Hagrid turns things into waifu daughters
Dumbledore sighed…The past few months he has been busier then before. Of course he had three jobs, and there is a big tournament going on. But the tournament has gone off the rails faster then the Hogwarts Express during the ‘noodle incident’ of 1974 and now there was a lot more he had to fix. So he may had to skip some sleep, some meals and pass up some of his hobbies…which would make him more determined to have a new Supreme Mugwump and Chief Warlock take his place in the ICW and Ministry respectively.
Now, if it was just another politician with the brain size of a peanut (surprisingly common), or sleazy Lords with affinity for the Dark (also surprisingly common) he would not be as mad. Still pretty miffed but he has come to expect it after ninety years in politics. So he has taken any of that in stride.
But the biggest problems come from those whom mean well. And sometimes that makes their actions more dangerous, or at least more frustrating. Because meaning well is not the same as competent. Dumbledore considers several of those people friends and good people and that is what makes it more frustrating. And out of all the people of that category, the biggest one is Hagrid. And not only because of his size.
“Hagrid, know that I consider you a dear friend, I trust you with my life, I love you like a son but…you are not making things easy for me.” Dumbledore sighed.
Hagrid, whom was big on size, but had a very soft heart whimpered like a little boy whom was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He just put the tips of his index fingers together.
“I know you have a big heart for all type of creatures, and for Harry and his friends. But you tend to forget, that due to your…circumstances you don’t have a lot of fear from bigger or more dangerous creatures. Others can’t shrug it off that easily you know.” Dumbledore said.
“Mah bad, Professor Dumbledore. It’s just…I keep forgettin’.” Hagrid said.
Dumbledore sighed. It was probably weird for Hagrid. It would be like living with someone whom could die from being around newborn puppies, and not magical dogs, but perfectly mundane newborn puppies. Well, there was a thing like allergies but that comparison has already gone off track. “But I hope you realize there was a reason I had to sent a lot of those creatures away to a place where they were less likely to hurt others. It would be heartbreaking but it would mean they would be well cared for. And you were surprisingly effective at convincing the Acromantula colony at staying in their part of the forest so they won’t get close to any Centaurs and humans, aside that incident in second year.”
“I know but…” Hagrid said, rubbing the back of his neck but Dumbledore raised his hand.
“First year, the dragon. I knew about it, yes. But Charlie already took care if it. Though Harry and his friends didn’t need to be involved and could have left it to the adults though I admit I was slow to act. Though I understand you wanted to take a form of responsibility and oversee their detention. Though you could have picked a different detention then the Forbidden Forest.”
“Thought that nuthin’ would be attacking us with me or Fang around.” Hagrid said.
“Not to mention, you kept forgetting to lock up the third floor after feeding Fluffy. I know you aren’t allowed to do magic at the time, but I gave you a special key. You are literally our Keeper of Keys.”
“I admit having problems with me memory at time…” Hagrid added.
“Second year…now, you did a surprising good job convincing the Acromantulas to stay in their part of the Forest so they won’t run into children or the Centaurs. But when Harry and Ronald Weasley traveled in there to get a hint about the Chamber of Secrets they were nearly eaten…”
“Didn’t think Aragog would do that. Had him since he were a little spiderling and all.” Hagrid muttered.
“I will give you a pass with Buckbeak since that was Mr. Malfoy whom didn’t pay attention and ignored your instructions of not insulting the hippogriffs. Which should be common sense, but the Malfoys are known for lacking them. I was about to get Buckbeak’s conviction overturned, with the help of Sirius whom lived with him over a year and able to tell he was a well behaved hippogriff…”
“Should’ve waited a bit longer, then. Me bad…”
“And finally the Skrewts. Now, I know Bagman asked you to breed a new species as obstacles in the tournament. The guy is addicted to sensation and a new creature for champions to overcome. I only allowed it because I wouldn’t dare to think what other type of breeder he would hire and at least on Hogwarts Grounds I could keep an eye on you and the operation. How did you even get the Manticores and Firecrabs to…”
“Best ya don’t ask, Professor.”
