Chapter 3
When Yelena found the thermostat in her room, she immediately cranked it down until it was freezing. She shivered, her teeth chattering and fingers stiff but it was familiar and comforting. She didn’t have her concrete walls to sap up the warmth, and with the large windows letting the sun peer into her room, it would get too hot.
The cold was familiar and it made the big room more bearable. She hadn’t thought anything of it until Natasha came to her room.
“Jesus, Yelena!” Natasha immediately went to the thermostat to crank it back up. “I’ll have Tony take a look at this, it must be broken.”
“No--” Yelena darted forward to grab her sister’s wrist, pausing when she realized what she had done. Natasha looked down at her in surprise, Yelena still gripping her wrist. “I did it on purpose.”
Natasha looked down at her for a few moments. “Do you know how a thermostat works?” She finally asked before quickly reassuring her. “It’s okay if you don’t.”
Yelena hadn’t really understood how it worked at first but she knew what it was. “I know enough.”
“Yelena, your room is like a fridge,” Natasha told her, pointing to the numbers on the little screen. “You turned it down as low as it could go.”
“So?” Yelena mumbled, letting go of her sister’s wrist. She felt like she had done something wrong. Perhaps she wasn’t allowed to touch the thermostat.
“Yelena, your room is fifty-five degrees Fahrenheit. Your skin is cold. You’re shivering,” Natasha pointed out.
“I like it,” Yelena argued quietly, staring at the ground.
Natasha stared at her, utter bafflement on her face. “Why?”
Yelena shrugged slightly. “It makes me think of The Room.”
Natasha’s face softened and Yelena doesn’t protest when Natasha let go of the thermostat to instead wrap her up in a hug. Natasha’s skin was warm, so warm that it reminded Yelena of the sun, only it didn’t make her blood feel like it was boiling. Yelena thought of Christopher telling her that the sun was trying to give her a hug and in her sister’s arms she could finally understand what he meant.
“You can’t keep staying in some place so cold,” Natasha told her. Yelena’s face fell. Even if the cold was uncomfortable it was familiar and it made her think of The Room. “Have you ever been ice skating?”
Yelena frowned, trying to recall what exactly that was. “No, I don’t think so.”
“It’s kinda like ballet. Clint took me a few times,” Natasha gave her a little squeeze that didn’t make her feel stifled. “I’ll take you in the morning.”
Yelena let Natasha set her thermostat higher and promised not to turn it below seventy-two degrees. In the morning, Natasha took Yelena to an indoor ice skating rink.
The cold air surrounding her made her think of The Room. Natasha rented skates for them and took her out on the rink. It was odd at first but Yelena quickly got the hang of it and let Natasha take her around the rink in circles, spinning her and teaching her how to skate backward.
When they had to get off the rink because it was closing, Natasha promised to take her again.
Yelena looked forward to it.
“Okay. One, two, three--” Lia pushed her feet into the air, rolling into a somersault. Yelena pushed herself up to roll as well, pushing herself up onto her hands, laughing as Lia’s face screwed up to concentrate.
“I’m gonna beat you,” Yelena laughed as Lia’s face turned red with the force she used to try and stay on her hands as well, her legs flailing in an attempt to keep balance.
“No fair!” Lia gasped out before she fell over onto her back. “You’re bigger than me!”
“LJ can do it,” Yelena said before letting herself fall onto her back by Lia. “We can go again.”
“You’re gonna win again,” Lia huffed before shaking her head. “Let’s play the floor is lava!”
Yelena took a moment to look around her room. It was much bigger than The Room so there were more places to jump when the floor was lava. “Okay.”
There was silence for a few seconds before Lia shrieked “The floor is lava!”
Yelena leaped up onto her bed as Lia scrambled onto the dresser. Yelena perched herself on the edge of the bed, looking for someplace to jump.
“You’re not gonna make it,” Lia stuck her tongue out at Yelena when she saw her eyeing the desk tucked in the corner.
