In hindsight, Nebula should have already known in the morning that it was not going to be a good day. The signs were there.
Drax was currently on holiday, so to speak, and had left Knowhere for a few weeks to visit Mantis. The two of them changed locations every few days and seemed to be having a blast on their trip. They checked in regularly with the gang to tell them about their latest adventures. However, this also meant that Nebula currently had even more work to do than she already had. Running a whole planet and being responsible for so many inhabitants - children - didn't leave too much room for free time.
At the same time, Quill was visiting right now for a longer period of time. And while that excited the Luphomoid more than it should excite her as a normal friend, it posed two problems.
For one, Nebula had to do something she really didn't feel like doing. Dealing with her feelings for the Earthling. Whenever he was around, the blue woman just didn't have a clear head. Due to her unfortunate infatuation, her entire focus was on Peter, while she had to make sure that neither of her friends nor, above all, Peter became aware of it.
The other problem was that she spent too much time with him. They were together all the time. Either with Rocket, Groot, Kraglin and the others or alone. That was another development of the last year. Even though she considered Rocket her best friend, Peter had become a close second. The two loved to be in each other's company. The more often Peter visited Knowhere, the closer they became. They bantered and bickered, had a lot of fun together, had honest and emotional conversations.
Of course, this delighted Nebula to no end. But she just didn't have any time for that at the moment! While she had so much more to deal with due to Drax's absence, Peter's presence in turn robbed her of the time to attend to those matters.
In conclusion, Nebula had already started the day with a headache after far too few hours of sleep. On top of that, it was going to be a busy day. Gamora would be delivering a lot of medical supplies on behalf of the Ravagers. The interstellar syndicate had taken them from a medical centre in a destroyed city and Knowhere would buy them off.
So, Nebula should have fucking known.
She was on edge. She was really not in the best headspace mentally. She should have known that one more drop would be the final straw to disaster. Especially when it wasn’t a drop, but a whole rainstorm.
"These are the last boxes," Gamora announced. Some of her Ravagers friends had been busy for over half an hour transporting the medical supplies from their ship to the city centre.
Actually, they were supposed to be inspected by Nebula there first, but this big load had of course aroused the curiosity of many children. So, while Nebula and Rocket talked to Gamora about the details and clarified everything, Groot and Peter stood with several dozen children in the middle of the boxes and opened one after the other. If an item seemed interesting enough, they looked at it more closely and came up with a way to best play with it.
"Good." Nebula mumbled, taking her eyes off the laughing children. She sighed. It would take forever to go through everything and then put it into storage. The chaos the children were creating would not make it any easier for her. But they needed these items badly. It wasn't just medicines, but bandages, care products, blankets and so many more things that all her children and teenagers would desperately need. The corners of Nebula's mouth twitched. She had never seen so many wounded knees and scrapes as she had since the children settled in. And that was saying something. So, for the full box for plasters alone, this effort would be worth it.
Nebula smiled. Besides, her little ones seemed to be having fun with the items. Let them make a mess of everything, so be it. Their carefree joyful laughter that filled Knowhere was more than enough for the blue cyborg to put up with days of work. Everyone seemed happy.
In a slightly better mood, Nebula refocused on the conversation between her sister and Rocket. Gamora had a clipboard in her hand that contained several lists and information about the delivery.
The three of them talked for a while about the business aspect. Then they were suddenly interrupted by a loud joyful child's cry. "How great! You can't move at all!" Puzzled, all three turned their heads to the scene.
Nebula's gaze fell on a small group of children standing around the latest boxes that had been brought in. Among them were Peter and Groot, laughing heartily. One of the younger girls was wearing a straitjacket of some kind and was wiggling her torso laughing. "I'm trapped. That's so funny!"
What?
All at once, Nebula's whole body froze. Her face fell. Her gaze fixed on the little girl in the straitjacket. She gulped as the girl tried to free herself, laughing, but of course without succeeding. The Luphomoid suddenly felt sick to the stomach.
