Secrets Are No Fun (Oneshot)
There is something thrilling about being in a secret relationship... at first. The thrill of being caught, the romantic nature of sneaking into each other's rooms, the hidden kisses. Your heart is constantly pounding with adrenaline. But as you fall more and more in love, you find that you want to shout it from the rooftops! Let the world know that you found the love of your life and he loves you back. But when you're an Avenger, and your life is on the line, you know that you can't let your enemies know what will hurt you the most. You get that you have to stay hidden behind the walls of the tower, but you were hoping at this point, at least your team would know that you were in love with Bucky Barnes, and that he loves you back.
You're awaken from your sleep when you feel movement next to you. You look at the clock next to your bed and see that it reads 6:00 am, and the sun has barely even come up. You groan as you turn over and look at your boyfriend as he rises from your bed in his naked glory and starts putting his clothes back on.
“Ya know, life and sleep would be so much better if we just told everyone we're together,” you say in your raspy wake up voice. Bucky turns around and smiles at you as he slips his black boxers on.
“I know Bells, but I'm just not ready yet,” he says shaking his head as he grabs his sweatpants from the floor.
You sit up and clutch the sheet to your naked body and pull yourself up to a sitting position and lean against the headboard. “I just don’t understand why, Buck. I mean I get the public, but our friends? I mean you don’t think they would be supportive?”
Bucky sighs as he looks at you and sits on the bed. “Y/N, I have no doubt they would, but I would rather keep this between us for now,” he says pecking your lips.
You look at him in frustration, and pull away and get up out of bed. You grab your sweats and tank top and put them on aggressively.
"I don't know how much longer I want to keep this a secret, James. Yes, at first it was exciting, but now it feels like you're ashamed of me. I want a boyfriend who wants to be with me, no matter what. It seems like you don't, so maybe we should just stop this,” You say on the verge of tears.
Bucky’s eyes widen. He quickly gets up and walks over to you, grabbing your hands.
“Bella... baby, you know how much you mean to me, right? I mean the world to me, I swear. Please, just give me a little more time,” he begs looking at you.
You refuse to look at him and scoff. “Fine. I'll see you later,” you say and you quickly go into your bathroom and lock the door.
Bucky shakes his head, and silently leaves your room. When you hear the door close you come back into your room, tears running down your face. You get back into bed and grab Bucky’s pillow, snuggling into it so you can smell his scent and eventually fall back asleep.
–
Later, you come into the kitchen to see the whole Avengers group sitting down to breakfast. You go over the pour yourself coffee and sit down at the table, ignoring the brunette super soldier who is currently burning holes in your head. You quietly sip your coffee, holding your head in your hand, Feeling down about the fight you had with Bucky this morning. Maybe you could just give him a little more time. I mean was that so bad?
“I found you a great guy Y/N!” Natasha says excitedly grabbing your hand.
Your heart completely drops at your statement, and you realize everyone, including Bucky, is watching for your reaction. How in the hell do you get out of this one? No one knows you are seeing someone! No one knows that the brunette super soldier who is staring between you and the red head in confusion is the man you want to spend your life with.
You swallow the lump in your throat. “O-oh yea?”
She nods enthusiastically, “Yup! Don’t be mad, but I invited him to the party tonight to meet you!"
You sat up straight, looking at Nat in surprised. “Like a blind date?”
She shrugs, “Yeah, kinda like that. I just thought you could meet and talk and then maybe go on a date after. He's so cute, Y/N. I really think you are gonna to like him. Just remember I'm your maid of honor when you get married.”
Before you can say anything, Nat gets up and heads to the gym. You look at Bucky in a panic, meanwhile he looks annoyed. You don't know what to do or say. Everyone has gone back to doing their own thing, and you are staring at Bucky, willing him to look at you. You give up after a few minutes, feeling the tears come to your eyes, so you quickly get up and run to your room.
You knew that he would follow you when he knew the coast was clear. So you spent your time pacing your room, trying to calm down. How the fuck are you going to get out of this? This is part of the reason why you wanted to come clean to everyone about your relationship. Now you have a man who is coming to a party tonight in hopes of meeting you and something happening! Five minutes go by and suddenly there is a light knock on your door. You quickly open the door to see you boyfriend, who looks... pissed. He walks in and sits on the bed. You continue to spiral in front of him, but he doesn't seem to notice.