“Will too. I have steppings stones!” Yelena leaned back to grab one of the many pillows on the bed and tossed it onto the floor between the bed and the desk.
“Stepping stones don’t float on lava,” Lia huffed as she rolled her eyes.
“You’re just mad that you can’t pick up the pillows to do the same,” Yelena stuck her tongue out at her before she readied herself to leap.
Yelena landed on the pillow, balancing herself as Lia leaned over the dresser.
“Here we have Lee-Lee about to do the impossible and leap across the lava-filled volcano to the other side where the treasure of… um…” Lia paused her announcer voice for a moment.
“Hurry up!” Yelena laughed as Lia’s face screwed up.
“The treasure of Tikki!” Lia finally declared, jabbing a finger at the box of tissues on the desk. “A solid gold idol that will make us rich!”
Yelena nodded her head. “Ready?”
“Ready!” Lia hollered. Yelena leaped forward to perch on the desk chair, wobbling when it swiveled under her weight. Lia laughed at her and Yelena couldn’t help but laugh back when Lia slipped off the dresser, vanishing before she ever hit the ground.
“Yelena?”
Yelena froze at the sound of her sister’s voice as the door to her room opened. She immediately jumped off of the chair and nearly tripped over the pillow on the ground as Natasha took in the sight of the room that Yelena had been messing around in.
Before Natasha could scold her, Yelena blurted out her apology. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again, I promise.”
Natasha looked confused for a moment. “Do what?”
Yelena clasped her hands behind her back and ducked her head down. “I was playing like a foolish child. I’m sorry.”
Natasha frowned at her before it vanished quickly. “What were you playing?”
Yelena hesitated. Lia was nowhere to be seen, having likely hidden when Natasha entered. None of her friends liked to be around Natasha and Yelena knew that they were scared her sister would make them go away. LJ had said that they would go away when she didn’t need them any longer but Yelena still needed them.
“It’s okay,” Natasha reassured her, nearing her. Yelena braced herself, letting out a small sigh of profound relief when Natasha doesn’t try to touch her. “I’m not upset.”
Yelena swallowed hard, looking down at her feet to avoid Natasha’s eyes. “Promise?” She asked quietly.
“I promise,” Natasha doesn’t hesitate to reply. “I heard you laughing and I wanted to see what you were doing.” When Yelena glanced at her warily, Natasha continued on. “I’m happy that you were laughing, Yelena. I’m glad that you feel safe enough to do that.”
Yelena averted her eyes once again, unsure of what to do with the comment that made her chest warm. “I was playing the floor is lava,” she confessed. “Like we used to do in Ohio…”
“Oh!” Natasha sounded surprised and slightly pleased. “Can I join you?”
Yelena’s head snapped up to stare at her. “What?”
“Can I play with you?” Natasha inquired. When she saw Yelena’s puzzled stare, she elaborated. “I may be a bit rusty but I think I can manage.”
“You want to play with me?” Yelena wasn’t sure if Lia would want to play if Natasha was playing too, but the thought of playing with her older sister, something she hadn’t done since she was a very young child, made her excited.
“Yeah,” Natasha smiled. “In fact, I bet Clint would play too.”
“I don’t think there’s enough room in here?” Yelena said cautiously. She didn’t want to break anything.
“We have a training center we could play in. Tony won’t mind,” Natasha offered and Yelena looked at her warily. It was one thing to play alone in her room where the chances of getting caught were slim, playing in a public place with other people nevertheless was intimidating.
“Maybe… maybe later?” Yelena said tentatively.
Natasha, as if realizing that Yelena wasn’t ready for that, nodded her head. “That’s okay.”
“But,” Yelena continued on quietly. “You can… join me in here.”
Natasha brightened up and grinned. Yelena’s heart sang from the genuine joy on her face. “Alright. You’ll have to explain the rules to me.”
