Chapter 6
The first few days of the week that follows is a struggling mess for all of them, so much so that Natasha was starting to think bringing the rest of her girls to the tower wasn't the best idea.
Nights were restless for all of them. The only time they got any sleep was for a few hours a night when they all slept in Natasha's room, piled on top of her and each other, on her bed and at the foot of it. But it only took one of their discomfort to keep all of them up, and they were all pretty uncomfortable in the new environment.
Tallulah reacts negatively to waking up in new environments, Aurelia is a light sleeper who wakes up at any slight movement or noise, and Holland doesn't sleep enough as it is. Not to mention the fact that Calliope could barely sleep a full night in one position because her lungs hurt.
If a few of them were suffering, so were all of them, so they rarely got any sleep.
Not to mention Natasha was also in the process of finding a new house to accommodate all nine of them, which was proving to be a lot more difficult than she expected.
During the week, they stayed on her floor with each other except Katya and Calliope, who went with her wherever she went. Even during the night, the pair would trail after her sleepily if she went to get a glass of water. Katya had to tell Calliope to stay back if she got up to go to the bathroom because Natasha had no doubt the younger girl would've waited for her outside the door.
They'd sleep during the day, and Natasha feared they wouldn't be able to get back into a regular sleep schedule until they got back home.
Natasha's bad sleeping habits were only worsened by her habit of staying up in favor of looking after people, one she'd thought she left behind.
It started as her staying up to keep herself safe in the Red Room, unable to trust anyone but herself in a place like that.
She only continued to do it when she became an agent and then an Avenger, recognizing there were people to protect other than herself. Her logic was that no one was really ever safe in their line of work, who better to look after them than a trained assassin?
Her habit ceased when she realized they'd protect her, too.
The aspect of teamwork was foreign to her. In the Red Room, you get left behind when something goes wrong. At S.H.I.E.L.D and with the Avengers, there are people going back for you. It was hard to adjust at first, but she managed to get it after a while.
So with time, she slept more soundly. So much so that she thought the habit had been broken entirely.
Turns out, it wasn't, and it definitely wasn't going to waver when it came to her girls.
Forget the fact that Katya and Calliope were safe and there was no danger, her body never seemed to get the memo and she'd been staying awake, nervous that something would go wrong.
It's not until day five that things have calmed down a little, when they'd finally developed a routine and settled for the remaining two days of the week. They'd at least managed to get a few hours of sleep during the night.
Coaxing Katya and Calliope into taking their meds got easier and Natasha could almost feel their tension melt away as the days went by. Natasha ensures that they rest and they begrudgingly do so, the rest of her girls sticking around in solidarity until Wanda and Pietro come back from Clint’s farm.
Aurelia and Inessa had an easier time adjusting because they'd already done it before, and they inadvertently persuaded their siblings into spending most of their time in the living room with the twins.
Holland and Tallulah hadn't been to the tower yet, but they got along well with Wanda and Pietro and all her girls fit in well among everyone else.
The four of them spend their time on the common floor or on Wanda and Pietro's floor, playing games and watching sitcoms and Brooklyn 99 (per Tallulah's request. They get the others hooked on the show, too, and Steve is quoting it by day three). They have game nights with lots of yelling and swearing, and once her girls got the whole team to play The Floor Is Lava.
Natasha forgot about the time when the team played it, back in the earlier days of the Avengers. They subsequently banned it from the tower after weapons were used. She'd been foolish thinking it would go any better with two enhanced individuals and nine more assassins (including Bucky) than the first time and never played it again for the week.
Nicola spends most of her time with Bruce and Tony in Tony's lab after she corrected one of them on some scientific and/or medical thing Natasha had yet to understand. Natasha’s no doctor, scientist, or mechanic, but she does know a few things and learned a few more from spending time around Bruce and Tony.
Annika learns to bake with Steve, and once Calliope learns that he can draw, he teaches her.
Katya, with no patience for the skill, settles for placing bets on games with Holland and the twins after Natasha tells her she won't get away with the more fast paced things until she's mostly healed. She suspects she's got something planned when instead of getting her to cave, the teen mischieviously smirks and nods. Natasha fears she's in for chaos when they get back home.
They find a bunch of different things to do until Bucky and Sam come back from a mission.
When they meet Katya and Calliope, she finds out that Katya had previously met Bucky in the Red Room when he came there for a mission as the Winter Soldier, and Bucky tells the story of a bunch of little assassins braiding his hair and having tons of questions about how to fake an accent. Katya recalls braiding his hair, too and once she points out that she can't braid his hair with her injured wrist he timidly offers to braid hers instead, to which she enthusiastically agrees.
