This'll be the day that I die.
That lyric from Yelena's all time favorite song ran through Natasha's head and she knew it was true. Kind of.
She tampered down the panic rising in her chest and she fought Clint and jumped.
She had barely even registered what she'd done until she did it.
Yelena's words ran through her head from that day they broke Alexei out of jail.
This would be a cool way to die.
The lyric ran through her head once more.
This’ll be the day that I die.
Is this the day she's going to die?
Am I really doing this?
This is what has to happen. She has to do this, she knew that. She knows that.
Do I?
Natasha doesn't know, she just doesn't know, and there's not enough time to figure it out.
I need more time.
There isn't any.
It's funny, the way they invented time travel and there's not enough time to decide whether or not she's going to be the one to die.
And then all of a sudden she's decided.
Natasha decided and then all of a sudden she's dangling off the edge of a cliff on a fucking space planet in a blur because she's in space.
That's kind of when it sinks in.
She's about to die.
She's going to die.
Natasha Romanoff is going to die.
Shit, that's her .
She's Natasha Romanoff.
She's going to die and she doesn't even want to.
She will admit for Yelena's sake, it is pretty cool. Leaping to her death somewhere in space.
But it's-
It's scary.
She's scared.
Clint leapt for her when she jumped and now they're both hanging from the edge of the cliff. She only panics more because her best friend is not supposed to die.
She is. But not Clint. He can’t die. Clint has Laura and his kids and he's been mad at the world for the past five years.
Natasha's been angry at the world for as long as she can remember. And she knows that if she does this, then Clint won't have to be so angry anymore.
Besides, Natasha found plenty of reasons to stop being angry. She found Yelena, then Clint, and then the Avengers, and then Yelena again.
She lost her family once and she knows how he feels. She knows that's no way to live.
In finding her family again, she found a reason to stop being angry.
Clint deserves that, too, she thinks.
And so does everyone who lost someone in the snap.
If she does this, they come back. Simple as that.
She's nothing but a minuscule blip (pun maybe intended? she's too scared to tell) among the five trillion Thanos snapped away in the universe.
Whatever it takes . Steve's stupidly patriotic voice sounds in her brain and she tells herself that's all she's doing.
Whatever it takes.
The people she loves will remember her and that's enough. That has to be enough for her to do this.
She takes a deep breath and says, "It's okay."
Natasha doesn't know whether she's reassuring Clint or herself. He doesn't seem any better off and she definitely isn't but that's okay . She has to do this.
It's okay.
"Let me go." Natasha urges him, because she knows if her best friend holds onto her any longer, she'll let him pull her back up.
Clint looks at her with tears in his eyes, choking out a "no".
She wants to be mad that he's trying to bargain with her about this when she's the one holding on, but she supposes he should. She is urging him, her partner, her best friend, to let her plummet to her death.
Natasha can feel his grip on her wrist slipping.
She feels her grip on life slipping, too, and she really doesn't want to let go.
But knows she has to. For the Avengers, for Nick, for Maria, for her sister, for all the people who lost their life for the stones.
For her family.
Natasha wishes she could say so much more. She wishes she could tell him that she doesn't want to die. That she would let him pull her up and let them figure this out together if they could. She wants him to pull her up.
Natasha knows she can't let that happen.
You did good. A voice, her own voice, tells her.
And she did do good, didn't she? She's saved the lives of a bunch of innocent people and by doing this, she'll help save a bunch more.
Natasha never thought she'd be able to wipe out all the red in her ledger, but now she thinks this might be the way to do it.
She's lived life. And as much as she wants to live so much more, it's time for her to go.
So she kicks free of his grasp and falls .
She falls.
You know how people always say they saw their life flash before their eyes when recounting near-death experiences?
Natasha always thought the phrase to be an exaggeration until she saw just that.
Her life.
All the way to the end.