In Virtue

Because Rogue was clearly alarmed by Kitty’s missing memories, she decided to go to the most understanding, intuitive person she knew.

She tiptoed past Scott’s office, once again missing the powers that gave her such freedom to go unnoticed. But Scott was asleep in his office chair, sunglasses perched on the bridge of his nose in a failed attempt at disguising his catnap.

She knocked on the door with the back of her wrist, even though it was already open. Jean sat at her desk, grading papers and listening to some Dutch band Kitty didn’t recognize.

“Come in!” she called, scribbling something in red on the paper before her. She met Kitty’s eyes with a smile, her dark-rimmed glasses inching down her nose.

“Kathryn, sit down, please.”

She circled her desk as Kitty took a seat on the couch against the opposite wall and sat across from her, dusting off the table between them.

“What can I help you with?”

Kitty took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. She could feel her heart pounding faintly, her hands weak.

“Jean, how long have we known each other now?”

“Well, let’s see,” Jean took off her glasses and placed them on the table. She lifted her manicured nails and mouthed each number.

One…Two…Three…

“I’d say about three years, yeah…” she smiled, her eyes dark and distant as she reminisced. “I remember you’d just started here, and you came to ask me about the Observatory. It’s not often we get people who are, not just interested, but excited about it…it was wonderful.”

“Right,” Kitty nodded.

“Yeah,” Jean said more to herself than to Kitty, and gestured to the tiny TV in the corner of the room. “I remember because it was a few days after the presidential election. I had the news on.”

“Okay, yeah,” Kitty clasped her hands together and leaned forward. “And…you’ve known me to be a trustworthy person?”

“Oh, yes,” Jean smiled, tilting her head slightly. “You’re intelligent, respectful, kind. Come on, Kathryn, you know I love you. What’s this about?”

Kitty hesitated, looking out the open door. The hallways were empty, and she was suddenly painfully aware of the silence outside. Her hands started perspiring and she shivered.

“I’ve been having an odd couple of weeks…” her words were slow, careful not to instigate a repeat of her conversation with Rogue.

“Okay,” Jean nodded slowly, matching Kitty’s speech. “Odd how?”

“I seem to be forgetting things,” she studied the other woman, waiting for any sign of resistance or confusion. “Really basic things, like how I met certain people, or where I grew up.”

“That sounds serious, Kathryn. Have you seen a doctor?”

“Yes. I mean, well, no. But -” Kitty reached for the right words to overcome the “doctor” hurdle. “But they don’t think it’s anything too serious. Too serious that it would require medical attention, I mean.”

“Okay,” Jean crossed her legs and rested her elbows on her knee. “Is it stress-based, then?”

Kitty nodded slowly at first, then more deliberately as her confidence grew.

“Yeah, I guess it is. I’m not sure, but it’s really not that serious. I was just hoping you could fill in some of the gaps for me.”

“Of course,” Jean leaned back and reached behind her for her mug of coffee. “Whatever you need.”

“I met Rogue in college?”

“Rogue?” Jean sipped her coffee.

“Sorry -” Kitty shook her head. “Anna, I mean Anna.”

“Yes, Anna was a senior when you were a freshman, I believe. You met at orientation, but Anna continued working at the school after she graduated. I’m not sure what your living arrangement was, but Anna’s mentioned that you were always over for dinner with her and her husband and -”

“Wait,” Kitty shook her head and held up her hands. “I’m sorry. Husband?”

“Yes, Remy.” Jean tapped her fingernails on her coffee mug. “They separated last year.”

“What -” Kitty shifted in her seat, and looked wildly around at her surroundings. She felt as if the room was spinning. “Why did they separate?”

“Um,” Jean looked down and swallowed hard. “She found out that he had ties to organized crime. Well, actually, I think she knew that, but he’d told her he’d severed them all. That turned out to not be true.”

“Why? What happened?”

Jean smacked her lips and hesitated. 

“I’m sorry, Kathryn. I don’t think I should be talking about this. But I’m sure if you explain to Anna what’s going on, she’ll tell you herself.”

“Right,” she shook her head, swallowing her disappointment. “Okay, and what about Bobby?”

“Bobby…I don’t think you and Bobby ever met before you started here. Not as far as I know.”

“Okay, and -” Kitty began, nervously. “Do you know anyone by the name of Charles Xavier?”

Charles Xavier…she mouthed silently, giving Kitty the side look, the warning look, the look that meant “tread carefully.”

“No one you’d know.”

Despite her curiosity, Kitty didn’t push further.

“Erik Lensherr?”

“No.”

“James Howlett?”

Jean was quiet for a moment, and she studied Kitty’s face. She leaned back and crossed her arms.

“You don’t know anyone named James Howlett, I know that.”

“Wait,” Kitty leaned forward more, trying to shorten the gap between Jean and herself. She hesitated, wrestling between the warning sirens blaring from Jean's steady gaze and her insatiable curiosity about her fellow former X-Men. “But you do?”

“I…” Jean trailed off, shaking her head. “Kathryn, you’re starting to scare me. I don’t understand what’s going on.”

“I know,” Kitty nodded, uncrossing her limbs and feeling her eyes rim with tears. “I know. Can you just tell me where to find Mr. Howlett? Please.”