“Anyhow…I have great faith in you and lots of fondness. But I have ignored some of your flaws or overestimated. I know you’re not a bad person, Hagrid. And mistakes have been made. I made a few myself…” Dumbledore said. He was calm now but a big blowout was expected.
“I won’t ask how you managed it…” the old man continued. “And with that is getting into the Romanian Dragon Reserve to retrieve Norbert…”
“It’s Norberta now, turns out she was a gal.” Hagrid added.
“Norberta, and neither do I know how you recalled Fluffy from Greece. I can understand how you retrieved Buckbeak and where you got the Acromantula and Skrewt…” Dumbledore continued.
“The little spider egg and the young Skrewt were the last of their batch after a very devastating mass murder.” Hagrid pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose. For Nom-Nom, it was a buffet, but to Hagrid it was a tragedy.
“So I won’t ask the ‘how’ on those…BUT WHAT WERE YOU THINKING TAKING HARRY’S TEXTBOOK AND DICKING AROUND WITH THE TRANSFORMATION SPELLS!” Dumbledore pointed at the string of new waifus outside of the hut.
Fluffy now was a giant waifu. Not as big as Maria the Hungarian Horntail. But similar to her, she appeared largely like a beautiful human of unusual size with dog traits, like ears, a tail, furry lower legs and arms with paws and dainty claws. Oh and still the three heads, each one sporting identical, fanged grins and a puppy-like excitement in all of her eyes.
There was also a girl whom may looked at first glance like a toddler, little over a year, barely able to walk. She had a cutesy little dress with spiderweb patterns. She had eyes without pupils, all red. Instead of eyebrows, she had a set of three smaller red eyes instead. She had a fang sticking out. She had a beanie with more web patterns. Her hair on closer inspection seemed to be a bit of chitin with fuzz over it. She had four human limbs, two arms and a leg, but had four small stubby spider legs growing from her back and a spider abdomen sticking from her lower back like a tail.
Buckbeak was a harpy-like transformation not unlike Hedwig and Fawkes. Only her feathers were gray and instead of bird claws on her feet, they were horse legs and a tail. Not Centaurish, just two horse-like legs. Her hairdo, made from grey feathers, was a short cut which spiked in the back. She was now holding the little spider girl and playing with her to keep her busy.
Norberta had a very similar transformation to Maria, but she was clearly smaller and had more of a teenage girl’s physique. She wasn’t as spiky as Maria either, but she manages to somehow had goth attire, like spiky bracelets and a black top with a dragon skull. While she had patches of scales preserving her modesty, the top looked small on her upper body and didn’t have a matching pair of pants. She had ridges across her back (which was her species after all), no horns but did have wings on her back. Instead of a hairdo made of spike, it was some weird reptilian frill, one which hung over her left eye, and her visible right reptilian eye was had dark makeup (where she got it from was anyone’s guess) and had spiked bracelets. She just leaned against the hut and sulked.
The last Skrewt’s transformation was not unlike Fluffy’s, but with lion elements to her instead of dog. She also was much smaller, like a human preteen girl. Her patches of lion-like fur was mixed up with plates of chitin armor not unlike arachnids. She had bulky armored forearms which ended in three sharp-tipped digits with suckers on the palms, and a scorpion-like tails. On some parts of her armor small specks were visible that sparkled, which upon closer inspection are very tiny gemstones. Both her manticore and firecrab traits from her heritage shined through.
“I visited Harry in the castle after I came back from the library, some reference for me future classes. Accidentally brought the other book along. Remembered what Harry said and decided to try out. That’s where Skrewty and Ari came in…” Hagrid said, referring to the Blast-Ended Skrewt and the last surviving Acromantula egg. “Then I thought maybe if I used it on Fluffy, Beaky and Nora, they’d be smarter and stuff like Harry’s sister and wouldn’t be seen as much a threat and I could keep them…” Hagrid said. “Please don’t take them away…”
“I don’t think I can.” Dumbledore said. “The transformation is irreversible. And due to the process I have started to have the other transformed beings recognized as…well, actual beings, they now will fall under this. And you know what that means? MORE PAPERWORK FOR ME! I HAVE SEEN SO MUCH PAPERWORK IN MY LIFE BUT THE PAST MONTH MORE THEN THE REST OF MY LIFE. WHY HAGRID, WHY DID YOU SADDLE ME WITH ALL THE PAPERWORK!” the old man started to lose it. “I always hated paperwork but it’s a necessary evil. But I can’t stand it anymore.”
