Asgard – 703 years ago
Age: 297 (6)
Loki’s love of all things forbidden began as a small child when he found a very old blue book in his mothers study (where he may or may not have been hiding from his nanny for the afternoon).
His reading was incredibly advanced for his age, gifted his tutors claimed, and so the precocious child decided this would be the day he began studying ‘grown-up books’, for surely this would prove he was no longer a baby? Father is always telling him and Thor about the ways of Men, and the ways in which they will make him proud as Men of Asgard. Thor may be older and stronger but Loki will prove that he is smart and mature, like a real grown-up, and then Father will love him as much as he loves Thor. It’s just like Thor and Sif always say, nobody could ever like a weak little baby like him, so it’s really not fathers fault, it’s Loki’s, and now he has a plan to fix it!
The first thing his inspection of the book revealed was that it really was very, very old. The second was that it was about Jotunheim! Loki’s first reflex was to flinch away like it might attack, why would his mother be reading a book about monsters? Reading adult books was suddenly immensely less appealing than he had imagined, but Loki refused to fall at the first hurdle. If his mother thought this book was important then it must be so. One must always know their enemy father said, maybe the book tells one how to defeat them? (or how to prevent them from hiding under Loki’s bed as Thor keeps warning him)
Firm in his resolve, Loki took a deep breath and turned to the page of contents, which confused him greatly. Tradition and culture? Health and anatomy? Cuisine? Seidr? Seidr?! The monsters could use magic too? How is that even possible? Magic is hard, and it is Loki’s one advantage over others, if the Frost-giants could use it then they were truly a more terrifying foe than Loki had ever imagined (so terrifying in fact that he may never sleep again) no wonder Asgard wants to kill them all. True warriors hate monsters and cowardly magic users, and the giants are both.
Loki was again regretting this idea, but learning about them was now more important than ever. The table of contents hadn’t been what he expected for a book on killing monsters but he supposed it made some sense, one need to know what they eat, either to take it away or for keeping them alive as prisoners. Likewise ‘health and anatomy’ will surely tell him where one must aim their sword, and how to make sure they are dead, yes Loki will go back to that part later. The sixth chapter titled ‘Children’ seems like the best place for him to start, for though he thinks he will not be a child for much longer, the Jotnar might think he is one, and Loki is small for his age so surely the methods for protecting children will be effective for him too? (and he really, really, wants to make sure that there will never be a Frost-giant hiding under his bed at night).
The first few paragraphs don’t make a lot of sense, there are many words he doesn’t yet know, and he is forced to admit to himself that reading this book is much harder than he thought it would be. He will need to practice more, and writes down some of the words to look up later. He skips ahead a few pages to find the more important information but stops, shocked, when he opens the page to a picture. Not that there are never pictures in adult books, its what the picture shows that surprises him; a circle of young Jotnar holding hands.
That can’t be right, his nursemaids and the guards said that the Frost-giants eat their own children. Well, obviously not all of them Loki scolds himself, otherwise there wouldn’t be any adult ones would there?
But still, the ones in the picture don’t look very much like monsters, they just look like blue children, not at all like the creatures in his story books. They look happy, and normal, and ones even holding a plush bear like the ones Loki and Thor have had in the nursery!
He quickly begins reading the page opposite and discovers that the children in the picture are playing a game of words.
A. GAME. OF. WORDS.
Asgard does not have any such games, and Loki would know because that sounds very much like a game he would be good at.
Asgard has games of slaying frost-giants or fire-demons, and killing foul beasts to save the people or complete glorious quests. Basically many variations of hitting things with sticks, and often that ‘thing’ is actually Loki as he is the youngest and therefore must play the role they give him if he wants to join in.
Loki is entranced, and eagerly absorbs all the instructions on this game of words, its purpose is to practice spelling which is mightily unfair because Loki always had to practice his spelling by writing in a boring exercise book (and who knew the frost-giants were literate?!) There are points for length, and extra points for rhymes, and oh look there’s a similar game for numbers! Loki hasn’t been this excited since his name day!
He is so excited in fact that he didn’t hear his mother coming into the room…
“Loki, my son, what are you doing in here?”
Loki, who absolutely did not jump at the sound of her voice, answered some mumbled version of hastily thought up excuses that amounted to him wanting to see her and so he thought to wait here whilst she was busy…
“and should you not be with Mistress Gilda? I hear she has been searching all of Gladsheim for you” Frigga asked her mischievous son with a knowing gleam in her eye, but before he could respond she noticed exactly which of her books he was reading. She delicately plucked the old tome from his small hands and swallowed down her regret of leaving that book on her desk, and sat down next to him
“Loki,” she began gently, “why are you reading this?”
“I wanted to prove that I can read grown-up books. I’m not a baby anymore mother, and I thought if I read your books we could talk about it together like adults and then father would see how mature I am”
The small laugh that escaped the queen’s lips was equal parts relief and amusement
“Oh my precious child,” she crooned with a kiss to his forehead “you shall always be my baby, but if you want for more challenging books then I shall help you to pick some more appropriate ones in the library. You should never read the books from my room without my permission ok? You are many centuries too young”
“But mama! It is a book with games! Word games!” he exclaimed excitedly, and proceeded to explain what he had learned. Frigga patiently listened to her little boy, despite having already read the book herself, and agreed that it did indeed sound like a wonderful idea. Frigga in turn told him of similar learning based games that she played as a young girl in Vanaheim, whilst he listened with awe, and looked at her like she truly was the most amazing woman in The Nine.
