Chapter 5
A warm breeze filled the air and flowed through your hair, stones crunching beneath your feet. You had just dropped Cordelia off and were making your way to the palace. It was a beautiful spring day, and you could tell summer was just around the bend. You couldn’t wait for the time when it became warm enough to swim at the shore again. It was one of your favorite pastimes, as well as Cordelia’s.
You rounded a corner and began walking across the paved road when you heard a loud whinny and a screeching against the stone path. Your eyes flashed up and instantly shut as you saw a horse-drawn carriage nearly slam right into you. You held your hands up defensively, prepping for an impact that never came. You glanced up and immediately the driver began shouting.
“You moronic girl! I could have killed you! Do you want to die?! What kind of idiot are you?!”
You opened your mouth, but no words emerged. Everything you wanted to say, apologies or other, got caught in your throat. He glanced at you up and down before scoffing.
“Pathetic outsider, go back to where you belong!!” He yelled. You heard him mumble something about ‘parasitic poor people’ before he cracked his whip and got the carriage going again.
You placed a hand to your chest, attempting to slow your racing heart. As your heart calmed, your emotions began to swirl. Part of you was embarrassed. It had been your fault. You should have been paying more attention. Part of you was angry. Who did he think he was? Demeaning you, shaming you, and shouting at you like that? He had been driving down the road at a ridiculous speed. But another part of you was ashamed. Ashamed at who you were. You were an outsider. A pathetic, parasitic, poor person. Someone who needed the help of her Prince to get her out of living a life of squalor and starvation. Someone who had been ostracized so much by those around her, she needed to go to an entirely different district just to work. Someone who didn’t belong anywhere, especially here in the Capitol. Your mind began to race over all the things Loki had helped you with. You began to feel selfish. Unworthy. Ashamed. It made you want to throw up.
You quickly finished your walk to the palace, now in a much worse mood than you had started the day with. Your mind had grappled onto such things before, but hearing it from the mouth of someone else made it real. It told your mind that your fears were true. That despite what they may say, other people were thinking these things too.
Before you knew it, you had arrived at the servant’s quarters. Your mind hadn’t registered you had made it there until you heard Natasha call for you.
“Hey, what’s the matter? You look positively anguished…” she said gently.
You looked at her softly, a debate raging in your mind. You didn’t really want to discuss what happened this morning, as it really ate at you inside. But Natasha… well, she might understand. So you gave her a weak smile and said,
“I just got to experience those people in the Capitol we were discussing yesterday.”
Her eyes turned from concerned to sympathetic as she let out a small sigh. She wrapped an arm around you and rubbed your arm a bit.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly. “They… don’t understand.”
“‘Go back where you belong’ he said. He called me a ‘Pathetic outsider’. A ‘Parasitic poor person’.” You buried your face in your hands. “I just...”
“It’s them that have their minds warped. You’re doing nothing but good being here. You’re taking care of your sister and yourself. You’re creating a better life for you both. And we love having you here. The palace is full of staff from all across the kingdom. You deserve to be here just as much as anyone else.”
You rubbed your eyes and patted your cheeks a few times.
“Okay, okay…” you tried to steady yourself. You had a job to do. You turned to give Natasha a smile. “Thank you. I’m just already so attacked by my own mind, it’s awful when it becomes real through the mouths and actions of others. Having you here to help me and reassure me helps me immensely. Thank you, Natasha.”
“Of course. Many of us have been in your shoes. Being trodden upon and hated by the more fortunate. The rich people who think they’re better than everyone. I get it. And I’ll always be there to defend you. What we’ve got to do is get you thinking better of yourself and your situation. We’ll work on it. But for now,” she clapped your shoulder, “let’s get to work. We get to do some fun stuff today.”
-
Natasha had been right. You got to help weed and plant in the garden today. It was messy work, but it was splendid. You always had loved gardening. You used to help your Mother garden when you were little. Her spirit seemed ever closer when you were working there.
You were laughing along with Natasha and Wanda when suddenly you heard your name booming through the courtyard. You turned your head and were instantly scooped up off the ground into an embrace. Thor laughed as he spun you around, lifting you as if you weighed nothing.
