeks of no Moon Knight, but I couldn't breathe anymore. I end up back at Khonshu feet again, begging for a target. To take me somewhere, anywhere. This mundane life is... its more like a prison. I’m sorry for not saying anything before."
Steven let this sink in.
“But why, if this didn't work. You should have just told me in the beginning. Why lie again?”
“You were so happy to return, I... I couldn't break this. You already went through Cairo, through the Duat. We died, Steven. I want you to enjoy this a little longer”
"I'm not a child Marc. I spent many months living a lie on my own. I can handle this. If you need to get out, then we can schedule some days off. But I still want Khonshu out of it."
"Steven, I sorry but it's Jake you need to talk to about that"
"No," Jake is quick to reply.
What? That bird is toxic Jake. Can’t you see it’s ruining Marc’s life
"The God is also one of the only reasons Marc is still alive now. And that you're not listening again."
"Oh like you know more about Marc."
"I have been watching him my whole existence, Steven. It’s my literal job to watch over both of you. And you only meet the God for a few days, in an upcoming Apocalypse. Maybe the idea of an impending doom can push you to do very drastic stuff. Marc worked with Khonshu for 10 years but he still doesn't know anything about Khonshu."
"I know about Khonshu Jake." Marc retorted.
"Right Marc. Then what's God's favorite color?"
"What? Why would Khonshu have a favorite color?". Marc asked, taken back at this direction
"Answer the question, if you really do know anything about Khonshu then you would know what his favorite color is."
"It's probably red like blood, or white. He is already dressed enough in white". Steven replied, not wanting to be left out.
"Well K, are they right?"
Khonshu just stays silent
"See, the bird won’t even talk. I’m definitely right."
"Hold your tea, Steven."
Jake tried again, louder this time.
"I know you're listening to Khonshu. Answer the question or We’re going to be here all night."
Nothing but more silence. It took a minute before Khonshu’s voice is finally heard.
"This is mortal matters that are below me. Solve this amongst yourselves Jake Lockley."
"Oh no, you are not bailing out of this. Steven is part of the package and so are you whether both of you like it or not. So get your ass out here and answer the damn question."
"Khonshu, the target is dead. Jake did his end of the bargain. Now it’s your turn. Just get out here." Marc tried to coax Khonshu.
"Didn’t you forbid me from having any form of contact with Steven and your quote-on-quote normal life? It was part of our agreement that I keep up this play of yours."
"I know I keep saying that. But this is different, I’m letting you talk to him. You have my permission now."
"The worm clearly does not want anything to do with me, why should I be involved with someone who clearly does not want me around?"
Jake is getting tired of Khonshu's excuses so he tried again.
"Just, try to talk to him okay? You want fast results right? Well, Steven not being on the same page is going to slow everything down. I won’t get rid of him and I’m not getting rid of you too. The faster you get along with Steven the faster We can finish your missions. And if Steven is being unreasonable, I’ll take care of it."
"I'm unreasonable? Have you seen the stuff Khonshu made Marc do?". Steven interupted, sounding offended.
"I have seen Marc do far worse even before the bird was around, Steven. You may have not been aware but I was. You know Marc went AWOL in the Army right?"
"He mentioned it before." Steven answered
"Good, do you remember anything from it?"
"Uh, no. Actually nothing."
"I hope you don’t because some of the stuff there can get very, very ugly. I have seen someone get their guts torn out, their heads blown off. You do not go through the frontlines and not have killed someone at least once, even by accident. And don’t get me started on Marc's Mercenary days. Raul makes Khonshu look like the Dalai Lama."
"Steven, I was a soldier. We are paid to hold guns. It is part of the job."
"Then why didn’t you just get a different job. Why the army?"
"It is the fastest way from Her?
Steven paused for a while before whispering. "Mom?"
"Dad refused to send Mom to hospital, to give her help. He refused to even talk about it. He didn’t do anything while she still beats us almost every night. If he’s not going to do anything, then I will. But I can’t just run away. Steven, We are still in high school at the time. The only relative I trust is in South America, and the authorities will just send us back home. No one didn’t believe me then I said Mom hits us, Dad keeps saying we are fine and they listen to him more than a 14 year old kid who talks to himself."