To her surprise, Jean’s eyes were watering as well. 

“Byrne Claremont Memorial Cemetery,” Jean sniffed, picking up her coffee mug and holding it in front of her face, never taking a sip.

“I don’t understand,” Kitty shook her head, her voice more than a whisper.

Jean smiled sadly and looked down.

“He’s dead, Kathryn.”

The floor seemed to slide out from under her, and suddenly everything looked wrong. It was too bright in the office, Jean seemed too far away, the walls were caving in and the sky was falling. Logan, Professor Logan. Logan who she’d known for over half of her life, who’d taught her since she was just a young girl. Who was willing to sacrifice everything to give the people he loved another shot at life, and who paid the ultimate price. Who was supposed to be immortal, unkillable. Logan, the one person who would remember, who would understand the burden she carried. 

“Kitty?’ Jean reached a hand across the table and clasped her wrist. 

“I -” Kitty felt her blood go cold, and she eyed the other woman, whose dark eyes were round with concern and shining with grief. “What did you call me?”

“Kathryn, I mean,” Jean shook her head and sat up, pressing her fingers to her temples. “I’m not sure why I said -”

Kitty rose from her seat and slowly backed away. She remembered how dark Jean's eyes looked as the Dark Phoenix, like an extinguished flame.

“Kathryn, what’s wrong? Please, sit back down.”

But Kitty was already out of the room, spinning around, trying to find her bearings. She bolted down the hallway, waking a disoriented Scott as she sprinted towards the double doors. She pushed her way out into the brisk air, and bent over, hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath. 

“Kathryn!” She heard Jean call faintly. 

Kitty ran along Raven Hall and pushed through a crowd of students rallying over a cause she hadn’t heard of, cutting through a cobblestone side-street and rounding a corner until the Victorian was in view. She pushed towards it, only realizing she had stepped into the street when a Volkswagen skidded to a halt to her left, horn blaring, driver yelling profanities through the windshield.

“Sorry!” she cried, clearing the last few feet. “I’m sorry!”

She struggled to unlock the doors of the Victorian with shaking hands, and groaned with frustration. When she finally got the doors open, she closed them with more force than necessary resulting in a loud bang, and dashed up the stairs before Rogue or Bobby could emerge to see what all the noise was about. In her own apartment, she felt hot, very hot, in her winter coat. She slipped it off and let it fall to the floor before sinking into her desk chair.

She looked out the window at the beautiful stone buildings that made up the campus, a gothic haven that was home to her favorite people in the world. But suddenly the parapets looked sharp, and the stone looked dark and jagged in all the wrong places. The elaborate metal design over the window frames of Page Hall seemed to resemble prison bars, the narrow streets tight and restricting. It was a beautiful campus, but not today. She slouched with her face in her hands and cried. She was all alone in this world.

-

Kitty sat on a bench near the center of campus, her eyes dry but distant, and she had her hood up to obscure her face. The students were too focused on one another to notice her, anyway, huddled in little groups, their heads close together as they talked. Kitty remembered that feeling; being so lost in conversation with your closest friends, it felt like the world revolved around just you and the people you love most in the world. She felt a sad kind of peace as she watched the snow flurry in spirals on the wind, and she closed her eyes. She thought of the times Bobby froze the lake back at Xavier’s school, how it felt to skate by his side, hand-in-hand, his body close to hers. Suddenly, she wasn’t so cold anymore…

She stood up abruptly and began to hurry back, suddenly sick of the frigid cold and the wind whipping her hair. She started to run, feeling as if the campus was hollow and lifeless despite the lively students around her.

Back in the Victorian, she slumped down against Bobby’s door, seething with bitterness and hatred. She wondered why she was being punished, what she could have done in her short life to deserve this. To have her life taken from her was one thing. To be completely aware of it was another thing. She prayed for the peace of ignorance, she wished for her old life back. And then tears spilled from her eyes as she thought of Logan, of Charles and Erik, wherever they were, if they even existed here. Of Piotr and Illyana, Jubilee, Hank, Remy. And then she was sobbing so hard that she was gasping for air, her lungs aching.

“Holy shit,” the voice came from Kitty’s left and she recognized it instantly although she could only see a blur of dark green through her teary eyes.

It was Rogue. She was standing in her doorway, stunned, watching the scene in front of her.

Kitty’s vision began to blur as she wheezed, desperate for air. Rogue put an arm around her and guided her into her apartment.

“It’s okay, Kathryn.” She helped Kitty back to the couch, closing the door behind her. Still unable to pull herself together, Kitty leaned her face in her hands and cried.

Rogue sat next to her, her arm around her, leaning Kitty’s head on her shoulder.

“Kathryn, whatever it is, I’m sure we can fix it.”

“I don’t think so,” Kitty whispered through tears as Rogue handed her tissues from the table. She took them, gratefully, wiping her eyes, her breath shuddering as she sighed.

Rogue pulled away and attempted to reposition herself on the couch so that she and Kitty could look at each other.

“What happened?” Her voice was incredulous as she settled back against the opposite arm of the couch.

“I -” Kitty moved her trembling hands away from her face and searched for something to say, anything. But the right words wouldn’t come to her, so she shook her head.

