Chapter nine
Bucky stood outside the front door, pausing for a moment. He didn’t really know what to expect on the other side, “Pull yourself together boy” he told himself, taking a deep breath, he fixed his hair and unlocked the door.
“Daddy I’m home, sorry I’m late, I went to get my hair done” Bucky dropped his car keys in the bowl by the door and walked to the lounge. “Stevie?” Bucky leant in the doorway, he saw him standing in front of a large gold framed mirror, fixing his tie. “Bucky, nice of you to show up” he snapped, struggling with his tie; his eyes didn’t leave the mirror but he glanced at Bucky’s reflection. He had to do a double take, Holy fuck.
Steve had put a lot of tension on his jaw in order for it not to visibly drop. He turned around to face the smaller man, “You look..” Gorgeous. “Nice.” He had to remind himself that he was still angry at him, he had to pay for his betrayal. “You don’t look so bad yourself” Bucky smiled, walking towards him gently, he had to give himself a mental high five, Nat’s makeover had worked like a charm, even if it was just temporary. Bucky walked closer to him, until they were inches apart, he could smell his Armani and Tom Ford cologne mixed with cigars and a very familiar metallic smell, almost like..blood. Bucky shook from his thoughts and looked over him with lust filled eyes.
Steve wore his smart black slacks, a tight, very tight white shirt, you could see his muscles rippling through the soft silk material. His black leather gun holster was around his shoulders with his signature gold and pearl 1911 colt pistol nestled securely inside it. Bucky got that feeling in the pit of his stomach. Fuck me. Little did he know, Steve was thinking the exact same thing.
Bucky placed his hands on his shirt collar, running his fingers delicately down Steve’s chest, “Need a little help?” he asked, looking at the undone tie hanging around his neck. “Since you’re going to stop me gettin’ ready, then you might as well make yourself useful” he said coldly. Bucky stopped, he wasn’t really sure if this was a warning or an invitation. He decided to continue anyway, grasping either side of the tie in his hands, he pulled him roughly forward, Steve’s chest slammed softly into Bucky’s, Bucky could feel his heart rate increase, but he vowed to himself that he wouldn’t look up. If he was too easy, he would suspect he was trying to cover something up…If he hadn’t already.
Steve looked down at Bucky’s treacherous little face. “Bucky,” His tone was heavy and thick. Bucky couldn’t look up at him, this man, this God that stood right in front of him had made so much effort to make their date night special, to make up for all the bullshit. And, And Bucky betrayed him, he wanted to keep quiet, take Natasha’s advice and remain silent but he couldn’t look Steve in the eye everyday and lie. “Steve, there’s something I have to tell you” still not meeting his eyes, he finished tying the knot. “What?” Steve was half tempted to tell him that he already knew, but he wanted to see if Bucky’d tell the truth or if he’d back out at the last minute and not tell him.
“I can only tell you, if you kiss me first” Bucky knew once he found out, it might be the last kiss they ever shared. Steve obliged, just to humor the two toned brunette and maybe, maybe because he was thinking the same thing. The last kiss. Steve’s hands grabbed his face and pulled Bucky’s lips to his, the kiss was soft and slow, savoring his taste. Bucky’s hands tightened around his collar pulling him closer, Steve’s hands mirrored his and grasped his neck. When the gentle kiss heated up, his grip grew tighter and tighter, Bucky didn’t even notice, too engrossed in his passion to realize that he was cutting off his oxygen supply. Not until he tried to pull away, Steve continued to hold him close, rage filled eyes circling his like a predator ready to strike its prey.
“L-l-let go” Bucky pleaded with the little breath that he had left. “I can’t -eathe”
Steve growled, digging his nails into Bucky’s skin around his neck, adding even more pressure. Was he going to kill him? He hadn’t decided yet. Dark clouds surrounded the corners of his eyes, threatening to consume him, Bucky tried his hardest to fight it but, when he looked into Steve’s eyes, he saw that spark. Not the spark that he got with Bucky but the spark he got when he was about to kill someone.
“Sto-” Before he could plead for his life, the dark clouds swallowed him. Bucky fell limp in his arms.