“There, there Professor…Er, care for a brandy?”
“YES!” Dumbledore said. “But let make one thing clear. Because I can’t change anything and you can keep the…the kids call them ‘waifus’, I think. It doesn’t mean that you are out of the dog house. I made my fair share of mistakes and I don’t want to make them again. I set Severus straight and I will do the same for you. You aren’t fired. But if you plan to do anything creature related, a new type of creature outside of the curriculum, a breeding program, obtaining a new one, anything more dangerous then a Flobberworm, pass them by me first, I’ll make time to discuss it but…No more beastie shenanigans. Please. Write it down, put it somewhere where you can’t miss it.”
“I understand, Professor Dumbledore. I know I’m a bit scatter-brained and love my beasties too much but…I’ll do better. Because…I’m a dad to five now and I need to step up. I promise you’re lookin’ at a new Hagrid.” The half-giant said.
“Good. Glad you realize it. But we’ll see how it develops. I’ll understand the first few weeks or months will be difficult but eventually you’ll get there. Glad we are able to come to an understanding. But remember what I said Hagrid, otherwise you’ll just be reduced to Groundskeeper once more. Am I clear?”
“Crystal, sir. You still want the brandy?” Hagrid asked.
“Merlin’s beard, yes!” After a drink (a single drink, though to be fair, there were no small glass in Hagrid’s hut) Dumbledore stumbled out of the hut. Then he saw several students outside, and he knew most of these weren’t in Hagrid’s class. “Oh, can we help you?”
“Yeah, is it too late to shift to Care for Magical Creatures?” one of them asked.
“Depends, why?” Dumbledore asked.
“Any chance we get to work with the waifus?” another one asked.
Dumbledore sighed. Some days there wasn’t enough brandy.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
“Sorry about borrowing yer book and using the spell. Here ya have it back.” Hagrid said, handing Harry his book back when Harry and his friends came to visit.
“It’s ok. I wasn’t really using it. I have been borrowing Hermione’s notes for months. But I should stop leaving the book lying around.” Harry noted.
Fluffy, despite her size, was just acting like a puppyand now looked at Harry, Neville, Hermione and Ron playfully. One of the heads perks up. “Hey, I know you! You were still human pups a while back.” “Sorry if I had snapped at you, just doing my job!” “I’m a good guard dog, I wouldn’t have eaten you, just scared you a bit.” She alternated between each of her heads to speak.
“Er…It’s ok.” Harry said. Harry couldn’t stay mad at those three pair of puppy dog eyes. “So, how’s your new life?”
“It’s great, I’m back with papa!” “I now can move freely across the grounds as long as I don’t get too rough with human puppies.” “No longer cooped up!” The three headed dog waifu wagged her tail. Then the next sentence is spoken by all three heads at once. “Can I have belly rub?” She rolled onto her back, presenting her tummy.
“Dibs!” Luna said as she rushed over. “Whom is a big pupper waifu?”
“I am!” “I’m big pupper waifu!” “Keep up the belly rubs, yours are nice!” Fluffy’s heads said.
“Hey, what about me, I want head pats and snacks!” Skrewti said. “I want attention too.”
“Aw, look at her, she’s like a little kitty and a sister in one.” Susan said as she scratched the manticore/Firecrab girl behind the hears.
“I think I may have some cheese sandwiches left.” Hannah said, eager to feed the little one.
“Gimme! Gimme! Gimme!” Skrewti said. She accepted the sandwiches.
“Now, Skrewti, what do you say when someone gives you sumthin’?” Hagrid noted.
“MORE!” Skrewti said as she stuffed the sandwiches in her face.