“Why didn’t you say no?” he asks quietly, staring off at the wall.
You stop your pacing and are taken aback by his question. “She didn’t exactly give me a chance, Bucky. I'm fucking freaking out here. How do I get out of this without telling Natasha that we are dating. Maybe we really need to come clean to the team,” You say quickly feeling panicky.
Bucky sighs and looks down at the floor. He's unable to look at you, and your heart starts to pound. You kneel in front of him and grab his hands, making his eyes meet your. Both glassy from emotion.
“Buck… you know I don’t want anyone else but you, right. I love you and only you. Hell, I was fighting with you this morning because I want people to know! I don't know what to do. Please help me figure this out.”
Bucky pulls his hands away from you and stands clearing his throat. “I… I gotta go. Enjoy your date.” He quickly walks out of the room, ignoring your calls.
You sit there on the floor crying. You don’t know what to do, but you suddenly don't want to go to this stupid party.
–
You have a plan. You're going to go into this party, find Bucky and stick to him like glue. Show him that you want to be with him, and maybe help him see the team will be fine if you're together. You walk into the party on the top floor of the tower with confidence. You are wearing a navy blue strapless floor length dress in hopes of getting his attention. The moment you walk in you automatically start looking for Bucky. He doesn’t seem to be there, maybe he's skipping the party, so you chance plans and decide to have one drink and leave. You can make it up to his room in 30 minutes and hopefully be making up in 31 minutes.
You suddenly see red hair coming toward you. Oh God, you're so not ready for this. Maybe you can slip away from her, but there isn't many people here so she will definitely find you. Nat runs up to you while your internally fighting with yourself to flee the scene.
“You’re here! Come on, I want to introduce ya to Matt!”
She grabs your arm and drags you through the crowd toward the bar. She brings you right up to a man with light brown hair in a dark suit. When he turns around you see he has beautiful green eyes and a soft smile. You would be lying if you said he wasn’t handsome, but you were definitely not interested, however you give a small polite smile.
“Y/N, this is Matt. Matt this is the girl I was telling you about, Y/N” Nat says.
Matt hold out his hand to shake your hand. When you place your hand in his, he brings it up to his mouth to kiss your knuckles, which makes your stomach churn, no offense to him.
“Nice to finally meet you, Y/N,” he says.
You can’t help but blush. “Nice to meet you also,” you say as you take your hand back.
You wipe your hand off on the back of your dress so Matt does not see. Nat smiles at you both feeling accomplished.
“Okay, have fun you too!” she says, winking and then leaves.
“Would you like a drink?” Matt asks motioning toward the bar.
“Champagne please,” you say, turning around to look around the room for your man.
You finally spot him across the room, talking to a beautiful tall blonde. She honestly looks like she just walked off a photo shoot, and you would be lying if you said they wouldn't make a beautiful couple. But Bucky's supposed to be your man. You can’t help the gut-wrenching feeling you have in your stomach. Why did you have to be over here while he is there with her?You feel tears surfacing, but shake them away and turn back toward Matt, hoping to make this quick and then get to Bucky.
After Matt hands you your drink he asks questions about being an Avenger, and some more personal ones about you. You give your answers like you were being interviewed, not wanting to give too much to him. He has to think your rude, because you barely look him in the eyes. You asked him about himself and he started rambling on about one thing or the other. You try to act like you were interested, but you kept looking over to Bucky talking to the tall blonde. You see him giving her his signature flirt smirk, which really pisses you off. He looks over and meets your eyes for a second, before bringing his attention back to her. You feel your heart breaking slightly.
You force yourself look back at Matt, who is still going on and on about himself. You nod and smile to be polite, but you're not listening at all. You look back over at Bucky and see the blonds lips on your boyfriend. It's the world stopped spinning and the breath completely leaves your lungs. Tears immediately start trickling down your face as you turn back to Matt.
“Y/N? Are you okay?” Matt asks concerned.
You put your glass on the bar and apologize, before turning on your heels and running out of the ballroom. You make it to the elevator and go back to your room to get as far away from your... well ex. You slam your door and inform FRIDAY to not let anyone in. You throw yourself onto your bed and openly sob.