Natasha watches as he expertly braids Katya's hair, and once her other girls see how well he braids it, a few of them ask him to do theirs. Holland braids Bucky's "as a power move", the teen says, and as she braids his hair, she recounts with as much detail as possible how she beat him up the first time they met. Sam nearly dies laughing every time she tells it, much to Bucky's dismay.
"It's even more hilarious from her point of view." Natasha notes with a grin, which earns her a glare from Bucky.
"You'll never live this one down Barnes." Holland always says after recounting as much of the story she can remember, Bucky responding with a heavy sigh and shaking his head.
"You're insufferable, kid." He'll always say in return, the corners of his mouth turn up ever so slightly.
Natasha already knew that Delilah knew Bucky but she never got any stories about it. At one point, Tallulah, Clint, Bucky, and Tony end up trading stories about Delilah with each other, many that Natasha never knew. Eventually, they look to her for stories and she tells them without getting choked up.
Progress, she noted with a small smile.
It's all endearing and wholesome the way they call each other nicknames (except for Tony, who they insist on calling by his full name).
Natasha knew something was bound to happen when Bucky and Sam arrived back from the mission and Sam and her two oldest shared the most mischievous smirk she'd seen since Loki when they arrived.
And she was right. Sam convinced Steve and Nicola and Annika convinced their siblings, plus Pietro and Wanda, to join them in their shenanigans. They somehow managed to steal Bucky's metal arm. Needless to say, the super soldier wasn't exactly pleased.
A prank war is indefinite at this point. She can only count the days until Thor returns from Asgard with his siblings in tow, and then things will really get chaotic.
Whenever they're not making Bucky's life hell or watching Brooklyn 99 or playing games with high stakes, they're on Natasha's floor of the tower.
Her floor has two guest bedrooms but they continue to sleep in hers. It took Natasha an embarrassingly long time for her to think of making a blanket fort, so when they weren't sleeping in her bed, they pushed the coffee table out of the way and made a fort in the living room. They watched movies until they fell asleep and had snacks, hot chocolate and five different types of popcorn and an unhealthy amount of Oreos, although Aurelia insists you can never have too many.
On particularly exhausting days, when the newest additions to their family are feeling worse than usual and everyone is too tired to do the things they've begun to enjoy, they'll sit on the couch or in her room and Natasha will read or sing to them and they'll fall asleep.
Despite the fact that she's had family for years, there's something about being with her girls that feels...different?
It's a lot more domestic than how she's been living, pretty much.
Yeah, there have been game nights and movie nights and road trips and trips to the grocery store whenever Thor returns and eats every Pop Tart within reach with the Avengers. There have been prank wars and goofing off after missions and betting on May and Coulson and eventually Fitz and Simmons with her S.H.I.E.L.D team.
She's got plenty of family. Those teams are her family, they have been for years.
But they're also a team. There's always a mission to complete, and so many things to do after it's done.
Of course, that doesn't diminish the fact that they're still family,
But here, with her girls, she kind of just exists, in a way. There's no mission to complete and there's no tragedy lurking around the corner. There's no job to do. She's just living life like she used to without the violence.
Huh.
Is this what settling down feels like?
Has she settled down?
She's...settled down.
Natasha Romanoff has settled down.
And she doesn't mind.
Of course it's always been nice to make a change and fight crime and whatnot, she's been doing it for years.
But maybe it's time to, dare she say, stop?
Ha, real funny. As if. Just because she’s got priorities other than being an Avenger and S.H.I.E.L.D agent, doesn’t mean she has to stop.
She doesn't have to stop, right?
The end of the week came and it was time to remove Katya's chest tube.
It had been drizzling all day and the tower was quiet, so they stayed on Natasha's floor and watched movies and drank hot chocolate for a cozy day. They all slept relatively sound last night besides Calliope. She was getting better, as expected, but her pneumonia certainly wasn't treating her well along the way. Katya had a similar issue some nights, not being able to sleep in a comfortable position.
Natasha had no doubts anything would go wrong, but they were all nervous and Katya was scared, although she knew the girl would never admit that.
"It'll hurt, won't it?" Katya asks just before the doctor said she'd arrive, a worried expression on her face.
Nicola nods with a slight wince. "It definitely won't feel nice."
Katya sighs but nods. "Well, at least it'll be out. I hate it. It hurts and it's stupid and it sucks."
Natasha laughs softly at her description. "I know, I'm sorry. We'll leave after she's done, though."