Yelena smiled slightly as she turned her head to hide her joy. “Okay. So the tissue box on the desk is actually the golden idol of Tikki--”
Christopher’s soft humming only soothed the top of the hurt dredged up by the latest nightmare. Yelena was huddled in her closet, pressed against the corner as she tried to catch her breath. She felt absolutely drained but she couldn’t let her guard down, not in someplace so unfamiliar.
The Room had been safe. Nobody dared to hurt her in there. The door that opened one way and locked on the outside kept her safe from guards who feared getting locked in with her or risking her escaping.
The door in her current room could be propped open and locked from the inside to keep people out rather than in. Even so, Yelena didn’t dare touch the lock. Maybe it was because she was scared of accidentally locking herself inside or maybe it was because she felt like she was breaking a rule whenever she even touched the lock.
Natasha had tried knocking on her door before she entered at first but Yelena didn’t like it. People didn’t knock before entering in The Room. When Yelena expressed such to Natasha, her sister told her that she wanted to give her privacy and a safe place.
“You can always tell me to go away,” Natasha had said. “This is your room. You can lock the door and you can tell people not to come in.”
Perhaps Natasha hadn’t realized yet that Yelena couldn’t do that. It hadn’t been something for her to control in The Room and having the option now was odd.
Yelena tried to explain to Natasha why she didn’t like it but the words weren’t coming out right so she finally told Natasha that she just wanted her, and only her, to enter the room without knocking. Natasha hadn’t looked happy about it but she asked Yelena if that was really what she felt comfortable with and made her promise to tell her if she ever changed her mind.
It took only a few times of Natasha entering before she finally asked Yelena why she backed up against the wall on the other side of the room if she wanted her to come in anyway. Yelena had to explain that she used to be made to do that whenever they brought her food so that she wouldn’t try to run away or slip out.
Natasha started interrupting Yelena by greeting her with open arms, telling her to “come here and give me a hug”. The want for her sister’s affection often won out over the need to prove she wasn’t going to run. She’d backtrack before she’d reach the wall and deflate into her sister’s arms.
Her new room was becoming safer but nightmares often made the room feel way too big. Even though Christopher was perched beside her being his usual gentle self, Yelena still felt like she wanted to crawl out of her skin.
She’d hide under her metal bed in The Room sometimes when she wanted to feel safe. The bed in her current room didn’t have enough space under it for her to fit, not to mention it was much too big and not tucked into the corner so she wouldn’t be safe.
“It was only a dream,” Christopher reminded her softly when he noticed Yelena wasn’t as comforted as usual by his singing. “And it was scary but it was just your mind being mean to you.”
“Well, I wish it would stop,” Yelena huffed, furiously swiping her sleeve across her face to collect the dampness from her cheeks. “I hate it. I hate it! I wish it would stop! I wish my mind would be quiet and let me sleep!” She punched at the wall, deflating a moment later before sighing. “I’m sorry, little bear. I didn’t mean to yell.”
Christopher leaned as close as he could get without actually touching her. “It’s okay. I forgive you.”
“Yelena?” There was a knock on her door before it opened. Yelena froze and automatically held her breath as she listened to her sister enter the room. “Jarvis told me that there was a loud thump from your room. Are you okay?” Yelena listened as her sister passed the closet further into her room. “Yelena?”
Yelena could hear the small bit of panic when Natasha didn’t find her in bed. She knew that she had to soothe her fears before Natasha thought she ran away. “Here.”
There was a pause before footsteps approached the closet. The moment the moonlight peeking through the curtains hit her face as the door opened, Christopher vanished with the light and Yelena was left peering up at her sister in her pajamas who looked down at her in concern.
Yelena swallowed hard and looked away in shame. Natasha lowered herself to a crouch in the doorway of the closet and Yelena listened to the sounds of their breathing, one much slower than the other.
“Can I join you?” Natasha finally asked and Yelena slowly nodded. Natasha molded herself into the empty space next to her, a little gap of space between them. Yelena was waiting for the inevitable question about why she was sleeping in the closet but it didn’t come.
