You're the one I Dream of
Maczil’s mother, left out; early in the morning, to go see Attuma before he left his home. She was in urgent need to see him. This is a mess she thought, it was easier while he was away, and with no contact with him. But that stupid daughter of hers has cause such a problem, she needs to get ahead of this. All these years, this has been kept from him; and to know the truth will kill him. How to make it right? That crazy daughter of her has made things worst as usual.
She hadn’t been in his house or his presence for so long. They were very close, and maybe would have married, if she hadn’t become pregnant. She knew he wasn’t ready to settled down and be a father. Especially, if he found out she had been with Namor. She paused before his door, contemplating what to say, or if there is anything to say. She rethought this, and turned to leave.
“Yes, may I help you?” He was leaving to go find Namora, and have a chat with her. Then visit Namor, before returning to Wakanda. She slowly turned around to face him. His jaw nearly dropped. “Tecumbalam? Is it really you?”
“Yes, it’s me,” she held her head down, her voice demure.
“Come in,” he invited her. She came pass him, feeling that old vibes that was once between them. She looked around, remembering the times she had spent there with him. The nights in his arms, his lips on hers, his tongue exploring her mouth. And the feel of him inside of her, she felt sadness of what use to be, but no more.
“Everything seems the same,” she turned to him.
“Sit, tell me where did you run off to, and mainly, why?” He was eager to know.
Okoye sat in bed, having no energy to leave it. She stared out her window, watching her rhinos grazing. All she wanted was Attuma home safe with her. She kept getting this plot whirling around her head, to keep him there in Talokan. She made a decision, she needed to inform Shuri. It may not be accepted by all, but it’s her choice to make. She hit her bracelet, making the call.
“Okoye, good morning,” Shuri entered her room.
“Oh, Shuri, good morning,” Okoye was surprised. “I thought you had left for the lab.”
“Nope, hanging around here today, doing nothing,” she sat on the edge of the bed next to her.
“I hope I’m not the reason,” Okoye says to her.
“Not at all, I’ve been giving myself, what they call ‘me time',” she informed her. “I let the rhinos out, and worked some in the garden.”
“Really? You may because a border tribe member after all,” Okoye smiled.
“Well, I practically have been these last five years, Okoye,” she grew somber. Okoye reached out and took her hand into hers, and tugged on it for her to come lay by her. She did, happily; as Okoye placed her arm about her, and held her close.
“I'm sorry I had to leave,” Okoye said to her. “But I needed to find out where did I fit in, since I was no longer Dora. It had consumed my life, and all I knew. How do you reconstruct your life after that?”
“I think I understand,” Shuri told her. She kissed Shuri’s forehead.
“I’m sure you do,” she concurred. “I’m know becoming the Black Panther; was an easier choice, than being a Queen of a nation.”
“I never wanted it,” she confessed. “My mother didn’t either; but she did, and look what was her reward.” Okoye could hear her pain, but it ran deeper than just Queen Mother. She lost her whole family; because of the throne. She wasn’t going to be it’s victim.
“Yes, so much changed,” Okoye seemed to drift off. Shuri knew something was weighing on her mind.
“You called me,” Shuri raised up and looked at her. “What did you want?” Okoye’s eyes, looked into hers.
“I’ve made a decision. I’m not doing the surgery until Attuma returns.” Shuri stared at her for a few moments, then turned and left the room, without a word. Okoye watched her leave, as she closed the door. Okoye knew, it wasn’t the last of this. Shuri needed to regroup; before she presented her argument, on how important it was to have the surgery.
“I remember; when you first moved in here,” Tecumbalam looked around, reminiscing. Attuma gazed upon her, thinking back on how they first met, became friends, then became a steady item.
“Yeah, and my parents monitoring my every move,” he laughed.
“Yes, they sure did,” she joined him agreeing. “But more so your mother.”
“Yes, my mother,” he said sadly. “It was hard seeing me grow up, and go off on my own. She never accepted me being part of the army.”
“How are they?” She asked. “I heard, they and you had left.” Attuma stared at her.
“They weren’t to happy with me going to live in Wakanda,” he informed her. “But I understand a couple of years ago, they went to join one of those communities. The ones with the mixture of both Wakandans and Talokanils. What hypocrites.” He said with jest, he was happy they are exploring other cultures.
“Do you keep in touch?” She asked.
“Oh yes,” he replied. “My mother sends me postcards once a month, and pictures of them with friends. Wakandans included, imagine that?” He continued staring at her, she’s older as he is, but just as beautiful as he remembered.
“That’s good, you are on good terms,” she told him. He let out a breath, and she knew the cordial part had passed. Now the question of their past life, needed to be answered.
“Why did you leave me?” He asked, his dark eyes locked in on hers. Her whole countenance, went void.
Shuri never returned to Okoye’s room. Instead, she warmed up a cup of Okoye’s infamous fruit tea. Got her a honey covered pastry, and sat at the small counter, separating the living area from the kitchen. Then she begins a thought train, that will dictate the remainder of her life.
There was a reason she chose not to be Queen. She’s not a leader, nor is she a follower. She is a person who lives her life as best as she can, freestyle. All she wanted was to do what she does, to be this creative person, who stretch the limits, then sees how much further she can expand it.
Everyone she grew up with, knowing as her family, are gone. She suffered that loss; she is the one who had to come to terms with the conclusion; they aren’t coming back. Everyone dealt with the consequences of the havoc, Namor wreaked on Wakanda.
She doesn’t want to deal with it any longer. No more, caring that much for anyone, just to feel the pain of their loss. No more, trying to convince anyone to do the right thing. No more, of looking out for everyone but herself.