"Everything is silent for a while"
Steven sank down on the dirty floor, still in the old church. Not caring if his jeans will get dirty. His memory of the army is nearly blank. He does have some sort of familiarity, but it just gives him such a sense of forebode that it scares him. It is still there, like a large, dark door in his head that he deliberately avoids. On the corner of his mind. Screaming to Steven “I am still here, still waiting for you”.
Steven just feels afraid to know what is inside, afraid of what he might see. He imagines a horrible beast waiting to devour him. So he just pretends it does not exist.
As if pretending the problem does not exist long enough for it to go poof and everything will go back to being normal.
Like, like… Like what Dad used to do.
Actually, he pretends a lot of stuff does not exist just so he can go on with his life, it’s much easier. He is so good at pretending; he does not even realize it sometimes.
He’s so tired, tired of being afraid, tired of all the lies, tired of pretending.
“Khonshu, I know you're there. Marc gave you his blessing that you can come out.”
Nothing happened
“I know I said I don’t want to talk to you before. I’m still mad but Jake said that this is for Marc’s sake. If you won’t come out for him then just do it for your mission or whatever.”
"Would you even allow it worm?”
"I have a name you know. It’s Steven"
"Yes, I know. The same way I am the 'pigeon' to you"
"You called me worm first, you bloody pigeon."
"As articulate as ever are you"
"Says the man with a skull for a head."
"At least I keep My cranium above my shoulders and not in my rear end."
"Do you even have anything in that bowl you call a head? You overgrown toilet paper roll."
"Ladies please, you're both pretty." Jake had to interrupt but at least Steven and Khonshu are talking now.
Arriving home, Steven suggested putting a calendar schedule to know who is fronting on what day. Steven even requested for a 4-day schedule instead of 5 so they have an extra day.
Steven and Khonshu may have started talking but they are still not on friendly terms. Constantly exchanging insults and back-handed comments. He is trying to warm up with Jake. But it is mainly to try and get him on the Anti-Khonshu side. but Jake is even more stubborn to say no.
“You're going to have to get used to him, Steven. He is part of this package whether you like it or not.”
Steven just tried to ignore them, until he realized ignoring them is what he tried to do at first and it didn't solve anything. But it is just hard for Steven to look at Khonshu and not be furious at Marc's behalf
"Have you tried giving him a chance?"
Marc pitched in one night.
"There is no way I am giving that monster a chance."
"You barely even know him, Steven. I thought I knew him but turns out I don't. Do you remember how you first reacted that night?"
"Scared, I thought I was going crazy. There's this man with my face taking control of my body. I…I called you a killer and I wanted to get rid of you. Marc I'm sorry for ever saying those things. You are not a murderer and never were."
Marc never felt so relieved hearing those words, as late as they are. He believed in a lie so much all his life. But he will not lie to himself by saying that he never killed someone in his adulthood.
He's tired of lying, to Steven and to himself.
"It's okay Steven. But back then you panicked. I get it, everyone gets scared when they face something they don't understand. Fight or flight. It's my fault you were deliberately kept in the dark from everything. I thought it was best for you. That you can have the simple and normal life I can never have. Believe it or not, Khonshu told me before how stupid it is to keep you out of it. Saying it is going to only delaying the inevitable."
Marc continued, "It took being shot at twice and dying to finally get me to open up."
Steven looks back to their time in the Duat, where he saw the truth, literally.
Randall's death, his real mother's downward spiral and the pain she would inflict to Marc. He also gets frustrated at seeing his Dad's refusal to stop her, despite Elias being a much, much kinder and forgiving. May too kind and forgiving.
This is where his opinion on Marc changed. Knowing the ugly truth was painful, but it is also cathartic and a relief. Like a huge weight on his shoulders is finally gone.
He can't help but feel guilty of all the words he said to Marc. How he won't give Marc any peace, how he is a heartless murderer and a horrible husband. Now he always feels disgusted for even saying that.
“I forgive you for that Steven. You have every right to say it. You barely knew anything at the time but us fighting all the time got us nowhere.” Marc continued to speak.
