Takes place the night of The Snap and Battle of Wakanda
Thor stood alone in the spacious quarters that the remaining Wakandans had so graciously provided him. The room was high tech but also simple— really, all he needed was a washroom and a place to sleep. Or apparently just a place to stare out of a window..
The survivors were, at the moment, safe, though in a state of shock from which they hadn't yet recovered enough to sit back and discuss what they could possibly do. Stark and Strange were still missing. As well as some spider child. Hopefully they still existed.. Regardless, he had no idea where they would even begin to undo this mess. Or if it could be undone. He cursed under his breath. The mess that he partially blamed himself for, because in his angry blind need for vengeance he didn't go for the head...
Thor was on auto-pilot, his gaze unfocused, silently prying bits of his armor off a little at a time in order to give his latest wounds room to breathe. The quiet was deafening. He suddenly became very aware of how numb he felt, mentally. He hadn't yet given in and allowed himself to grieve. He began to contemplate all that he had lost and decided that he needed to force himself to face all of it, knowing that if he avoided it and let it fester it would only make it worse.
Ominous clouds swirled in the dusk skies outside as he stood looking out the window which overlooked Wakanda, staring at nothing in particular. He realized that he had yet to properly mourn, well, any of it at all. Their Mother... Loki's first 'death'.. Their Father. The Warriors Three. Eyeball (although that sweet rabbit really hooked him up). Mjölnir (although the new deal isn't so bad. Not bad at all)... Heimdall... Their people. Their home. Their...
Loki. Loki. My brother. I cannot do this alone.
Had the sentence foremost in his mind actually been his last words to Loki? You really are the worst brother.
Thor hung his head in regret as it began to rain outside. He prayed to the Norns that Loki knew how much he hadn't meant that. He prayed that Loki knew he loved him, that he had just been bluffing in the elevator on Sakaar and had used a bit of what Midgardians would call 'reverse psychology' on Loki knowing he'd not be unaffected by Thor's apparent indifference. Thor had had more faith in Loki than Loki himself did when it came down to knowing he would do what was right in the end. Thor knew very well the bright light within Loki, remnants of the caring brother who had his back in the days of old. He'd always had faith that one day that same light would completely overpower all of the other feelings that made Loki resign himself to believing he was a monster. What was even worse was that he assumed everybody else saw him in the same light that he saw himself. Thor had never stopped hoping that Loki would one day look back and have the good memories come to mind first. Because how could over one thousand years together be completely canceled out in less than ten?
Well, Loki proved him right and did the right thing. And then within a day Thor told him he was the worst brother.
Thor closed his eyes, knowing that his stubborn will to fight back at his grief had finally left him. He leaned back against the wall next to the window and slid down to the floor, his throat clenching and eyes overflowing as he let out a quiet strangled sob. He cried so hard he barely made a sound. He felt as though he couldn't possibly cry hard enough. He vaguely registered somewhere in the back of his mind how strange it felt to cry with the artificial eye. There was more...pressure, in his eye socket.
He drew his legs up to himself and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and forehead resting on an arm. He stared at the carpet below for a few moments while he tried to catch his breath, and his voice sounded very shaky when he finally croaked out, "I'm sorry, Loki. I am so sorry. For everything, I... I so hope you could understand all that I mean by that. And I hope you know that I never stopped thinking the world of you... I... You were not the worst brother. I was supposed to look out for you... and how many times in our life did I fail you... how could I ever have protected Asgard when I couldn't even protect any of my own family..." He trailed off, panting breathlessly.
As he strained to calm his breathing, he suddenly became aware that there was another presence in the room. A presence which was beyond familiar. But Thor was afraid to lift his eyes. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly through his nose. Something familiar then brushed against his mind. The feeling of it made him think of home, before it called out to him, Brother? Loki's presence (if and when he let Thor sense him), both in person and in his mind, had always felt completely unique. Thor just knew it was him. In some form or another..
