a bargain of a lifetime
Stephen had been feeling a sense of dread for the past week. If he was being honest, he’d been feeling it since Dormammu. A feeling which twisted in his gut to almost say “this isn’t the end of it”. He would’ve paid it more mind if it wasn’t for the bone-deep exhaustion that came from dying about a 1,000 deaths in an alternate dimension.
After Dormammu, Stephen arrogantly thought that he had experienced every kind of death possible and felt most every pain out there. He'd felt every single blow, every stab, and every broken bone. By the 60th loop, he'd accepted that Dormammu would never desist, and he would be there till the end of time. He'd been so scared that he would be.
By the 500th loop, he'd just been going through the motions. He heard, past the ringing in his ears, "Dormammu, I've come to bargain," but he couldn't be sure if it was really him saying it.
When he finally got Dormammu to bargain, he could've cried of relief. Stephen floated back through the dimensional tear to the wrecked streets of Hong Kong and he'd been so comforted at the sight of Wong, he almost collapsed. He knew that that whole ordeal would have a lasting impact on him, but he didn't know the extent of it just yet.
When he woke up in his bed the second morning in a row, he had a panic attack. It took Wong talking him down to realize he wasn't in the dark dimension anymore, he wasn't reliving the same day, the time loop was gone. Stephen's despised repetition since then. He would pick a new song to hum everyday and he would try every single coffee shop and every drink in the city at least once. He would not go through it again.
Yet here he was: on a deserted planet, a feeling of impending doom pulsing through him as he franticly reviewed outcomes using the time stone. A stone he vowed not to reactivate ever again unless he could help it.
He doesn’t think he could’ve done much to change this even if he did listen to that twisting in his gut. Every outcome was the same.
In 3,488,999 timelines he takes the stone and runs. The guilt he feels is crushing. In these futures he lasts at most 4 years, and at that point he was so mentally drained it was as easy as stomping on an ant for Thanos.
In 2,432,008 timelines he takes Stark and his ward and they run across the galaxy. The longest they ever last is 3 years. 3 years until Thanos finds them hiding, stabs Stark, and snaps his gauntlet.
In 2,000,938 of those timelines he and St—Tony become lovers, and raise Peter as they run. They build a small fragile family that Thanos ends with a snap, leaving a bleeding Tony to mourn between 2 piles of dust.
In 203,372 of those timelines he takes Tony, but leaves Peter. They never get past 3 months running, because Tony’s inconsolable and Stephen can barely look at himself. They implode and lead Thanos right to them.
In 1,577,700 timelines he trades the stone for Tony, and then turns to dust.
Scott Lang was snapped. He doesn’t ever wake.
In 1,100,735 timelines he trades the stone for Tony, and then turns to dust.
He wakes in 15 years, many of the survivors died due to pollution related cancers, the world hasn’t recovered. They’re utterly unprepared when Thanos re-appears.
In 786,839 timelines he trades the stone for Tony, and then turns to dust.
He wakes in 10 years, the world has given up. He suffocates on the since disintegrated planet along with Peter and the remaining guardians.
In 1 timeline, all the factors line up perfectly.
In 1 timeline he trades the stone for Tony, and then he turns to dust.
Scott Lang finds his way out of the quantum realm. The avengers convince Tony to help them.
He wakes in 5 years, the world is slowly recovering, the air is breathable thanks to Stark-tech. Thanos re-appears, and they defeat him. but. Tony dies.
The only solution is Tony’s death? that can’t be true. In no universe is that a nexus point.
Stephen checks 2,410,013 more outcomes. Something always goes wrong.
They get over-confident, they lose. Barnes survives, no one tries to undo the snap. Tony dies in space, no one can undo the snap. Scott Lang unleashes Kang on a still recovering world, don’t even get Stephen started on those timelines… A different Avenger gets their hands on the gauntlet, the world is unrecognizable—so many factors they forget to consider.
How is this possible? It defies logic that this is the only way. (1)
There’s no hope. This too must come to pass. Stephen has to lose another thing he cared about—even if it hadn’t even happened yet.
Stephen disengages the time stone and snaps out of the meditative state with a jerk and a cry. He feels strong familiar hands stopping him from falling. He opened his eyes and looked fondly at Tony—
Dr. Stark. Not Tony, not in this timeline. It was painful to realize that in this timeline real life, he didn’t have the relationships he remembered. He wasn’t Tony’s partner, best friend, enemy, anything. He wasn’t Peter’s mentor, Pepper and Rhodey’s friend. He was nothing, again. It was awkward to remember all these relationships, all the personal info he knew, just for them to be virtual strangers again. He had to remember, he didn’t have those relationships.
With a blink, all the fondness slipped from his gaze. In a moment of weakness he allowed Dr. Stark to fret over him, until he was fully back into his body. Back to real life, as it were.