“Come on, Kitty,” Rogue scooted closer to her again and squeezed her arm affectionately. “As your oldest friend, I promise, you can tell me.”

Kitty took a deep breath, trying to steady her breathing and strengthen her voice.

“That’s the thing, Anna,” her voice was hollow, despite the tremor that rang out as she spoke. “You’re not my oldest friend. You’re not my friend at all. You hated me.”

“What?” Rogue laughed in disbelief. “Kitty, I - I don’t know where this is coming from, but I promise I don’t hate you. I love you.”

Rogue’s smile morphed into a look of concern.

“Did I say or do something..?”

“Oh, god no,” Kitty sniffed, taking Rogue’s hand in her own. “You’ve been nothing but wonderful.”

Rogue nodded thoughtfully, looking at the ceiling and trying to make sense of Kitty’s scattered thoughts.

“Okay…”

“And you’re kind, but there’s nothing you can do to help me.”

Rogue’s attention quickly snapped back to Kitty, and she shook her head slightly.

“Kathryn, you’re scaring me -”

“I’m sorry,” Kitty’s voice was hardly more than a whisper. The tears were gone and she felt empty inside, like she'd cried everything out of her and now she was skin with nothing under it.

“I don’t want you to apologize,” Rogue closed her eyes briefly and shook her head. “I want you to tell me what you need. What would make this better? Maybe not a fix, but anything that will help even a little bit.”

“Will you go with me to the Byrne Claremont Memorial Cemetery?” Kitty didn’t know what she expected to find there. Actually, she knew exactly what she’d find there, but she also knew it wouldn’t help her.

“Of course,” Rogue was grasping Kitty’s hand firmly between both of hers now. “Do you know someone who was buried there?”

“Um,” there was still a tremor in Kitty’s voice, and her eyes wandered as she considered how much she could say. But Rogue didn’t wait for a reply, she was on her feet in seconds.

“Just give me two minutes to get dressed and then we’ll go.”

Kitty smiled as she stood up, wiping the last of her tears away.

“Thank you, Anna. For everything. Really.”

“Of course,” she repeated, with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“I’ll wait outside,” Kitty gestured towards the door and Rogue nodded.

She breathed in the crisp wintry air, the cold stinging her eyes, which were still raw from crying. She reached out for the porch railing, willing her hand to phase through it. It did not.

“Kathryn!” Bobby jogged over with a bright smile and a grocery bag tucked under one arm. 

“Hey, Bobby."

Bobby took one look at her tear-streaked face and stopped in his tracks, his eyes blazing a brilliant blue against the white snow around him. He met her eyes with enough sincerity to turn her shallow smile into the real deal, as a sharp pang pierced her heart. He didn’t need to say anything, he never needed to say anything. Bobby had an uncanny ability to express his feelings with a simple look, or a touch. 

“I’m fine,” she shuffled her feet, wondering if running into Bobby while at her worst would become a regular torture in this hell of a timeline.

“Really?” He cleared the steps and approached her slowly, his steady gaze sending a shiver down her spine.

“Really. Me and Anna are just heading out.” She lifted her chin, defiantly, as if to say, see, I’m doing just fine. My life is exciting, and I definitely do not feel like a pathetic, whimpering loser.

To her surprise, Bobby threw his head back and slumped his shoulders in what sounded like a cross between a groan and a howl.

“Can I come with you? I’ve been dying to go out.” He dug into the bag and bit into a chocolate chip cookie, continuing to talk through his mouthful. “Where are you going? The pub? Or -”

He glanced at his wrist as if to check a watch, but he wasn’t wearing one. Then he looked up at the sky.

“- lunch?”

The door swung open and Rogue emerged, looking from Bobby, to Kitty, and back again.

She slumped towards him and said, accusingly, “what do you think you’re doing?”

Bobby reached into the bag and popped another cookie into his mouth.

“Joining you guys on your little adventure,” Bobby held out a cookie, but Rogue slapped his hand away.

Bobby then offered the cookie to Kitty, who gratefully accepted. She hadn’t realized how hungry she was until she smelled the baked goods.

“Do you know that we’re going to the cemetery?” A carefully contained fire had risen in Rogue’s eyes, her voice was steady in a deliberate way. Kitty was mesmerized by it. She’d seen this fierceness in Rogue plenty of times before, but it had never been on Kitty’s behalf. She felt as if she were watching Rogue and Bobby on a big screen, their giant faces beautiful, yet unattainable.

“Oh, how spooky!” Bobby held up a hand and wiggled his fingers as he held out the “oo.”

Rogue stared at him for a moment, burying him with those ferocious eyes. 

“Kathryn’s friend is buried there.” She was completely deadpan as she said it, and Kitty could’ve laughed under different circumstances.

“I’m an idiot,” Bobby dropped his hands to his sides, the grocery bag slipping from his arm and spilling out on the porch floor, like some confectionary catastrophe. 

But Bobby didn’t seem to notice. He put his hands on his hips and sighed.

“Kathryn, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said through a smile, kicking a cookie towards him. He kicked it towards her, and they went back and forth a few times, and she fondly remembered kicking rocks across ice back in Illinois.

Rogue stepped on it to end it, crumbs flying everywhere.