“Skrewti…”
“Fine. Thank you. Can I please have more?” Skrewti said with a pout.
“Nom-Nom!” Neville’s plant sister came over and shared some of her own sandwiches (which had more…exotic ingredients on it).
“Ah, very nice of you, thanks!” Skrewti said as she accepted the sandwich.
“Wait, you’re not afraid of her? She ate your fellow Skrewts.” Hermione asked.
“So did I, and so did my fellow Skrewts.” Skrewti explained.
“That is horrendous.” Hermione said.
“Oh no, we actually taste pretty good.” Skrewti said. “Though that’s no invitation to eat me, Nommers.”
“Nom-Nom!”
“Ah, don’t eat things that are fully sentient? That’s cool. I won’t either…anymore.” Skrewti said.
“What about the Acromantulas?” Ron asked.
“They can talk but they aren’t fully sentient, they still think of anything non-Acromantula as food. And sometimes they do think their fellow Acromantula food too.” Skrewti explained.
“So I shouldn’t feel guilty of feeding them to Nom-Nom?” Ron asked.
“Sorry to say, but she missed one. She’s a sister of ours. Come here, Ari!” Skrewti said.
“Acromantula?” Ron said as he jumped. But then the little spider moe toddler toddled in. She tripped a bit, but then picked herself back up and continued like normal. She now had a spider-shaped pacifier in her mouth. “No, no, no, no!”
“It’s ok, Ron, she is waifu-fied. She isn’t like wild Acromantula and she will not eat you. Besides, she’s still little.” Harry said.
“Not that, it’s just…I thought it’d be impossible but…I never thought a spider could be this cute.” Ron said as he picked her up and cooed her. Little Ari was delighted. Ron then busted out into tears. “I’m sorry I had your family eaten! To be fair they tried to eat me, but I’m still sorry.” Ari didn’t seem to understand what Ron was talking about and just grabbed his nose gently like any curious baby/toddler would.
“Whoa, I always thought Ron had the emotional range of a teaspoon.” Hermione noted.
“Harry, Hermione, so great to see you!” Buckbeak approached them, in their new form, and gave the two a tight hug…right in her new bosom. “Oh sorry, still getting used to these.” She said as she gave them a playful bounce.
“Azqsfdgqmh!” Hermione said, flustered and questioning a few things about herself.
“Er…Hi, Beaky. Er, looking good.” Harry said as he bowed.
“Oh, that’s no longer needed. I have changed. I wasn’t able to thank you two for saving me, and now I can pronounce the words in human language…thank you. And I should thank your godfather too for taking care of me.” She said. “Just don’t forget to send him my way so I can tell him next time he’s around.”
“You’re welcome. No way we’d let an innocent die on our watch.” Harry said. “Hope your new life will treat you well.”
“Don’t worry, Hagrid took great care of my herd before, and will take care of me and my new sisters.” Beaky said. “By the way, have you said hi to our new guests, Nora?”
Norberta, or Nora, was just scribbling with oversized parchment and the quill that came from a much larger bird then an owl or eagle. She glanced at the heroes. “’Sup?” she said before going back to scribbling.
“Don’t mind her, being trust from Dragon puberty to a mix of dragon and human puberty makes her a bit grouchy. But deep down she’s a sweetheart. Isn’t that right, Nora?”
“Sod off!”
“See, she likes us.” Beaky said.
“Is that Mr. Bagman over there?” Neville pointed out. Indeed the incompetent ex-Beater turned department head arrived on the scene.
“Hey Hagrid, just coming to check up some things. Oh, and Harry! How nice to see you. Now, due to unforeseen circumstances, you didn’t get the clue in the egg on account of it being transformed into a dragon girl. Now, if you want I can find another way to give you the clue?”
“No thanks, my fellow champions already gave me the info I need.” Harry said.
“But, aren’t you all supposed to compete?” Bagman asked.
“Yes, but we can be sportsmanlike about it. And isn’t it the tournament about cooperation?” Harry asked.
“Maybe true but only one can win the contest.” Bagman said, nervously.