"HEY!"
Her loud scream made everyone flinch and pause. Nebula literally ran to the small group. She was full of rage, her eyes flashing dangerously. "Oh no." she heard Rocket say and Gamora shouted a firm "Nebula, stop!" It was to no avail. Nebula didn't even really notice it, she only had one goal in mind.
"What the hell are you doing!?"
Nebula now stood next to the children. Her loud voice had scared some of them away. "What are you doing? This isn't a toy! This is dangerous! Take it off, right now!" Nebula shouted, honestly upset. Angry was not even an expression anymore.
She grabbed the little girl harshly, literally tearing the jacket off her body. Despite her anger, Nebula was careful to not hurt Xanthe. But it was no use. She had frightened the little ones so much that one after the other began to cry.
"Nebula! Stop it! What are you doing?" Peter interfered enraged. "You're scaring the children. What's the matter with you?"
Nebula did not react. Her eyes didn’t leave the little girl even for a second. Only when she had freed Xanthe from the jacket and was holding the fabric in her hands did she turn to her former teammate.
Peter looked at her in disbelief. His eyes opened almost comically wide. Groot, who was standing next to him, eyed her anxiously. However, none of this came close to the whirlwind of emotions inside of Nebula.
"And you!? Shouldn't you be careful that they don't do anything stupid! Idiots!"
"Hey! They were just playing. What's the harm in that? Apologise to the them!"
"I am Groot."
Nebula snorted ugly.
Without further comment, the blue woman turned and walked off. As quickly as she had come, she was gone. The straitjacket was gripped firmly in her suddenly shaky hands. Nebula headed back towards Gamora. She furiously threw the jacket at her feet.
"What the fuck, Gamora!"
Her sister winced. She looked at her sympathetically. "I'm so sorry, Nebula. I must have overlooked the jackets. I never would have delivered them otherwise, you know that."
The Luphomoid snorted again.
She couldn’t believe it. What a shitty day.
While Rocket and Gamora made their first attempts to calm her down, Peter and Groot came running. Suddenly, Nebula couldn't lash out at anyone but herself anymore. She panicked.
The blue cyborg spun awkwardly on her own axis. She looked up, down, to Rocket, to Peter… tried to concentrate on something else. Anything, really. It didn’t work. She could no longer pay attention to anyone or anything, she completely blanked out her surroundings.
She cried out in frustration and grabbed her head with both hands. Her breathing became increasingly quicker and more uncontrolled. Nebula was breathing in ragged bursts, but felt like she was running out of air.
Oh no.
Nebula couldn't do anything against it, the memories were already starting to flood in. Now not only her hands were shaking, but her entire body. She ran them over her bald head in agitation and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. In the end, Nebula let herself slide towards the ground and landed on her butt with an ungainly plop. The world began to spin around her. Her ears rang.
Her four friends probably stood around her. They probably tried to talk to her, to draw Nebula's attention to them. The Luphomoid didn't know for sure. She blanked out everything. She was no longer aware of anything on the outside. Nebula had to concentrate on herself. To try to get her heavy breathing under control.
She failed miserably.
Tears now came to Nebula's eyes. It had been months since she had had a panic attack. Or a nervous breakdown. Or whatever the fuck this was.
Despite her closed eyes, tears streamed down her cheeks. She shook her head in despair. In her mind's eye she could already see the dark room in Thanos' ship where Nebula stood. Had once stood.
She pulled her knees tightly to her chest and rested her head on her knees, seeking protection. The cyborg let her hands slide to the back of her neck. She had nothing to hold on to. However, this allowed her to press her forearms as hard as she possibly could against her ears. Huddled together, Nebula slowly began to rock back and forth.
Although she still had her eyes closed, she saw everything in mock accuracy in front of her.
She could no longer fight it.
She could only accept, while silently sobbing, how the memories emerged once again.
She fucked up.
This time, she really had fucked up. She knew it. And it would not go unpunished.