Still, Thor continued to stare down at the carpet, tears dripping down off of his nose. The presence was starting to have an impatient feel to it (in addition to underlying sadness). He then heard an audible sigh, and the achingly familiar smooth voice said the same thing again aloud, "Brother." Thor finally allowed himself to look up, eyes glassy.
He didn't react at first as all of the usual suspicions flitted through his mind. He just leaned his head back against the wall with a thump and blankly stared at Loki, shoulders slouched and forearms resting on his knees, not bothering to wipe the tear tracks off of his face. He found that he didn't mind Loki seeing him in this weak moment. Interesting... Would that have been so ten years ago? Ha. Most of what he was feeling though was anger, only it was directed at himself for conflicting reasons. On one hand, he was angry that he was even thinkingabout letting his guard down. How many times had Loki proven to him in the past why that was a bad idea. But on the other hand.. he also was angry at himself for not believing in Loki. Because there was still that part of Thor who had always maintained hope that he would one day have Loki back at his side... Recent events had fueled that hope, and that childish voice within him still wanted to think that just believing in Loki would make everything okay again. ...Who was he kidding. What was 'okay' any more, anyway? He mentally scoffed at himself for still having such naïve thoughts, but he couldn't help it. There just was no Thor without Loki. Sentiment. No matter how hard Thor had ever tried to shut off his emotions and be indifferent toward Loki, if only for his own good, he just could. not. do it.
And as for the image standing in front of him, well, could he really trust his mind right now? Was this entire thing just his own tired and traumatized mind playing cruel tricks on him? Or maybe it was Loki somehow communicating with him from Vahalla (in which case he was still dead so this wasn't much of a comfort besides at least knowing that his brother wasn't in Hel). Perhaps Loki was truly alive and had just been casting yet another illusion to taunt him and make a fool out of him were he to run over and try to embrace his brother... Are you ever not going to fall for that?
Loki stood completely still across the room, looking almost exactly as he had in Thor's quarters on The Statesman; his hands hanging loosely at his sides and his expression slack and unreadable. The only difference now was the troubled glint in his eyes. He was sensing everything Thor felt and it was a lot to process. What the Hel do I do now.. He had quietly been standing there for...a while... before he had decided to let Thor feel that he was there. He clearly felt Thor's distrust of whether or not it was really him standing in the room, and this time he found that he hated it. Recently it had started to bother him more and more that Thor literally never expected the best of him.. Not that he blamed him, of course.
He had already taken note that Thor was again being unpredictable in that he hadn't thrown any hard objects at his face this time to see if he was real... that coupled with his sense of how Thor felt overall —What more could I lose?— made Loki's throat tight. Thor was supposed to be the strong one, dammit. Loki found himself on the verge of crossing the room for that threatened hug Thor had spoken of days ago.. Had it only been days? Except now with the way Thor was looking at him he wasn't sure how welcomed that hug would be.
He decided to stay put as he calmly stared back at Thor. I'm here.
Thor couldn't tell if it had been said aloud, if it was Loki in his mind still, or if it was just an echo of the memory from The Statesman. He was unsure what to do.
"You're late," his voice cracked when he finally spoke.
"You have a new eye," Loki responded without missing a beat. Thor almost laughed. Almost. He could feel Loki's restrained emotions simmering (hurt... regret... guilt... annoyance... need...), but the corners of his mouth had lifted slightly upward nonetheless. "And by the way, you also now have what's called Heterochromia iridis*, you know, just in case you were wondering...," Loki trailed off awkwardly, gesturing at Thor's face. What do I say now, 'how's the weather'? Oh, the irony ..that sounds like a great idea...let's go ahead and ask the God of Thunder how the weather is...
Thor blinked. He'd ask him to elaborate on the scientific sounding term later if he remembered to. "How long have you been here...," he asked, his voice still cracking while he wondered if Loki had heard all of his incoherent blubbering earlier on.
