sex ed talk
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"Hela has returned!"
"What?" the god of mischief muttered in disbelief
"That's not all, brother" he turned, now directing his broad smile to the rest of his friends, "you have all been invited to attend the ball in her honour!" he exclaimed
This earned a mix of different reactions.
The team was torn between being confused by this 'sister' they had heard nothing about, and being excited because they had been invited to Asgard.
Loki was shell shocked, not quite knowing how to react upon hearing that the older sister he'd never met, was coming back.
And, finally, Cora had a wide smile that was wiped the moment she heard the last part of Thor's announcement, clapping the brothers on their backs before hurrying back to the inside of the ship, she immediately fished out her phone, the second she turned it on she was met by different people sending practically the same message
It wasn't my idea
-Your super good friend Heimdall
It wasn't my idea, promise
-Your best friend in the whole universe
Don't believe them, it was their idea 100%
-Your daughter and the reason for your happiness
So, the best thing she could think of doing, was calling Hela
"Is Lenora staying in Asgard?" she asked the second the call connected
"I'm fine, thanks for asking, yes, I met my brother, it was okay, I was so nervous, ugh, i'm so happy you called so I can tell you all about it" came the response of her best friend, and both of them could practically hear each other's eyes rolling
"Is Lenora with you?" she repeated, more firmly this time
"Yeah, she's staying with us, do you want to sp-"
"Both of you go to the gates, right now, or I swear to my dead mother i won't bring you the poptarts you liked so much next time I see you" after her threat she only heard a muffled 'fuck' then shuffling, until a minute later the voice of her friend came through
"My queen, to what do I owe the pleasure?" the gatekeeper asked nervously, obviously knowing what he 'owed the pleasure' to
"I trust i'm on speaker phone right now, so, who the hell suggested that Odin should invite the whole team to the ball? Because I kid you not i'm one step away from having a fucking Queen of Hearts arc moment" she sighed, causing her daughter to repress a laugh
"It wasn't me, scout's honour"
"You aren't a scout, Lenora"
"Stop bullying my daughter and answer" Cora demanded as the other three went on a rant arguing why Lenora was or wasn't a scout
"It was Heimdall" chorused the two women on the other line of the phone
"You little shit!" she screamed
"You deserved it!" retorted the man in an uncharacteristic loud voice
"What?" was all Cora could ask in her confusion
"You missed my birthday, didn't visit, not even a message text"
"I feel like this has turned into a personal conversation, I'm uncomfortable, aunt Hela" the princess mumbled, to which the goddess hummed, munching on a sandwich she had conjured up sometime during the phone call
"So that justifies jeopardizing my identity staying secret?" she screeched in a high pitched cry
"Maybe I should remind you that the same friends you want to keep your identity hidden from, are just outside of that ship you are currently on" advised the all-seer gatekeeper, having recovered himself... a bit, at least
"You're a bad friend" she sighed in defeat
"And you're a- What do the midgardians call it?" he said in mock deep thought, "Oh, yeah, a fuckhead" he finished, causing a, relieved, laugh from the grey-eyed woman
"Well, I'm guessing I'll have to think up an excuse to decline the all-father's oh-so-rare invitation" the queen chuckled tiredly, already feeling drained from imagining how suspicious and difficult it will be to justify not joining the bunch in their trip to the golden realm
"No!" this time the screaming came from Hela, "How the hell will I be able to survive the ball without you?" whined the goddess of death, something they had when they were young, during the boring parties, they would stick together the whole night, and even pretend to be dating whenever sweaty knights tried to ask them to the dancefloor
"If you hadn't killed my sister..." she exhaled in fake musing, before erupting in laughter at the awkward silence along with Lenora, who was, by now, very much used to the sick sense of humour her mother found so amusing
"For every time you throw that in my face, somewhere in the universe, a puppy dies" Hela said frowning, as she did whenever Cora brought up her past actions
"I shall immediately shut my pretty mouth then, your majesty" Cora replied, exaggerating her accent to sound like an old lady's posh voice
"Cora, prince Loki and mister Barnes are approaching the ship, I suggest you end this call, before, you know..." trailed off the bronze eyed man
"Yeah, okay, buh-bye, Len, you call me later to tell me how the meeting with he-who-shall-not-be-named went" she said, referring to Odin, before hanging up as soon as she heard the unmistakable sound of the Quinjet's doors opening
"Doll? You here?" came the voice of the soldier as he walked in
"Don't your boyfriends disapprove of you calling other women 'dolls'?" teased the woman "although, I think you'd rather worry a bit more about the so-called god of mischief" she added in a mumble when noticing the killer glare said god was sending towards the blushing man
"Shut up, Cora" muttered the, now both, flustered men
"At ease, boys" she said, skipping giddily towards the two, she positioned herself in the middle of them, throwing her arms around the brooding men's shoulders, "what did I miss?"
