If you look beyond the flames

Miles is taken away from him, the other Spider-people with more medical experience take him and Miguel is standing in front of him, hands resting on his shoulders as he speaks in a calm, but slightly worried, tone.

”Peter, I know your scared for the kid, but you need to get home and rest.”

As soon as he hears Miguel say this, the tiredness he had pushed aside and forgot earlier came rushing back to him, engulfing him like a tidal wave. He can still faintly feel the water hitting him in the river, still faintly feel Miles cold body in his grasp. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget the sight of the teens face when he pulled him out. Bloody, tired, fearful, and pained. All in once unconscious expression. Peter didn’t need to see his eyes or hear his voice to be able to tell what he had been feeling right before he passed out, he could already tell just by staring into his face. Sometimes he wishes he could just take Miles and hide him far, far away from all the bad things that ever happened to him, as if he were some sort of guardian angel. But it wasn’t possible, and he knew it. The best he could do is help the kid through it the best he could, protect him the best he can, though in the end, there would still be a trail of blood left behind.

He hesitantly opens a portal, hands shaking the entire time he’s putting in the coordinates, and stumbles through, being greeted by the familiar place he calls home. He can hear MJ upstairs, playing a game of peek-a-boo with Mayday. He wants to go up there and say hi, the reason he won’t is because as soon as he sees them, Mayday will most definitely copy a quiet version of the frustrated scream Miles made when he was being chased by Miguel and Peter had tried to convince him not to run. She’s been doing it as her own greeting ever since then, probably thinking it was funny or some way of saying ‘Hello’, it was one of the very first times Mayday had met Miles after all, it made sense for her to copy the first thing she heard from him. 

Peter knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it either way, he would just drown in memory’s of mentoring the person he felt he failed to save. Then he’d have to lock himself in the guest room and sob until his eyes and throat hurt, after that, he would break everything in site, blaming himself for not getting there fast enough, for not stopping him from going after an anomaly solo. In the end, he would just break down crying again until he fell asleep on the mess he made. He knew Spider-Man couldn’t save everyone, but he should’ve been able to save someone, right?

He went into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it behind him. He didn’t want to look up, if he stared into the mirror, he wouldn’t like the person staring back. Keeping his gaze down ended up being the worse option though, because then all he saw was the blood soaked suit sticking to him like flys to a trap, reminding him of just how much he screwed it all up. Would he even be able to see Miles brown eyes again? Will the kid make it out of this alive? He shook his head, he couldn’t let his thoughts wander, that would only make things more difficult then it already was. 

”Peter?”

MJ knocked on the door. He can’t let her see him like this, he can’t-

The door creaked open, didn’t he lock it?

”Peter, please answer me.”

He shut his eyes, trying to stop the tears from flowing.

”…you knew?”

His eyes shoot back open, what could she possibly mean by that? Did he unknowingly do something to hurt her? He opened his mouth and turned to meet her gaze, but stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the last person he thought would be here.

”You knew that my dad is gonna die, and you didn’t even bother to tell me? Did you plan on letting me down easy? Hell, it worked last time, why not do it again.”

”Miles, I-“

”You betrayed me, Peter. You didn’t stop my uncle from trying to kill me, you told me that I wasn’t ready to be Spider-Man, you let Miguel chase me and slam me into that train, why not take your sweet precious time while I was getting mauled by an anomaly. I almost drowned and bled to death, and your sitting here acting as if none of that was your fault.”

He couldn’t breathe, his heart was pounding in his chest and his vision became blurry with tears as Miles looked at him as if he was a bug trapped in a glass cup. He’s never seen so much disgust in someone’s eyes before, it was almost petrifying how much hate the kid carried in his once-sweet voice. So much blame and betrayal. He couldn’t take it, Peter tore his gaze away, still feeling the glare stab through him like claws, cutting him up and setting him ablaze with just a simple stare. The next thing he heard sounded so sad, so broken, suddenly making him want to shield Miles from the entire world.

”Look at me, Peter. Why would you let this happen to me?”

The guilt made decisions for him, looking back up, only to stumble back and fall to the ground in pure fear at the sight that was laid before him. Miles, a river of blood flowing from his throat and his skull shown clear as day through one half of his face. He looked just like he did when he first met him, terrible Spider-Man costume without the mask, bright, curious eyes, and the happiest look he has ever seen. The only thing missing was the smile, the kind, welcoming smile. His mouth was pressed into a straight line, not giving any sort of emotion at all.

”Why?”

Before he could do or say anything, the room around him warped, changing into a burning forest. Through the flames and smoke, he could see the edge of a cliff. An anomaly and a frightened Miles at the very end of it. He knew what was happening, he had to prevent it, he couldn’t go through it again. He darted towards them, but right before he could reach out and pull Miles away, the ground disappeared from beneath him, and he suddenly was falling down into the river, throat stinging with pain and weakness tugging at his body. He hit the water, muscles aching from the impact as he was being pulled by the current.

Only letting himself stay in shock for a second, he quickly snapped back into focus, fear swallowing him whole as he was pulled by the icy cold liquid, weirdly not being able to swim himself up to the surface like before. The tiredness seemed to pull him deeper, making everything go numb as he calmly watched fish and various other things rush past him, watched the blood drifting out from his slit throat, until one familiar sight caught his eye. Miles plunged into the water, fear plastered on his face as he reached out for Peter. But as soon as they made contact, the teen faded off. Wait, that’s not how it went. Peter had grabbed Miles and saved him, he didn’t leave him behind! He would never let him die. An eerie, but a well-known, voice echoed in his mind, though he couldn’t see anything around him that could’ve been making the noise.

”Now you see how I felt. Now you get to see how it feels to be the one drowning. Maybe then you’ll learn not to treat it as a big joke the next time I’m dying.”

”I’m sorry…”

Is all he could mutter before his eyes drift shut, hearing someone shouting his name as he can feel himself fading off. When his eyes open again, the voice yelling in his ear becomes way more clearer, and he can see Miguel standing in the doorway of his bathroom, along with the feeling of cold floor tile against his head.

“Peter! When I said get some rest, I didn’t mean sleep on your bathroom floor.”

”Miguel? Why are you- what are you doing here?..”

He mentally winces at how hoarse his voice sounds. But he quickly forgets about that as soon as he hears what Miguel says next.

“It’s Miles.”