He expected to be insulted, but Loki had nothing lined up for him this time. No sarcastic remarks, no digs about him being too sentimental or weak or stupid or predictable or... No. Just a gentle, quiet answer— "Long enough."
Thor looked away and finally decided to himself, screw it. He sighed before he pulled his aching self to his feet and slowly headed towards Loki, deciding along the way that he didn't give a shit if he ended up making a fool of himself by falling for an illusion. Again. He just didn't care any more. But Loki's presence felt so strong... Was this yet another part of Thor discovering his true power— sensing and understanding his connections to everything and everyone around him? He'd never felt so aware of his connection with Loki in the past. He had known that they'd always shared a strong bond, but he hadn't ever been able to discern much of anything beyond that recognition; this was new to him. Loki seemed to sense the difference in Thor now as well. All of it felt much different than it had long ago, it felt stronger and more decipherable. Thor absentmindedly wondered if maybe it would help him sense when Loki was lying.. Though Loki he figured, being the God of Lies, was most likely more than capable of getting around that.. Thor vaguely registered that Loki had started moving towards him as well. He was so certain that he actually wasn't an illusion this time...
And that proved to be correct when he and Loki reached each other and collided in a bear hug. Thor's left side hurt, but he didn't care. During a split second of clarity in the emotional breakdown that he was failing to stop from happening, his mind registered that Loki had hugged him back without any hesitation, and that alone made him start to cry even harder than he had been when he first slid to the floor earlier. His face was smooshed into Loki's collar and his hand was a tangled fist in his black hair...as if it would keep him from disappearing. Sorry for 'ugly-crying' all over your leathers, Brother. Loki's arms were tight around Thor as he mumbled aloud into the top of his shoulder, "I made you a promise you idiot and you're ruining it with your stupid storms."
There's the sarcasm! But it hadn't hidden the emotion in Loki's voice. Maybe he hadn't meant for it to?
Thor pulled back a bit to look at him and hear him better, but he remained with his hands on Loki's neck and shoulder, "What?" he questioned with a confused look, his vision blurred from tears.
Loki nodded his head toward the window at the rain outside, his hands still gripping Thor's sides just under his arms. Thor followed his gaze briefly and then looked back at him questioningly before realization hit him and a big smile spread across his entire face, even reaching his teary eyes. "Oh." The rain slowed immediately and the sunset started to shine through onto them. The sun will shine on us again.
"Ah, there. Ta-da! See, Brother? Told you so," Loki gave a smug and satisfied grin before Thor's smiling face slowly went serious again as he regarded Loki. Thor wordlessly tugged him back against him and just closed his eyes and held on for a long moment until his breathing evened out from all the crying. Surprisingly, Loki never tried to pull away until a while later when they mutually loosened their holds on each other and stepped apart. Thor kept his left hand on the side of Loki's neck. At least some things were still familiar. They both drew a shaky breath as they studied each other for a moment.
Loki's brow furrowed a bit when he began to take notice that Thor was favoring one side. He was so focused on everything else that he didn't really notice how much physical pain Thor was in as well. He slowly raised a hand, sunlit green eyes lifting back to Thor's, obviously asking permission. Do you trust me yet, brother? Thor remained still and decided to just let Loki see that his guard was down. Loki's right hand came to within inches of Thor's chest and hovered above his remaining pieces of armor, eyes closed and green seidr licking from his fingers like flames, gently flowing into Thor and giving Thor's own energy a push to get him healing himself quicker. Thor wasn't as skilled at healing himself as Loki was. Something I'll have to teach you one day. And soon. But until then..
Loki's left hand then drifted to Thor's right temple near his artificial eye. All Thor could see was green, and then the throbbing in his eye socket which had been made worse from crying began to ebb before it completely stopped. Thor's eyes closed as he felt Loki's presence gently prod the edges of his mind and then travel along his spinal cord, trying to numb his pain receptors a bit as well as feel around for any damage ...before he very abruptly shifted a few ribs and some other bones back into place ALL AT ONCE. Thor's eyes flew open and he gasped, staggering forward; he hadn't expected that. Another thing he'd always fallen for..
