“I love you”
These three words ring in Miles head at night on a loop.
“I. Love. You.”
The last things Ganke said that night.
Miles remembers the blood on his hands, the feeling of his lover going cold in his hands.
The sound of the gun going off the weapon that killed his light.
The way he fell to the ground the thud he will never forget.
In Gankes last breath he doesn’t say “Tell my mom i love her” he doesn’t say “i hate you” he doesn’t say “i loved you”
He says “i love you”
Ganke loves him and now Ganke is dead
Miles remembers the way it felt to kill the man that destroyed the love of his life.
The way life left his body. The way he watched the man try and fight it. The life leaving his face. The pain he could see in his eyes.
Miles knew that Ganke would never have wanted him to kill the man but Miles does it anyway.
They had been arguing the night he died.
“You're never home” Ganke had complained when they were eating dinner.
It was takeout from down the road Miles had brought home.
He can’t even look at that place now without feeling overwhelmed with pain.
“You know i'm working to protect us” he had said trying to keep his voice steady.
“You can’t protect us if you’re not here” Ganke had retaliated, glaring at him from across the dining table.
“I need to be strong so I can protect you” he had tried to explain, his voice straining.
“Miles i never see you, you're always in that basement working on new projects to “protect” us you haven’t had a real dinner with me in months im getting tired of you pushing me away” Ganke had said disappointment evident in his voice.
“But i need to protect us i can't let you get hurt Ganke, i need to be able to protect us I promise i'll come up for dinner i'll take breaks we can even have date nights again” Miles had said.
“I don't know if that’s enough..” Ganke had said before getting up and putting his dishes in the sink and grabbing his coat.
“Where are you going?” Miles had asked getting up to follow him.
“I'm going for a walk. I need some fresh air please, Miles don't follow me ” Ganke said quietly before walking out the door.
If he had known that Ganke would die on that day he would have never let him leave.
A text was how he found out Ganke needed help; it was simple “sos gun corner store 23ed”.
Miles ran as fast as he could.
He was too slow to stop it.
He got there just as the shot happened the sound haunts his dreams.
Gankes labored breathing the man who shot him running Miles own voice tell Ganke it would be ok.
Miles lied.
Ganke died that night.
But Ganke used his last breath to tell Miles three simple words.
I
Love
You
Miles remembers the noises that came out of him that night, noises no one should ever have to make.
The way he screamed his tears hitting Gankes dead body the sobs he choked out.
Miles felt the life leave Ganke.
Part of Miles will always be at that corner store on 23ed stuck hunched over the only man he ever loved.
They had to drag him away from his body but they could never drag away the pain Miles carried.
He was escorted to his house by some he can’t remember who specifically.
The worst part wasn’t his death, it was the realization that Miles would never see him again.
Waking up in that bed the bed they used to share broke him.
He ran, he ran away from that house for three months and refused to let anyone enter.
When he finally is back in the house he realizes how much it changed and was still the same.
The dishes in the sink they never put away were still there but now they were covered in dirt and mold.
The bed was still unmade from when Miles ran but now its fabric was stale.
The house had changed without them.
Just like how Miles changed without Ganke.