Sugar Plums Danced in their heads
“Santa Claus is gunning you down!” Wade sang out, to the surprise of the nearby rats. The streets were near empty and those passing were New Yorkers; ie. the sort of folks that get invaded by space jelly fish and their only response ask their Siri which stations are shut down. Plus New York had the highest Superhero density in the world. Odds were, we had passed at least one enhanced and, given the neighborhood, two members of organized crime, and three supervillain minions.
“Doom’s not that bad,” I continued to argue.
“Doom would do it just to annoy Stretchy Pants,” Wade said, gesturing with his bag of leftover goodies from the party.
Blue box: Can we help Hydra Bob open a bakery? I want to eat his cookies every day.
Yellow box: Whatever Princess wants, she gets.
Blue box: Maybe find out what a sugar plum is.
“Al was either not sober enough, or too sober. I couldn’t tell,” I commented in concern.
“She’s on a juice cleanse,” Wade informed me.
White box: Wanna make out in that alley?
Blue box: Does Karen want to speak to the manager?
Wade pulled into the alley, out of casual view and proceed to let me know that he had, indeed, had a third slice of pumpkin pie using only an enthusiastic tonguing. He wedged a knee between my legs. I was glad he had opted for a baseball cap and hoodie disguise as I happily groped his plush little booty. He pulled back, smirking and wiggling a bald eyebrow.
Blue box: I am one wrong move away from redecorating you the tonight’s meal. Sex is not happening. The babies are wriggling and my stomach does not approve.
Yellow box: Can I feel?
Blue box: Not strong enough yet.
Wade just chuckled and kissed my forehead.
“How about a little hot cocoa and MacGyver style home invasion antics,” he suggested instead. I grinned back.
Yellow box: Hughes is a genius.
Blue box: Ooh! Hughes marathon!
“Need to grab supplies,” Wade reminded me, amused.
Yellow box: We’re out of mini marshmallows. Somebody got peckish.
Blue box: You, at two am, crying over Brokeback Mountain again.
White box: Don’t pretend like you weren’t right there with me, mouthing the words.
I poked him, laughing. He stopped to kiss me again. Thoroughly. Very thoroughly. I grinned up at him as he pulled away. Adorable.
“Go home Deadpool,” said a voice from further into the alley and above us. We looked up from the kissing to watch Daredevil do a flip off the fire escape and land in a crouch.
Yellow box: 9.3
White box: 8.4
Blue box: 8.8
“That’s the plan Sam!” Wade agreed brightly. “Just got to make a stop first.”
“I’m not going to let you break in anywhere,” Daredevil ordered sternly. His leather armor was tighter than I remembered from the TV show. It was giving.
“We’re not breaking in anywhere.” I was concerned and confused. “We’re just going to go buy more mini marshmallows.” Daredevil crossed his arms.
“You were discussing your crimes.” I frowned at him and thought for a second, replaying back what we had just said, and more importantly, remembering what parts had been out loud.
“You mean when we were talking about the Home Alone movies?” I guessed. Daredevil tilted his head. I hoped he was considering.
Yellow box: Assume and make an ass out of ume.
Blue box: Eavesdropper.
White box: I ain’t been dropping no eaves, sir.
“Ears like a bat,” I said out loud, shaking my head.
“Head full of cobwebs,” Wade added.
“To be fair, Home Alone is a very visual movie,” I reminded Wade. “Is it even audio described?” Matty stiffened. Poor little vigilante. He needed so many hugs.
Yellow box: Aw, you’re scaring the poor darling.
White box: Be nice, I want a new parkour buddy.
Blue box: Clint?
Yellow box: Did you see the fucking flip? Please sensei, teach me your ways.
“Your secrets are safe, I promise.” He didn’t relax at my words. “You didn’t let anything slip. I just have enhancements and stuff. I knew you were going to be Daredevil ten years ago,” I tried to explain. Matty just looked confused now. “I’ve been talking Daredevil up to Captain America, because you would totally get along.” He could hear my heart beat right? He would know I was totally legit.
White box: If they pulled the sticks out of their asses.
Blue box: I think they like the sticks. It’s their kink.
“Ooh, Party invite!” Wade reminded me. I brightened and grabbed his invite from my bag. It was a small recorder from a greeting card made into a little button where I had recorded the invite in a whisper. It played when you pressed the button. Wade was the real hero there. I explained the button in a rush.
“So, please come,” I begged. “In costume. I mean, Spider kid is coming in costume. And call when you want help. I brailed it on the outside.” And that had taken a few hours of research. Apparently you wrote it backwards.
“I don’t need help.”
Yellow box: Bitch please.
White box: And that’s coming from me.
Blue box: So many hugs. And a puppy.
“What if you find a stash of alien tech?” I asked. Matty frowned. “Because I have personal cell numbers of Shield Agents, without actually being Shield.” I was still in shock that I had a friendly text conversation going with fucking Hawkeye.
“Plus, I would totes love love love to parkour with you,”
“I don’t kill,” Matty rejected.
Yellow box: Ow.
“Haven’t you heard?” Wade asked. “I’ve gone legit. Like, I get Shield Health insurance now and everything. They even have dental.” He whispered the last. He looked down at me, then at my belly. “You know, gotta go clean.” Matty relaxed further. He could probably hear Things 1 and 2 moving around in there.
“Congratulations,” Matty wished us. He even sounded sincere. His entire posture relaxed.
“You would also really get along with Clint,” I added. “He parkours with Wade sometimes.” Matty perked up at that.
“Nothing as good as you, but at least when I fall off a roof I can just try again,” Wade shrugged.
“That’s probably why you missed the jump in the first place.” Matty teased. “No risk, no reward.” Wade nodded sagely, considering.
Blue box: Put an egg in on of your pouches and it you keep it safe, you get a special reward.
Yellow box: Cupcakes?
Blue box: With extra sprinkles.
“Seriously, call, text, come visit,” Wade invited. “She’s been talking about how she wants to meet you for months now.”
“So you’ll come to the party?” I asked, making my belly look slightly bigger and pouting a little. A hint of a beg in the voice. Matty looked like he was going to cave, but he was made of stronger stuff. Stubborn is practically his middle name. That and Man Pain.
“I’ll consider it,” he allowed. Woot! That was more than I really expected. “And get back to you.” I nodded as he stepped back and jumped to climb back up the fire escape.
White box: Little howler monkey.
Yellow box: So fast. So fluid.
Blue box: So jealous.
“Stay clean, Deadpool,” Matty said as he climbed away out of sight. “I’ll be watching.” Wade turned back to me and rubbed his palms together.
“Mini marshmallows?” Wade suggested.
“And Pepto,” I added.
White box: I thought we just bought some.
Blue box: Two babies: twice the vomiting and constipation: Twice the Pepto.
Yellow box: Should have gone to Costco again.