Harry Potter turns things into Sister waifus

“So you are saying Ms. Jinx managed to obtain the final Horcruxes?” Dumbledore asked. He was called out of bed during the Winter Holidays…why wouldn’t they let him catch up on sleep?

“Yeah, I dared her as part of a joke but she didn’t know it was a joke.” Harry droned.

“Well, I am impressed she was able to obtain it without suffering the curse that Voldemort placed on it. How did you do that, Ms. Jinx?” Dumbledore said. He was nearly tempted with the Compulsion on the ring, and it would have cost him his life if he wasn’t held back by the others.

“It was cursed? Good thing I didn’t know that.” Jinx said.

“Er…but the curse didn’t affect you?” Dumbledore said.

“Yeah, because I didn’t know.” Jinx said, like that explained everything.

Dumbledore didn’t know how to reply. Maybe a different question. “May I inquire how you managed to obtain the ring to begin with, Ms. Jinx?” Dumbledore asked the bat woman.

“I first had this banana on me. I sat on it for a while and discovered a lot about myself. Then I tossed it out in the Forbidden forest when a Forest troll came in…and I offered some poutine…” Jinx started rambling.

Dumbledore may admit he had his own fair share of eccentricities but he had nothing on this bat girl. ‘Whose pet was she again?’ he thought.

“…then the hammerhead shark said to the Plimpy: ‘something fishy is going on and it is not breakfast!’” Jinx continued.

“Oh, it is like the jockstrap incident all over again!” Luna Lovegood said as she ate some pudding Dumbledore knew for sure she didn’t have earlier.

‘Yeah, that tracks!’ the old wizard said. “I think that the rest of the story can wait.” Dumbledore said. It’s not like the full story would have made any more sense. “I will not even ask about Nagini.”

The snake, the last of the Horcruxes was hissing very violently from inside her indestructible cage prison. Harry was the only one whom hear what she said, and he could say with certainly the snake was cursing so hard her language would be considered rude in Knockturn Alley. She was apparently a Maledictus, who knew?

Harry focused on the topics at hand. “So, now we got the other Founders’ relics and the remaining Deathly Hallows.” Harry said. So what do we do? Harry saw Gryffi caress the cases the Locket, Diadem and Cup were stored as Cloak just looked wistfully at the Resurrection Stone ring in another.

“Well, due to the close connection and amount of magic it would take to purify them, I think those closest to them would need to perform the spell. Miss Gryffi and Miss Cloak would do.” Dumbledore explained.

“It would still take a lot out of us.” Cloak said. “We may use up all the magic that even animated us into what we are.”

“That’s why I suggest Harry and his immediate family channel their magic into you to keep your current forms stable as you perform. It is going to take a combined effort.” Dumbledore said. He pulled out his own wand, the Elder Wand. “I have used it for a long time, trying to keep it out of the wrong hands. But it has been a crutch. I’m not as young as I used to be, I intended its power to die with me. But…I would not tear a family apart.” He didn’t add ‘just like mine was’. His sister’s death and estrangement from his brother were his greatest regrets.

“I thank you for looking after my sibling, Professor Dumbledore.” Cloak said. “For whatever mistakes you make to seek me and my siblings out, you have a long line of good deeds and accomplishments that made up for it.”

Dumbledore was grateful for the compliment even if it hadn’t eased his mind as much. “Any time you are ready.”

“Hey sis, just…be careful, ok?” Maps asked.

“Yeah, we’d rather have a sibling to talk to then a mere inanimate rag.” Bolt added.

“I’d want more chicks to look after but not at the cost of my other chicks.” Hedwig noted.

“Everything will be all right. Because everyone’s here.” Cloak smiled. Gryffi nodded with a perky smile. Cloak pulled out her wand, and Gryffi just raised her hands. “Harry, on the count of three, you channel your magic, while we channel yours.

“I’m ready.” Harry said. His close friends, remaining family and mentors looked.

“One, two, three…”

“Moefy!” magic poured out of Cloak’s wand and Gryffi’s body, splitting into streams, hitting the Founder’s Relics and the remaining Deathly Hallows, whom were engulfed into pink light. They had a dark aura whom tried their hardest to push back the aura, letting out an ugly and bone-piercing screech as they didn’t like all this love magic. From Harry’s wand two streams of pink energy flowed into Cloak and Gryffi. The transformation was not instantaneous due to the prowess of the objects and the curses. Cloak and Gryffi could apparently sweat and had trouble standing up. Harry was also sweating. It was a drain on all of their magic.

