JJ had just walked into her usual gym at 5 am. She likes to go to the gym early because no one will be there, and she can have the gym all to herself. But how surprised she was when she saw Daisy, her most recent teammate. Daisy is wearing a black long sleeve crop top that shows her toned abs and black leggings. JJ goes to Daisy, who is standing in front of a punching bag, getting ready to workout.
"Hey, Daisy.” JJ calls out Daisy’s name.
Daisy saw who was calling her. And after she realized that it was JJ, she immediately gave her a warm smile. “Oh, hey JJ. What are you doing here?”
JJ smiles back at Daisy. “This is actually my regular gym. I never saw you here, though.”
“Yeah, I don't go to this gym that often. I mostly go to the gym that is closer to my house, but they are currently renovating, and this gym is the second closest gym to my apartment.” Daisy shrugged.
“Ah, so that’s how it is. Well then, I’ll leave it to you then. Bye, Daisy.” JJ said her goodbye as she went to the treadmill.
“Bye, Jayje.”
After an hour of working out, JJ takes a break and drinks her water on one of the benches. Then Daisy sits next to her too.
“Hey, you want to go to the ring with me?” Daisy asks, grinning.
JJ is not one to shy away from a challenge, so of course she accepts it. “Sure thing. Let’s go.”
“Great!” Daisy smiles with a childlike smile.
They are both now in the ring. They both decide not to use any safety because they just want a light spar, nothing too rough.
“You can go first.” The brunette woman said to JJ.
Now JJ grins at Daisy. “Don’t regret it later.” She then goes at Daisy with force and strength, easily surprising her. Daisy is left a little winded by the experience, but she still holds her ground.
“You pack a mean punch, huh?” Daisy teases JJ, still in awe of JJ's skills.
JJ chuckles, "Well, I did warn you..." She gives Daisy a warm-hearted smile and says, "You wiped out already?"
"Oh wow, you underestimated me so much, JJ. Come again; I'll make sure I win this time."
"You better!" JJ laughs. "But I'm going to give you a little hint to remember- this time I'm not going easy on you." She moves in and throws a playful punch right at Daisy's arm as a warning.
“Sure thing, Jareau.” Daisy smirks.
They both get back to their positions and resume their sparring. The fight continues to get intense. Daisy tries to get a hold of her, but JJ breaks the hold and gets one of her own on Daisy before tossing her to the mat. JJ gets above her and pins Daisy to the mat. She looks straight into Daisy’s eyes and gets really close. Daisy tries to get out, but JJ has her pinned down completely. She stares up and gives a small smirk. “Yield?”
Daisy scoffs. “No way.” Then Daisy flips Nat, so she is now below her body. “Yield?” She repeated what JJ had said to her before with a teasing tone.
“Never.” JJ laughs playfully and flips Daisy back over. They continue fighting like this for a while, each having their own moments of victory against the other. Eventually, Daisy manages to pin JJ with relative ease and gets above her, looking into her eyes and holding herself really close. She smiles and raises an eyebrow, waiting for an answer. “Yield?”
JJ chuckles, amused by their interactions. “Hmm, are we really going to do this all day, Dais?" JJ asks Daisy with a smirk on her face. “I mean, I can do this all day if you want.” JJ said while flipping Daisy underneath her again, accidentally pulling down Daisy’s long sleeves.
JJ enjoyed every inch of Daisy with her eyes, both of them were panting, trying to get air into their respective lungs. JJ is still looking at Daisy, and then her heart drops when she sees Daisy’s arms. The blonde woman can see red marks and scars on Daisy’s skin. What on earth...?
"Daisy, what happened there?!" JJ asks Daisy as she lets go of her grip on Daisy’s arms, trying to see her arms better.
JJ’s tone softens as she finally sees the markings on Daisy's arm. She lets her go and steps back, looking at her with both curiosity and concern. "What happened, Dais? When did you get these?"
There's a long silence between them as they stare at each other. Daisy's eyes are wide with surprise at JJ’s concern. And JJ looks concerned but also unsure of what to do next. But she decides to do something. "Let's, uh, go talk about this somewhere else." JJ reaches for Daisy’s hand.
But Daisy pulls her hand from JJ’s grip. "There's nothing to talk about, JJ. I'm fine. I'll go change my clothes."