“Please, Brother, we don’t need you breaking her,” Loki said, patting Thor’s arm. Thor set you down and looked at you sheepishly, steadying you as you regained your composure. You glanced at Loki, who gave you a soft smile. You returned it and glanced to the ground, a small flutter in your stomach.
“Apologies, maiden. I am just so excited you decided to join us here!”
You let out a chuckle. “Think nothing of it, it fills me with joy knowing you get so happy to see me. And I am very excited to be working here myself! I’m having a wonderful time.”
“Ah, and you are in capable hands!” Thor said, looking over your shoulder at Natasha and Wanda, who were standing up and dusting themselves off before curtsying, which Thor nodded. “How do you maidens fare today? Miss Natasha? Miss Wanda?”
“Very well, my Prince,” Natasha said with a smile.
“Just getting the garden looking its best today,” Wanda added.
“And you’re all doing a marvelous job,” a voice called from behind you all. As you turned, your eyes widened and all three of you servants fell into deep curtsies. The Queen chuckled. “As you were, ladies. I’ve simply come to fetch my sons.”
“You didn’t need to fetch us, we were on our way,” Thor said. You nearly chuckled at his whiny retort.
“Yes, but it seems you’ve found yourself distracted with some delightful company. As wonderful as the help is, I’m afraid your Father needs you now,” she responded with a grin. It was quickly followed by Thor’s groans, but compliance from both of the brothers.
As she and the Princes began to walk off, the Queen turned to you and narrowed her eyes slightly.
“I don’t believe I know you,” she said gently.
You could feel your cheeks heat up. You were certain your cheeks were severely flushed and everyone could see.
“This is the maiden I was telling you about, Mother. We dined at her residence a few days ago,” Loki explained. The Queen’s eyes instantly lit up.
“Ah! Well, it is a pleasure to meet you, I’ve heard all good things about you,” she said as she bowed her head gently. “I’m so glad you’ve come to join us here at the palace. Should you be in need of anything, do not hesitate to come to me, I’m always open to help.”
“Thank you, your Majesty…” You practically whispered. She had the gentlest smile and the kindest eyes. And yet, you still felt horribly intimidated.
You glanced once more at Loki as the trio began to walk across the courtyard. You saw him turn his head to look at you, a sudden, yet small look of surprise covering his features before he quickly sent it away and smiled. You could almost swear he turned a bit pink.
Turning back to your work, you saw Natasha and Wanda smiling as they continued their gardening.
“So, they were at your home?” Natasha said as her smile widened. You rolled your eyes and kneeled back down to work, grabbing ahold of a particularly stubborn weed.
“As I said before, we were friends before I came to work here.”
“He told his Mother about you,” she said slyly.
“He told the Queen about his whereabouts in the kingdom,” you countered, grunting as you pulled the weed from the earth. Natasha shrugged and gave up on the conversation, turning her attention back to pruning the bush she was at.
You looked back down to the grass, not really working too hard anymore, as your focus had been pulled elsewhere. He had told his mother about you… you wondered what he had said. The Queen had stated it had all been good, but what did that entail? How much had he said about you? Did the Queen know about Cordelia?
You shook away the confusion and decided it wasn’t necessary to ruminate on the subject any longer. So what if he had told his mother about you? You would’ve told your Father about him.
You sat for a moment, thinking. When was the last time you had heard from your Father? A few months ago? When was the last time you wrote him? You needed to get on that. Perhaps he’d be entertained by the notion of the Princes dining in your home. You made a mental note to write him soon.
-
The day passed quickly. The work was enjoyable, but you were thoroughly covered in a layer of dirt and grime. It made you happy. It had been too long since you worked this long in a garden.
You walked through the courtyard towards the entrance of the palace when you once again heard your name being called. Turning you saw Loki, a smile on his lips as he lowered his raised hand and jogged over to you. You felt your stomach do a small flip, to which you scolded yourself. Don’t do that…
“How did your day fare?” He asked, walking alongside you.
“Wonderfully. It’s been too long since I’ve worked with the earth. I didn’t realize how much I missed it.”
“You used to garden?” He asked curiously. You nodded.