“When I first got out of the Red Room, I would get these nightmares so bad that I would forget where I was. I wasn’t where I thought I was supposed to be.” Natasha surprised Yelena when she began to talk about herself. “Clint would find me wandering the halls in the early hours of the morning at times. I would be searching for my room, the one that I shared with other girls, convinced that I could sneak back into bed before I was caught. I didn’t remember that I wasn’t there anymore.”
“What did Clint do?” Yelena asked quietly, picking at the sleeve of her shirt.
“We had a game that he called ‘five truths’. I had five things that I would recite whenever he would tell me ‘five truths’,” Natasha explained. Yelena frowned, slightly confused about the game. “I had five things to remind myself of the present.”
“Like what?” Yelena asked before realizing that her sister might not want to tell her when she hesitated. “Nevermind.”
“No, it’s okay,” Natasha reassured her, taking a deep breath as she tilted her head back. “He’d list numbers and I would reply. One, my name is Natasha Romanov. Two, my best friend is Clint Barton. Three, I have a sister named Yelena. Four, I am not in the Red Room. Five, I am safe.”
“I was part of your numbers?” Yelena asked with intrigue. “But I wasn’t in the present. How did I remind you?”
“Just because you weren’t with me didn’t mean that you weren’t my sister. I needed to remind myself of that sometimes. I didn’t… I didn’t want to forget you.” Natasha straightened up and turned to look at Yelena. “I never forgot you.”
“But you didn’t come back.” Yelena hadn’t meant for it to sound so mean when Natasha flinched. She was simply stating a fact.
“I’m sorry,” Natasha’s voice was quiet as she looked down at her hands. “I should have. I looked for you but I was… I guess you could say I was scared. I was terrified of what I would find if I did.”
“Like your sister in a concrete box?” Yelena regretted her blunt words once again when Natasha let out another wince. Before she could apologize, Natasha replied.
“Like you were dead.” Natasha’s voice was so tiny that Yelena almost didn’t hear her. “I was scared that I would find out you were dead. That I was too late.”
“But you weren’t,” Yelena pointed out, hesitantly scooting closer after a few moments. “Whatever you did or didn’t do is in the past. I’m here with you right now. You got me out.”
Natasha gave her a weak smile. “You’re right. You’re so smart.” She reached out to drape an arm over Yelena and Yelena doesn’t hesitate to lean into the warmth.
Christopher had always been a comfort on long nights whenever her mind would torture her but she had often wondered what it would have been like if she could have touched him, if she could have had the warmth of another person pressed against her, a beating heart thumping with hers as their chest rose and fell.
Christopher had been nice but Yelena couldn’t help but admit she preferred the warm embrace of her sister.
“I think I might be crazy.”
Yelena was perched on a table in Tony’s lab as the man worked. He was surprisingly comfortable to be around even though he was a man.
“Yeah?” Tony hummed before holding his hand out. “Gimme the screwdriver next to you.”
Yelena picked up the screwdriver and threw it at him, the man snatching it out of the air as he focused back on the suit in front of him. “Well, what would you call someone who sees and talks to imaginary people?”
“Interesting,” Tony paused for a moment to shoot her a grin.
“I’m serious,” Yelena huffed, kicking her feet back and forth as she leaned back. “I know what they do to crazy people. I don’t want people to think I’m crazy.”
“Living in a concrete box would make anybody crazy,” Tony commented and Yelena scowled at him. Even though his back was mostly to her, he told her, “Don’t make that face at me, chickie, it’s true.”
Yelena huffed and tilted her head back. “If they were gone then I wouldn’t have to worry about anyone thinking I was crazy.”
Tony tossed the screwdriver to the side when he was finished, letting it clatter somewhere to his left in a pile of junk. “But you don’t want them gone, do you?”