Katya falls back against the couch with a groan. "Good. I don't wanna be here anymore. I haven't even lived at your house yet and I wanna go home."
She was the first among them to voice her discomfort and they all nodded in agreement.
"Even pestering Barnes is getting old." Holland adds.
"The best option would be for you to beat him up again. Punch him in the face or something, I dunno." Tallulah suggests with a shrug.
"That, I'd pay to see." Nicola says with a mischievious smirk.
If it's gotten as far as Tallulah suggesting violence for entertainment, they were bored. "Okay, no one is punching Bucky in the face. We'll leave and be back home soon enough."
She doesn't know why her girls are so set on ruining his life, but she will admit, it is kind of entertaining. It's hilarious, really.
"Alright, let's go. Doctor's going to be here soon." Natasha says, glancing at her phone for the time and nudging Calliope awake.
Calliope clings to her side, leaning into her and nodding off when she stands. Katya groans but gets up. "If I must."
She exaggeratedly salutes the others on the couch with the most determined, patriotic expression ever. "It's been a good run, guys. Hold down the fort for me, will you?"
Aurelia nods, mimicking her expression. "We will, comrade."
"Don't die." Inessa orders. "We need to go home, remember?"
"We'll need you alive for that." Annika adds seriously.
Katya looks away and sighs dramatically. "I'll try my best."
Natasha shakes her head and laughs, pulling her to the elevator. "You're not dying, Katya."
Katya shrugs. "Anything could happen!"
The three of them make their way the next few floors up and when they get there, Doctor Carson is waiting for them.
She asks how they're doing and they all answer honestly.
"Tired." Natasha answers.
"Ready to get this out and leave." Katya responds with and tired sigh.
An unhappy grumble from Calliope, leaning into Natasha's side.
Doctor Carson chuckles. "Well, I see you all are doing great."
Calliope looks at her and narrows her eyes. "We are not."
It's the second time Natasha's heard her speak English and she can't help but let a laugh slip out. "She's kidding, baby."
Calliope offers another grumble, this time she's unimpressed, and tucks herself into Natasha's side again.
Doctor Carson smiles, amused, and goes, "Well, let's begin."
Although Calliope's extremely tired and Natasha can tell she's close to asking her to carry her, she removes herself from Natasha's side the second Katya lays down on the bed.
"I don't like this." She mumbles, eyeing the doctor dangerously.
"She hasn't started yet. I'm okay." Katya reassures her sister.
Calliope sighs and loops her arms around Natasha's waist, craning her neck to watch the doctor and her sister.
Doctor Carson cuts the stitches holding the tube in place and instructs Katya to take a deep breath and exhale while she eases the tube out. Natasha, too, takes a breath. She can't help but feel a little like Calliope as she straightens up a little to see exactly what's being done.
Katya's face twists in discomfort and Natasha reaches out to place a soothing hand on her head, telling her how good she's doing and simultaneously grasping one of Calliope's hands to stop her from pulling a knife on Doctor Carson.
Natasha sees Katya clench her fist and her face scrunches up a little further as the doctor finishes up. Her eyes have tears in them and she leans into Natasha once she sits back up.
"You did good, I'm proud of you." Natasha praises, sweeping a bit of hair out of her face to press a kiss to her forehead.
Doctor Carson had covered the incision with a bandage and tells them to be back in two days to examine the wound before checking up on their other injuries and ailments. They're both restless as she does so and Natasha can tell she's trying her best to hurry because Calliope stares her down the whole time.
She reminds them to rest and to call if anything comes up. They thank her (well, Natasha thanks her while Calliope glares and Katya tries to calm her sister) and head back to her floor.
"Everything went well?" Nicola asks when they return, assessing Katya and Calliope.
Katya shrugs. "It hurt and she kept prodding around after to see if anything got worse, but she wasn't mean so I guess it went well."
"Good to know we won't have to do anything drastic." Inessa says with a satisfied nod, leaning back against the couch.
"Wha-absolutely not. Guys, you can't just stab someone if they wrong one of you."
"Who said anything about stabbing?" Inessa threw her hands up and said it in a way that Natasha knew that's exactly what she was thinking.
Natasha shook her head, trying not to let her amusement show. "Stabbing or not, you can't always hurt people who hurt you."
Annika nods. "Right, not always, but sometimes."
The others nod, repeating the phrase.
Calliope lets out a huff of laughter that quickly turns into a cough. "You guys wouldn't have actually stabbed her for us, right?"
"Of course we would. We'd stab anyone for you." Inessa says a little too quickly.