“Yeah, but I don’t care about winning. I was forcefully put into this. And no one bothered to get me out. I only do the bare minimum without suffering penalties.” Harry noted.
“Well, er…” Bagman looked nervous. To avoid the awkwardness he turned back to Hagrid. “Hey Rubeus! So, I heard you hit a snag with the creature that needed to be bred for the Tournament.”
“Ain’t no creature no more. She’s a being now. And she is the last. So I can’t involve her in the Tournament no more.” Hagrid said.
“Oh, I know things didn’t turn out like intended but it was the reason she was bred for and it would be a waste if…” Bagman said.
“She aint gonna do it, and neither do any of the other girls! They’re my daughters now and I will not put them through that. Was bad enough Harry was put through it. I know I accepted the breeding program but in hindsight I shouldn’t have. I don’t regret having Skrewti but this whole thing has been insane. And if you and the other Ministry morons did yer job proper, wouldn’t have been as big a circus as it is now.” Hagrid said, standing firm. Despite his size, Hagrid was often underestimated due to his soft nature, but Hagrid is terrifying when angry.
“But…What do we do then?” Bagman asked.
“Get yer obstacles somewhere else, but neither me, my daughters or my beasties will participating. I was stupid to go along with it first. But you…too many Bludgers to the head back in the day.” Hagrid said.
“But the tournament is supposed to be big, sensational, the event of the century.” Bagman pleaded.
“This Tournament was just a desperate attempt to have something to brag about, elevate themselves and overall bragging rights.” Nora spoke up. It was the most they had heard the dragon girl say. “It reeks of insecure political shame. Now, if you don’t mind, I was working on this poem. It is called ‘F*** you, Ministry!’”
“Whoa, she doesn’t need her fire breath to roast people.” Skrewti said. “I fart less hot then that burn.”
Bagman went pale. Nora really had torn him and the tournament down in just a few sentences. “I think I am just…going to leave.” And a dejected washout just throdded off.
“That was brilliant, Nora!” Hagrid said as he hugged his dragon daughter.
“Dad, don’t embarrass me.” Nora groaned.
“Be glad you have a father figure whom can embarrass you.” Harry noted. “He cares, you know.”
“I know…I guess it’s fine.” Nora sighed.
“Family group hug!” Fluffy said, all three head speaking at once as she charged in.
“Wait, Fluff, no!” Nora said as she and Hagrid were tackled to the ground. And then Beaky, Skrewti and Ari decided to join in the cuddle pile.
Hagrid blinked a few times. “Oh, so that’s how ya heal emotional scars!”
“That is quite adorable.” Harry said.
“Yeah, though best we hide your book somewhere safe. We are up to our ears in transformed girls. Luckily that’s the last transformation we’ll see in a while.” Hermione said.
“Er…” Hagrid started to stammer.
“Hagrid, what did you do?” Harry asked.
“Well, when I was scanning the forest and found Ari’s egg, I stumbled upon Mr. Weasley’s old car and decided to return it home. Arthur was grateful and treated me to a few drinks, and I may have become a bit loose-lipped…”
“Goddamn it, Hagrid!” Hermione said softly as she rubbed her temples.
“Well…the next family reunion is going to be interesting.” Ron pointed out.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
The Burrow…Charlie had come to visit to introduce his girlfriend Maria and her brood to the family. Mrs. Weasley took it surprisingly well. It may be because she was in a group hug with the hatchling dragon girls. “WE HAVE GRANDBABIES, ARTHUR!!” she said as she bawled her eyes out in joy.
“We’re not married so technically…” Charlie began but Maria hushed him.
“It’s but a formality, dear.” Maria said.
“Oh…It is a bad time to mention that I found my old Ford Anglia and now she’s…” Arthur pointed behind him and…yeah, it’s basically a female Transformer in robot mode. I shouldn’t make a complex description, Anglia is now a Transformer.
“Hi, mom!” Anglia said as she waved her new robotic hand.
“WE GOT ANOTHER DAUGHTER ARTHUR!” Molly said, continuing the same happy tears.”