Tony was smarter than Yelena originally gave him credit for. “No…”
“I’m gonna give you a little piece of advice so listen up, chickie,” Tony turned his chair, a propane torch clasped in one hand. “Fuck everybody else.”
Yelena blinked at him. “What kind of advice is that?” She blurted in bewilderment.
Tony grinned. “Good advice.” He tossed her a pair of goggles. “Put those on.”
Yelena pulled the goggles over her eyes as Tony settled his own pair on his face before he started to weld.
“The thing you gotta learn is that nobody’s opinion is more important than your own,” Tony’s voice was raised so that she could hear him over the noise. “Those who care about it don’t matter and those who matter don’t care. If you’re crazy then all of us are a little crazy. I was tortured in a cave, Steve was trapped in the ice, and Clint was raised in a circus. You’re not special.”
“What if Natasha thinks I’m crazy?” Yelena raised her voice back.
“Then she doesn’t matter!” Tony called back and something bitter settled in Yelena’s stomach. “But you gotta have more faith in her, chickie.”
“I have trust issues!” Yelena replied, and Tony paused momentarily to look at her before he tilted his head back and laughed.
“Join the club,” Tony grinned at her before he glanced down at his suit. “You wanna learn how to weld?”
Yelena shrugged and pushed herself off the table to approach him.
Having a man so close to her didn’t feel so uncomfortable. Tony was unlike any other man she ever met.
She liked him.
His letting her wear the Iron Man glove and shoot beams at piles of scrap to destroy them was just a bonus.
It hit Yelena suddenly one afternoon that she hadn’t seen LJ in a while. She had been playing I Spy with Lia when she realized that the older teen had been absent for a few days, longer than ever before.
Maybe it was silly for Yelena to search the tower for them. They were only a figment of her mind but she felt like she had to look for them. Maybe LJ would come out somewhere else.
Yelena couldn’t sit around, not when LJ didn’t respond when she called.
It was foolish to work herself up into a tizzy over it but the more Yelena searched and was unable to find them, the more upset she got.
“LJ!” Yelena cried the name to empty rooms, hoping that LJ was just playing a stupid joke on her even though that was more Lia’s thing. “LJ?”
She hadn’t realized that the Avengers were holding a little meeting in the kitchen until she stumbled to a stop when she saw them, her mouth suddenly dry. Clint had been spotty in appearances so seeing him was a surprise she couldn’t appreciate at the moment. Natasha was standing and moving toward her at her sudden appearance.
“What’s up, chickie? Why are you yelling?” Tony inquired, his feet resting on the table, the picture of bored ease.
Yelena swallowed hard. “I can’t find LJ,” she admitted to the man.
“Who’s LJ?” Natasha frowned, glancing between them.
“Leather Jacket, Natashalie,” Tony gave her a dismissive wave as he focused on Yelena.
“You don’t have a leather jacket,” Natasha spun to look at Yelena in confusion.
Yelena, to her horror, felt tears welling up in her eyes. She hadn’t wanted Natasha to find out but she couldn’t find LJ and she didn’t know what to do. Her friend was missing.
“Can we help you find your leather jacket?” Steve offered, confused at the conversation but no less eager to help.
Tony stood up and moved toward Yelena. Natasha reached for her but Yelena was afraid of letting her get close. Her secret was leaking out into the open and if she let herself accept the comfort then it might hurt more later if Natasha hated her.
“What about the others?” Tony asked as he started to leave the room and Yelena doesn’t think twice about following him. He was smart, he must have some idea of what to do. Yelena only realized moments after they stepped into the elevator that Natasha had followed them, entering as well.
“They don’t know,” Yelena whispered, tugging on her fingers anxiously. “They’ve never been gone for so long before.”
She thought about when LJ told her that they’d be there until she no longer needed them. Yelena still needed them. She wasn’t ready.
“Will someone fill me in please?” Natasha begged when they stepped out into the lab. Yelena glanced over at Tony who gave her a shrug. He wasn’t going to break his promise.