“Fighting Khonshu still won't get us anywhere. Jake seems to be better at handling Khonshu but it won't help if you keep provoking the God. Like Jake said, we barely know anything about Khonshu. I never bothered to ask and the God is not a fan of opening up himself.”
"As if he will listen. Khonshu is probably going to call me worm again."
"He did listen when you called out to him."
“Yeah, then got insulted back. He can be a huge meanie sometimes."
"I know, I worked for him for 10 years, Steven."
"How do you stand him?"
"I try to just ignore Khonshu when he’s having his episodes. But usually he goes straight to the point, with a ton of sass, sarcasm and barbs."
"That sounds like a delightful experience."
"Though I do remember he can get really quiet when he looks at the stars. Usually Khonshu looks grumpy, impatient and constipated all the time. At least I think he's looks constipated, hard to tell with his head being an un-emotive skull. Usually, he only stays at a distance, only coming close when it is something important. Like calling me an idiot"
"That makes sense since he is a Moon God and all." Steven said
Stars. Night sky…
Steven suddenly remembered that night. The only time when Khonshu did not act like an Ass to him.
It was when he turned back the sky. In the middle of the dessert, after he solved that star map puzzle. Steven felt proud of accomplishing something Marc can't. It was also the time He felt a connection with the God that was anything but shit. No words, no exchange of insults and no name calling. Just a God trusting his Avatar and his Avatar trusting his God.
Steven remembered the feeling of the weight of the cosmos, the shadowy echoes of a million stars birthing and dying at once. And the Moon. He would have been lost to the vastness and emptiness of the night sky if it wasn't for the Moon grounding him. If it wasn't for Khonshu guiding him to the right night. That night was also probably the only time Khonshu called him by his full name. Not a worm, or an idiot.
It was a very surreal and unforgettable experience. Yet Steven completely forgot about it.
"Now that Ammit is not a problem, you would have thought that maybe Khonshu would loosen up a bit." Steven remarked.
"Yeah, but it seems Khonshu never relaxed a day in his life. It was always a mission for him. "
Steven agreed to that. Khonshu is always sounded grumpy and serious to him. He may look creepy in a shadowy environment, but if you talk to Khonshu under the sun. The God just sounds like a really, really tired and grumpy old man.
"Didn't he cause an eclipse knowing it was a bad idea? And get imprisoned for it?". Steven asked, He remembered Khonshu telling him to tell Marc to free him.
"He really didn't care if it was a bad idea, Khonshu just jumped the gun on that one. It's like he was asking to be imprisoned. And no, the Ennead left him with a warning, but he did it again. It was after you solved the map puzzle. And I thought I was impulsive with bad ideas."
"Don't do that. Not causing the eclipse thing, the Bad ideas one. And if Khonshu needs to contact the Ennead again, there are other faster methods than messing with the sky for the entire world to see." Steven said.
"I doubt it."
Steven spend the rest of the month getting to know Marc again, repeatedly asking Marc to be honest, even if it does not match Steven's opinions. Steven wants the truth, no matter how painful, not to be pampered with. Jake also started to speak more, and Steven learned Jake knows way too much about his life. Such as which tea Steven drinks when he is upset, how he sleeps and his entire morning routine.
Which brings them here.
After a couple of weeks. The Calendar is slowly getting filled with life. The sides have notes, scribbles and post-it's. Jake started putting postcards from his missions' travels and so did Marc. They would take turns on who handles which mission.
There are also mundane notes on laundry, buying groceries. Marc telling Jake to pay for his own speed ticket. To stop taking first class trips because it is too expensive, no matter how soft and comfortable the chairs are. Jake also wrote to Marc about buying some Polish beer next time he goes there. And that he should try a specific pretzel stand if he ever goes to Berlin.
There is even a note about a donkey or something. Seems to be an inside joke between the two.
Steven is starting to feel envious reading these notes. These two have their own little club, one that Steven is not a part of.
He noticed a tally on the side, something he doesn't quite understand, Jake's handwriting can be illegible at times so Steven needed to squint closer to get a better read.
"Is white Khonshu's favorite color, winner gets a bobble head toy"
This again. Khonshu really didn't admit what it was.
Below that note is a scribble about how stupid this bet is, written on Marc’s script handwriting. Only for Jake to write back why Marc never even asked. And so on.