So far, her father had stuck to minor alterations. Like removing her hair, for example. Emotionally no less painful, but physically not yet unbearable. This would change as of today.
Thanos had already threatened her several times that harsher punishments would be coming soon.
After her big failure today, there was now no stopping it. Even though Nebula was barely a teenager, she had disappointed her father once again. And that had consequences.
Thanos entered the dark room. Her torture chamber. Nebula stood upright, chained by her feet on the ground.
He had something in his hands. It looked like a piece of fabric with sleeves. It strongly resembled a straitjacket. The sleeves were longer than the arms and had straps.
The garment was put on her the wrong way round. Nebula's arms were crossed with these straps and tied behind her back. Then, without warning, trapped in this construct, her arms were forcibly pulled over her head to her chest. During this violent twisting of the arms, Nebula's shoulder joints were dislocated and her elbow and wrist joints were broken.
This caused indescribable pain.
Today, Nebula knew that she would endure much worse pain. But it was the first time she felt such a great amount of it. Fortunately, after some time, she became unconscious.
When Nebula regained consciousness, she was hanging upside down by both feet with a chain. Her arms hung limp and lifeless. She felt sick with pain.
Her father stood before her. "Good, you are awake. I can only continue with your modifications if you are awake. Otherwise, the punishment will be pointless."
He sliced open both her arms. He removed or modified the broken bones and joints with mechanical devices. He took and edited everything human until her arms were sufficiently mechanical. From the outside there was hardly any difference, her skin was almost completely there.
It took hours. She fainted several times. Then Thanos always stopped in his process and waited until she woke up again.
Thanos looked happy when he was done. Smiling, he surveyed his result.
“Nebula?”
When the joints and bones in her arms, for the first time ever, rearranged themselves into their proper places, Nebula threw up in pain.
“Nebs?”
But because she was such a lucky girl, she did not lose consciousness again. She wished she were dead.
“Hey, Nebula?”
The blue woman heard the softest voice. Sie blinked a few times. She slid back and forth between reality and memory. It took her a while to associate the deep, warm voice.
It was Peter.
"I'm touching you, okay? I'll take you to your room. Can you give me a sign that you're okay with me touching you?"
Nebula was not fully back yet. Although she opened her eyes, all she saw was black. She could not speak. She moved her head barely perceptibly in a nod.
Despite her cowering posture, Peter seemed to have noticed her approval. She felt two strong arms gently reach out and lift her up. She completely lost herself in thoughts again.
Once in the room, Peter carefully set Nebula down on her bed. She had regained her senses in the meantime, even if everything still felt a little distorted. As if under water.
She looked at the man standing in front of her, who in turn was watching her with concern. She had no energy left. Her voice was weak. "Do you know what...?" His eyes shimmered with compassion. Maybe a little pity. "Yeah, Gamora and Rocket both knew fractions of the story. We have a rough idea." Peter’s voice sounded strained. He was clearly upset but didn't want to let his anger get the better of him.
"Okay."
Nebula took a few deep breaths. She needed to collect herself. "Are you alright? No, what a fucking stupid question, of course you’re not." Peter was literally vibrating. He looked like he wanted to punch someone. Thanos, probably. At the same time, he was careful not to make any sudden moves or get too close to her. He wanted to help her, but didn't know how, Nebula realised even in her still slightly confused state. She saw a lot of different emotions twirling in his eyes. They shone with desperation, helplessness, and something strongly reminiscent of love.
"Is there anything I can do for you? Get you something? Or keep my mouth shut and leave you alone to rest?"
Her ears were still ringing, her head was surrounded by fog. It all still felt a little blurry, but Nebula was present again. She didn’t have to ponder the question for long. She knew what she wanted. It wasn’t much. But the blue woman had longed for it since she first laid eyes on the stupid straitjacket.
Under other circumstances, she would never ask Peter for that. But under other circumstances, she might not yearn for peace of mind so much either. So, the Luphomoid answered from the heart.
