Insecure (Omega Bucky/Alpha Steve/Omega Tony)
Bucky remembers the day he killed Howard and Maria Stark. December 16, 1991. He remembered it so clearly, that when he woke up most nights laying beside his two mates, he became increasingly insecure about his relationship with Tony and Steve. Most nights were full of keeping back tears and sitting on the end of the bed to catch his breath, sometimes Bucky had to get out of bed and take a small walk around the Avengers Tower. On those nights, he’d end up on the balcony, contemplating what would happen if he just died.
He’d been on the balcony so many times before. He’d been on his own balcony, leaning over the edge when he was only seventeen. Even after so many years the thought of jumping somehow thrilled him. Bucky would never admit it, but he'd sometimes wondered if Tony and Steve would be happy without him. He knew it was completely unreasonable but he’d seen Tony and Steve laugh together, Tony always seemed to make Steve laugh… Bucky thought that he’d lost Steve somehow. He thought he’d lost his friend, his buddy, his Alpha.
Bucky talked to Sam about his nightmares and he spoke to Natasha on occasion about the creeping thoughts. For some odd reason, he’d also mentioned his increasing jealousy of Tony to his therapist. Bucky scolded himself everyday for being so rude to Tony, but the Omega inside always growled and sneered when it saw Tony clinging around Steve. Bucky always pinched himself when he got angry at Tony, he knew he had no reason to loathe the genius. He pinched himself quite literally with his metal fingers. It hurt. A lot. There were marks, there were bruises, there were tears and there were scars and blood.
Bucky scolded himself, “James. Stop it. You’re being irrational.”
It never worked. The tears rolled. The self-loathing and hatred still lingered. But he still loved Tony. He adored Steve. His Alpha and his Omega were his mates, he couldn’t stay angry. And he didn’t. He would pull himself off of the balcony and shuffle away back to bed, either curling up with Tony or wiggle his way into Steve’s arms.
Tony was very aware that Bucky’s anxiety was becoming progressively worse. He could feel the fear and guilt radiating off of Bucky every night. Tony knew the other Omega was scared of hurting Tony, and Tony also knew that Bucky just needed the occasional push in the right direction. From time to time, Steve and Tony just had to give Bucky the reassurance he needed. Whether that be letting him rest in the middle of the day, cuddling him and keeping him in bed after a nightmare, or simply peppering kisses over his face and body whenever needed. Steve was a little less aware of the situation, but he was completely conscious of the fact that his Bucky, his Omega, was in distress… Almost everyday.
Once again, Bucky wakes up distressed and barely conscious. He lets out a small whimper and pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around his legs and rocking slightly, the vision of Maria crying for her husband engraved into Bucky’s mind. Bucky whines and curls in further on himself, his scent picking up a horrible whiff of anguish. Tony stirred in Steve’s arms, his eyes fluttering open to look at Bucky’s shivering form.
“Jamie? What’s wrong baby?”
Bucky gasped and his head snapped into Tony’s direction, his eyes wide and his body trembling.
“Tony… I’m sorry, I’m so, so, sorry.” Bucky whispered and bit his lip, his shivering increasing tenfold.
“Whoa baby, calm down, what happened? What’s got you so distressed?” Tony shimmied out of Steve’s arms, the Alpha making and grumbling sound before turning over. The genius sat up and shifted a little closer to Bucky, resting one hand on his leg, the other wiping away the tears that soaked the soldier’s face. “Tell me what happened and we can go back to bed peacefully, no need for getting out of bed and leaving Steve and I alone.”
Bucky whimpers softly and leans into Tony’s hold, Tony takes the initiative to wrap his arms around the frightened man, rubbing along Bucky’s back and shoulders soothingly. “You’re okay baby, you’re okay…” Tony soothes Bucky and lets the other man bury his face into his scent gland. Bucky sniffles softly in Tony’s shoulder, clearly scared and traumatized.
“She’s in my head. Tony, She’s- she’s in my fucking mind.”
Tony tilts his head, moving a hand under Bucky’s chin to look into his eyes.
“Who, Darling? Who’s in your head?” He’s concerned. But he’s proud, Bucky’s talking to him, that’s a small step in the right direction.
“Maria. She won’t stop. It hurts, her screaming hurts.”
Tony sighs. He knows about the nightmares, and he’s seen the tape. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, it never will be.
“Bucky, I need you to breathe. Just like Dr. Raynor said. In through the nose and out through the mouth, try to relax for me.”
Bucky follows Tony’s instructions obediently, eyeing him as he follows the breathing, deliberately over-exaggerating the breaths to ease Tony’s anxiety.
Tony shakes his head at Bucky’s over-exaggeration with a smirk, laughing softly so he won’t wake the sleeping Alpha less than thirty centimeters away.
Steve sturs in his sleep, turning over and scrunching up his nose when the bitter smell of a stressed omega hits him. Bucky winced internally, knowing he’ll be getting another lecture from Steve about his mental health. Tony glances back at Steve for a second before looking back at Bucky with a small smile.
“How about we go back to sleep, forget about this for now, and get Steve’s lecture in the morning?” Bucky’s words are quiet and he looks between Tony and Steve’s sleeping form. “Please?”
Sighing, Tony shifts backward, patting the space next to him.
“Fine. We’ll talk about this in the morning.”
Bucky smiles again, cuddling up next to Tony with a content sigh.
“I don’t hate you, I hope you know that.”
Tony blinks, he’s not sure what he just heard.
“What?”
“I don’t hate you. I know I’ve been a bit of a bitch when it comes to you and Steve, I just wanted you to know.”
Oh.
“I love you too, Jamie.”
Bucky laughs, it's gentle, but it’s nice.
“I never said that.”
“You inferred it.” Tony chuckles, resting a hand on Bucky’s cheek and moving the hair out of his eyes.
If I am a sunflower
you are a bouquet
of finely cut roses
If I am a lake
you are the vast and frothing
turquoise ocean
If I am happy
you are unrivaled,
exuberant jubilance
If I am good
you are better