"Well, the asgardians have a sister, apparently, something about Valhalla's princess requesting a ball in her honour, that was the place you told us we were going to when we died, right?" said Bucky, searching for confirmation, this made the raven haired prince do a double take
"You know about Valhalla?" he questioned, his expression failing to hide his amazement
"You missed the memo, dear, as I told your brother when he first interrogated me: you get a whole lot of answers when you know where, when and who to ask" she cockily stated, like she was giving the two boys the lesson of their lives, in reality she just wanted to move on from that topic as soon as possible
"So, apart from what Buck said, what else, my prince?" she questioned, smirking smugly at how he briefly readjusted his jaw at the use of the title
The god coughed to keep himself on track and answered, "Well, personally, I'm interested in getting the truth, we were always told that, until now, Hela had been on mission around the realms to protect us, my brother's never questioned it, but I have. It doesn't make sense, why wouldn't she come to visit via the bifrost? Why abandon her family for so many years? How does she know Valhalla's princess? Why is she returning now? Where is the youngest Freyasdottir? So many things that make no sense, I'm starting to feel like my brother" he ended his rambling with a snarky remark about his apparently not only sibling, which earned him a slap on the shoulder from the woman
"Youngest Freyasdottir?" wondered the winter soldier, thankfully asking the only thing that mattered to Cora
"The secret Freyasdottir, Freya was the Queen of Valhalla, Sigrún was her firstborn, went on to become part of the Valkyries, later on the youngest Freyasdottir was born, but soon after was sent to Asgard, where she was trained and raised, she supposedly befriended Hela, my sister was a century older than her, they were inseparable.
"When they were older, Freya fell ill, so Sigrún Freyasdottir, had the crown passed on to her. One day, Odin ordered the secret princess to tamper with the Asgardian people's minds, unknown why, but she refused, so Sigrún, infuriated, went to the Allfather, in defense of her little sister's honour, reminding the king that Valhalla was above them
"Odin, embarrassed and angry, used the jurisdiction he had over the Valkyries, and sent them on a mission to Muspelheim, one he knew would prove to be deathly. Almost all the warriors died, including Sigrún.
"After that, the princess had to take her sister's place, and Hela went on her quest around the realms, and it is believed that driven by her wrath, the now Queen of Valhalla, got herself out of the remembrance of Asgard; memories, books, anecdotes, everything, the only thing she left behind was a distant feeling on our people's hearts, they all loved her, but can't remember her, hell, we don't even know her name, thanks to Odin. She hasn't set foot on Asgard since then, and the rest of the realms are sworn to keep her hidden from us"
By the end of the god's narration of the events, the soldier was left shocked at the dramatics of the story, probably pitying the 'secret Freyasdottir' or judging her for playing with other's memories
Cora on the other hand, felt proud that that version of the events was the one that stuck with the asgardians, the part about Odin's reason to send the Valkyries was true, only he didn't send them to Muspelheim, but to fight the Goddess of Death
"I see why your mother thought you two would make a good couple" mumbled Bucky, who had probably been told about the mini quarrel between the brothers when they were in Asgard dropping off Brunnhilde
"From what I've heard, I'd have to agree, truly a dream of a woman" he said, and Cora almost felt a sting of jealousy, before realizing that, firstly, she was the woman they were talking about, and secondly, Loki was just trying to get her back for what she had said when the two men had first entered the ship
"Oh, please, you'll have to try harder to get me all bitter like you, I'm innately the sweetest piece of soul there is" she mocked, pinching the god's cheeks, then turning to the snickering soldier "Aren't I, Buckyboo?" She batted her eyelashes teasingly, then broke down when the god started glaring at them, which only caused Barnes to join in the laughter and mocking.