Natasha shoots her a look to cool it a little and Aurelia nudges her. "We might not have stabbed her, per say, we just don't mess around when it comes to family."
The others mumble their agreements and Natasha notes the small smiles on Katya and Calliope's faces and the glance they share with each other.
They go to sit back on the couch for a moment of relaxation before they start packing to leave and Katya goes, "You meant that? The family thing?"
Aurelia turns to face her. "Of course I did. You're family now."
"Yup." Holland agrees. "Can't get rid of us."
"Unfortunately "us" means Holland, too, so I'll warn the both of you now: she's impossible to live with." Aurelia adds.
"There's simply no evidence to prove that." Holland responds, shaking her head.
"We share the same room, Holland, that's evidence enough." Aurelia argues.
Holland shrugs. "You're just mad because I'm better at literally everything."
"Jesus Christ." Aurelia mumbles. "There's no logic behind that answer at all. And there's definitely no evidence to prove that because you do nothing all day."
Katya and Calliope laugh while the rest of them shake their heads at Aurelia and Holland's bickering. Natasha doubts it'll stop when they move, even though most likely won't share a room anymore.
"As you've witnessed over the past week, they do this all the time." Annika says, gesturing over to where they sit, separated by Tallulah.
"It's just what they do and they never. Stop." Nicola adds.
"It's worse when you share a room with them." Inessa pipes up from beside Calliope.
Tallulah laughs. "It's worse when you share a house with them, Ness."
Inessa nods in agreement. "True."
Katya and Calliope shake with laughter as Natasha tells them to stop arguing, glancing at her phone when its screen lights up. A text from Tony telling her to meet him in the common room.
"It's not my fault she's a bitch." Aurelia says pointedly, glaring at Holland.
Holland leans over Tallulah to stick her tongue out at Aurelia and Aurelia sneers at her in return. Tallulah pushes Holland away, looking so, positively done with their bullshit.
Natasha refrains from letting her amusement show. "Lia, no calling your sister a bitch while I'm downstairs, please?"
"Can I go with you?" Aurelia asks, her tone pleading. "I might kill her if you leave me here."
Natasha agrees quickly, deciding it'd be best to bring her along just in case Aurelia decides to actually follow through on her statement. Instead of only Aurelia going with her, Katya and Calliope tag along, as expected. Natasha hopes Tony doesn't keep her down there for long, she wants to get going as soon as possible.
The four of them go with her downstairs and sit on the couch while she finds Tony in the kitchen, leaning against the counter and drinking coffee.
He looks up as she arrives. "Hey, Nat. Kids are alright? The doctor didn't screw up and I get to live another day, hopefully?"
Natasha laughs, remembering how Nicola and Annika threatened him the other night. "You'll live, the kids are good. Just had to tell Aurelia to stop calling Holland a bitch."
Tony nods. "Ah, yes, siblings. It's just how Wilson and Barnes act every single day. Steve is so tired of their shit."
Natasha looks over at the couch where Steve, Bucky, and Sam sit, arguing about what to watch. Well, Sam and Bucky argue and Steve sits between them and holds the bridge of his nose while shaking his head. She watches as Aurelia takes the remote and switches to Netflix instead, where they watch Home for the second time.
Natasha laughs and they're both silent before she changes the subject. "What did you want me down here for?"
Tony nods. "Oh, yeah. That. Well, y'know how you told me to get some sleep a few days ago?"
Natasha sighs. "Yes, I remember that."
He nods again. "And y'know how you've been looking for a new house?"
Natasha nods slowly, wondering where he's trying to go with this. "...Yeah?"
"So, I didn't sleep. I went home yesterday after finding a few things. And then I read them and whatnot. As one does in the night."
"And that requires my presence...how, exactly?"
"Well, I found these. Letters for you."
Tony slides a vintage keepsake box over to Natasha and she stares down at it, suspicious at the fact that he won't tell her anything more. "You're being ominous, Tony."
He shrugs and gestures to the box. "Open it."
She narrows her eyes at him before opening the box, her eyes immediately catching the N.R + D.C engraved onto it. She avoids looking at it's contents, afraid catching the words on the letter at the top of the stack will make her cry.
Now she understands where this is going.
She doesn't like it all that much.
She stares at the box, her heart racing slightly. "Who are, uh, who are they from?"
You know the answer.
Tony's eyes go from the box to her and back to the box again, his expression serious. "Delilah."
Natasha pushes down the discomfort this unexpected situation brings. Delilah has been mentioned a lot this week and it's...a lot. "Right. What does this have to do with me needing a new house, though?"
