Shit gets real
Simon and Wilhelm had been official boyfriends for weeks. Simon and Sara hadn’t spoken in weeks. Sara was still at Hillerska but separated herself from everyone she knew- she moved back home. Linda had been confused for weeks, about why the incredibly close siblings hadn’t said a single word to each other for a while. Simon and Sara hadn’t eaten a meal together in weeks.
Simon and Sara had their first “conversation” in early April.
******
Sara for one had been confused about why Wilhelm was always coming over. She didn’t understand what had changed between them. She didn’t ask though. She knew she’d be shut out.
******
Simon and Wilhelm were in Simon’s bedroom. The two were in a very intense game of Mario Kart and were screaming at each other when one of them would take the lead. They were happy, though. So fucking happy. They were laughing, loudly. Simon and Wilhelm were kissing each other, or sometimes they were distracting each other so that he could win the game.
Then Linda knocked on the door.
“Mi amor?” Linda called through as she knocked.
“Yeah, Ma?”
“Can I come in?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Hi! I just came from work. Oh, Wilhelm! How nice to see you!”
“Nice to see you, too!”
“What are you two sweeties doing?”
“Mario Kart!” Wilhelm exclaimed with a childish smile on his face.
Linda smiled.
“Wilhelm, sweetie? Can you please leave the room for a few? I need to talk with Simon.”
“Yeah, of course, Linda.”
Simon kissed Wille’s forehead, Wille squeezed Simon’s hand, and then he walked out the door.
*****
“Okay. We need to talk.”
“About what?”
“You and your sister.”
“I’m not talking about Sara, Mom.” Simon sighed.
“Oh yes, we are. We’ve put this off for too long. I need to know what has happened between you. You’ve always been close, and now since right before the jubilee, you haven’t said a thing to each other. And every time you make eye contact you both look away!”
Simon was crying now.
“Oh, Simme.” Linda held her boy.
“I didn’t want to tell you because I thought you’d have to take sides. I wanted to pro-protect you.” His voice was breaking and his breath was hitching. He took some breaths then spoke again, “Please let me have Wille with me. He was there. He knows the full story. I can’t do this without him, Mama.”
“Okay, my boy. Want me to go get him?”
“Please.”
******
Linda stepped out of the room and asked for Wille.
“Is everything alright?” Wille questioned, concerned when he saw the somber expression on Linda’s face.
“Simon needs you. We are going to talk about Sara, but he says he cannot do this without you.”
“Of course, I’ll be there. If he needs me, then I will support him.”
“You’re a good kid, Wilhelm.” Linda declared, then gave Wilhelm a motherly hug.
Wille was shocked, but he returned the hug.
******
“Oh, Simon.” Wille vocalized when he saw Simon with tears down his face and clutching the orange sweater that he had stolen from Wille months ago.
“Hug me, please, Wille.” Simon hiccuped.
Wille wasted no time holding his lover. He whispered sweet nothings into his boy’s ear, told him he loved him, said he would be okay, and said he was brave.
When Simon calmed a little, he spoke. “Sara betrayed me, Mama. She found out back in the winter who leaked the video. I lied, I know who it is. It was August,” Linda moved to speak, but Simon stopped her. “Ma, I need to get through this, just lemme say everything.” He took a deep breath in and out. “She didn’t tell me that it was August, though. She had thought that the damage was already done because the video had already blown up, so she didn’t say anything. She then started a relationship with him, anyway. She said she fell in love. When I decided to go to the police and told you two I would, she went and let him know I was gonna rat him out. But she thought, if she’d give him a chance, August would tell the police it was him. He didn’t obviously, because he’s a fucking liar. Wille spoke with Sara per my request a couple of days ago. Wille? Can you tell her what she said? I wanna make sure it’s said correctly.”
