"Miles?"
I instantly know who it is, her voice familiar to my ear. She gently closes my bedroom door and comes up to sit next to me, the bed squishing under her weight.
"Gwen," I turn to her, my gaze softening, "Why are you here?"
She sighs dramatically, a smile tugging at her lips.
"Am I not allowed to visit my boyfriend?"
"I was just–"
"I know, spider-boy."
She laughs and presses a soft kiss into my cheek, her eyes drifting down to my hands, which were fiddling with a small vial. She gently lifts my thumb up from the label to read 'Testosterone Cypionate Injection'.
"That time of the week, huh?"
I nod, gesturing to a needle sitting on my desk, still in its packaging, and a few other little supplies I use for my injections. Disinfectant wipes, bandaids, and such.
She looks at me awkwardly for a moment, shifting in her seat before standing up, picking up the needle to inspect it like a curious puppy. She's only ever been in my room a few times, but since the first visit almost a year ago she's… scarily comfortable with touching everything. I still get flashbacks of the time she opened one of my collectables last year, brutally ripping it from its package. I would've kicked her out right then and there if I wasn't embarassingly in love with her.
A few months ago I told Gwen I was trans.
I knew it would be okay, she's trans too after all, but it was still scary. It was hard to tell her something that had ruined so many of my other relationships, most of my friends had no idea. We had a small, casual talk about it. She asked why I brung it up then and not before, which in all honesty, I didn't have an answer to.
I've been on testosterone for 2 years, which is a lot considering my age. Luckily, my parents were supportive and didn't care much as long as I was happy. It was sometime in-between the year or so I hadn't been in contact with the spider society, so nobody asked any questions. I had been on puberty blockers before after all, it was all just seen as me being a late bloomer, and especially with becoming spider-man and all the physical activity that comes with…
In general, there's not really a reason for me to bring up that I'm trans, but I wanted to tell her anyways. I wanted her to know that whenever she talks about being dysphoric, that I understood. I wanted her to know that she can be open with me. That I trust her.
"Didn't you used to do gel?"
She breaks my train of thought, my eyes jolting back up to meet hers.
"Oh– mhm. Switched because the spider-man stuff got in the way,"
"How?"
"With gel it's like– daily. And you can't really… touch anything the part you like… put it on? So with everything in the… spider society and everything, y'know, it's just easier I guess," I shrug, laughing gently.
She smiles in understanding, letting my voice fade into silence as she hands the needle to me, with a small disinfectant wipe.
"You gonna do it now..?
I nod, a little hesitantly.
I've always been afraid of needles. Embarrassing for a 16-year-old boy– man– guy? I know, but something about them just sends a shiver down my spine. Maybe it's the fact that a glowing radioactive spider bit me and I gained supernatural powers. Not too keen on it happening again, no matter how rare it'd be. This needle could be coated with some toxic acid that'll turn me into a giant monster. You never know.
"Miles– Hey, you okay?"
"Oh-! Yeah, yeah.. Mhm…" I nod, snapping out of my thoughts.
Of course, she picked up on my slight nervousness, I'm stupid for thinking she wouldn't. Gwen raises an eyebrow, amused, as she takes a seat next to me.
"Where do you inject? … Is it like a flu shot? In the arm?"
I chuckle, "Nah, I do it in my thigh,"
"Oooh… That does sound less painful than the shoulder,"
"Guess so."
She sighs and gently rolls up the right side of my shorts, taking the disinfectant wipe and taking it out of its packaging, hovering it over a spot on my thigh.
"Here?"
"Uh… yeah."
My initial confusion fades as I realize what she's doing, the cold, wet feeling of the wipe against my leg making me slightly flinch.
She takes the needle out of its packaging and holds it up to me, the pointy side facing her. I take it and nod a thank you, filling it with the vial of testosterone and gesturing to a smaller needle on my desk, "Can you..?"
She turns to the desk before looking back at me, her eyes comically confused. She's always been overly expressionate, like a little kid looking at a toy at the store. Those big eyes… fuck they're adorable.
Jeez, Miles– focus.
"The smaller needle, it's for the injection, I need…"
She trails off before I finish my sentence, bringing me the smaller injection needle as I set everything up. She watches me intently, asking me little questions about how everything works. In the ideal world, she would've been there when I started T, but we can't all be winners. I would've been much less scared though, even just knowing I'd be able to see her after. All Ganke said after I came back to the dorm was that he needed help with his homework. Love the guy either way, but he isn't the best at comfort. Or… conversation.
I hand her the fully prepped needle after, repeating the instructions my doctor had given me almost two years ago.
"90-degree angle, quick injection with an even push on the like… liquid– the testosterone," I chuckle.
"Are you sure it's okay for me to…?"
"Yeah, of course. I trust you. I mean– if you want to, obviously."
We smile at each other for a second before she nods, a little giggle escaping her lips as she looks down at my thigh, hovering the needle above it.
I shut my eyes slightly, still nervous. It was better than when I did my own shots, calmer, easier. Knowing she was there was comforting, but I still had that voice in my head telling me to be scared. I suppose her spidey senses picked up my nerves– before I know it I feel a hand on my own and another gentle kiss on my forehead as she sighs, pushing the needle through.
I calm down a little, opening my eyes to see Gwen taking the needle out and standing up to grab a band-aid from my desk. She applies it carefully and turns her head up to give me a peck on the lips.
"You did great, Miles."
I smile and nod over to the door, "There's a sharps container in the bathroom for the uh… needle. After… we could cuddle and watch movies…? And I'll let you pick one of your cheesy rom-coms this time," I chuckle. She nudges my elbow playfully before heading out of my bedroom. I can hear my dad greeting her as they have a brief conversation about nothing through the door, a few muffled laughs audible as they continue.
I look down at my thigh, the sight alone almost making me cry.
I don't remember doing another injection myself ever since.