"LOKI!" Thor hissed in pain. "Why can't you ever warn me before you do that...?!" Loki opened his eyes and paused to let Thor recover, his hand flat on his chest to steady him, "Sorry. Best to get that part over with quickly— the anticipation would have made it even worse had I warned you..," Trust me, I would know— Loki's thoughts unwillingly recalled the many times the same thing was unnecessarily done to him after Thanos and his children had gotten their hands on him.. Thor had heard the words Loki said telepathically (though whether he had meant for him to hear it or not he was not sure) as well as sensed the shift in Loki's demeanor, and he knew that he was having a flashback to Thanos.. His eyes were far away as he herded Thor over to the bed. But Loki made himself snap out of it, "Now, sit down and relax, let my magic assist yours. Heal. And when was the last time you slept?!"
Thor didn't answer right away, still recovering from the sharp pain of broken bones being rubbed against each other. "Give me a minute, that hurt," Thor sheepishly said in a strained voice before he slowly sat down on the side of the bed, though Loki could feel his gratitude. Loki followed suit after a quiet moment of just watching Thor, and they sat shoulder to shoulder in a strangely comfortable silence for a while longer, both staring out the window lost in their own thoughts. The sun was gone. They knew they had much to discuss if they were to move forward, there was no escaping it. But even so, it felt good to just take a moment to be next to each other again, and not while judging each other or questioning each others' motives. Relief emanated from both of them.
Loki could sense Thor's thoughts turning like never-ending gears in his head. No wonder the idiot never slept well. He absentmindedly realized that he had once again been referring to Thor as an idiot and other such things, but it was out of fondness and teasing instead of malice. Like before. He almost chuckled. Loki waited patiently until Thor eventually broke the silence and spoke his mind, "We really both need to stop dying, Loki. It's getting annoying."
Loki was about to agree, when he paused. "Yea—wait. What?"
Thor looked at him but didn't say anything.
"Thor. When have you ever died? ... Answer me please," Loki said after a moment had passed.
"The first time?" Thor said as he looked down. He could feel Loki's expectant gaze upon him, silently questioning. First? "The Destroyer...," Thor said non-accusingly, looking back up, watching Loki carefully. He wasn't certain that Loki had even known that The Destroyer had in fact killed him. Apparently he hadn't.. Loki stared at him as understanding spread across his face. He looked away and was completely silent as he looked anywhere but at Thor for a few long moments. Thor stayed quiet. Loki was thinking back to their subsequent fight on the rainbow bridge, and then after on Midgard, remembering how quickly Thor was willing to forgive him and beg him to return. You come home. Loki had killed Thor, and Thor had acted like it never happened. Never even mentioned it. This realization hit Loki hard.
"Thor.. I'm sorry," Loki breathed. "I didn't think...how did...I never doubted you were strong enough to beat The Destroyer, I mean really it just didn't even cross my mind... I had never worried about you losing in past battles, I didn't think a big robot would...ugh... why did you never say anything?" he then trailed off incoherently, rubbing at his eyes; Thor could feel the shame radiating off of him. Thor didn't remind him that his banishment had made him mortal; apparently Loki hadn't yet thought of that and Thor didn't care to jog his memory only to make him feel worse.
Loki closed his burning eyes, not caring about the tears dripping down his face. As angry and hurt as he'd ever felt by Thor, he had never ever wanted to kill him. Even when he had thought he hated him.. He opened his eyes again, "I never once wanted you dead, Brother, I really hope you know that, please know that.." Knowing that his very own order to The Destroyer was to blame for stopping his brother's heart was about to make him sick.