"Can I ask you an inappropriate question?"
Peter smiled for the first time. "Of course. Always."
"Can you hug me, like… all day long?"
The astonishment was clearly written on Peter's face. He stared at her silently. To Nebula it felt like eternity and she started to get uncomfortable. Then, he luckily snapped out of it and began to ramble. "Yes! Yes, of course. Super happy to, yes. Yes! I just hesitated because... I mean... are you sure you want to be touched after memories like that?"
Nebula had to snort with laughter and a bit of self-deprecation. It all still felt dull indeed, but she was back. As deadpan as ever, she retorted, "Peter, I don't know if you've noticed, but I'm probably the most touch-starved person in this universe. So yes, please."
"Uh. Okay." Peter swallowed, but then settled down on the bed next to Nebula without hesitation. His voice became really soft again. "You're the boss. How would you like it?"
Without answering verbally, she swung one leg over his and settled on his lap. When Nebula had found a comfortable position, she looked up. His face was right in front of hers. He had a nice face. The cyborg could count on one hand the number of times she had been this close to him. Now it was she who had to swallow. "Is that okay?" she whispered. Peter's hands closed carefully around her back. "Of course. I am still worried about you though. Maybe we'd better get you checked out in med bay. You really want to be that close to me? Don’t you mind?”
“Peter, I don’t mind because it’s you.”
Maybe she really should get checked out. What was she saying? He smiled lovingly at her. His green eyes shone almost magically. She smiled back shyly.
"Good."
"Good."
"Now please hug me like you really mean it."
Of course, just being near Peter was nice enough, but she really wanted that hug. She wanted to feel a human body against hers. Wanted the physical contact. Wanted to feel the warmth that emanated from his skin, and that hers so often lacked. She wanted to feel his skin. She wanted to be held so tightly that she felt safe even for just a moment. She wanted.
Determined, Nebula put her arms around his neck and leaned closer to him. She rested her chin on his shoulder. "Hold me tighter. Like you mean it."
She felt Peter take one deep breath in and out at the side of her neck, then he rested his head on her shoulder as well and wrapped his strong arms around her entire upper body. He squeezed her tightly and pulled her even closer to him. There was no space left between them.
"With you, I always mean it, Nebula."
Tears welled up inside her. She smiled a small but blissful smile. Even though Nebula's heart was pounding wildly, she felt her body truly relax for the first time that day. She closed her eyes and snuggled against him.
"But you'll let me know when you're not feeling comfortable anymore! Then I'll let you go right away."
"Oh my God, Peter! Yes, I promise you by all that is sacred to me, no.... I swear on Kevin Bacon that if I feel uncomfortable, I'll say it! I promise. But in return, you won't ask anymore.”
She heard and felt Peter chuckle. "Sorry."
The blue Luphomoid playfully smacked the back of his head with her hand. This proved to be a clever idea, because before she could think about it further, she had already buried her hand in his strawberry blonde curls. Yep, that's where she would be leaving it. His soft hair felt incredible against her skin.
Peter heaved a relaxed sigh. While he gently and steadily ran one hand over her back, his other one slowly worked its way up until it reached her head. He delicately cupped the back of her head with his large hand. When he received no negative indication from Nebula, the touch became firmer. More secure. More possessive. With his thumb he ran small circles over her skin.
Nebula buried her face in the crook of his neck and just felt. She didn't know if she had ever been held so intimately in her life. She could get used to the feeling.
After what felt like a peaceful eternity, Peter cleared his throat. He softly breathed, "I don't say this often enough because I generally think it’s implied, but… you can trust me. You know that, right? I know you have Rocket and Gamora to talk about your past, but I'm always here for you. You can always confide in me if you want to. I'll be always there to listen. If I want to, I can shut my mouth and just listen. I can even let my silly jokes go."
Her throat tightened with emotion. She once again wrapped her arms more fully around the Earthling. She ran her fingers lovingly through his tousled hair.