“It takes more magic than we expected, we can’t break it off or it would backfire. We can’t let them go out either or they burn out all their magic.” Dumbledore said.

“Move over!” Hermione said as she put one hand on Harry’s shoulder, and another on his hands, whom were holding his wand. She poured her own magic in.

“I’m helping!” Luna said as she did the same.

“Oh well, we won’t live forever!” Maps said as she put her hands on Hermione’s shoulder, and Bolt did the same for Luna.

“Don’t stand there everyone! Help them out!” Neville said. Soon a chain of people formed, each of them channeling their magic. The Weasleys, Susan and Hannah, Nom-Nom and Trevor, the Gryffindor Chasers, McGonagall and Dumbledore, even Pansy…everyone decided to contribute with their own magic in one way or another. They channeled them into harry, whom channeled it into Cloak and Gryffi. And their magic grew so much, their magic went from a stream into a wall of pink fire.

The pieces of Voldemort’s soul didn’t stand a chance as they were vaporized like someone at the center of a nuke explosion. The real Voldemort, currently still Voldegirl screamed as something managed to hurt her from a distance, for her it was worse then over a million Crucios.

Harry’s wand started to split down the middle and pink light pouring out. His scar hurt like hell, but he wouldn’t give up, not when they were so close. He was no stranger to pain and he powered through, even as his scar glowed as well.

The entire Headmaster’s Quarter was engulfed into the light, and it could be seen from the outside, and people walking by wondering of Dumbledore is throwing a private party in his office.

The light had died down and everyone was on the floor panting and sweating heavily, having used up a lot of magic. But they all were alive. And Harry was happy that Hedwig and his sisters hadn’t reverted back to animals and inanimate objects. Others like Neville and the Weasleys felt similar relief to their own waifu family members.

“Did it work?” Harry asked.

“We’ll find out soon.” Hermione panted as the smoke cleared up. And several new figures stood before them.

The first figure was a metallic woman. She was like a living armored being much like Gyffi. She had an eagle motif, her halmet shaped like a beak. She had miniature diadems adorning her pauldrons, and had diadem-like patterns across her waist as a sort of belt/armored skirts. Other diadems circled her wrists and ankles, like magic rings. She had metallic bird wings on her back and a diadem surrounded her eyes and went around to the back of her head, like a crown/visor.

The second was short and stout, and you’d think pudgy. But she was merely stocky, with stout strength and bulk. She was a metallic woman like Gryffi too, with a badger-like helmet and gauntlets with badger-like claws. Her shoulder armor had cups attached to them.

The third was another metallic woman but she was more slender. She didn’t have legs, but had a snake-like tail, making her look like an armored metallic naga. She had a snake-like helmet, fangs and snake-like eyes. Her chest armor had hinges, which meant she could open it up like a locket. She also had several chains wrapped around her body, especially her forearms, neck, and several down her back that formed a sort of cape-like drape of chains.

The fourth figure was more ambiguous in terms of gender. They were made from black crystal. They floated off the ground and their feet ended in spikes. They had metallic parts, ring shaped that kept the crystalline form together. They had no face with visible eyes, ears or a mouth but had the symbol of the Deathly Hallows where its face should be. The heroes could feel that symbol staring at them. Finally they had a large ring coming from the back of their head, almost like a halo.

The last figure was feminine, but she was made out of wood. She resembled a mannequin. Her limbs weren’t fully attached and yet they floated together and moved like a body, though in jerkish motions. She had thestral-like wings and a mane. The mane covered where her first eye should be, and the other visible eye was a hole from which a blue light shone. She had lips but they were painted on.

“Whoa, we are like, totes alive and stuff.” The metallic woman whom was formerly the Diadem of Ravenclaw. Or now she was just Dia. “This is like the greatest thing ever because I no longer feel the ick of that lame-o Riddle. Like, totes no respect for historical artifacts.”