“Okay,” Bobby nodded, leaning down to pick up various sweets off of the porch. “Let me clean up this mess so that the ants don’t have a picnic, and then I would love to -”

He stopped, standing up straight and clutching a bag full of fallen pastry pieces to his chest.

“- I would respectfully request to join you, respectfully…if you’ll have me.”

“Of course!” Kitty exclaimed, but she looked at Rogue, doubtful. The other woman’s mouth was twisted into a smirk and her eyes glistened with admiration as she watched Bobby disappear into the house. When he was out of sight, she met Kitty’s eyes at last.

“What an idiot!” she grinned, prompting Kitty to burst into laughter. 

As her and Rogue joked quietly, Kitty couldn’t help but think of how much she liked her. At Xavier’s school, there was too much history, too many muddled feelings and tension over Bobby, along with clashing personalities. Friendship never stood a chance, let alone inside jokes and a shoulder to lean on. Kitty hadn’t had many close female friends at all, really. Even if she didn’t share the memories of their friendship like Anna did, she felt a spark of gratitude for this one silver lining born out of this treacherous timeline.

Bobby reemerged from the house, holding a wilted, orange flower.

“For your friend.”

They waited for the bus at the bench, Kitty sitting between Rogue and Bobby. She looked down at the bright flower and, for the first time in a long time, she felt the good kind of peacefulness. 

They didn’t have much trouble finding Logan’s grave. It was a relatively small cemetery, fenced in by a black iron gate. Looking up, Kitty could tell by the bare branches and thick underbrush along the perimeter that the cemetery was well-shaded in the summer.

She wandered to the right, mesmerized by the only tree within the fence. It was all the way in the corner, the massive trunk casting shadows on the last few gravestones, the snow thick on the ground in the cool shade. She stopped a few paces before it, and then looked down to her left. Like some divine compulsion, some unseen force, she had been drawn right to it.

“I found it!” she called, and Bobby and Rogue hurried over, following her gaze.

James Logan Howlett

Beloved father

Now fuck off!

“Oh…” Bobby stifled a laugh and bit his cheeks to keep from smiling. “That’s, um, colorful.”

Kitty sank to her knees, and dug a small stone out of the snow. She then laid the flower down at the base of Logan’s grave, and placed the stone on top of it. The petals waved to and fro in the whipping wind.

“I didn’t know they allowed that kind of language in a public space…” Kitty heard Bobby whisper to Rogue, who shushed him.

She then squatted down next to Kitty, her eyes studying the engraving.

“Who was he?”

“He was a mentor, of sorts.” Kitty glanced at Rogue out of the corner of her eye, hoping to find even a flicker of recognition in that pale face. But there was nothing. 

Bobby kneeled down on Kitty’s left.

“I mean, there’s not much written about him here, but he sounds really fun.”

“Bobby -” Rogue whispered sharply as she shot him a warning look.

“Sorry,” Bobby rocked back on his heels and brushed the snow from his hands. “Is it strange there aren’t any dates listed on here?”

“Bobby!” Rogue hissed, baring her teeth.

“I’m sorry,” Bobby threw up his hands, defensively, and shrugged away from Rogue. “It was a genuine question!”

“No, no, everything’s good, you guys,” Kitty intertwined her arms with theirs and took a deep breath. “Thank you both so much for coming, this means….”

She trailed off, reaching for the right words to match the overwhelming feelings welling up inside her. 

“...more than you know.”

“Who are you?” The voice behind them was curious with no note of confrontation, yet familiar enough to turn Kitty’s blood cold. Untangling arms, Bobby and Rogue whipped around to look up at Erik Lensherr with wide eyes. Kitty took her time turning around.

“We’re, um -” Bobby looked from Kitty to Rogue, uncertain, before glancing back at the engraving.

“- friends of James Howlett.”

Rogue nodded enthusiastically, a forced smile plastered on her face.

“That’s strange. I didn’t know Mr. Howlett to have very many friends,” a twinge of amusement sparked across Erik’s face, clashing awfully with his stern look. There was something nasty about it, as if he was a parent catching a child in a lie. 

“And how did you know him?” Erik sighed, as if he was bored. Bobby slowly rose to his feet, holding onto Kitty’s arm and bringing her up with him. Kitty touched Rogue’s elbow, lifting her up as well. 

Bobby and Rogue both cast unsure looks from Kitty to Erik, eyeing the man uneasily. Even without knowing Erik, or the things he’s capable of, he had an uneasy presence. He was tall and he donned a black trenchcoat. His silver hair was slicked back and seemed to blend into the thin white scar across his neck. His skin was harsh, and weathered, and he looked down at them with indifference that bordered on disdain. 

Kitty swallowed hard and straightened her posture, her gaze unwavering. 

“He was a great family friend, and mentor. He was like a second father to me.”

“That’s impossible,” Erik muttered, his face carefully guarded.

“Why’s that?” Rogue cut in, glaring at Erik out of the side of her eye.

“Because James Howlett died over thirty years ago.”

No one dared to move or speak for a beat. Bobby was turned towards Kitty, though his gaze was still cast towards Erik, one hand clutching the back of Kitty’s jacket, the other grasping at Rogue’s sleeve. Rogue squeezed Kitty’s wrist tightly as she struggled to respond. Kitty couldn’t help but think of how much more afraid they’d be if they knew the things Erik had done. The anxiety of uncertainty was better than the fear of knowing, and right now that fear was pulsing through every fiber of Kitty’s being.