Yelena wasn’t even sure how to tell her sister. The tears filling her eyes finally overflowed and rolled down her cheeks.
“It’s okay, Yellie-Bellie,” Christopher said softly from across the room where he sat on the desk Yelena usually perched on. “Maybe she can help.”
“I don’t want her to hate me,” Yelena whimpered to him. She felt Natasha wrap her arms around her and Yelena couldn’t bring herself to pull away.
“Nothing you say could make me hate you,” Natasha promised in a low voice, her tone serious and sincere.
Yelena burst into tears, noisy and loud. Tony paid her no mind as he tinkered around with his suit.
“It’ll be alright, little sister,” Natasha promised, kissing the top of her head as she let Yelena burrow into her. “I’ve got you. You’re okay.”
“I see people!” Yelena wailed into her sister’s shoulder. “They’re not real but they’re my friends and I can’t find one of them!”
Natasha’s hand faltered from where she was rubbing Yelena’s back before she continued and kissed her temple. “It’s okay. I don’t hate you, I promise.”
It took Yelena a long time to calm down. Natasha doesn’t let go of her, rocking her from side to side as she hummed much like Christopher would do.
It was harder to talk to Natasha about it than it was to Tony. The man was hovering in the background and some part of Yelena was reassured, reminded of the way that Tony told her she should have more faith in her sister.
Yelena told Natasha about Lia, Christopher, and LJ along with what they looked like and how she interacted with them. Natasha was quiet and calm the whole time but her gentle touch reassured Yelena that she wasn’t upset.
“Thank you for telling me,” Natasha said softly when Yelena finished. Yelena wasn’t sure what she was expecting, perhaps a little more anger, but it certainly wasn’t to be thanked.
“Perhaps LJ just went on vacation,” Tony finally piped up and Yelena turned to glance at him in confusion. “What, imaginary people can’t take vacations?”
“I don’t know,” Yelena mumbled, looking down at her hands. “What if they don’t come back?”
“Then they don’t come back,” Tony shrugged and Yelena’s stomach twisted.
“Don’t be rude, Tony,” Natasha chided the man before addressing Yelena. “Give it a little bit of time, okay? Do you want to join me tonight?”
Yelena was tired and scared. She slowly nodded and let Natasha pull her close. She didn’t want to think about her friends one day not being there anymore.
Yelena fell asleep in Natasha’s bed that night. It was big and too soft, especially after Yelena was used to sleeping on the floor of her closet, but her sister was right there and it was safe.
She woke in the middle of the night when she sensed a figure looming over her. She turned and looked up at them, her heart lurching when she recognized them.
“LJ!” Yelena breathed out, careful not to wake her sleeping sister nearby when she sat up. “You came back.”
“I’m sorry,” LJ said quietly, perching on the edge of the bed to face them. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”
Yelena felt like crying all over again at the sight of her friend. “Where did you go?”
LJ looked away with a small wince. The sight of it made Yelena’s stomach twist. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” Yelena had a little pity of worry forming at the repeated apology.
“You needed a little push to tell your sister,” LJ mumbled and Yelena’s heart dropped into her stomach.
“You hid on purpose!” Yelena nearly lost control of her volume. “Why would you do that?”
LJ winced and picked at a patch on their jeans. “Your sister loves you, Kiddo. You know that we can’t be here forever. One day you won’t need us anymore.”
“But I need you here now,” Yelena whispered, reaching up to wipe away the tears welling up.
“And we’re here for now,” LJ leaned forward, their hand hovering over Yelena’s leg as if they wanted to rest it there to reassure her. “But you have your sister. She’s everything that you made us for. She plays with you, she comforts you, she protects you, she’s everything you wanted and needed.”
Yelena wanted to be mad. She wanted to be upset with LJ and remind them that they told her she had to be the one to make the choices and that they forced her to tell her sister. But she also knew that they were right, she just hadn’t realized it.
“Please don’t go like that again,” Yelena whispered. “If you’re gonna go then please say goodbye. I need to know.”