After a moment, he felt a big strong warm hand on his shoulder. The hand squeezed gently. He could literally feel Thor's forgiveness, how was this guy such a blinding light of genuinely good... oafishness.. "I don't hold any of that against you, Loki. I never did, really...I mean, I'm still here.. If I had stayed dead I would definitely be haunting you all the time. Honestly though Brother... I almost feel that I deserved to be backhanded by The Destroyer at that point.. For being such a fool and consequently not being there for you during...what you were going through at that time...and then with how you knew me to feel about Frost Giants before then... Loki...I am so sorry.."
Dammit. Loki stayed quiet a moment, emotions swirling and his heart constricting. He then cut Thor off before he could keep apologizing and taking all of the blame himself, "—And the second time?"
"What?" Thor looked confused. Loki's eyes shot to his before he turned completely to the side to face him.
"You implied that you've died more than once. What else did I miss, Thor?" He was offended that he hadn't yet known about any of this. He stared Thor down until he began to answer.
"Ah. Well, the second time was just earlier today actually," Thor began, almost comically. He didn't slow down for Loki to ask more questions. "Long story short: I lost absolutely everything, I lost you and Thanos was not going to get away with ever having touched you, I met a rabbit and a tree in the middle of outer space and convinced them to take me to Nidavellir and with Eitri's help we created a new hammer for me— end of story. Well, axe. It's a really big axe. Can't wait to show you. In fact it's just over there sitting by the—"
"—You still haven't explained how you died."
"Oh. Right. Well, the rings were frozen and I had to realign them, and then I had to physically hold the iris open long enough for it to heat the Uru** hot enough for it to..." he trailed off when Loki's hand went up. Loki was familiar with the forge of Nidavellir and how it worked..
"Brother, what if you had—," Loki sighed. "..that was a stupid, stupid risk for you to take. I am not worth you putting yourself at risk like that, Thor —no, listen to me. I know you, and I know how your need for vengeance blinds you and makes you act first and think later... My point for even saying any of this is that you now are the King of what's left of the Asgardian people. You have a responsibility to them to stay alive, they need your strength and guidance. You know, the whole 'needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few' thing... Although I suppose I can't honestly say I'm not touched.."
"Loki, that prune-head will pay for laying even a finger on you. Finding a way to defeat Thanos is obviously part of the bigger picture and will contribute to the greater good. Much greater than me and you. And I would have needed a new weapon either way... However, watching him kill you, or thinking he had, just gave me all the more will to fight. You are not just my family, Brother. You are the crown Prince of Asgard, don't you dare tell me you're not wort—...," Thor stopped when he realized what Loki had just implied. "Wait. There are more survivors?"
"Yes," Loki said, glad to have distracted Thor from the other topic. "I kept a concealment illusion in place so that Valkyrie and Korg—" Thor looked beyond pleased that they were alive "—could get as many people as possible into the escape pods. I later joined them, but not before finding you and—" Thor began to say something but Loki cut him off, "—THOR, it had to be done, stop talking over me. I am sorry I put you through that...again. I truly am. I had no pleasure from it at all, please believe that, I could feel your anguish and I hated myself for it. The first time on Svartalfheim indeed was real— no, I'll elaborate on that story another time, just listen please. This time was an illusion, and it was the only thing I could think of to save your life, I didn't do it to hurt you.."
"Loki we could have fought him toget—"
"—We tried that, Thor, obviously that worked out well," Loki deadpanned at him. "I had to make it believable. Not only the illusion... but your reaction," Loki said sympathetically. He put his hand on Thor's shoulder, "I knew that the only way you would get out alive was if I died. Thanos's only use for you would've been to torture me with your suffering..." Thor deflated, hearing that from Loki. Loki continued. "But with me already dead, killing you would've just been a waste of energy. It was me he wanted.. I couldn't get him the Tesseract on Midgard and I had already been warned not to fail.." —You think you know pain? He will make you long for something as sweet as pain.— "He wouldn't have given up unless I was dead."
Meeting Loki's eyes, Thor reached up and gently but firmly grabbed his forearm. "Brother, I understand your motives, I just... Stop making me mourn you."