"Oh, right, that." Tony acknowledges. "Well, I was feeling kinda reminiscent last night and stumbled upon this box of stuff, and in it was the box. I picked it up and-"
"You were curious so you opened it and on the top was something relating to my house, and you looked a little further and realized it was for me." Natasha finishes quickly. "Such a storyteller for no reason, get to the point a little faster next time, Tony."
Tony rolls his eyes with a mumble of "I was getting to it, jeez."
She takes in their engraved initials on the lid of the box again and is reminded of how sappy Delilah was. Leave it to her girl to make anything and everything a romance novel.
Natasha didn't even know Delilah left her more letters.
She abruptly shuts the box and asks if there were more.
"Yeah, there were a few in the box I found. Aren't you gonna look inside, though? Share with the class, maybe?" He asks, eyeing the box.
Natasha shakes her head and swallows thickly, knowing she'll probably cry if she reads anything now. "I'll open it when I'm back home."
Something flashes across Tony's face. Surprise, Natasha notes. "Home, huh?" He sighs. "I remember when the tower was home. For both of us."
Natasha laughs. "That was four years ago, Tony, not decades. And you know what I mean."
"I know, I know." He smiles softly. Natasha could sense a question hanging in the air.
"What?" She asks, waiting for him to ask.
He sighs, leans back in his chair, and looks at her expectantly. "You ever think about retiring?"
Oh. She wasn't expecting that.
Tony wasn't entirely serious when he asked but when she takes long to answer, his expression morphs into something more genuine. "Are you?
Is she?
Take a break, Tasha. You deserve it. Delilah would tell her. All the time, much to her annoyance.
She sighs and answers the way she always would. "I don't know. Have you thought about it? Like, fully retiring?"
He nods. "Yeah. I don't think I'd really be able to leave it all behind, though. Just stop working."
Natasha smirks. "Oh, you wouldn't survive. You always have to do something."
He chuckles. "Exactly. I know I can't do this," Tony gestures to the open space of the tower. "Forever."
"Just don't know how to stop." Natasha states.
"Yeah." He nods.
She really doesn't know how to stop. All she's done since she was considered a child is work, what else would she do?
They talk about work and kids and living life for another half hour until her girls are ready to go, eager to get back as soon as possible.
She sends them back upstairs to start packing while she waits for Tony to get the rest of the things Delilah left her. That'll be fun to go through when she's home.
Home. She doesn't know when she started thinking of her safe house in Russia as home. No, no, she does. It was probably when her girls showed up and she finally did something other than work.
Because for a long time, work was home. The Red Room, although never a suitable home for anyone, was her home. She had nothing else to return to after each brutal mission, and she was only alive because she had to work to live. Even when she got out and had a family with S.H.I.E.L.D and then the Avengers, she was there for work first, the family was sort of just a thing she found by accident.
Now, the main thing she considers home is just home. No assassinating or spying. Just living. Just her and her girls, and Yelena and her nieces.
Natasha wouldn't have it any other way.
Natasha is pissed. She has been for the past few weeks. This is due to three reasons.
One, looking for a house is hard. She's only ever had to get one for a safe house, and although she has plenty, most of them are apartments anyway. She's never had to house eight other people. Trying to find one that's away from town, at least four bedrooms and isn't millions of dollars is pretty hard.
Two, she keeps getting called in for missions.
And her third, final issue, is that girls were upset.
Well, two of them in particular.
This part she's more guilty about than anything because she keeps having to leave.
Even after she took Inessa in, she was still getting called in for missions from time to time and had to ask Yelena to watch her. And how could she forget the day that she got called in and came back to a small fire that they'd accidentally started trying to make dinner.
She just knows she's gonna come home one day to Aurelia and Holland at each other's throats. With the way they constantly argue, it's bound to happen.
She always feels bad, coming and going whenever she gets called in. Although they're capable of taking care of themselves (kind of), it doesn't mean they should. The way they acknowledge that she has to leave with resigned disappointment is enough to tell her they don't enjoy when she leaves.
She should've known her two youngest would react badly, seeing that they reacted similarly when Nicola and Annika left a few days ago. Calliope cried and Annika tried to comfort her while Katya had a screaming match with Nicola. They were adamant about them staying and didn't understand why they'd want to go in the first place until Natasha told them they just want to live their lives and go where they wanted because they'd never been able to before. Katya reluctantly called Nicola and apologized later.
Natasha didn't think it'd be the same when she had to leave because at least they understood why she had to go, right?