“You’re telling me, if I get my hands on the bloody wanker I’ll (bleep) him right in the (bleep) and so far up his (bleep) that he’ll (bleep) for generations and (bleep) (bleep) (bleep) with a freakin’ pig!’” the woman whom once was Huffelpuff’s Cup said, whom was only marginally more polite in her use of words as Nagini. Let’s call her Cuppa.

The metallic snake woman hissed as she uncoiled and towered over the rest. She had an intense look in her eyes. And her features softened into a dopy smile. “That was not cricket of him. And he was supposed to be Pappy’s descendant and all.” She said in a very soft voice. Slytherin’s Locket is what she used to be, but let’s call her just Locket.

“Ironic for an artifact of Death for me to learn what it’s like to be alive.” The  Resurrection Stone said. They would now be known as Resur. Their voice was neither male or female, or both and they overlapped in an otherworldly way.

“This…feels…good.” The Elder wand, now known as Eldi, said. Her voice was raspy and sounded unsettling to add to her similarly unsettling appearance.

The newly transformed relics eyed the others around the room. “Like, Holy Hell? Is that you Swordie? You look like a total hot babe right now. Come and give us, like, hug!” Dia said happily as Gryffi let out a silent squeal. She scooped Dia, Cuppa and Locket in a hug.

“Oh, hugs feel nice.” Locket said in an airy tone.

“Yeah, yeah. Just easy with the paintjob, I just only now feel clean again after having a dipshit soul inside me.” Cuppa growled, though couldn’t hide the small smile she had.

It was heartwarming as Gryffi, the Sword of Gryffindor was reunited with her fellow relics in a four way hug. It was so touching you forgot that the four of them were living armor metallic waifus for a moment. And then the four started making out.

“Whoa…aren’t they like sisters?” Ron asked, surprised.

“Er, the Founders weren’t related or siblings. So the relics wouldn’t be family as much as…childhood friend? It’s like a childhood friend romance?” Hermione theorized.

“Whatever they think they are, they are family now.” Harry said. He wasn’t phased by any of their weird personalities. He welcomed the crazy at this point.

“Sister…you have bestowed upon us great awareness.” Resur said. “And released me from the blight of the person whom dared to challenge our creator and progenitor with his misguided quest for immortality. And I am content to be reunited with my siblings for the first time since we came into being.”

“I…am…Happy…too…” Eldi rasped as she bent over backwards, turned her head back and crawled on all fours towards Cloak as Resur floated behind her. Toward Cloak to hug her too.

Gryffi broke the hugs and kisses with her girlfriends. She gestured towards Harry and the others. She locked her fingers, then pointed at her heart and towards them.

“Oh, that’s like totally adorbs. The kid considers you like family. Which means like we get like a little bro in law and more sibs?” Dia said.

“Well he summoned you and killed a f***ing Basilisk, so the kid’s good in my book. Despite his scrawny look, mad respect.” Cuppa said as she laughed and gave Harry a very hard pat of the back that nearly knocked them over.

“Hi, I’m Locket. You are family to Gryffi and you are now family to me. I’ll tell you now, I’m a hugger and I’m warmer than I look.” Locket said as she pulled Harry into a hug.

Harry groaned in pain from the very tight hug. “Nice to meet you all…” he barely got out as he was gently put down. Harry jumped back a little as Eldi was now in his face, her face inches from her. “Er, hi?”

“Cloak…likes…you. So…I…like you.” Eldi rasped and rubbed her head against Harry’s chest like a kitten. A very disturbing mannequin-like kitten.

“I have utmost gratitude for your role in our cleansing and our different lease of life, so I flamboyantly welcome you and the others whom you consider kin, in my life. And that me and Eldi would become part of this extended familial unit of choice.” Resur said as they let out a polite bow.

“Yeah, none of them are what we expected…and we should expect that at this point.” Hermione said. “Though there is so much I could learn from them as they must have a rich ancient history.”

“You…want to…know?” Eldi got up in Hermione’s face, whom jumped a bit. Despite her menacing looks…and the way her head was not turning clockwise with a windup sound as she kept eye contact with Hermione, whose curiosity was trying to overpower her fears.

“Well, we purged all Horcruxes, reunited Gryffi’s Polycule and Cloak’s family, Voldemort is mortal…are we forgetting something?” Maps asked.

“Nagini.” Dumbledore muttered. Nagini was still in her cage, but she was out of it as that magical burst that destroyed Voldemort’s soul pieces seemed to have caused a feedback through the connection.