Hours later Bucky woke up on top of the soft maroon satin bed sheets that he and Stevw shared every night. He rolled over, massaging his neck to ease the flow of air back into his lungs, that’s when it dawned on him. He knew, he knew everything and that performance downstairs was just a tes, to see if he’d tell him the truth. The thought crossed his mind, why didn’t Steve kill him when he had the chance? Surely this meant that there was a chance, a chance of forgiveness. Bucky jumped to his feet, he needed to see him. Leaving the room on unsteady feet, still wearing his docs he made his way over to his office. Bucky tapped lightly on the door, but the force of his hand pushed the door wide open. After hesitating for only a second, Bucky swallowed his fear and entered the room. The first thing that hit him was the smell. It smelt strange, a kind of metallic and musky scent, making the surrounding air very heavy and humid. Bucky tried the light switch but nothing happened. The door suddenly slammed shut behind him, Bucky gasped feeling a presence linger next to him, then move away.
“Steve?” He barely spoke, his heart was pounding through his chest, blood was rushing to his head making him feel faint. Suddenly the desk light turned on, blinding Bucky and sending his pupils to pin pricks. Bucky squinted, “Stevie?” He stumbled closer, letting his eyes adjust to the light.
“Hello James” Nomad snarled
Oh fuck. Bucky’s mouth became dry, he never called him James. “Why don’t you take a seat, you look as though you’re going to pass out, and we wouldn’t want that now, would we?” His tone didn’t change, he sat still, eyes fixated on to his as he cautiously slipped into the chair in front of his desk. Once Bucky was seated, he decided to finally speak up. “Steve, you’re scaring me”
“Good, you should be scared” He slammed his hand on the desk. “Stevie please I-”
“Don’t call me that!” He snaps making Bucky jump. “What’s wrong?”
The fuck you askin’ stupid fuckin’ questions for!
Classy Bucky, really
He knew perfectly well what the answer would be. “Oh, I think you know, don’t you James?”
“Why are you calling me that! That isn’t my name!...Please don’t call me that” Tears slipped out of Bucky’s eyes making his eyeliner run. “What else would I call you? Bucky would never betray me, so you must be James” Steve’s voice shook slightly, but he cleared his throat. “Stevie I- I” Bucky sobbed, “I’m so sorry Daddy, I didn’t want- It- He kissed me! It was a mistake, a huge mistake”
“You’re right James, it was a mistake. This whole thing was a big fuckin’ mistake.” Nomad pulled his pistol out of his holster. “I’m going to take the liberty of correcting it.”
“Please Steve, please” Bucky’s breathing rate increased as he started to shake. “Stand up.” He demands gripping the gun. Bucky stared at him blankly, refusing to believe that he would do this. “Stand Up! ”Bucky jumped to his feet and stepped to the side, away from the chair, Steve walked around the desk towards him, Bucky wanted to move away but his feet were frozen. “Please Stevie I-” He was cut off by Steve smacking him across the face, Bucky’s head swung around, surprisingly he didn’t fall. Steve grabbed his face in a vice grip and pressed his forehead to Bucky’s, “What did it feel like James? What did he feel like? Did you beg for it?” Steve’s lips brush his, “No! No Steve, please stop!” he whimpers, “Is he a better kisser than me?”
Bucky’s head lolled from side to side, trying to hold back a river of tears. “Answer me!” he growls. “No! No, it felt revolting, he’s disgusting! I didn’t want to kiss him! He kissed me then he tried again in the kitchen, brushing up on me and threatenin’ me,” Bucky chokes on a sob “I don’t want anyone but you Steve, you have to believe me” Bucky looked up in to his eyes. “ You’re all I want, forever”
“Don’t lie to me” He hits him again, this time making him fall back into the wall, Bucky’s head smacks against the wall, he feels warm liquid trickle down his neck continuing to run down his bare back.
“I ain’t lying”
Nomad marched towards him and crouched to his level. “Why James, why did you let him get that close to you? Don’t you love me anymore?”
And didn’t those words just make Bucky snap, how could he say that?