But as she looked from Bobby, to Rogue, both of whom were ready to spring into action and defend her if necessary, she found courage in their strength.

“Erik,” Kitty stepped forward towards the man who had caused such fear and pain to so many people, and looked him square in the eye. “I think we should talk.”

Erik looked down at her, and she saw the mask slip. Just a little bit, just for a moment. A twitch of his brow, a slight tilt of his head. 

That sliver of hesitation was enough to turn her false confidence real, and the pounding of her heart subsided into a dull thumping as her shoulders relaxed and her posture straightened. 

“My name isn’t Erik.” He said, definitively, pushing past her, towards Bobby and Rogue who quickly shuffled to either side. He knelt at the foot of Logan’s grave. To Kitty’s surprise, he pulled a small bouquet of flowers out of his coat and laid them down tenderly. The back of his hand grazed the flower Bobby had brought, and he hovered over it for a moment.

“I’m sorry, old friend,” he whispered so softly, Kitty could barely hear it. Then he stood up, glared down his nose at the three of friends one last time, and walked away.

Rogue was clinging to Bobby’s jacket as if he was a lifebuoy, her other hand settled back on Kitty’s arm. She muttered some profanity under bated breath, and tried to pull Kitty closer. Instead, Kitty pulled herself free and chased after Erik.

“Kathryn, what are you doing?” Rogue cried, her voice sounding farther and farther away with each word.

“Kathryn!” Bobby howled, but Kitty’s eyes were trained on the back of the black coat, which whipped around in the harsh wind like the sharp wing of a raven. The ground was uneven and frozen solid under the snow, and she nearly tripped a few times on the stubborn bumps and dips as she ran. Erik never wavered in his walk, and although his pace was slow, he seemed to increase the distance between them with every step.

“Erik!” she shouted, throwing what lung power she had left into the name. All of the bitterness, the betrayal, and the coldness he had shown her and her friends over the years came rushing back.

“Erik, you son of a bitch!” she wailed, her voice hoarse with rage, and she felt the bitter tears stinging her cheeks in the brutal cold. Erik paused then, and let her catch up to him before turning to face her.

He snarled down at her as she skidded to a halt, his powerful figure looming over her. Suddenly she felt like Logan’s gravestone under the cool shadow of the tree.

“Logan died for you!” she cried, feeling her face flush with heat, her muscles clenched with anger.

“He died for you, you bastard!” Kitty pushed him, which didn’t have much visible effect, and then she began slapping his arms and chest in frustration. The fury behind her blows didn’t hold up much against the weakness of emotion, and she groaned in frustration as the shocking reality once again hit her. She would be alone in her memories, forever. 

“You bastard,” she sobbed, her knees giving out slightly as she thought of all the people she’d lost, all the memories that hadn't happened here, all the relationships that would never be the same. The closeness she’d been so accustomed to, and how people kept each other away at arm’s length now. And Charles. And Bobby. And Logan. 

Erik took her wrists in his cold hands, and lifted them in the air.

“Kathryn!” Bobby screamed, closer now than he'd been before, but not close enough. She could hear the panic in his voice, the urgency with which his feet hit the ground. But she didn’t care. That wasn’t her Bobby, and she wasn’t herself. She braced herself for whatever Erik was going to do next, and embraced her fate with a slump of her shoulders, her gaze pointed aimlessly at his feet.

But this Erik wasn’t the Erik she knew, and to her surprise, he pulled her towards him into a firm embrace. With one arm around her, and the other cradling that back of her neck, he rested his chin on top of her head. Stunned, she rested her cheek on Erik’s chest and heard his unsteady breathing. A million thoughts and emotions were rushing through Kitty, traveling too fast  to grab ahold of any one of them. But one feeling was persistent, and it shocked her - safe, she felt safe.

And then she was pulled backwards, stumbling away from Erik’s arms. Bobby had the back of her jacket balled up in a white-knuckled fist. He was shaking and panting, his wide eyes wildly dancing over Erik’s features. Rogue came crashing to a halt beside him, snow flying up from the ground around her.

“What - w -” Bobby never gathered all the pieces to the question he was trying to ask, and instead stumbled over an array of random syllables that seemed to end with a question mark.

Erik snarled down at them, but there was no force behind it. His eyes were tired and his breathing was heavy. He didn’t seem to care much about intimidating them anymore.

“How did you know that?” The question was directed at Kitty, although his eyes settled on Rogue.

“Because I was there. I know it doesn’t make sense, Erik, but -”

“My name is not Erik!” His booming voice caused the three friends to jump back, his eyes shooting daggers at Kitty now. He took a step towards her, and they backed away further. 

“No…” her voice was unsteady, but there was certainty behind her words. “Not here.”

Erik tilted his head and squinted as if he was looking at her from very far away.

“But you can feel it,” Kitty continued, stepping forward and regaining her confidence. “I know you can. You know that you know me, even if you might not recognize me. It’s like deja vu….sorta.”

Kitty took a cautious step forward. Bobby swung out for her arm again, but missed. 