She sounded weak but still hissed, with Harry understanding her: ‘You all will die.’

“Aw, poor snakie. She is also suffering from the bad Voldyman’s evil mojo. Come here to Mommy and I’ll help.” Locket said as she pulled Nagini out of the cage.

‘Let me go you big metallic, brain-addled oafish abomination!’ Nagini hissed, but wasn’t able to slip from Locket’s grip.

“There, there, let it all out.” Locket said as she pulled Nagini in an unbreakable hug. She nuzzled her cheek against Nagini’s whom tried to bit her, without avail but with pain in her teeth. “Oh, whom is a Miss grumpy-scales? You are…” Locket’s lips glowed as she planted a kiss on Nagini’s head.

‘NO, don’t…’ As Nagini was kissed, there was a puff of pink smoke…and where Nagini was, was now a lamia girl whom had the same scale color and patterns as Nagini. She had black hair and black lips with snake-like brown eyes. “I…I am free. I no longer hear Voldemort’s whisper again. I…am free.” Nagini said. She looked at her hands…she had hands again. She was still part snake but having hands, a working brain and the ability to make herself heard to people other then Parselmouths was great. She broke down in tears of joy.

“There, there, you are in a safe place now. I’ll be your mommy, and love you and you have a big family now. I met all of this new family today but I already love them and I already love you.” Locket said.

“T-Thanks you.” Nagini sobbed. She turned to Professor Dumbledore. “P-P-Professor Dumbledore.”

“Hello, Nagini. I…I am happy that there has been a cure of sorts, in the end. I wasn’t able to save you from your curse…I wasn’t able to save my nephew. I was not able to save a lot of people. I can take solace in the fact someone got a second chance in life.” Dumbledore said with sorrow and fondness in his voice.

“I’ll tell you everything you’ll need to know about Voldemort.” Nagini said. “I thought he liked me but I was a pet, and a symbol of Slytherin. A perversion, a reassurance of his heritage, a way to bolster his ego.”

“Yeah, he is so un-nice like that.” Locket said.

“Whoa…” Harry said as he looked at himself in the mirror. Double checking if he was completely ok. “My scar is nearly gone, it has become faint. You barely notice.”

“How can you see, you are not wearing your glasses.” Hermione said, having picked up the glasses Harry dropped.

“Hey, you’re right. But I can see…” Harry said. He took back his Glasses, repaired them with a spell, and turned the glass from prescription into see through. “I am used to my look so I’ll keep them.”

“I think that whatever happened may have erased all traces of Voldemort’s soul aside the one in his body.” Dumbledore said. “I expect that his essence is gone from your scar, Harry.”

“Er… ‘his’…” Nagini said with an impish grin. “About that…bad news, he has got his body back, took the blood from the contract thanks to a patsy in the ministry. Good news is he botched it and now he’s stuck as a little girl.”

There were moments of fear as they heard Voldemort had a body…But that gave way to laughter as the second part of Nagini’s confession rang true. They all either doubled over or rolled over the floor laughing. “Hah! Pure karma!” Harry said as he wiped tears from his eyes.

“Imagine the world’s greatest dark lord…as a little girl plotting his evil schemes during a tea party with dolls.” Ron noted as he continued laughing.

“My sides hurt.” Hermione chuckled.

“I’m gonna ink myself.” Maps said.

“Ok, I admit it is a good laugh. But still as a little girl…hehehe, Voldemort is a powerful spellcaster but (giggle) this change may be throwing him off as he is.” Dumbledore said as he wiped his glasses with his robe.

“Things are looking better then expected. We managed to fix the Hogwarts Founder relics and the Deathly Hallows, we got new allies and intel, and Voldemort is mortal. We may actually be able to win this.” Harry said. He then noticed his wand in his hand. It still had a crack in it. “Er…after I fix my wand, I think the magic may have been a bit too much for it. Maybe we should see Ollivander about this…” the crack in the wand glowed with pink light again. “Oh?”

“I think the wand isn’t magic’d out.” Luna noted. She had a smile on her face; She always smiled, but she smiled like she knew something. “So, how about another sister, Harry?”

