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Val. She's beautiful, I try not to stare because humans can sense when someone is staring and that's the last thing I need for me. "Cameron, I swear if you keep staring I will go over there and tell her myself." 'If Jacoline never shuts up maybe she'll actually be swearing'. I thought quietly as we sat at our lunch table. "Ava, Hazel, Jacelyn, Hunter, Elena, Jacoline." I named them off staring down at what the school insisted was edible. "Jacoline, I don't want to eat this it's fucking disgusting." I spoke lowkey scared of what they but in the food. I then proceed to dump my untouched food away and stare at my bestfriend. Her beautiful brushed long straight brown hair, heir soft facial features, her eyes now on Hunter as he talked. She's perfect. But is she perfect for me?
I listen to Lana Del Ray, I don't like her but I do listen to her. I roll my eyes and my confusing opinions, as I wait for all the other kids to leave her office. Except Val. She can hear whatever I gotta say. Ms. Martin's office is where I like to spend lunch. I tell her my problems and I talk to her about Val. I talk about her hair, leaving out the part where I confess I wish I didn't cut mine so I could have my mom do it like hers. I talk about her style, I'm simply obsessed. I wish I had money to afford such gorgeous clothes in my size but who cares anymore I already look like a stud, it's about time I start dressing like one. Discipline works. Bully yourself into it. That's all I think of, it's what I live buy. It's what helps me no matter how toxic it may be.
I tell Ms. Martin everything except how I've gotten back to a bad place and how I must work on a relationship with myself if I ever want to be with someone else and no human will ever no how strong that feeling is.
"Hey, Cameron, can you come to Ms. Sander's classroom with me?" Val snapped me out of my thoughts and I felt my eyes refocus to reality. "Ok." I got up not completely registered yet as I followed her out of the main office and up the common stairs, as I stared at her long extensions tied up in a ponytail it occurred to me that I may well be crazy enough to follow this girl everywhere.
"So Cameron, daughter of Ares, I would ask why you are so obsessed with me. But I know. I'm smart and you're quite obvious and I know I haven't been talking to you lately and it wasn't because you did anything wrong. I promise you didn't I just needed time to evaluate my feelings and decide what's best for me and how to handle everything and I wanted to let you know. I like you." Damn. She just was extremely vulnerable...how do I respond to that?
"I like you too but I'm good right now just to be friends." I tried to explain in the most understanding and caring way possible.
"Yeah, no worries...friends." She almost whispered the last word.
I fucked up. Where's courage when I need it.