“Isn’t it?” She challenged, taking another step forward.

Erik said nothing at first, and no one dared to move.

“Kathryn!” Bobby whispered loudly, but it sounded like background noise to her. She held Erik’s gaze with a look of unwavering confidence, willing him to remember.

“Logan warned me about people like you..” Erik spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully. “I’ve made a point of steering clear.”

Kitty scoffed, Erik’s eyebrows rising with curiosity.

“You’re never met a person like me.”

It was an odd and ambiguous thing to say, but it was also true. She was confident Erik hadn’t ever met a person like her.

Erik slipped his hands into his pockets and shrugged, his coat jutting out where his hands would be.

“I was going to head to the tavern up the street. Would you care to join me?”

Kitty blinked, dumbfounded. This definitely wasn’t the Erik she knew. He began to wander off in the general direction of the main street without waiting for her response. Without hesitation, Kitty started after him.

“Kathryn!” Bobby took her by the shoulders and whipped her around so she faced him. “What the hell is going on?”

“Do you know that guy?” Rogue added, her eyes blazing behind her stern look.

“It’s hard to explain…” she trailed off looking from one friend to the other, feeling small under their grueling eyes. “Please trust me on this.”

Rogue’s mouth was agape, one eyebrow was cocked, but her eyes were solid and dull like coal. She wasn’t stunned, or concerned. She was angry. Downright furious.

Kitty groaned, and looked behind her at Erik getting smaller in the distance, then back at Rogue. 

“Please,” her voice was raw. “I’m sorry to drag you into this. And you guys have been amazing friends to me - these past couple of days, especially. Please just do this last thing for me.”

Bobby gradually loosened his grip and dropped his hands. Rogue didn’t move. Neither of them said anything for a moment, then Bobby looked at Rogue and sighed.

“It’s a public place, you know,” he reasoned, as she blinked at him in disbelief. “It’s not like we’re following him down some dark alley.”

 Bobby smiled, and Kitty knew it was going to be okay. “Besides, you kind of owe me lunch. It’s your fault I dropped mine earlier.”

Rogue closed her eyes and was very still. Then, without saying a word, she pushed past Bobby and Kitty, towards Erik and the main street.

Erik was already sitting at a dimly lit booth when they arrived, a beer in front of him, the blue light from the bar casting a white shine off of his silver hair. He studied his hands, which were rough and calloused, like those of a laborer, shadows strewn across his hard face. Kitty sat across from him, feeling at home in the shadows, and greeted Erik with a curt nod. Bobby sat in the booth next to Erik, so that a reluctant Rogue wouldn’t have to.

“What’s your name?” He grumbled, taking a sip from his beer. 

“Kitty,” she folded her hands in front of her and studied him intently. “And these are my friends, Bobby and Anna.”

“How do you know about Logan?” His question began before Kitty finished speaking, and he shook his head impatiently.

She breathed deeply and focused on Erik, trying to ignore the heavy stares of both of her friends.

“Well, this is a bit hard to explain…” her eyes wandered up in thought, and he cast a simmering glare at her.

The whole truth would likely land her in a white, padded room, but she needed to tell some truth for any of this to make sense. As she reached for words, her eyes landed on the stained glass window above the door. The picture was of a light blue crescent moon with a face, eyes closed, a sleeping cap snuggled on the head.

“I have these dreams, at times…” her words were slow, and she watched Erik as she spoke, ready to backtrack and rework at even the slightest implication that she’d said something wrong.

“I had one recently where the world was ending,” she continued, casually yet cautiously. “There were just a few of us left who were trying to stop it. You were there, and so was Logan. There was another man named Charles Xavier -”

Erik’s eyes lit up with recognition at hearing the name, but Kitty kept going.

“And Ororo Munroe. And the end, it was - it was closing in, and we had to think fast. And Logan sacrificed himself to save us. To save everybody. And it felt so -”

Kitty pulled her hands to her chest and looked down, trying to find the words to describe what she saw.

“- real. It felt earth-shatteringly real.”

She dropped her hands and sighed. She chanced a glance at Bobby, who looked back at her, his face expressionless. She took it as a good sign that he wasn’t looking at her like she was batshit crazy. His eyes brightened as he met her eyes, and a slight smile of encouragement crossed his face.

“Logan is a hard man,” she continued, her heart fluttering. “But has a kind face, with dark hair and dark eyes. He’s small in stature, but his presence is large, and powerful, and he fiercely protects the ones he loves. He is incredibly resilient and skilled at what he does.”

Erik crossed his arms over the table and leaned forward. 

“You have a lot of these dreams.”

“Enough to fill a lifetime.”

“You got all that, about Logan, from a dream?”

“Yes.”

“Anyone who's seen a picture of him and has half a brain could’ve guessed that.”

“Sure,” Kitty closed her eyes and sighed deeply. “I could’ve googled him, or talked to someone he knew, or read a diary entry or something,”

Erik raised his brows, and Bobby leaned forward, hanging onto Kitty's every word.

“But you know I didn’t, Erik.” She exhaled, settling her nerves as she met Erik’s skeptical gaze. “There’s something deep within you that knows something is very wrong. I’m the first thing in a long time that feels okay.”

Bobby raised his eyebrows in excitement and bit back a smile, looking from Kitty, to Erik, and back again.