LJ gave her a lopsided smile. “I’ll do my best, Kiddo.” They then stood. “Get some rest.” They turned and disappeared. Yelena laid back down and settled back with her sister, falling asleep easier with the knowledge LJ was okay.
Yelena didn’t think she was supposed to hear the conversation Natasha was having on her phone in the morning. Natasha was across the room sitting at her desk, likely assuming Yelena was still asleep as she was for most of the conversation.
“I know that.” Natasha sounded tired. “Clint, I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Yelena couldn’t hear his reply.
“I never had imaginary friends. I thought that was something for really little kids,” Natasha admitted. The phone was shifted and Yelena strained to hear the muffled reply.
“Some people actually have them into their teens. As long as it’s not impacting their ability to function then it’s not a problem,” Clint said. “A lot of kids make them to prepare for socializing with others. It helps them make friends.”
Natasha was quiet for a moment before she sighed. “What do I do, Clint? They’re not real but they are to her. I want to support her but I don’t want to hurt things.”
“You want to know whether to acknowledge it,” Clint surmised and Yelena assumed the noise Natasha let out was an agreement. “As long as they’re not saying or convincing her to do harmful things then it’s okay. They’re her friends, Nat. She was alone and craved absolutely any conversation or attention that her mind gave her friends to cope.”
There was a hitched breath. “She must have been so lonely,” Natasha’s voice cracked slightly. “I failed her. I let him down.”
“Hey,” Clint said firmly. “Five truths. Ready? One--”
Yelena listened as Natasha listed the five truths she had told her a little while ago. She wanted to be upset that Natasha told Clint but she also felt guilty that Natasha was so conflicted and distressed.
“Better?” Clint asked when he finished.
“Better,” Natasha sighed out. “I just want her to know that I love her and will support her no matter what.”
“Then tell her that,” Clint said simply. “I know that you’re not exactly one for mushy feelings but I think that both you and Yelena could use that.”
Yelena eventually fell back asleep to the sound of her sister’s voice.
When Natasha did tell her later on that she loved and supported her, Yelena felt that same warm feeling in her chest that she adored.
Yelena felt like LJ talked to Lia and Christopher without her even though she knew that was impossible. They sometimes would make suggestions that she should join Natasha when seeking out certain things. The only times they wouldn’t suggest Yelena talk to Natasha was whenever Natasha wasn’t available.
“Natasha can actually give you snuggles,” Christopher told her when Yelena was upset and lonely. “And I bet they’re nice and warm like Pooh Bear.”
“Natasha can actually make sure you don’t cheat,” Lia said when Yelena was looking for someone to play with her.
“Natasha will punch Tony in the face if you tell her that he accidentally hit you with the screwdriver,” LJ told Yelena after the man profusely apologized when he hadn’t noticed she was there and threw a screwdriver into the depths of his lab only to hit Yelena.
Yelena missed her friends but she had her sister and the rest of the Avengers.
Natasha took her to an indoor trampoline place and Clint joined them and taught Yelena how to do flips.
Tony heard Yelena liked the ice rink so he packed her and Natasha up and sent them skiing.
Yelena joined Steve to catch up on pop culture that she had missed while living in The Room. Natasha would join her and him when they went to museums or out to see movies.
Yelena sometimes caught glimpses of her friends out of the corner of her eye, the occasional joke or comment whispered in her ear (Lia couldn’t help herself making a joke about a nude painting in a museum). Natasha never seemed to be bothered whenever Yelena would mention them, sometimes asking a question or making a comment. Whenever she would catch Yelena talking to air she wouldn’t interrupt her conversation.
In the end, Christopher was the first to go.
She turned eighteen and Christopher came to her one night, settling on the bed next to her.
There wasn’t really much to say. Yelena could tell why he was there and for some reason, she wasn’t as angry as she thought she would be.
“I don’t want you to go,” she admitted quietly.