A moment later you hear frantic knocking and the sound of someone trying to open the door. “Y/N, please open the door! Please, baby!”
He sounds completely panicked, but you honestly don’t care. “Go away!” you yell at the door.
“Please baby, it wasn’t what you think. I didn't kiss her! Please let me explain!” He yells at the door.
You stay on your bed sobbing, which Bucky can hear through the door. He doesn't know what to do. "FRIDAY, please open the door," he begs.
"I'm sorry Sergeant Barnes, but Agent Y/L/D has requested no one be allowed in," the AI replied.
"Come on, Y/N, please! Please let me in. I know I fucked up multiple times today, and I deserve to get yelled at, but don't shut me out please. I'll explain everything, please," he pleads, his voice sounding dejected and broken.
You roll your eyes and march to the door, opening it aggressively to see Bucky standing in front of the door. He looks out of control, with his hair going in all different directions from running his hands through it. You don’t open the door enough to let him in.
“Explain?!” You scream, making his eyes widen. “Explain how you were pissed at me this afternoon, when it wasn’t my fault and I didn’t ask for this “date”. Or explain how you were flirting with that blonde woman in front of me, on purpose, and then cheat on me by making out with her! How do you explain that!" you scream.
"I didn't make out with her. I pushed her away. I was jealous and I wanted to make you jealous, so I flirted, but I thought it was innocent..."
"Now I know why you don't want to come clean to our friends. You ARE ashamed of me. You are obviously more interested in women like her!"
"No! You're the only one I want! Please, believe me. I know I've been an ass, but please let me in," he continues to beg.
Your emotions are all over the place as you start to sob again. Bucky pushes through the door and wraps you into his arms. He lifts you off the floor, carrying you to your bed where he sits, putting you on his lap. He continues to hold you while you cry, kissing your head every few seconds, whispering apologies. It takes awhile but you eventually calm down to sniffles. You pull away from Bucky which leaves you both longing for each others warmth, but you're hurt so you stand and look at him.
“I’m so sorry baby,” Bucky whispers, looking down at the floor in shame.
You sniff and close your eyes, trying calm yourself. “Why would you do that?” You ask, your voice shaking from crying. "What have I done to you to deserve treatment like this, James?" you yell.
Bucky shakes his head as tears fall down his cheeks, "Nothing. This was all me. I'm not going to make excuses, but... I-I was mad earlier. Not at you, never at you. At me. I could've prevented this whole fucking thing if we just came out to our friends, like you wanted to. I don’t even know why I don’t. I mean I dream of walking around with my hand in yours, letting people know I have the best girl in the world by my side, but I don't know...” He looks at you for a moment. “When Nat said she had a guy for you, all I kept thinking was how you deserved to be with a normal guy who won’t hide your relationship. Someone you don't have to fight to be seen with because he isn't chicken shit. I thought maybe a part of you wanted the date.”
You shake your head. “Bucky, all I’ve ever wanted was you. I love you!”
Bucky’s eyes widen. “Y-you still love me?” he asks breathlessly.
You nod, tears starting to calm down even more. "But I'm hurt that you did this, Buck. You say you want me, but... the blond-"
“I-I thought I could make you jealous with that blonde. I never expected her to kiss me. I didn't want it, I swear. I didn’t even put a hand on her. I pushed her away when I realized what was happening, and I saw you disappeared. I fucking panicked looking all over the ballroom for you. I saw the guy you were with and he said you ran off toward the elevators, so I booked it after you. I never meant to hurt you like that, and I am so sorry for being stupid. I'm sorry I made you feel like I was ashamed of you, and I'm sorry for how I acted with regard to that guy. I know it wasn't your fault, and instead of helping you, I abandoned you and flirted with someone else to make me feel better. I've been the biggest asshole, who has taken advantage of your love and I'm so sorry. I… I love you more than anything in this world, and I don’t want to lose you.”
"I don't want to lose you either, ya know," you say looking into his eyes.
"Tell me what I have to do to make it up to you, because I'll do anything, Belle."
You cup his cheek, "Oh you will have a lot to do to make this up for me. But first, you can start by telling our friends about us."
Bucky leans into your hand, turns his head and kisses your palm.
"Done."