Nope. Katya curses her out and Calliope has a tantrum. Katya shuts herself in the bathroom after yelling at her and refuses to come out. Calliope cries and kicks her in the stomach when Natasha gets close enough to touch her. She lies on the floor and screams so loud Aurelia goes outside to get away from the noise, Holland following after her. Natasha kicks herself for not seeing this coming.
"Callie, baby, I have to go. I'll be back tonight." Natasha says, trying to calm her youngest down.
"NO! Stay!" She yells through tears, pouting at Natasha and hitting the ground with her fists before her face crumples again.
Natasha sighs, not knowing how to make her feel better. "Callie, I have to-"
Calliope somehow manages to scream even louder and Natasha has no idea what to do. Her words don't seem to be enough and she's never had to deal with a child having a tantrum. Once Calliope starts waving her knife around, Natasha pretty much gives up. She'd learned from the time she'd spent with Calliope so far that she was exceptionally good with a knife and did not want to be on the other end of it whenever she was upset.
Natasha was supposed to be on her way an hour and a half ago but at this point, getting her youngest to calm down is the first thing on her mind. She just has no idea how to do it.
Tallulah hurries down the bottom of the stairs when her screams get louder, trading a concerned look with Natasha. She sits on the floor and waits until Calliope stops kicking and screaming to gently pry the knife away from her and wrap her in a tight hug. She reassures Calliope that Natasha would always come back after a mission and Calliope relaxes but continues to cry. Natasha continues to feel bad.
"She can't go. I need her." Calliope sobs into Tallulah's top. Tallulah visibly sags and looks at Natasha knowingly.
Natasha sits down on the floor next to them and makes a split second decision. "I won't go."
Tallulah turns her head to meet her eyes. "Really?"
Natasha nods. "Really."
Calliope sniffles from where she sits in Tallulah's lap. "Sorry for kicking you in the stomach. Are you okay?"
Natasha kisses the top of her head. "I'm okay." Man, did that kick hurt, though.
Calliope gets out of Tallulah's lap to sit in Natasha's and loops her arms around her neck, relaxing into Natasha.
She thanks Tallulah. "How'd you know what to do?" She asks.
"Mom used to do it with me whenever I got upset like that. Pressure helped me relax after I calmed down." She looks up at Natasha with a smile and a nod to Calliope. "Just for future reference."
Natasha hopes it doesn't happen again but knows it probably might, so she files the information away for later and sits with them for a few moments before going to help Katya.
The bathroom door is open now, Inessa and Katya sitting against the bathtub. It's obvious that Katya's been crying and Calliope squirms out of Natasha's hold to tackle her sister with a hug. Katya apologizes for not being downstairs with her and looks up to glare at Natasha. "You're still leaving."
Her tone is accusing and Natasha shakes her head. "Nope. I'm staying."
Inessa perks up. "Really? But your boss-"
"Fury can deal with it. I can call in later. He's got other people to do my job so I'm staying."
Inessa smiles at her and Katya's features soften before she apologizes for yelling at her earlier.
"Why are you staying?" She asks skeptically.
Natasha shrugs nonchalantly. "You guys need me more."
Katya narrows her eyes at Natasha but the corners of her mouth turn up ever so slightly. "I guess so. Are you ever going back?"
"No." Natasha blurts.
No? No? Where, exactly, did that come from? "Well, I don't know yet." She quickly rephrases, sighing as Delilah's words run through her head. "I think a break is due, though."
It's true. She needs a break.
The five of them sit in the bathroom for a little while until the tension has lessened significantly and she texts Aurelia to come back.
She calls Fury and tells him that she can't make it today, but that she'll be coming in tomorrow to talk. She knows the same issue will ensue if she goes without at least bringing Katya and Calliope along with her. Natasha has no doubt her girls will be piling in her car to come with her.
Natasha's rifling through her closet for a sweater after they go to bed when she catches the box of stuff. The stuff that Delilah left her.
She'd shoved it in her closet once they got back home, knowing she had no energy to go through it.
Natasha knows she has to go through it now, so she sets the box on her bed and starts to take things out.
She's unpacked three other boxes with photos and letters until she comes across the one Tony showed her the week they stayed at the tower.
She's reminded of what Tony said about something in the box relating to her needing a new house. And sure enough, a photo of a house is the second thing in the box, the address on the back. Above it is a letter.