"I don't believe you." JJ stands her ground. She's not sure exactly what is going on, but she knows one thing for sure - Daisy is not fine. And JJ will stand by Daisy until she figures it out. "Come on. Let's speak privately." Even though there are only she and Daisy in the gym, things like this are better talked about in a private place.
"No." Daisy also stands her ground. "I'm tired, Agent Jareau, let me go." Her tone turns cold.
It would be a lie if JJ said she wasn’t shocked by her friend’s cold tone, but she had already decided to help Daisy. So she pushes Daisy again. "I will not let you go until you tell me exactly what’s going on." JJ’s normally soft features turn hard as steel, and her voice is firm and determined. Her mind is made up - she will figure out what's going on with Daisy's life, even if she has to drag her there herself. “I care about you, Dais. Just talk to me, please.”
“It’s none of your business.” Daisysaid it curtly.
"Like hell, it is!" JJ moves to grab Daisy again. It's very clear that she's not backing down anytime soon. "I just want to talk, Daisy. Or I'm going to force you to talk to Hotch." JJ’s grip is firm, hard, and cold. She's not messing around.
Daisy scoffs. “Ha, unbelievable. I don’t want to talk about something, and you coerce me to talk? Really, JJ?”
JJ nods with a straight voice. “If that’s what it takes.” She knows this is such an ass move, but she needs Daisy to talk to her. JJ isn’t stupid, she knows what those scars mean. And JJ knows Daisy won’t talk to her if JJ just asks her nicely, so she chooses to provoke Daisy into anger. Even if she lashes out at her, she will at least know what Daisy feels.
“Fine!” Daisy shouts at Daisy. “You want to know what happened? I cut myself. Happy? Now let go of my hand.”
JJ still grabs Daisy’s wrist, not letting her go. “Have you talked to anyone about this, Daisy?” Concerns can be heard in JJ’s soft voice.
“No. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a few cuts, and I only cut within normal limits. It’s not like I'm doing this to die; I just want to feel something, okay?”
“It's still dangerous, Dais. Self-harm is nothing to mess around with. You shouldn't be cutting for the thrill of it; you shouldn't be cutting at all.” JJ looks so worried for her friend right now. “Please, I beg you to get help. At least just talk to someone—anyone. Tell them what's going on and how you're feeling. Just letting out your thoughts and emotions can help tremendously.”
“NO! Cutting isn’t that bad. It's just a way to cope. People have different coping mechanisms, and this is how I cope. I don’t see anything wrong with that.” Daisy denied JJ’s plea for her to get help.
“It's a harmful coping mechanism. The whole point of a coping mechanism is to help you deal with your circumstances healthily; while the point of unhealthy coping mechanisms like cutting is to harm yourself and/or enable you to avoid your problems.”
Daisy defended herself again. “It's only a few lines on my arms, and it's not deep enough to cause permanent scars. So it's still okay, it’s still within the normal limits, it’s still in my control. I'm fine.”
“But you're not fine. Cutting yourself is not okay. Please, Dais, I'm telling you to get help.” JJ said desperately.
Daisy let out an exasperated sigh. “Why can't anyone see from my point of view? Everyone always blames me for thinking that it's okay to cut. I was just cutting within normal limits!”
“I don't think the problem is that you're cutting within some limit, I think it's that you're cutting in general. That's harmful behavior. No one is blaming you, I just implore you to get help for it. Do you really not see why?” JJ is tired of Daisy’s stubbornness.
“Yes, I don't see why it's wrong. I feel like my view of this whole thing is right. I don't want to kill myself; I just want to cope, and my coping mechanism is cutting. That's not something wrong or problematic.”
JJ scoffs right now, her patience running low. “Oh, come on. You know better, Daisy. Coping mechanisms are supposed to help you deal with your circumstances and/or emotions - not make things worse by literally cutting yourself, which is a harmful and self-destructive behavior. Do you understand?”
Daisy shakes her head furiously. “No, no, no. You're wrong. Cutting didn't make things worse. I feel better when I cut myself. I can feel my emotions and all that. I don't think it's harmful or self-destructive. Why do people only see it in a bad light?”
“We have been trained on mental health before we become profiler. You know there are many side effects from cutting. And yet, you still think cutting is a healthy coping mechanism?” JJ is frustrated at her friend who is in denial about her problem.
Daisy, still standing her ground, answers JJ's question. “Yes. Because I never feel the side effects, that means I can still control myself and my cutting. It all depends on the person who does it, and I can control it.”