Fuming, the god stomped out of the ship in search for the rest of them, and to escape the pair, who only followed behind him, slightly behind him since their laughter slowed them down
"Cora is impossible and James is an atrocious friend" the prince announced when they finally found the rest of their group, who had moved to the common room, since Thor's arrival had also triggered a heavy thunderstorm
"Try dating the atrocious friend, then you make a fuss" mumbled the falcon from where he was cuddled up besides his other super soldier
"I pity Steve so much, he must be so sick of always having to get you two to stop arguing" said Clint as he cleaned his bow
"Trust me, I share a floor with them, he really takes advantage of it, if you know what I mean" joked Natasha, feeling as though if she had to endure that, then she would make it everyone else's problem as well
"Gross!" yelled the three younger avengers, which made the designated parents (Tony, Loki, Clint and Cora) turn to them with wide eyes, since in their overprotective eyes, they were definitely not supposed to know what the black widow meant
"Please tell me we don't have to give them the sex talk now" rushed the billionaire, panicked at the thought of having that chat
"Uhm, well, we're their... life mentors, I guess, so, yeah" said Cora, huddled up with the other three, the twins and Peter looked like they would rather get kidnapped than be about to get the talk from them, meanwhile the rest of the team just found the whole situation hilarious, and were thankful that they didn't have the title of 'life mentors' as Cora had put it
After a lot of debating (and silent panicking from Cora, who had realized one of the kids she was going to have the talk with, was also dating her daughter), the god of mischief had had enough of the bickering between the three adults, so he walked out of the circle and turned to face the teenagers.
"Use protection. No means no. You're entitled to decide whether you're ready or not, and how far you want to go. Communication is key. Pleasure is not a sin. If you have any doubts or questions you can come to any of us, if you don't feel comfortable enough, I'm certain Friday was programmed to only give reliable information on all topics, but I advise you come to us" and with that, he walked back to his seat, and pulled out a copy of 'To the Lighthouse' Cora had lent him, leaving everyone speechless
"Is it bad that whatever just happened turned me on?" Cora said, only registering she had said that out loud when she saw the stares from her friends and the cocky smile of the god of mischief, who still had his nose stuck in the book
"You need to get laid" murmured Nat as she passed her on her way out of the room
"Are you offering?" she yelled in retort, winking suggestively at the russian woman
"Sorry, Ки́са, maybe when you're not in love with the goth of mischief" the woman said before getting on the elevator, leaving both the queen and the prince a flustered mess, not helped by the laughter of the other heroes, except Thor who didn't know whether he was repulsed or excited by the idea of his brother and best friend together
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"Mom, Peter knows what I look like" Lenora mentioned carefully the second she and her mother had grabbed their snacks and made their way towards the couch
The duo was back at the princess' cottage, she was meant to be staying in Asgard with Hela, but decided to take a day away from being pampered up, since the ball wasn't happening for month, in order to give the goddess of death some adjusting time
So, now, the two were spending a lazy evening, loads of snacks, and Gilmore Girls on the TV, one of the many midgardian shows the valhallans had learned to love
Currently playing, there was a scene where the fictional mother and daughter were doing exactly what the real mother and daughter were doing: eating their weight in pizza and noodles while watching the TV
"We're literally Lorelai and Rory" mused Lenora, sparing a glance towards her mother, who absentmindedly nodded
"And Dean is Peter" she said, earning a pillow to her face "I've always been team Jess though" she added with her mouth full of food
"Shocker" huffed the girl, sarcasm clear as day "you know, for the last decade or so I thought Alejo would be your Luke, because Alejo has a bar and Luke has a diner, but now..." she trailed off suggestively, Cora furrowing her brows not seeing what her daughter was getting at
"Now..." she mocked "Now, what, dummy?"
"Allow me to just say that someone else comes to mind..." she said then sighed dramatically when she caught the still confused stare in her mother's face
"Luke has an L and a K, I knows someone else who has an L and a K in their name. Luke is a brooding man in love with a sarcastic, caffeine addicted mother, I happen to know about a brooding man in love with a sarcastic, caffeine addicted mother" she said, proud as if she was giving the presentation of her life, though the pride turned into core aching laughter when seeing the unimpressed look on Cora
"Remember that episode where Lorelai kills Rory? No? Let's reenact it, see if that jogs up your memory" she threatened, though it meant close to nothing to the fairy, who just laughed
"Cora and Loki, sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in its baby carriage" sang the blonde fairy, clapping her hands
"You're spending too much time with Heimdall" whined Valhalla's queen, crossing her arms over her chest and ignoring the kissing noises Lenora was doing, trying to focus on whatever drama the Gilmore girls had gotten in on that episode
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