Tasha,
I lied when I said I don't write letters often. How would I charm you otherwise? Anyway, I've been thinking of us and our future, and all that romantic stuff I'm so good at. We've always wanted a big family, and I thought this would be the perfect house to do it. It's nice, right? Please note that it'll require a few renovations and by that I mean a lot of renovations, because I'm poor and had to ask Fury for money. This job may pay well but definitely not enough to buy this house. Ya girl gotta live, so, y'know. Nevertheless, one day, we'll raise our family here. It's big, four bedrooms, four bathrooms, Bathroom Junior, AND there's an extra bedroom for whenever our idiot, but lovable friends come to visit. It's away from the chaos, quiet and calm like we wanted. We'll be safe there. Whenever the time is right, we'll retire, and live out here. Well, we'll take a break. I know we could never fully retire. But who knows how things will play out? And because I know you, I know you're gonna reread this and stress about whether or not to retire at some point. I know these are big changes. But I also know that you're one of the people I love most in this world, and if you happen to change your mind about anything somewhere along the road, that's fine, too. All I need is you, anyway. And our amazing house. That'd be cool, too.
The love of your life,
Lila
P.S, remind me to dismantle the alarms when we get there.
Natasha doesn't know how many times she rereads the letter, and laughs each time at the way Delilah called the half bathroom "bathroom junior". Leave it to her girl to prepare for anything and everything.
God, I love her.
I loved her.
She wasn't looking forward to reading all of these letters before because she knows she's going to cry again, but now she thinks going through them might go better than she expected. Ignoring them won't do her any good, seeing as Delilah was a lot wiser than she thought and she could do with some wisdom right now.
Whenever the time is right.
Shutting the letters and photos back into their respective boxes and relaxing into her bed, she thinks the time might be right.
Time to take that break Delilah was always telling her to take.
The next morning, she sits down to talk to her girls. She barely even has an idea of what to say, she just knows she's gotta say something because her leaving has been an issue.
They listen intently as she explains that she intends to be gone much less than usual. Delilah was right, "retiring" is too permanent a word for her. She doesn't want to stop doing what she does entirely, just less.
A little less time saving the world means a lot more time with her girls.
Once she's done speaking, Katya is the first to say something. "So you're essentially quitting the job you've had for years to spend more time with us?"
Natasha tilts her head, slightly confused as to why she's asking the question. "Yeah, pretty much."
Katya sits back against the couch, a grin on her face. "How extremely sappy of you."
Calliope nods. "You're so mushy."
Natasha laughs. Her? Sappy? Mushy? None of those are words anyone has ever used to describe Natasha Romanoff. It's a nice change.
"Good thing you'll be here more." Aurelia says with a sigh. "You're the only thing keeping me from fighting Holland."
Holland rolls her eyes and shrugs. "You'd lose, anyway."
Aurelia is about to say something else but sighs. "See, if Mama wasn't here, I'd punch you in the face."
Natasha shakes her head and smiles. "I'm glad I'm keeping you from punching your sister. And I am not mushy. Or sappy. I just want to spend more time here. You're all gremlins anyway, stealing all my ice cream and my Oreos."
Tallulah throws her hands up in the air. "Here we go with that gremlin talk again! Who's fault is it that you have good food?"
"Right." Inessa agrees. "We wouldn't be eating all of your food if you didn't buy it."
"That is not, however, an invitation to stop buying good food." Holland interjects, holding her pointer finger in the air. "Oreos are a necessity no one can live without."
They make breakfast together and Natasha laughs as they describe their favorite foods as if they're food critics and reflects on how much her life has changed in the last few months. Here she was thinking the Red Room stripped her of her ability to have children but also her ability to care for them. So far, she'd say she's doing pretty well. They're happy and that's really all she could ask for.
That's all she ever wanted. A big, happy family.
She got it in more ways than one, and damn, if that's not satisfying as hell.
She reminds herself of that satisfying fact as she drives to the tower to meet with Fury.
Natasha doesn't know what she expects him to say. She's been with S.H.I.E.L.D for a while, she's come to expect most of his reactions to certain things. Natasha's blanking on this one, though.
When she gets to the tower with all of her children present and accounted for (besides Annika and Nicola), everyone except Tallulah goes off to be with the other members of the tower.
Tallulah had briefly told Natasha in passing that Nick had taken care of her when she was younger when Delilah got taken by Hydra and described him in a way she'd never heard anyone describe him before: soft.
"I wanna see him again. It's been a long time, I bet he'll cry." Tallulah says with excitement, walking down the hall alongside her.
"Well, that'd be a sight to see." She laughs. Natasha can't even picture what he'd look like in tears.
"Romanoff." He nods at her when they enter, waving off a few other agents who sit at the table. He turns to Tallulah and his expression softens immensely. "Hey, Lulu."
She grins at him. "Hi, Nick."