"You don't really think your jokes are silly."
Peter laughed out loud. "No, I don't. I know they're brilliant. And you know it too." He nudged her affectionately in the side. Nebula didn't know whether to smile or cry. How could she not fall in love with him?
"Yes, I do know." She was only too happy to give him this victory, even though she would probably regret it in the future. "If you really want to hear everything about me, I will tell you everything. One day I will."
She felt Peter smile against her cheek. When had they got so close?
"Would it be okay for you if we lay down? Not that I'm complaining, but this position is starting to bother me a little."
Nebula pulled away from him a little so she could look him properly in the eyes. They lit up with affection. His cheeks were slightly flushed. She didn't want to imagine what hers looked like. She hoped that their blue colour would make it less obvious. The cyborg nodded. She felt so comfortable and safe with him. She could only hope that he felt the same.
Before Nebula could move, Peter had already dropped onto his back and pulled her with him. She was lying stretched out directly on top of him. She rested her forearms against his chest. The blue woman felt her cheeks burning and averted her eyes. She was afraid of how she would react if she looked into the beautiful green of his eyes. Of what she would do. Or say. "The same counts for you, by the way. You'll let me know when you're not feeling comfortable anymore.”
Peter contemplated for a moment. She felt his intense gaze on her. He eyed her, seemed to be weighing something.
“Actually, I don’t.”
"Oh, I see." said Nebula, disappointed. Had he realised he didn't want to be that close to her? Was he regretting his decision? Nebula already felt a stabbing pain rising in her heart when she saw Peter mischievously grinning at her. Without warning, with a fluid movement and a lot of swing, he turned them both on their sides. Nebula growled in surprise.
Now they were both lying on their sides, facing each other, and Peter continued to hold the blue woman tightly in his arms. They were close, way too close. The tips of their noses were almost brushing and, in this position, Nebula could not possibly avoid eye contact.
This position was even more intimate.
“Much better.” Peter grinned smugly.
The two looked silently into each other's eyes. Black met green. All at once the whole atmosphere changed. The air was energetically charged. Nebula's entire body began to tingle.
She swallowed. Peter's gaze was so open, so tender, so full of love. He seemed to be as entranced by her as she was by him. He looked at Nebula as if she were the only person in this universe. Maybe Nebula hadn't imagined it over the last few months. Maybe Peter felt something for her too.
"Nebula?" breathed Peter, and she replied just as quietly, "Peter?"
"Can I ask you an inappropriate question?"
Nebula smiled one of her biggest smiles. "Of course. Always."
"It's really a bit inappropriate. I don't want to take advantage of the situation and your emotions and the day as a whole. It really isn't that.”
Nebula nodded. His green sparkling eyes drew her in. She held her breath.
"Can I kiss you?"
The Luphomoid reacted immediately. She knew what she wanted. She had known for a long time.
Smiling, she bridged the few centimetres that separated them and carefully placed her lips on his. Peter immediately reciprocated.
Nebula had never kissed anyone before. Before Peter, she had never wanted to kiss anyone. It was not as difficult as she had feared. In fact, it felt quite natural.
Peter set the rhythm and Nebula quickly followed along. It was a tender, unhurried, but intense kiss. Full of feelings. Their lips pressed together over and over again, exploring each other's. His lips were very soft. Nebula couldn't get enough of it. Again and again, she locked their mouths in a heartfelt kiss. Nebula couldn't be happier at that moment, her whole body was tingling. So that's what it felt like.
When they ran out of air and reluctantly broke away from each other, Nebula had tears in her eyes. Peter, for his part, had the happiest smile on his lips that she had seen on him in years. Tenderly, he put a hand on her cheek and wiped away her tears with his thumb.
At least Nebula could now say with certainty that she knew what love was.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Nebula snuggled up to him and rested her head on his chest. "Not today. But one day. One day we will."
.
.
.
"What are the chances that ‘one day’ will be tomorrow?"
"The chances are pretty good."