“My Mother and I would garden often. It was one of our favorite pastimes. We once had such a lovely garden in the rear yard. After she… well, life’s simply grown too busy for such things. Nature’s been kind to a few of the things we grew, but most of it died off. That may just be one of my biggest regrets.”
Loki walked with you, silent for a moment. “Perhaps it is something you could do with Cordelia? It sounds like you hold those memories of gardening with your mother dear. Why not give Cordelia the same?”
You slowly smiled, looking down to the ground beneath your feet.
“That sounds like a lovely idea. Perhaps when we’ve saved enough money. I think she’d enjoy that.”
You both continued to walk in silence, making it all the way out of the palace before he quickly asked, “I do hope you don’t mind if I accompany you in your walk today?”
“Of course not. I enjoy your company,” you said softly, gaze still focused on your feet. “I’m glad you enjoy mine.”
You looked up to find Loki smiling softly, looking at his feet as well. He looked so regal in the light of the sunset. His eyes looked radiant, reflecting golds that danced and mixed with the blue of his irises.
Stop that! Get a grip… You found yourself scolding your inner thoughts more often than usual lately. Always when it had to do with him. It was getting out of hand. Thinking quickly, you break the gentle and soft air around the two of you. You needed to get the mushy emotions away.
“Besides,” you said, smirking, “Cordelia would have my head if I showed up at Guinevere’s without you. She quite likes you.”
His smile grew smug as he turned his gaze to you.
“Does she now?”
“Oh yes,” you said, chuckling. “She enjoys getting into trouble with you. Quite the influence, you are. Whenever she does something mischievous at home now, she claims, ‘Loki wouldn’t scold me,’ or ‘Loki would’ve thought it was funny.’ You’ve become her favorite excuse.”
Loki let out a hearty laugh. He had a melodic, smooth voice that was practically music to your ears.
“Now, surely I cannot be to blame for that,” he said.
“Mm, no I think I will hold you accountable for it, seeing as you are the adult in the situation. Perhaps you too should behave yourself?”
“You cannot deny that you too enjoy my hijinks?” He said, facing you as he walked backwards effortlessly down the road in front of you. You shrugged it away and pinched your fingers together.
“Just a tad…” You said before smiling.
“A tad? I’m willing to bet she learned most of her mischief from you, considering you are her guardian. Surely you enjoy mischief more than ‘a tad’. Particularly mine, of course.”
You raised an eyebrow at him and said, “Fishing for compliments, are we? Are you wanting to hear praise that badly?”
“Other’s praise? No. Yours? That’s… a different story,” he said quietly. There was an air of confidence behind it, though. He was sure of what he was saying, but it was almost as if he was shy about bringing it up. You could swear his cheeks flushed a bit, but instead you chose to write it off as the sunlight bouncing off of his skin.
You feel your cheeks heat up slightly as your eyes met his. They were gentle and sweet, but sure. You weren’t sure what to say. Why did he have to make it so hard not to feel anything for him? It was hard not to when he said such sweet things.
“Why in the world would you value an opinion such as mine so highly?” You chuckled lightly, though disbelief and sadness was evidently poking through. “I’m simple and clumsy and foolish, I-“
“I will not tolerate another negative word out of your mouth in regards to yourself,” he said sternly, taking you by surprise. You both had stopped walking, caught in the middle of a bridge covering a small river. The teasing air had vanished. No one else was around, and you couldn’t decide if that was something you were pleased about or not. He came a bit closer to you, a stern, yet concerned look on his face. “You are my friend. My only friend, mind you, and I will have no one, and I mean no one, speaking such things about you. Not even yourself.” He placed his hand on your cheek, cradling your face. “Do I make myself clear?” He asked gently, his eyes calm and caring.
You were sure you were bright red at this point. You were touched by his words. You knew he valued your friendship, but for him to be so defensive of you, it felt… wonderful. You gave a small nod before his smile returned and he let go of your cheek.
“Good. Now, let’s go get your sister. I’m sure she’s been looking forward to seeing me all day.”
You laughed and shook away the feelings coursing through your veins about the man next to you. Even if you never got anything more with him, which you fervently wanted to avoid for his sake anyway, having him as a friend was one of the best things to ever happen to you.