Christopher smiled up at her, the same gentle smile she had come to love. “You don’t need me anymore, Yellie-Bellie.”
Yelena wanted to argue that she did, that she would always need him, but she knew that he had to go eventually. “You were a good friend.”
“Thanks,” he beamed up at her. “You were a really nice friend too.”
“I wish I could take a picture of record your voice,” Yelena admitted. She didn’t want to forget his soft voice singing to her whenever she was upset.
“It’ll be okay,” Christopher promised her. “It’s time for the next great adventure.”
Yelena liked to entertain for the moment that he’d go someplace nice and not just not exist in her mind anymore. “Yeah… little bear?”
Christopher tilted his head to the side.
“Will you sing to me again?” Yelena requested quietly.
Christopher smiled at her and began to sing the same song that had gotten her through many rough patches in her life.
When she realized he was good and truly gone she went to Tony and cried.
Tony bought her the original Winnie the Pooh series along with a plush Pooh Bear.
On rough nights Yelena would curl up with the plush, her head in her sister’s lap as Natasha read aloud from the books.
LJ was the next to go months later. Yelena hadn’t been expecting it but knew from the moment she saw their face that they were leaving.
“I promised to say goodbye,” LJ shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant despite their grimace.
In some ways, it was easier to say goodbye to LJ because there wasn’t much to be said. LJ was never much for words, always preferring to watch.
“Thank you for protecting me,” Yelena told them quietly.
LJ gave them a lopsided grin. “That’s what I was here for.”
“I’m gonna miss you.” Yelena didn’t want to think about the fact that she’d grow older than LJ’s physical appearance and they wouldn’t be there to see it.
“You gotta promise to do one last thing for me, Kiddo,” LJ said and Yelena straightened up and nodded.
Two days later, Yelena was the proud owner of her own leather jacket as promised. She picked out a soft brown just like LJ’s, smiling when Natasha complimented her choice.
Yelena liked to think that LJ would have approved of it.
Yelena was nearing nineteen when Lia, who had been spotty in appearances, was waiting for her on her bed, swinging her feet back and forth just like she did when they first met.
Yelena knew that she had to go.
She was going to lose all her friends in the span of a year. They each left her, reassured that she didn’t need them anymore.
But Lia was her oldest friend. Lia had been around for nearly eight years of Yelena’s life.
“You already know I gotta go,” Lia commented when Yelena collapsed onto the bed next to her. “But it’s been fun.”
Yelena thought of the tic-tac-toe board that she had once etched into the cement wall behind the door where she played endless games with her. “It has.”
“You were one really cool kid,” Lia continued. Yelena sat up and looked at her in offense.
“Was?” Yelena scoffed and Lia giggled.
“You’re not really a kid anymore,” she pointed out and Yelena smiled at her logic. “I still think you cheat at games though.”
“You can’t cheat in the floor is lava,” Yelena insisted, an argument she had over and over again throughout the years.
“Agree to disagree,” Lia grinned up at her, still missing her front tooth. “Any last wild words before I ride off into the sunset like a cowboy?”
“I’m going to miss you, old friend,” Yelena admitted quietly and Lia didn’t bother teasing her for being mushy. “Can we play one last game of I Spy?”
Lia let out a small sigh of faux annoyance. “If I must,” she said dramatically before she softened her posture and gave Yelena a rare moment of seriousness. “Yeah, we can, Lee-Lee.”
It was their longest game of I Spy yet. Her room, now filled with posters and little knick-knacks, offered so many more things to pick from than their little concrete box that she called The Room.
When they finished, Yelena left her room. She knew that it would be pointless turning back. Lia would already be gone and there was no bringing her back.
She sought Natasha out, approached her, and wrapped her arms around her.
“They’re gone,” she mumbled into Natasha’s shirt. Her friends were good and truly gone.
Her big sister held her tight, and Yelena realized when her chest didn't feel as empty as she thought it would be that things were going to be okay.