“You're back. You're alright. Hi,” Stark was patting his robes. Distantly he caught a "Hey, what was that?” from Peter and quickly organized his thoughts. Should I tell them? When even I haven’t accepted the truth?
"I went forward in time to view alternate futures. To see all the possible outcomes of the coming conflict” Might as well, hopefully they’ll have some fresh ideas—I know they won’t.
“How many did you see?”
“14,000,605” Now comes the hard part.
“How many did we win?” Stark asked, looking so earnest, but resigned. Stephen could barely bring himself to confirm his worst fears.
Stephen took a deep breath, he looked at Peter, then looked back to Stark. He quickly dropped his eyes to the orange sands of Titan. he sighed, “One.”
As Stephen looked back up at Stark, all he could see was that defiant spark in his eyes—as if he heard the odds and decided he doesn’t care.
He thought of that drive for betterment, the fire that was so uniquely his. Stephen then thought of the futures he saw, the different ways the world was shaped post-Thanos. Thinking of the winning future, he saw the flag-smashers, the corrupt governments, the greed, the gaping hole of innovation left—filled with the likes of Quentin Beck. He thought of the multiversal tears, Westview, Kamar-Taj, Kang.
After everything he’d learnt, he was reluctant to let Stark'sthe universe’s story end like that.
Did we really even win? Is this all for naught? The future he was steering towards wasn’t all that great. But is that actually just a selfish thought because of his undoubtable bias. He doesn’t want the people he’s come to see as friends and family to suffer and perish. He doesn’t want to see the world without it’s greatest defender.
The unbidden thought of the Ancient One came to the forefront of his mind. She channeled energy from the dark dimension for hundreds of years and practically invited Dormammu’s zealots onto our doorstep, but without her, the order and the world would have been lost. Still, many would say what she did was abhorrent and immoral. Well, Stephen had never been much of a deontologist anyway.
Immanuel Kant’s opinion was that morality is defined by duties and one's action is moral if it’s motivated by duty. It was his duty as sorcerer supreme to ensure the safety of the earth and this dimension. The decisions he makes to adhere to this duty are inherently moral.
Kant also believed that the morality of an action was unaffected by context, so he was a little too idealistic for Stephen’s tastes.
Stephen’s world was never so black and white, it was a constant kaleidoscope of greys. He had been a utilitarian since the day he left that god forsaken Nebraskan farm to study medicine—becoming a doctor and saving hundreds of lives vs. Stephen getting to keep his 4 family members. The moral, choice was quite obvious, huh?
Stephen thought about that decision a lot during the tough times, how different would his life be if he stayed? He would be miserable he thinks, suffering in the sun amongst the hay and manure. And all those impossible tumours—that nobody else would touch—would grow unchecked, killing their hosts. Maybe Kaecillus would’ve succeeded in bringing Dormammu to feast on this dimension. So yeah, Stephen was a utilitarian. He saw the outcome and it certainly was worth the grief he’d suffered.
When later asked, Stephen would point to this as the moment he decided.
Some would say this was the moment his emotions and arrogance won, and he chose himself over the universe. In reality, Stephen assessed the morality of the situation: the destruction of one timeline for the death of one (1) genocidal maniac and the safety of the universe and all its inhabitants. Seemed like a good trade.
He knew what he was doing was ‘wrong’, and he knew that if he even breathed this to anyone they would call him a self-important madman. which, unfortunately for them, he was. He’d never been accused of being altruistic, so why start now.
Stephen had also never been accused of being short-sighted or stupid, so he took a moment to plan. He obviously couldn’t do this alone, he was just one earth-bound man. Taking stock of the hair samples he had left—And no that wasn’t weird. he was a sorcerer, this was normal!!—Stark, himself, Thor, Loki, Peter, and Banner.
Hmm. Well, Stark is a given. Loki knows more about Thanos than anyone else, and I suppose Thor can hitch a ride.
Now, Stephen was stumped. The more people he included to this spell, the less stable the whole process would be. Then he looked up to Stark, he almost felt bad with what he was about to burden him with. He was the whole reason he was doing this, the world needed Tony Stark. Still, it wouldn’t do them well for Tony Stark to implode under the weight of this task.
He needed support and maybe Stephen was still feeling particularly sentimental, so Peter’s hair made its way into the mix too.
As Stephen catches Tony's eyes, he feels his resolve building. "I'm sorry, but there's no other way," he hears confused noise from Tony, but ignores it.
Now, to make this work he needed to channel a lot of energy into the casting of this spell. (2)
In this timeline Stephen trades the time stone for Tony, and then he turns to dust.
As Thanos snaps his finger, the gauntlet begins pulsing green and gold.
Stephen wakes 10 years in the past with a flash of green, and he remembers.