Steven is not envious of this petty bickering, he shouldn't be jealous over something so small. But he is starting to feel left out.
He realized he still didn't fix things with Khonshu. The God rarely talks to him these days since they started organizing their time more. Preventing Steven’s time and “Moon Knighting” time from intersecting. Khonshu only trust Marc or Jake to relay messages to him and Steven is fine with that.
Steven looks at the calendar once more and notices he has some free time on Friday. He is not sure though if Khonshu will just send another mission though.
He noticed how impulsive Khonshu is on these missions. There is no planning, no consistency, just random unpredictable orders with no obvious direction.
This is outside his comfort zone. Steven is used to habit, familiarity and routines. He gets up, feed Gus, gets dress, go to work, and returns after hours. Rinse and repeat the next day, and the next day, and the next day.
Orderly Routines are safe, while unpredictability is scary. But this may be what Marc thinks is the best for Steven. It is safe, but it is a decision by someone not Steven.
Marc did say he is going to let Steven decide for himself more, and also be more honest. When Steven looks at the postcards of the many places they have gone to and their petty arguments. These can be chaotic, directionless, and unpredictable but also sounds so fun and exciting.
There is a current series of post-it notes on the side. Jake wrote to Marc to try out some great drink from Mongolia, Marc writing a week later saying that it tastes like shit, Jake writing back on how Marc’s taste is just uncultured.
Steven wondered if that drink really does taste bad, if it is some local drink made of milk or grain. If it has any alcohol or it is a fruit drink. He would like to actually go there, taste it himself and put his own thoughts on the calendar right next to Marc and Jake. He did ask but he got two different answers and he is not sure who to trust. Steven does not have any reason to actually go to Mongolia, he can’t afford a trip. And while all of it just sounds really exciting, it is also related to Khonshu, and you know, killing his targeted people.
And Steven doesn't want to touch any of that without a fifty-foot pole. Except that is what Marc and Jake are knee deep in, so technically, he is also knee deep in it.
Steven still thinks he is right, that Khonshu is most of the problem and needs to be taken care of. But that didn’t work, and he does not want to admit that his ideas just made Marc miserable instead. These notes on the calendar, it looks too casual, funny even. Marc doesn’t sound miserable, but it may be another front. Steven can’t really trust Marc to be honest, but he can ask Jake instead if Marc is being genuine.
Jake is nothing but honest, a little too honest to a point of tactlessness and quick to say other people’s crap. Steven likes it that Jake will point out Khonshu’s shit, but not when that tactlessness is being directed at him.
Jake had pointed out before how short-sighted and insensitive Steven can get. How the little world Steven was kept in may prevented him from being a cynical and a push-over, but it also kept him blind of the rest of the world and gave him idealistic expectations that do not always match reality.
How it made him “soft”, and while Steven thinks he is better with how many books he has read, it only gave him text-book description written and filtered by people with biases and embellishments, far from the true reality of the world. Not to mention some of the Egyptian books he read are written by white men who have a habit of cherry-picking "facts" to justify how the Modern world is better. Jake even compared Steven to a bureaucrat who is obsessed with following a set of written words made by someone else.
No written book will ever compare to first-hand experience. Experience that Jake and Marc have plenty while Steven have never been outside of England in his entire memory.
Steven is just furious at this. So furious that he refuses to talk to Jake for a week.
Jake sees this silent treatment as a win. Saying that this is proof that Steven is just as much of a hypocrite as Khonshu.
This was the last straw.
Jake can call Steven all he wants to. But Steven will never want to be compared to Khonshu. He is nothing like Khonshu. The God is a cruel monster who ruins everything he touches. The God is but a dark stain in Marc’s life that should have been washed away 10 years ago with the strongest bleach in the world.
And Steven is going to prove to Jake that he is nothing like Khonshu, that he can handle the all the shit the “real” world has to offer.
There is a little voice in Steven’s head saying that he is being unfair, exaggerating all the stuff about Khonshu to make himself sound better, that he should be more reasonable than this, and that he is acting exactly like Khonshu. But he’s just going to ignore all that in favor of the intense desire to wipe that damn smirk off of Jake’s face.