Now it was Loki's turn to feel deflated. He sighed and said, "I am sorry, Thor.. I had to stall him and keep his attention so the rest of our people that still lived had more time to get to the escape pods. They are now in Norway, by the way, not far from where Father passed away.. No, I didn't get a head count yet.. I portaled myself here as soon as I figured out where you were," Thor warmed when he heard that and subconsciously squeezed his arm harder. Loki noticed but continued, "Anyway, I tried as best as I could to clue you in. I specifically addressed you as Odinson, I was pledging my allegiance to you Thor, my king. Not to him. I also put an unnecessary amount of emphasis on the word 'undying', did I not? Not to mention 'fidelity', one of the definitions of which blatantly means 'exact replica'**. Undying exact replica. Could it be any more obvious, Brother, come now."
"Well pardon me if I wasn't of the mind to read into those words in that particular moment," Thor sighed, pausing to visibly calm himself. "Enough. What matters is that you're alive. We're both alive.." It suddenly crossed Thor's mind that he wasn't even sure if Loki would stay. Even though Loki's sudden returned loyalty to him and Asgard felt genuine, he still had never expected to hear Loki call him his king, and he honestly wasn't sure if he even liked that title being used by his brother. It didn't feel right. But even considering that Loki had just addressed him as his king, his being alive didn't mean he'd stick around. There was Thor, expecting the worst of him again. Loki seemed to (he did) read Thor's mind and tightened his grip on his shoulder before he moved his hand to the side of his neck like Thor always did to him. "Thor. I'm not going anywhere," he stated quietly but with conviction, meeting Thor's eyes and hoping that he could feel that he was telling the truth.
I did it all for you, Brother. To save you. I swear just this once... I'm not lying..
He was also finished lying to himself about Thor; he had no reason or want to leave his brother's side at this point, as he now had faith that they could work out whatever jaded feelings remained between them. When did that happen... But even if he wanted to leave, where would he go? Though his façades painted a different picture, Loki had realized long ago that he did not want to be alone. He had more than enough time aloneduring and after The Void... and during his time as Odin he had time to think himself through all of his bitterness until all that remained was the gaping hole in his life that only Thor could possibly fill. Thor was literally all he had.
His thoughts strayed to the Avengers and how dealing with them would be inevitable— sooner or later they would notice his presence; mostly likely sooner. But he realized that he wasn't even nervous about it. Not only did he trust that Thor (and even Bruce/Hulk) would have his back, he also recognized that literally nothing could possibly be worse than all the mental and physical torture Thanos had put him through all these past years.. And with half the universe now being gone... the Avengers could use all the help they could get. The random thought about Bruce made him absentmindedly think of how he had to later remember to thank both Bruce and the Hulk for knocking loose Thanos's grip on Loki's mind that day in Stark's tower.
Thor regarded his brother quietly. Loki was obviously tired of fighting. He looked absentminded and exhausted. Thor felt guilty about his impatience but he really didn't want to stop just yet. They were actually addressing things that had happened between them like calm(ish) adults, or at least without the usual anger and bitterness.. Thor had been troubled by something for a long time and wasn't sure how to ask Loki about it at this point.
Now. Thor thought. I need to do this right now.
When Thor sat up straight and looked at Loki with sudden resolve, Loki knew something was coming and dreaded it. He was just so tired. "Loki... I am not going to ask you why you let go of Gungnïr.. Because you and I were different people back then and that is... an entirely different conversation for another day. I've been trying to figure out how to ask you this for a while because I already knew I had waited way too long and I just... I'll just say it— what happened after you fell? I still don't know much of what happened between The Void and Midgard—" Loki looked away, his eyes shining and his jaw clenching. He couldn't be annoyed at Thor for asking.. Especially since he had been annoyed at Thor all of this time for not asking.. "—Once I did learn about Thanos and how he manipulated you with the Mind Stone..." —What? Thor knew about that?— "..I realized... I'm such a fool that I didn't see it. Brother I'm so, so sorry I didn't see it... I knew something felt off but it didn't really register at the time.. And then I started thinking back on some of the things you'd said in New York that had baffled me, once I had learned about all of the stones and what they could do...and especially after having met Thanos and hearing him speak... Loki I can clearly see that that had been him who was speaking through you, at least during those moments.."