“I can’t wait to play with Th- ..oh,” Loki cut off abruptly, with a look of utter devastation “no one will want to play these games with me” he whispered dejectedly, eyes beginning to glisten with unshed tears. It was a sight that never failed to break Frigga’s heart, she was on the verge of automatic words of encouragement ‘you’ll never know if you don’t ask’ or some such sentiment, but she stilled her tongue. It truly would only lead to further disappointment, or worse, teasing. It was times like this that the queen had to acknowledge that despite their similarities, the Aesir really were a different species and culture to that of her homeland.
Instead Frigga wrapped an arm around her son’s tiny shoulders and pulled him to her side, such conversations are difficult, but she is a Queen and a diplomat, and she will turn this to a positive light.
“Loki, my heart, you are so very much like me, and I am ever so proud of you. But you and I, we’re not like the Aesir, we use our minds and our talents differently, and that is truly no bad thing! It might be hard sometimes, feeling that you aren’t the same as the other children, but I am like you my darling, and I felt just the same when I came here to marry your father. And whilst we may be the outsiders here in Asgard, Asgard is but one of nine realms in Yggdrasil, and in the other eight realms it is us that belong, and the Aesir that are the strange ones nobody wants to play with”
Loki looks contemplative and serious but his mother’s words haven’t hit their mark quite yet “I don’t want to be different mama, and we are in Asgard, not Vanaheim”
“Do you truly wish to be the same as the other children Loki? If you could, would you choose to give up your books, your seidr and your quick mind, to go back to learning your letters with your agemates’ and spend all your time playing games of war and fighting with Thor and the other children?”
“No mother” he murmured, curling further into her side “I just wish that I could have friends too”
“And you will my darling, you will. Asgard is always host to visitors from the other realms, and they will marvel at what a clever, kind boy you are! You are just too young yet.” Loki lets out a sigh at yet another reminder of his unfortunate age, whilst Frigga recalls an idea she has been considering these past few years, and commits herself to a new course of action.
“Tell me Loki, how would you feel about spending the summer with your uncle Frey in Alfheim? Frey would love to have your company, and there would be many children for you to meet in his palace. All the little boys and girls practice seidr there”
Loki has always liked the elves. He has never met one his age but he loves uncle Frey, and Frey is one of the only people who seems to like Loki more than Thor, so maybe there is some merit to his mothers words?
“I… I would be very excited mother, could I really? You’d let me go for a whole summer?”
“Yes my son, I have thought on this a while now, and it takes time to properly establish friendships that would last between your visits. I think you would learn a lot from such an experience away from home and you are decades ahead in your lessons anyway”
Loki throws his arms around his mother in the biggest hug he can give “I love you mama” he tells her, and it is not a flippant exclamation, or a perfunctory acknowledgment like she has begun receiving from her eldest. It is an ‘I love you’ filled with such sincerity it hurts, and Frigga would move mountains to always keep this place in his heart. Whilst Thor is his father’s child, Loki is hers and she will do anything to hold onto that, even if it means missing him all summer long.
“I am glad that we had this conversation Loki, but, back to the book…”
“I am sorry I went through your things without permission mother. But why are the frost-giants in the book playing word games? That doesn’t seem like a very monster-y thing to do?”
“Loki! That is a terrible thing to say, they are not monsters. Or frost-giants for that matter. They are called the Jotnar or Jotunn, and they are a people of Yggdrasil just like any other. I don’t want to hear you saying such things again young man,” I don’t want to hear you say such things about yourself is what she means, “you are no ignorant commoner, you are a prince and I expect you to know better”
Loki looks as her, slightly wide-eyed and bewildered by the outburst
“I…yes mother… but, but everyone says…”
“I may be called the All-Mother, but I can not change the things everyone says. I am however your mother, and I intend to teach you better. Did you not learn anything from what you read?”
“I didn’t get much past the games…”
“Well, look here” Frigga says, turning to some beautiful pictures of Jotunn art “would monsters create such beauty? And here, a recipe for frozen sweetcream, do you think monsters sit down for a bowl of dessert after a day of terrorizing villages?” and that mental image wrings a quiet giggle from the little boy which eases some of the tension in her chest
“As I said, they are another people of Yggdrasil, like the elves, or the dwarves, they are truly not so different other than in appearance”
“Then why do people tell such scary stories about them mama?”
“Because of the war my love, it is easier to think of the enemy as monsters than as people”
“I don’t understand, why would it be easier to fight a scary monster? Wouldn’t it be easier if you weren’t so afraid?”
Frigga sighs and rubs her brow, “You are too wise my son, and too young to be having this conversation. Tell me, if you had to choose, would you rather kill a bilgesnipe or an Aesir?”
“Well the bilgesnipe of course” he replied
“And why is that?” Frigga probes, much to Loki’s confusion
“Well, because the bilgesnipe is an animal, and they’re dangerous. Killing an Aesir would be murder!”
“Exactly my son, and that is why warriors convince themselves that those they are killing are monsters, do you see? It is easier for them to think they are fighting dangerous monsters than to acknowledge that they are killing people just like themselves whom have families and loved ones waiting for them to come home”
“That’s…that’s horrible mama” Loki exclaimed with open-mouthed shock, verging on tears again
“Aye, war is horrible my son, and as I said, you are too young to be having this conversation. I want you to try and put it out of your mind until you are older, just like this book, whilst I want you to know better, I don’t want you talking about this with others just yet. The Aesir aren’t ready to believe the truth about the Jotnar, you would only invite more trouble and ridicule upon yourself, it would be like fighting the tide, and this fight is not your responsibility. Do you understand? This knowledge can be our secret, and we can laugh together about the absurd tales others believe, and when you are old enough to stand up for yourself you can tell them all how foolish they are”