"And what if, one day, you lose control, hmm? What if, one day, you cut too deep? The risk that it's going to lead to a bad outcome is far too high. It's a serious problem, regardless of if you haven't felt those effects at this moment, hmm? I - everyone on the BAU doesn't want to lose you, Dais. We all care about you."
"No, JJ. I'm sure I won't lose control. Okay, maybe I've cut too deep once or twice. But even when I cut too deep, it's not that deep. At most it will just leave scars, not enough to lead me to death's door." Daisy ignores JJ's sentence that's saying she and everyone care about her.
"But can you say for sure it can't happen? That you'll never cut too deep? And is it really worth it? Is cutting yourself, even at a level where it won't kill you, really better than going to someone for help?" JJ takes a deep breath before continuing. "What if a year from now, you meet a therapist and end up feeling completely better? But you can never take back those scars you left on yourself. Would that be worth it to you?"
"Yeah, I'm sure, at least I won't die from cutting too deep. And I think it's worth it. At this time, it is worth it. Besides, no one will see my scars, so what's the big deal about that?"
"Because it's you that has these scars, sweetheart." The endearment nickname accidentally slipped out from JJ's mouth, making Daisy tilt her head a little. "I'm going to ask you to promise me something. I want you to promise me that the next time you have the urge to cut yourself, instead of doing that, you'll try to seek help instead. Can you do that for me? Will you try your best?"
Daisy ignores JJ's plea again, and only replies to her first sentence. "Yeah, because it's me that has these scars, then no one will see it, so I don't have any trouble with scars from any cutting."
"You're missing the point. It's not just about the scars; what you're doing is dangerous and unhealthy. Can you promise me what I asked...? Please?"
"No, I still, for the love of God, can't understand why cutting is bad. So I won't promise anything until I understand that." Daisy now crossed her arms in front of her chest.
JJ sighs, rubbing her face in frustration. "How can I make you understand, hm? What can I do? What can I tell you?"
"I don't know! Maybe, just let me do my own business, and don't stick your nose in it. How about that?" Daisy challenges JJ.
JJ's gaze softened, knowing that this is just a tough face that Daisy put on. JJ's hand went to Daisy's cheek. "You know I can't do that, Dais." Daisy didn't avoid JJ's touch, so JJ continued stroking Daisy's cheek. "I care about you, a lot. I love you, I need you to stay here, be healthy, physically and mentally."
When Daisy didn't say a word, JJ takes this as some of her words already got into Daisy's head, so she continued. "Me, Emily, Derek, Penelope, Spence, and even Hotch, we all care about you Daisy. We want what's the best for you. But this," JJ pointed to Daisy's arms. "This is not what's the best. This is harmful. We don't want you to harm yourself, sweetheart." Now JJ just lets the nickname slip, not really caring what Daisy thinks about it. Daisy is important to her, and she wants Daisy to know it.
"I know you're hurting, and I'm here for you. I want to help, and you need professional help, Dais. Would you be willing to at least try and meet a professional?" JJ assured Daisy, and now tears are building up in Daisy's eyes.
"I don't know.." Daisy said in shaky eyes, holding herself not to cry.
JJ tries to offer another idea. "What if I accompany you, is it going to make it easier? Or maybe someone else you know?"
"Maybe." Daisy wipes her teary eyes, not wanting to look weak in front of JJ. "Can you go with me?" Daisy said while looking everywhere beside JJ's eyes.
JJ pinched Daisy's chin and made it so that she looked into her eyes. "Of course I will. I'll be next to you every step of the way."
The blonde woman hugs Daisy warmly and whispers affirmative words to her friends. "I'm proud of you, Dais. You're doing so well for taking this step. You'll get through it, okay? I'll be here for you, anytime and anywhere."
Daisy nuzzles her head to JJ's embrace. "Thanks, JJ, and I'm sorry for shouting at you and being such a hardass." She mumbled.
JJ chuckles. "It's okay, I understand how hard it must be. What is important right now is you want to get better and actually take a step to do that." The blonde rubbed Daisy's back, and planted a quick kiss on Daisy's head.
"Okay, thanks again." Daisy hugs the woman tightly.
Daisy know it wouldn't be a smooth ride, but she is willing to try, and she also have JJ and the whole BAU team on her side. Hopefully, when she falls again, there will be someone that catches her.