Erik looked at her, long and hard. Then he nodded and clicked his tongue.

“My name isn’t Erik,” he turned to Bobby and sneered as the younger man smiled up at him.

“Oh!” Bobby exclaimed after a moment, getting the hint and sliding out of the booth to let Erik out. Erik snatched his coat, which hung on a hook just outside of the booth, and glared at Bobby as he did so. And then, in a heartbeat, he was across the tavern and out the door.

Kitty sprang up and practically climbed over Rogue to get through. In her hurry, she didn’t take notice of her friend’s reaction to any of it. 

Bobby began to follow her, but Kitty held out her palms in a stop motion, and Bobby sank back into the booth, frowning.

“Just, wait -” She called out as she backed away. “I’ll be right back!” 

She pushed through the glass door, her breath visible in the cold outside. She rounded the corner, sliding on the snow-slicked sidewalk. Erik was a few doors down already, shoulders hunched in his dark coat, seeming to part the crowds with his dark demeanor. 

“Erik!” Kitty called, pushing through a group of rowdy teenagers. “Erik!”

No matter how fast she ran, or how much she yelled, she couldn’t seem to catch up to him.

“Erik!” she shouted, surprised by the power in her own voice. “Don’t you leave me here alone!”

He whipped around, eyes ablaze, and Kitty finally caught up to him.

“My name isn’t -”

“Yeah, okay, okay,” she held up a hand to stop him as she tried to catch her breath. “What’s your name, then?”

“Max Eisenhardt.”

Kitty tilted her head from one side, to another, as if debating.

“Okay, that’s different.”

“Why? Was my name Erik in your dream?” he sneered. “Is that what the prophecy foretold?”

“Alright, yeah, I lied.”

“No shit.” Erik started walking briskly in the other direction.

“Let me tell you the truth!” Kitty called, lurching forward after Erik before he slowed down. “You just do not stop, do you?”

“I could say the same to you.”

“That’s fair.” Kitty looked up at him, uncertain how to start. He looked down at her expectantly and raised his eyebrows as if to say, well?!

“Out with it, then,” he said coldly.

She put her hands on her hips and looked around, first out into the bustling street, then around the crowds milling the sidewalk, before her eyes landed on a little sidealley just ahead of them, to the right. 

She didn’t need to say anything. Erik followed her gaze, and ducked into the alley, Kitty close behind.

And then she told him everything. It came pouring out of her like a flood, the words seeming to escape her lips faster than she could even process them. She told him about her childhood in Illinois, about the headaches that started when she was thirteen. About how her powers emerged for the first time during a petty argument with her mother. How Charles Xavier and Emma Frost had both tried to recruit her, but how Charles had been sincere in a way that made her instantly trust him. That made Erik instantly trust him, too. Her years growing up at the school, the friends she’d had, the things she’d learned. How Charles had formed the X-Men, and Erik had formed the Brotherhood, but how the two of them were also, somehow, despite it all, best friends. She talked about Logan, and Jean and Scott. She couldn’t look him in the eye as she talked about Bobby and Rogue. And finally, she told him about how the school was her home, a safe haven for her and the many like her. 

And then she told him how it all ended. How Raven was captured, her DNA used as a weapon against mutants. The Sentinels, and how they’d destroyed everything. How Kitty sent Logan’s consciousness back into his younger self to stop it all. And how they’d rewritten time; not just the time after, but also the time before. It had changed the entire course of history for as far back as she knew it. And now they lived in a mutant-less world, and no one knew the truth except for her. And lastly, how she was alone in the world, about how she watched the hours tick by sometimes when she was alone. About how lonely and grey this world was. How she really needed a friend right now, a friend who knew Kitty as Kitty, and not as Kathryn the Classic Literature Professor.

When she finished talking, she briefly wondered if she was crazy. Superpowers? Evil cyborgs? Only she knew the truth? Maybe she needed to be locked up, stuck in a psych ward somewhere, eating asparagus with a spoon and doing crafts all day.

But then Erik - Max - finally spoke.

“Now,” he smiled, the corners of his mouth twisting grotesquely upwards. “Now I believe you.”

“Wait, really?” she anticipated an excuse to sneak away and call the police, or for the roaring laughter to fill the air, or for him to simply tell her off. But none of it happened.

He pulled out a pen, and took a crumpled receipt out of his pocket, then scribbled down an address. 

“I want you to come here tomorrow.”

“I teach a class in the morning.”

He looked up, surprised, and tilted the pen to the side as if to point.

“At the school?”

“That’s the one.”

“Oh, so that’s how you know Jean.” He nodded, as if this was all making sense.

“Oh yeah, she teaches astronomy,” Kitty’s eyebrows furrowed, and she squinted up at him. She shook her head as she took the paper and studied the address.

“Wait, how do you know Jean?”

“Jean Grey?” he chuckled as if the question was strange, like the whole conversation hadn’t been certifiably insane.

He tucked the pen away, and ducked out of the alley. Then he shouted back to her -

“Why, she’s Logan’s daughter, of course!”

Stunned, Kitty started absentmindedly back towards the tavern. A million questions swam around her head, the snowy streets of the town looking a bit sharper now. She pushed through the door and peered into the booth she’d left Bobby and Rogue at. Four college kids looked back at her. 