Loki abruptly drew a sharp breath and finally let out a sob, as he let go of Thor and leaned forward onto his knees, his hair hanging down obscuring his face. He was beyond relieved that Thor had finally put two and two together and recognized that that hadn't been Loki. Even if Thanos hadn't completely controlled every single thing he did or said, he had still poisoned his mind. As Loki had with Barton. Barton did all those things of his own volition as well. Loki had never tried to tell Thor because he had never even dreamed he'd believe him. Plus a small part of him had wanted to shield Thor from Thanos, even then. As if Thor not knowing would have kept him safeat all... Loki was more than familiar with Thanos's insanity, and it had so far been the only thing he had ever truly feared. Even so, he had tried to fight back at Thanos during New York. But with Thanos watching literally his every move, he knew he had to make his motives seem the opposite of what his true intentions were: to bring the Avengers together and make them aware that something was coming. Because he had seen the true power of the Tesseract, and in doing so Loki had looked through time and seen many bleak futures for the universe...the same ones Strange later did.
He had also seen the one outcome where they won, and because of that he knew that the Avengers would be the only ones capable of defeating Thanos and his armies. But he'd had to give them a reason to get past their differences and work together. Sorry about Agent Coulson. Even now, Loki believed they indeed were still headed toward that one outcome.
"Brother... what did he do to you?"
Loki had been uncharacteristically speechless, he was so focused on every word Thor had said as he tried to figure out how to answer him. He knew Thor awaited a response but there was just no simple answer. Still looking down, he closed his eyes and shook his head, but still said nothing. He wantedThor to know, to understand, but he also didn't want to talk about it yet and didn't know how else to convey that. Plus, Thor had literally just watched him die. Again. He didn't yet need to know of all of the other tortures Loki had endured..
Thor had felt the wave of desperate relief that had washed over Loki when he had said he knew New York had been Thanos. When it became apparent Loki wasn't going to respond further, Thor went on. He needed to get this off of his chest. "Loki.. when I first found you on Midgard, I wasn't thinking of anything but my anger that you were still alive and you hadn't let me know.. I dragged you out of a Quinjet, slammed you onto a rock, and demanded you tell me where the Tesseract was..," His eyes started to sting again. "I didn't even think to ask you where you had been, what had happened to you, or if you were all right. I'm not making excuses for any of that. But I just wanted to tell you that I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me for being a blind idiot and an arrogant fool. Do you think I've grown from who I was, brother? I've been trying..," Thor leaned on his knees and stared down at his clasped hands. Loki could feel how strongly Thor wanted his approval. Why? When did our roles reverse, Brother..?
That thought made Loki finally speak up. He took a deep breath and blinked a few times to clear his vision, "We failed each other, Thor. Many times. I truly hope that ends now.. I've been trying as well.. And, yes. Yes, you have grown. You have gained the wisdom that only experience can achieve. In a futile attempt to see the bright side here, at least some of my horrible decisions contributed to that part.. For what it's worth, I would not have ruined your coronation had the Thor in front of me right now been the one who existed back then.." Thor nodded as his lip quivered and he fought the tightness in his throat in hearing he had his brother's approval.
Loki's face softened as he sensed this and reached out to grip Thor's shoulder again, wondering when his opinion had ever started to mean so much. He held eye contact for a moment and then took a breath before speaking again, "As for what Thanos did to me... Please, Brother. Soon, I promise. We won't get any sleep at all if I get into all of that right now, and I'm not ready to anyway.. I genuinely want you to know and understand everything but I also do not want to talk or think about it right now. I'm drained." Thor nodded his understanding and said nothing more.