-
The week passed quickly, life having grown much more enjoyable. The hours didn’t seem to drag on anymore. You had friends and could actually hold decent conversations with people without them judging you, or insulting you or your sister. It was so amazing, you often wanted to cry out of joy. You had written your Father a letter describing your life recently. You eagerly looked forward to his response, knowing he’d be both proud of you and happy for you. Again, the only thing that could possibly make your life perfect was having him home again.
Loki had walked you home every night this past week. He had required you speak one positive thing about yourself on each walk, however. It was entertaining, and you greatly enjoyed having him at your side every evening. He was such pleasant company, and you enjoyed how he made you feel. He made you feel like you had worth. A purpose. Like someone cared for you. You knew that you couldn’t have him any more than you already did, but you were ashamed to admit that you often let yourself go to that place in your mind when he was in your presence, or when you were alone with your thoughts. He never had to know, and you were certain that it would eventually pass. You were sure that your lonely mind was simply confusing platonic feelings for romantic, and that eventually the feelings would wither away. However, as each day passed and the more you dabbled in the fantasy, the feelings grew stronger. You knew you had to put an end to it, but part of you didn’t want to let it go. Sometimes it was nice to live in that daydream, with Loki looking at you as more than just a friend. You just had to be careful. You didn’t need to go raising your hopes just for them to be dashed. And besides, you didn’t want to hurt him and ruin the friendship he held so dear. And so, for his sake, you continued to keep your feelings inside.
You had taken his advice, however. You had gone to the market early one morning and bought seeds and pits from many different plants and vegetation. You thought it’d be fun to grow your own garden of fruits and vegetables to eat, along with a few flowers that you grew all those years ago with your Mother. You took Cordelia out to the garden after work one night, with Loki’s company of course, and began working on your new garden until the sun set completely. Loki had been right, Cordelia thoroughly enjoyed herself. She didn’t even seem to mind having to bathe afterwards. You decided it would become a nightly task, and should Cordelia want to go out and work on the garden, she could do so whenever she wanted. It was truly fun for everyone, and you were grateful for the Prince’s recommendation. Yet another thing to thank him for.
The last day of your work week had arrived, and you were in the palace library with Wanda, dusting the shelves and arranging the books. It was massive in there, seeming to hold the whole world’s collective knowledge. It was quiet in the library, though, which was nice. Wanda wasn’t a very loud person, so you enjoyed your quiet conversations with her in a place that was more comfortable for her.
When you had returned to the grandiose library after lunch, Loki just happened to have retired there for a spell. He greeted the both of you kindly and joined in on your quiet conversations. Quickly, though, your quiet conversations had grown loud, the three of you thoroughly enjoying each other’s company. You were laughing and teasing as you did your duties, greatly entertained. Suddenly, a loud voice was heard from the entrance of the library, snapping you all from the fun.
“Miss Maximoff,” a guard said, walking toward your group. He was followed by two others. “A letter from the Front.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh! Pietro! Thank you!” She chimed as she took the letter in her hand. You looked over at the guards, however, and saw something in their eyes. Something wrong.
Wanda quickly opened the letter and began reading. You saw her eyes turn from excitement to confusion.
“This isn’t from my Brother…” she said quietly.
Oh no…
As she read, her eyes once again changed from confusion to devastation. Tears built up in her eyes as she trembled and placed a hand over her mouth.
“We are sorry for your loss, Miss.”
Wanda lost it. She fell to the ground and sobbed, you quickly catching her in an embrace. You saw the guards slip away, all of them unsure of what to say but all aware of the horror that had unfolded. The air fell heavy with grief. You held the sobbing Wanda close and tight, not daring to say a word. She didn’t need that. She needed comfort. You glanced up at Loki, who wore a devastated and unsure look on his face. Your lip trembled as your own tears built, before you buried your face into Wanda’s shoulder.
A moment passed before you heard a slight shuffle. You felt a firm, yet comforting grasp around you and Wanda. You peered up over Wanda’s still shaking form to see Loki holding you both. You could swear there was a tear in his eye. And there you sat, three of you heartbroken, but one absolutely shattered. The world had shifted, reminding all parties of the inescapable truth of war that was currently plaguing your beautiful kingdom. Sometimes it was hard to remember the atrocities that were being experienced until they appeared directly at your door.