“Yes, my love.” He sighed, “Sara said she was blind-sighted by love. Everything that was wrong felt right to her. She started dating him, sleeping with him, and sneaking around with him. He told her that he wanted to confess, so Sara believed him. I know August. He’s manipulative. There is no chance in hell he would actually confess to spreading and recording child pornography. He knows his life would be fucked. So with Sara, he truly wanted her so badly that he lied to be with her. This thing with August didn’t just mess up her relationship with Simon but with Felice, Maddie, Fredrika, and Stella, too. That’s why she moved home. They are all pissed with her. She has no one at that school. She feels horrible and wants to fix those relationships, but she doesn’t know how.”
“Oh my God…”
“Yeah, Mama, yeah.”
“God, sweetie, I’m so sorry you went through all of that. I will talk to her. What she did is not okay.”
“Definitely not.” Wille agreed.
“Thank you, Mama.”
“You should talk with her too, you all need to hash things out.” Linda pointed out.
“I will.” Simon responded.
“Simme, why can’t we go to the police.”
Simon looked at Wille, and Wille nodded his head.
“You’re gonna be mad at me. But I need to say this.”
“Okay…”
“Back in October, August really wanted me to get booze for a party. The one Sara and I went to. I said no, but then I knew Wille would be there and I wanted Sara to make some friends so I wanted to go. The only way I was allowed to go was if I got him booze. So I got it from Micke. He was his usual self when I got there, there were empty alcohol bottles and cigarette buds, and the whole place smelled. He wanted me to pay him for it, and because August said he would pay me, I told him I’d bring him money. Flash forward a few weeks, and August doesn’t pay. Then I catch him trying to purchase Sara’s ADHD medication. I couldn’t let August take that, so I stopped him. He wanted me to get the pills. And then him being his manipulative self said that he’d double the price of what he hadn’t paid me. So I stole Micke’s meds. I sold them to him, but he still didn’t pay me. He finally said he was broke. But I needed that money. I needed to pay Micke. I needed to pay for the tutoring I’d got. So I gave him more pills I’d stolen so he could sell them and pay me. He finally paid me back, so I paid who I needed to. When I got to Micke’s, he wasn’t sober. He grabbed me and pushed me against the wall and scolded me. He thought I was using. I told him that I wasn’t and how I sold them. He put his hands on me again. Then I told him I know why he uses drugs and drinks. He let me go, I threw the money at him and then I left.”
Simon then whispered to his boyfriend, “Is it okay if I mention the party and such?”
“Yes, love.”
Simon continued, “Then there was a party. A party to which August gave out the drugs he had left. Wille was there. He got high and wasted and called me from the football field. That’s why I wasn’t home that morning. I went to get him, take him to Hillerska, then I fell asleep looking after him. Um that morning, when we woke up, um, that’s when August recorded us. That night of the party, a student named Alexander was suspended. He was caught with the drugs that were at the party. Alexander didn’t take any of them, he was just the one who had stashed them. August knew about me and Wille, so he purposely blamed me. He told Wille this, who didn’t know about the incident. Wille and I fought about it. Wille convinced August to not blame me. Alexander got the fall. Wille and I made up at Lucia, but then like an hour later, the video was posted and it all went to shit. Alexander was allowed back to school after break. Then when August found out I was going to the police, he convinced Alexander to take the fall for the porn, if I actually went to the police. And since August thought there was no proof he posted it, even though there was proof that it was recorded on his phone, he thought Alexander would be fine. Wille also told me that Sara said that she saw August use the computer the video was posted from that night. August had pill bottles with Micke’s name on them from when I had supplied him. He said if I went to the police, he would rat me out instead. So I didn’t go to the police. Then I found out about him and Sara. The whole Sara/August/Alexander/Drug/Video thing happened the day you were supposed to take me to the station. That’s why I wasn’t at school when you wanted to take me. So yeah, that’s it. I’m so sorry, Mom. I really am.”
“Simon. You know better than this. But I do understand your actions. As wrong as they might be, August is a horrible person. I get that you did what you did to protect people. I get that you were thrown into a mess you shouldn’t have been in. No more of this, you understand?”