“Ok, I have done a lot of transformation magic but my wand is what casts the magic, so it shouldn’t…” Harry said as the wand was engulfed in a flash of light. And in Harry’s hand was no longer a wand. It was a small fairy-like creature with phoenix wings, black hair, golden eyes and pointy ears. “…why am I even surprised anymore.”

“Master!” the little wand-turned waifu said as she flew up and hugged Harry’s cheek. “I love you, Master. Remember me, I’m your wand. Or should I have a name now? I’m no longer a Wand, I’m much better. Oh, call me Wanda! Because it has ‘wand’ in it. Wand-a! You know, sounds like a name of a cartoon fairy. Don’t care because I love you master. I love your mates too. I love your friends, I love everybody. Hi everybody, I am Wanda. W-A-N-D-A! Whoa, I can spell…not magic spell but spell spell. That is neat!”

“Well she is a talkative little thing.” Bolt noted.

“How are you expected to be able to owe anything now before turning it into a cute girl?” Ron asked.

“This story is supposed to be cracky, anything goes.” Jinx said.

“What?” Pansy asked.

“It makes sense to me.” Luna said.

“Why are these two despite what I just witnessed still the weirdest two people?” Pansy asked.

“I knew most of these people longer then you and I am only barely following what is going on anymore.” Ron sighed.

“Er…we have been going at this for a long time, whom wants an early breakfast?” Dumbledore asked.

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“…I don’t know how they found my…collection. But my vengeance is hard and swift. I will find another means of immortality, I did before and I can do so again. And no matter what, I still will burn the magical community of the UK to the ground and rebuild it from the ashes.” Voldemort said. Still in her little girl form. Her minions surrounded her at the table…where tea was being served, and the remaining seats were filled with plushie animals she insisted she only bought because ‘her new girl body made her give in.’

“I can’t believe we are plotting evil schemes at a tea party.” Snape said to himself.

“I wish I listened to mother and became a Healer’s assistant.” Wormtail also thinking to himself.

“I wonder if Azkaban would be really as bad.” Karkarov thought.

“…I hate my life.” Umbridge, still looking like a toad/sasquatch hybrid muttered.

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“Eat spellfire, bitches. Mhahahaha!” in the other world, James Potter created fireballs in his hands and torched an army of orcs. “Whoo! I haven’t felt this powerful before.”

Lily’s hands produced spell seals in front of her, which caught all the arrows fired by orc archers. The caught arrows were transmutated by the spell circle into a new magical drill construct which she shot at the orcs, whom were obliterated. “This otherworldly magic has been so fascinating. So different from our own, I was able to learn so much.”

“I don’t know what magic the world had before but I like this magic!” Frank Bryce had two pistols and they fired spells instead of bullets. Whenever he hit any of the orcs with it, they either blew up, turned to stone, combusted, turned into frogs or something else. “I hadn’t had this much fun ever since I killed Nazi’s!’

“Hah! If Diavola Rosier from school saw me now! The bitch said that I’d always be a weak and unimpressive witch.” Bertha Jorkins was now wielding a magical hammer, and she looked buff. She slammed the hammer into the ground, and created a shockwave that sent the orcs skywards. “Whose weak now!”

The remaining orcs in the army retreated as they knew they were outmatched. The people of the Kingdom they had just saved cheered for the quartet. “I know, I know, we’re awesome.” James said with a wide grin.

“I’m glad that people are grateful for saving them. The pureblood bigots in the ministry and magic society never gave me credit for my contributions to magical research or in the war.” Lily added.

“A true soldier doesn’t fight for praise or glory…But it is a nice bonus.” Frank said.

“They love me. They really love me. I am actually liked. Hah, take that depression!” Bertha shouted out to the heavens.

“All hail our new Kings and Queens!” one of the civilians said as he and several others pulled out several crowns.

“WAIT, WHAT?” the four asked in surprise.

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“Er, Karma?”

“Yes magic?”

“Am I the only one whom doesn’t know what is going on anymore?”

“No, you’re not alone. I think we may have overdone it and derail everything.”

“…still fun though.”

“Yes it is. So let us just enjoy the show.”

“But not before I give you another show to enjoy.”

“Oh you are unsatiable.”

“I can’t have enough of you, my love. Now, why don’t you come over here and…work your magic.”

“That line is corny and turning me on! Get over here, you hot piece of tail!”