“Love you? I tell you I fucking love you every chance I get, every moment we’re together I tell you. Which is more than I can say for you! You have never once told me you loved me and holding my hand over your heart is nothing but some elaborate trick to get out of saying it. Do you wanna know why I let him get close to me, Steve? Because when you sold me off like a common whore, it hurt! It hurt so much it literally felt like my heart was breaking!” Bucky wipes away his tears, “It broke me, I was hurting by myself and one of Your men was lurking around our bedroom and so yeah maybe I vented but that didn’t give him permission to kiss me or try and black mail me into being in a relationship with him! Having a split second of attention that entire week made me feel a temporary fix, just someone having a conversation with me made me feel the love I deserve. The love you never show me! But it didn’t work because he took advantage of that by being a fucking creep, not the first one you’ve hired by the way! I’m yours, lord knows why when you treat me like this, I’m yours, I’m always gon’ be yours and yours alone”
Steve didn’t react, not at first, he just processed Bucky’s words, could he be right? Steve didn’t want to admit it, but his and Tony’s words rattled through his brain. Maybe he did drive Bucky to seek out attention from other men? He was so quick to give him to another man in order to escape debt, that maybe , just maybe what he was feeling now, was the same as what Bucky felt.
“So you blame me for your infidelity?” Steve grabbed Bucky’s hair, making him yelp. “Infidelity? I didn’t sleep with Walker that’s fucking disgusting! Would you have blamed me too if he did decide to rape me too huh Steven!” Bucky sobs leaning into his hand trying to ease the tension on his skull. “I don’t even care if you forgive me or not at this point” Bucky scoffs
“Forgive you? How can I forgive the only person I’ve ever trusted. I opened up my life for you Bucky. You’ve thrown it back in my face”
Bucky laughs at that, “Barely, should’ve left me in the chemicals” he spits
Have you a fucking death wish Bucky!
Steve growled, he grasped his gun pressing it in between Bucky’s eyes. He didn’t leave Steve’s gaze, Bucky could see deep within his soul that he was fighting a conflict in his mind, eerily enough his face remained blank and murderous.
“Do it” Bucky whispers “If you can’t let this go, if you hate me, then do it. Because I don’t want to live without you, you’re my heart Steve, without you…..I’d be dead anyway” Bucky looked him dead in the eyes, waiting for the inevitable. He heard Steve cock the gun back, he pressed the barrel deeper against his skull. “I love you” Bucky whispers, blue eyes meeting blue for the last time.
Steve lowered the gun and placed it on the floor beside Bucky, he brought both of his hands to his face and wiped away Bucky’s running eyeliner. Bucky whimpered under his touch, half relief and the other half fear. Steve’s hands lowered to his neck, he wrapped them around Bucky’s throat. He didn’t apply pressure, he just held him still knowing that in one motion, he could snap his pretty little neck. Bucky had surrendered, accepted his fate, accepted the fact that he would die by Steve’s hand. That’s not what he expected, it’s not what wanted.
“Stand up.” Steve pulled away and stood upright, watching him. Bucky shuddered at his words and slowly brought his hands up behind him to the wall, supporting his weight, he slid himself up. “Move Forward”
Bucky looked at his feet, focusing on his steps. The blood seeping from the break in the back of his head, made him fall forward. He knew the fall would knock him out, it all happened so slowly, his left foot caught his right, blood continuing to trickle from the back of his head and it all became too much. His brain shouted at his arms to come forward, to stop the fall, but they didn’t.
Two tattooed muscular arms covered by a soft silk shirt raced forward and grabbed him, pulling him up right, The same arms that caught him dragged him over to the desk chair. “How’s your head?” He mocks, “Like it's been bashed against a wall.” Bucky touched the back of his skull, wincing. “Good.” Steve stood, grabbing Bucky’s wrist he pulled him up, “Can you walk on your own?”
“Yes, I can walk”
“Follow me.” His words didn’t carry any emotion, absolutely nothing. Nomad walked towards the office door and bent down, picking up his gun on the way out. Bucky followed closely behind, bare feet treading carefully along the ground.