“Yes, Mama. I understand.”
“And Wille. For the love of God, do not do this stuff with drugs again you hear me? You could have gotten really hurt if it wasn’t for your boyfriend.”
“Yes, Linda. I understand. I’m sorry.”
“It’s gonna be okay, boys.” She gave them a combined hug. “I’m now going to talk to Sara.”
“Sara is right here,” Sara exclaimed from the doorway.
******
“How much did you hear?” These are the first words Simon spoke to Sara in weeks.
“A whole fucking lot.” Sara replied in a rude tone.
“Sara Eriksson! You have no right to talk to your brother like that. In your room. Now! We have a lot to discuss.” Linda exclaimed.
*****
Simon fell asleep in Wille’s arms. He fell asleep crying. He fell asleep to Wille carding his fingers through his hair. He fell asleep while Wille whispered affirmations to him.
He woke up to his mother rapping on the door.
“Hey, mi amor. I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t know you were asleep.”
“It’s okay.” Simon said while rubbing his eyes and doing his sleepy pout.
“Sara has questions for you. Is it okay if you talk to her? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.”
“I’ll do it. But you and Wille need to be there.”
“Of course.” Linda and Wille declared at the same time.
*****
They were all in the living room. The room was in awkward silence.
“Okay, kiddos. We need to hash this out.”
“I know where to start. Why the hell is the Crown Prince of Sweden in our living room during this conversation?”
“Because he’s my boyfriend and he shows me endless support and has shown me so much fucking love. He’s been there for me when I found out you sided with August over your own brother.”
“Oh, so the guy that ruined you for months and ditched you and lied is now the one you’re sleeping with again?” Sara retorted.
“Sara! He has every right to be mad at you after you did what you did.”
“I’m not just sleeping with him. He’s the love of my life so deal with it. If you want to have this conversation, you’re doing it with Mom and him present.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re dating him?”
“Why is that relevant? I don’t owe you anything. You decided to be an asshole to me so why should I update you on my life? You let me down when I needed you.”
Sara got up and slapped Simon.
“What the fuck, Sara?!” Simon grabbed his own face. Wille looked 10 seconds away from murder because of the violence, but then he seemed to realize why Sara did it. Meanwhile, Linda jumped up and stepped in between them.
“Fuck. Shit. Simon, I’m sorry. I’m just so fucking frustrated. I hate fighting with you. I’m sorry.” Tears were streaming down her face now.
“Okay. We are taking a five-minute cool down, then we are returning.” Linda exclaimed.
Sara and Linda left the room, while Simon and Wilhelm stayed on the couch.
“Shit. Fuck, Wille,” Simon sobbed, “I’m bringing you into my sibling drama. I didn’t think. Fuck. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad, Wille, please.” Simon kept crying and his voice was weak.
“Hey, angel, angel, angel. It’s okay. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I love you, baby. I love you so much. I’m here. I’m here. Don’t worry, you didn’t upset me. I love you, I love you, I love you.” Wille imparted to Simon.
He held him close and tight.
“I love you, Wille. I love you more than anything in this world. I love you. I love you because I was made to do so.”
Simon kissed Wille as tears streamed down his face. Their kiss tasted salty, but neither of them cared. They just needed each other.
*******
“Did Wilhelm tell you everything I said?” Sara asked when they returned to the conversation.
“Of course.”
“So you understand why I did it.”
“Yes, I do. But that doesn’t make it right, Sara.” Simon answered, annoyed.
She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Simon. I want to make it better. Not having you in my life sucks. I know it’ll take you time to forgive me, or you might never. But I want us to try. I love you, Simon. I’m so sorry. I want to make this work.”
Simon stood up and trudged over to Sara. He held out his hands for a hug, which Sara accepted. “I love you too, Sara. We’ll make this work, we always do. I’m just gonna need some time.” He pulled away and gave her a small smile. Sara nodded and smiled back lightly.