Chapter 6
After another two hours Stephen retired to his room, leaving Loki and Tony to continue the research. Howard and Jarvis had gone back to the mansion after receiving an urgent call from Peggy. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what she wanted. Obviously Steve would’ve attempted to save Bucky. And, as Tony could attest, whenever a situation involved Barnes, Steve could become incredibly blinded to the true reality of things. He had probably raced into HYDRA base with a half-baked plan believing that everything would work out in the end since fortune always favored the ‘good of heart’. A philosophy that Tony could never agree with. Hence the constant arguments and eventual estrangement.
“This is useless! There’s nothing here that can help us!”
“Patience is a virtue, Stark. I thought that a hero such as yourself would know this.”
“Shut up, Loki. You might not have somebody waiting for you back in our timeline but I have a daughter who probably thinks her daddy is dead.”
“Woe is you Stark. You are not unique. Many people have lost their children. So if you could stop complaining with that squalling mortal brogue— ”
“ —Don’t you dare. Youdon’tknowwhatit’slike— ”
“ —I don't know what it’s like? I—of all people—don’tknowwhatit’slike? You have no idea Stark. None at all.”
The mocking laughter that followed up that statement pissed Tony off. It was as if Loki was trying to make fun of the fact that Tony may never see his child again.
“Thentellme! Tell me all about your sob story. What? Did daddy not like you? Did he favor Thor? I don’t blame him. You’re a murderer, Loki. You’rea monster.”
Loki flinched at his words, his skin turning a blanched ebony. A sharp spearing of guilt was forcibly suppressed as Tony allowed his fury to take over.
But then Loki whispered such horrible words. Such horrible, horrible words.
“I may be a monster, but that does not automatically make my children beasts. You think I wish your family harm. I can assure you that is not the case. I would not wish the loss of a child on anyone. Not after what happened to my own children.”
“Y-your own children?”
Loki’s entire body shuddered, his eyes shadowed and haunted. This was the countenance of a grieving father, not that of an arrogant god.
“My first was Fenrir. He preferred his wolf form and intimidated many while at my side. But it was not meant to be. Odin received word of my child and while I was out on a hunt he took my son away. Apparently, there had been a prophecy made that claimed that all of my kin, no matter who they may be, were to be born monsters, fated to kill the All-Father. The sorceress that said these damning prophecies was known for her unreliability and innate hatred of the Odinson family. But the Asgardians could take no risks, even for my children’s sakes. They trapped Fenrir in a cave, cursed to forever be stuck in his wolf form. He spent months howling, hoping that I would hear his cries for help and come to his rescue. But I was never allowed to visit and every time I tried to circumvent the system I was caught. And then, one day, his calls stopped. It was only decades later that I learnt they had shoved a sword through his muzzle to pin it closed, silencing his cries forevermore. I haven’t seen him since. I hated Odin for what he did. I still do. Yet my will was not strong enough to prevent similar fates from befalling my other children. I should’ve been able to save them. Theydidn’tdo anything to deserve such fates. Their only sin was being born and raised by me. It was my very existence that caused their suffering. It was my fault.”
Tony grimaced at what he heard, inwardly horrified. How could Odin do such a thing to his very own son and grandchild? It was cruel and inhumane.
Thor had made Asgard seem like a land of perfection and perhaps to him it was. But where there was light there was also shadows. And it seemed as if this darkness had been thrust upon Loki for him alone to bear. It was really no wonder that his sanity had frayed and led to the New York invasion. In retrospect, Loki himself hadn’t seemed quite that fit, physically or mentally, during the invasion. He had been emaciated, his body twisted as if trying to prevent any unnecessary movements. His eyes had been hollow shells of what they looked like now in this younger body.
Wait—
“ —You’re eyes, weren’t they blue before?”
It took a moment for his words to pierce through Loki’s haze of sorrow, but when it did he took a double take, his lips parting in shock.
“I’m afraid you’re quite mistaken, Stark. My eyes have always been an iridescent green. That is, whenever I am in my Asgardian form they have been.”
Tony frowned, “Well during the invasion they were definitely blue. I remember correlating the color with the space stone.”
Loki froze, “Blue you say? How peculiar, I do not remember much of the invasion, perhaps my change in eye color had something to do with it. Then again, it could’ve just been my fall through the void that messed with my senses.”
“The void?”
“Ah, how do mortals refer to it? I believe you call it space.”
“You fell through space!?!”
Loki looked away, “The void leaves its mark on all of those who pass through it. In fact, when I look at you I can see its blemish scarring your aura.”
“My aura? You know what, don’t even tell me. I’ve had enough magic for a lifetime.”
Loki sighed, “Sometimes I feel the same way.”
———o0o———
The Eye of Agamotto was a beautiful relic, intricately designed to contain immeasurable power. Lines of metal beautifully weaved to create an artifact so powerful that it could contain and channel an infinity stone.
Yet it paled in comparison to what it held. The time stone shown like a ray of sunshine in a barren land. Its exterior glimmered like the purest of water, reflecting an almost celestial emerald.
It was the only way back then. And it is the only way now. Oh, the irony.
Loki had obviously come to the same conclusion after looking through most of the New York Sanctum library. But after having learned about the futures Stephen had seen he had probably decided to leave the topic for another time. A time when Stephen wasn’t so caught up in his own mind. Lost to the millions of futures the time stone had shown him. In the end he was too weak to do what needed to be done. Pathetic.
Pepper was right. He really was a hypocrite.
The eye closed slowly as Stephen made the appropriate gestures. His hands ached with the movements and he had to bite back a hiss.
Now he had a broken mind to complement his broken hands.
The pained noise morphed into a bitter laugh.
Hilarious.
It was just so fucking funny.His entire life was afucking joke. He had thought being a doctor was his end game, helping people like he couldn’t help his sister. But then he let his hubris get the better of him and look how that turned out. His hands mangled beyond repair. And then—like a bumbling idiot—he made the same mistake again. A Master of the Mystic Arts. Sorcerer Supreme. As if he could just waltz in and take the job, better than everybody else who had beentraining for years.
But look at him, making it all about himself yet again. He never did learn.
Through wheezing breaths Stephen continued to laugh, his hands clawing at the relic around his neck. Prying, pulling,pleading—Get it off, Get it off, Get it off—
“Stephen?”
Not right now. Please… Leave me alone. You cannot see me like this.
“Oh, Stephen. What has it done to you?”
The Ancient One approached from behind him. Stephen could hear the whistling as her robes fluttered in the non-existent breeze. When her hand landed upon his shoulder and nudged softly, all he could do was oblige to the unspoken request.
Talk to me?
Turning around, Stephen let out a choked sob.
“I don’t want this. I don’t want to use the stone again.”
“Then don’t.”
“I don’t have much of a choice, do I?”
“You always have a choice.”
“Not this time.”
The Ancient One’s hands uncliped the Eye from around his neck and placed it back on the pedestal.
“You will not be able to help anyone in this state. You know it, I know it, even the stone knows it. You will not be able to move forward until you can confront what is holding you back. What is holding you back Stephen Strange?”
“I— I don’t know.”
But still the time stone was waiting. Waiting for him. He could feel it in his very being. He could taste it on his tongue. He could smell its anticipation.
‘I am here!’ It screamed.
And yet he still lied. What is holding you back Stephen Strange?
He had the answer. He had always had the answer.
Help me.
Please.
I’m scared.
I can’t do this.