“Oh,” Kitty began backing away. “I’m sorry, I thought…”

She never finished her sentence, but rather hurried back towards the door. Back out on the streets, she headed towards the bus stop, jerking her head around and frantically looking for her friends. The surreality of her conversation with Erik had caused her to lose track of time entirely. How long had it been? Thirty minutes? Three hours? 

The sky was tinted with the first light of sundown, and her nose was running from the cold. She put her hood up and hurried on, rapidly scanning the crowds. 

Panic began to set in as she realized they could be in any shop, on any street. They could have taken the bus back by now. 

She reached into her pockets for a cell phone, but had no luck. She hadn’t gotten used to cellphones just yet, used to bringing them everywhere, all of the time. 

Her eyes watered as she spun in a slow circle, overwhelmed by the people and the stores, the infinite possibilities of where Bobby and Rogue could be. 

She pushed into the nearest shop, a place that smelled like vanilla and lavender, and sold ceramic statues. 

The shopkeeper turned to her with a smile and began to greet her.

“Do you have a phone I could use?” Kitty cut her off, bouncing impatiently on her heels.

“Um, well - I have a cellphone.”

“Can I please borrow it?”

“Sure, just stay in the store,” the shopkeeper handed her a touchscreen, which she squinted down at, pushing buttons and icons at random.

“Here,” the woman took her phone back. “Your hands are probably too cold.”

“Right,” she whispered, shifting her weight from one foot, to the other, and back again.

“What’s the number?”

Kitty gave her the number for the Victorian. The old house phone hung sadly on the hallway wall, and likely hadn’t been touched in at least fifteen years. She wasn’t even sure it worked.

“It’s ringing,” the shopkeeper said, putting the cellphone on speaker.

They listened to the phone ring intensely, ready to spring into action at the first sign of life on the other line.

Ring…ring…ring…ring…They let the phone ring out until they heard the beep to leave a message.

The shopkeeper looked up at Kitty questioningly, but she shook her head and motioned to hang up the phone.

“Have two people come through here a tall-ish -” Kitty held up her hand to illustrate Bobby’s height. “Blond guy in a blue jacket and a pale girl with long black hair in dark green? They’d both be about mid-to-late twenties.”

The woman scrunched up her face and shrugged.

“Maybe..? You’re describing, like, most couples who come through here.”

Kitty dropped her hands, sighing in defeat.

“Did they buy anything?”

“What?” Kitty stuttered, looking around. “I don’t know. Probably not.”

“Well,” the woman shuffled awkwardly. “I’ll keep an eye out for them?”

“Okay, yes,” Kitty hurried towards the door. “Thank you!”

Back out in the biting cold and with no leads, she headed back in the direction of the tavern. She bumped shoulders with anonymous faces in the crowd, heading upstream and away from the bus stop. She passed a guy playing the guitar on the sidewalk, and a woman walking three dogs at once. At the door of the tavern, Kitty sighed, agitated and afraid.

“Professor Pryde?” A voice rang out behind her. She whipped around to see Ranata hurrying towards her.

“Ranata? Is everything okay?”

“Yes,” the girl smiled. “I bought some books from the bookstore!” 

She held up a paper bag with a beaming smile.

“That’s really great!” Kitty exclaimed, looking out at the crowds. 

“Oh!” Ranata dropped her hands dramatically, and shook her head as if to say duh! “You’re looking for Professor Drake and Professor LaBeau, right?

Kitty’s attention snapped back to her student.

“How did you know that?”

“I saw them! I went up to them and I said, ‘Hi Professor Drake,’ and ‘Hi Professor LaBeau.’ I thought they were on a date, but they looked off, so I thought maybe they’d been fighting. Professor Drake asked me if I knew who you were, and I said, ‘of course, I love her class,’ and Professor LaBeau mentioned that they’d been looking for you, and I said -”

“Ranata!” Kitty’s hands were balled into fists in front of her, her lips in a tight line, making an effort to hide her agitation.

“Right, sorry. Anyway, they’re looking for you and they said to tell you if I saw you that they went to look for you by your friend. Professor Drake said you’d know what friend.”

“Okay, when was this?”

“Umm…” Ranata pursed her lips and looked up at the sky. “About twenty minutes ago?”

Kitty sighed in relief. 

“Thank you, Ranata!” She hurried past her student and towards the cemetery.

“No problem, Professor Pryde,” Ranata called. “I’ll see you for class in the morning!”

It was dark by the time Kitty returned to the wide, open gates of the cemetery. It was snowing, and the wind was whipping her hair around, partially obscuring her view. She could just make out two silhouettes against the bright snow, huddled in front of Logan’s grave. She hurried towards them, carefully crossing the frozen ground.

“Kathryn?” Bobby shouted, his words barely audible in the harsh wind.

“Yes!” Kitty screamed back. Rogue and Bobby started running towards her.

They met in the middle, the world grey and featureless in the stormy dusk.

“Let’s go!” Bobby shouted over the wind. Kitty glanced at Rogue, whose face was completely obscured between her hood, scarf, and the rapidly approaching night. They rushed towards the road and waited for several minutes in the frigid weather before the bus arrived.