“Shuri,” Okoye walked to the other side of the counter, staring at her. Shuri never looked her way. “I know you’re angry, but it is my choice, and I hope you understand.” Shuri’s eyes slowly came to Okoye.
“No Okoye, I’m not angry,” she informed her. “In fact, you gave me a new outlook on life. I understand everyone went through their individual changes; from the impact of what happened to our nation. And we’re still reeling, due to the alliance. I was alone while you were out there finding yourself, then to have you come back, and nearly die. Not to mention, that thing that remains rooted in your brain. But you have made a decision you alone have to live with.”
“Like I said before,” Okoye added. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come back.”
“Really Okoye,” she says. “That’s your solution to everything? I’m always losing someone I love, Okoye. I can’t deal with this any longer. Do what you have to do. I will not have a confrontation with you. I’m worried about saving you, and you’re worried about Attuma. That thing in your head is like a ticking time bomb; it can explode any minute. Attuma will be here mourning you, while you are gone.”
“I apologize, but I need to do this for me,” Okoye told her.
“I get it Okoye, everybody does what’s best for them; instead of me,” she told her. “All I want is to explore, research, and create the best technology I can; to protect Wakanda from any threats, or attacks ever again. Then I’m going to create the best weaponry, no other nation could ever imagine. I will be handing your case over to one of the top medical doctors, as I should have from the beginning. Now, if you don’t need anything from me; I think I will go for a run.” With that being said, Shuri left the house for her run, leaving Okoye stunned. Shuri has truly come into her own.
“I didn’t leave you, Attuma. I left Talokan for a year; and when I returned, I moved to the other side of the Capitol. Besides, you were fully into your warrior training. I couldn’t interfere with your career. Not with what I was going through at the time.”
“Explain to me, how leaving Talokan; differentiate from leaving me?” Attuma happy to see you, had shifted gears to; how could you have hurt me so. She looked away, knowing the pain she caused him, but it was a necessary move. How does she explain, without revealing the truth. Regardless, he will discover it whether she tells him or not.
“We grew up together, we were best of friends,” she reminded him. He didn’t react, he wanted her to answer that one question; he had stored in the recesses of his mind. That day she swam out of his life; without a reason, or a decent good bye. She was just gone.
“Tecumbalam, that isn’t answering my question,” his voice slightly elevating. “You owe it to me; you shattered my heart. I wasn’t able to love another after that, fearing the same outcome.” Her tears left her eyes, but floated on the currents of the water.
“I’m so sorry, my Attuma,” she said. He rose up, and glared at her.
“Ma', Mix bik'in asab in vuelves u t'anik beyo', TTecumbala.” (No, you don’t ever get to call me that again, Tecumbalam.) Never call me that again.” He had become a little animated; at the gall of her feeling, she could leave him in one state; then return years later. And then use that phrase of endearment, so easily; as if nothing happened. She rose from where she sat, in full sob.
“I’m sorry, I should have never come,” she says to him, and went to leave.
He grabbed her arm, and turned her around, facing him. He looked into her eyes, those eyes of his past, to see the truth. They could never hide their meaning from him. And there it laid, the truth. She was still in love with him, after all the years that had went by.
So, why her departure? In that moment, it took them back to how it used to be. How bad he wanted to take her in his arms, and kiss her; tasting of her mouth. But there was a stronger, lasting desire in his heart now, replacing and fulfilling the hole that once infested it. His beautiful loving Okoye. And that was the irony of this reunion. She left him without a word, and devastated from the loss of her. Now, she will feel that same loss, if she thinks; this will rekindle anything. He gave Tecumbalam a push back from him.
“Please, sit, this needs to be finish; no matter where it leads,” he more ordered her, than made a request. She did as he said. “Why are you here, after so many years?”
“The reason I left, and ashamed,” she looked into his eyes. “I was pregnant.” Attuma froze like a statue, completely in shock.
“But how? We never mated,” he reminded her. She began to cry, again.
“Yes, we did,” she revealed. “On various occasions; here in your home, and in your bed.” Attuma left his seat, floating about, trying to recall when they did it.
“I can’t remember us doing it. And as much as I loved you, I would have known that,” he told her.
“You don’t remember, because you were drunk,” she told him. “You could never hold your liquor.”
“Yes, that’s why I stop drinking. Because of the tales told to me; of my escapades, while being inebriated.” He concurred, with what she had told her. “So, you’re telling me, I have a child; you kept from my knowledge, all of these years?” She was balling, nodding her head.
“Where is my child?” He demanded she tell him.
“You already met her,” she informed him through sobs.
“A daughter? I have a daughter?” He could hardly contain himself. “You say I met her, who?”
“Her name is, Maczil,” she revealed. Attuma didn’t say anything, trying to digest, the name that flowed from her mouth. The name of the young woman who he allowed; he couldn’t even think about it.
“No, you lie,” he shook his head, not able to look at her. “No, it can’t be.”
“She is, Attuma. She is your daughter,” she repeated. The thoughts of his daughter, and him; made him want to vomit. But his rage escalated, and Tecumbalam was the object of its intent. Before he could control it, his hands were grasping her arms so hard, they could have pulverized them without any effort.
“You pathetic woman,” he started in on her. “Do you know what happened here in my bedroom? Do you know what I allowed, in there, with m---,” the word would not pass his lips. The tears welled up in his eyes, his heart ached so bad; he wanted to crumble up into a ball. He shoved her so hard; she flew into the far wall, and slowly slid down. She sat there, huddled in the corner, with the tears flowing. She looked up at him, then pass him; at something else.
“Maczil,” she called out. Attuma’s head snapped around, if he could fall on his knees, he would have; seeing her face to face, after this reveal. His head wanted to explode, his heart felt as if it would burst in his chest, his lung could easily collapse. He was slowly longing, to retreat from this reality.