Loki looked away but asked, "Is it helping?"
Thor's thoughts were so preoccupied that it took him a second to remember that Loki's magic was still coursing through him, and Loki was feeding it yet again through the hand that had returned to his shoulder. He finally spoke, "Yes Brother, it's helping. I even seemed to have forgotten about the pain in my eye.. I am grateful but please stop, you need your strength as well. I can feel how tired you are.. Loki, thank you." Thor was thanking him for more than just healing his wounds.
Loki eyed him suspiciously as his hand almost unwillingly slid from Thor's shoulder. It was time he looked out for Thor again, not just the other way around. Thor was his only family, his only friend even, and that meant he was his to protect. "You're one to talk. I reiterate my earlier unanswered question— when was the last time you slept?"
"...I can't remember."
"Me neither."
They looked at each other with faint smiles and sad humor in their eyes. They must've looked quite the mess. They had been on quite a roller coaster of emotion for the past eight years... Thor gazed at Loki for another moment and squeezed the side of his arm again before he warily stood up and walked around to the other side of the bed to lay down, yanking off the remnants of his armor along the way until he was down to his undershirt. He didn't want the moment to end but they both needed to sleep. Loki remained faced the opposite direction for a moment lost in thought, but eventually his shoulders relaxed and he swung his feet up onto the bed and shuffled around until he was comfortably shoulder to shoulder with Thor. His brother at that point didn't seem concerned that he wouldn't still be there in the morning, and Loki was surprised to learn that it warmed him. Was Thor beginning to trust him again? Did he deserve it... I'm not going anywhere.
Thor stared up at the ceiling for a moment before saying, "Oh, hey. What had you said about my eye, earlier? You used quite a scientific word and my interest was piqued but my focus was...elsewhere..."
"'Heterochromia iridis'; it's the term used for when people have two differently colored eyes," Loki replied.
"Ah. I didn't realize there was a name for it."
"It suits you."
"Thanks." Thor grinned and then yawned. Which made Loki yawn as well. "Let's sleep now, Brother. We'll worry about the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D. and Thanos and, you know, the fate of the entire universe in the morning I guess..," Thor said. "If only my mind could shut up long enough for sleep to take me... please, Norns. Just give me a couple of hours—"
"I can help you with that," Loki abruptly interrupted.
Thor sighed in frustration, running his hands over his face tiredly, then glanced at Loki, "And what about yourself, Brother? You've given enough of your energy to me already."
"I would sleep better myself if your idiotic big oaf of a self weren't so restless in the head right next to me...," Loki trailed off, his eyes twinkling with humor.
Thor grinned and chuckled, "Very well, I trust you. Loki... I hope you know that I never lost faith in you."
"I don't know why...," Loki answered, emotion in his voice.
"Well, one of us had to believe in you."
Loki looked at Thor's honest, open face. "Brother...," he paused. "...I hope you know that I...don't hate you. What I had said to you...before the coronation that I ruined...always has remained true whether it seemed to or not..."
A surprised smile crossed Thor's face as he sharply turned his head fully to the side to look at Loki, knowing exactly what he spoke of because he thought of that moment quite often.. "I love you too. I've missed you, Loki."
"I've missed you as well, Thor, I suppose..." Loki couldn't help but grin back. With the exact same grin he had given Thor in the past in response to the mention that Frigga wouldn't want them to fight. Well she wouldn't exactly be surprised..
He reached out quickly before Thor could protest and shoved his palm against Thor's forehead and sent him into a deep, dreamless sleep. His hand lingered gently for a moment as he felt the remnants of Thor's emotions toward him— love family brother friend proud trust relief
Loki drew his hand back and soon followed Thor into a deep sleep, the best sleep he'd gotten since long before The Void.. He finally could let his guard down and feel safe and just sleep, because his family was next to him...and they had each others' backs. They were stronger together. We will win, brother.