Natasha wasn't expecting it, but sure enough, tears come to his eyes. "You've grown."
He turns his head and wipes a tear from his eye. Tallulah laughs. "I did, and you got older. Just wanted to stop by and see if you were still alive, considering how ancient you are."
He laughs, loud and genuine. "Yeah, I kind of am. Not as old as your mother, though."
Did-did Nick just make a yo mama joke? In the most Nick Fury way possible? Did Tallulah just laugh at said joke?
Jesus Christ. Natasha's fever dreaming.
He comments that she's just like her mother before they smile at each other and Natasha makes sure she can make her way back to her sisters.
Nick composes himself again, quick as lightning. "You wanted to talk."
Holy shit. No one will ever believe her. Natasha sits. "Uh, yeah. I think I'm gonna take a break." Natasha cuts to the chase, knowing if she took any longer to explain she'd implode because Nicholas J. Fury is a softie.
"A break. So you'll be around less?"
She nods. "A lot less. I've settled down. I can't come in every other week like I have been."
There's a bit of silence before he sighs and admits, "In all honesty, I forgot how much I enjoyed having you around."
Natasha wasn't expecting the admission. His softness earlier is making it hard to be stern. "Well, uh, I can't be around all the time anymore, y'know? Things are a lot different than they were when I first started out, and saving the world isn't my only job anymore. I'm not the only agent you have, you can stop calling me in all the time."
He looks at her and it's different from every other time he's looked at her before. It sounds so stupid to her but it's like he's staring into her soul. He's seeing her.
Nick nods. "Very well, then. You'll still be around, though, right?" He chuckles, leaning in a little closer and lowering his voice, "You know I can't rely on all of these rookies to do the job as well as you do."
Natasha smiles at the compliment. "Of course. You and I both know I can't stay away for long."
They trade one last glance before she stands to leave.
"Romanoff." He calls as she nears the door.
She turns to face him again and smirks, waiting for a sarcastic quip.
He keeps his stoic expression, but she sighs before saying, "I know you aren't my only agent, but you sure as hell were one of my best." He swallows and glances away before looking back into her eyes. "I'm proud of you."
Her breath gets caught in her throat but she manages an endearing smile. "T-Thanks, Nick."
Feeling as though the conversation is truly over, she leaves and stands in the hallway to compose herself. No way he just said he was proud of her. No way she's standing in the hallway, crying about it.
Jesus, pull yourself together.
Natasha takes a deep breath and heads down to the common room, where the team is sure to be. Her girls are in the kitchen, messing around with Wanda and Pietro, so she gathers the rest of them that aren't already in the living room and gets to the point with, "I'm gonna retire."
They gawk at her and trade glances before she quickly rephrases. "Sorry, sorry, I'm taking a break."
"So what does that mean?" Steve asks.
"I, well, I'm not going to be around as much. My girls need me more, I guess."
"Aw, Tasha. Look at you, all domestic." Sam comments with a sly grin.
"Shut up. I am not domestic." She says, trying to sound menacing but she can't stop a grin from breaking out. She sighs. "I am. I've settled down."
"We're glad." Tony says. "We genuinely thought all you did was work back when the team first became a team."
She nods, remembering the earlier days of their team when it was just her, Clint, Steve, Bruce, Thor, and Tony. "It was all I did, until I joined our dysfunctional family."
"Yeah, we are a mess. But you hold us together." Clint chuckles, shaking his head. "Man, we'll be at each other's throats without you."
Natasha laughs. "Oh, I know." They'll always be one of the first groups of children she's had to take care of.
At that, they laugh and start to reminisce. Time slips away from them as they recount story after story of their team over the years, the sounds of their enjoyment ringing through the halls.
Damn, she'll miss her family.
Natasha persuades herself not to cry again by telling herself that she'll come back.
As night creeps up on them and their story-telling ceases, Natasha gathers her girls and prepares to leave.
"Come back every once in a while, will you?" Steve asks, clearing his throat when it comes out wobbly. "It, uh, it won't be the same without you, Nat."
"Of course I'll come back, I know you'll kill each other without me. We're still family. You can't get rid of me that easily." She chuckles. "Besides, I'm not staying away for good. You just won't need me as much."
There's a silence that hangs in the air as everyone contemplates her words and she waits for someone to say something.
"It's okay to cry. I know I'm the best thing to have happened to each and every one of you." She teases, piercing the silence.
"Sure, Tash, keep telling yourself that." Clint teases back. "But, uh, what about when we do need you?"
She thinks for a moment.
"Then I'll be in Russia, with my girls." Natasha answers. "I'll be home."