“I didn’t say that-”
“No, but you meant it that way, which is basically the same thing.”
Sam let out a heavy sigh, not wanting to argue with the brunett in the other room. Opening the refrigerator, he reached inside and grabbed two bottles of beer. He knew Bucky couldn’t get drunk, but he also knew that it didn’t stop him from at least enjoying a drink or two. Hell, they both needed it.
He made his way into the living room, handing one of the bottles to the male, sitting beside him as they both looked at the TV.
“I just meant….that giving up the shield would be the right thing to do. It’s not yours, it’s not mine- it belongs somewhere where people can look at it and remember him.” Sam said slowly, wearily glancing over at Bucky to judge his reaction.
Barnes sat there quietly, lightly tracing the letters on the bottle with his thumb. He didn’t like the idea. It was obvious what was going to happen- the government would take claim on it and hand it off to the next blue-eyed blond haired man and parade him around as the new Captain America. ‘Society needs a new anchor’ they would say. It would really be just to satiate their evergrowing worry. Without their national heroes, other countries would start getting bold, making threats. The government wanted to avoid that, probably, but the thought of someone other than Steve carrying around the shield made him almost sick to his stomach.
“Buck-”
“He gave the shield to you- trust you with it.” Bucky sighed, leaning back and staring at the television. It was some old sitcom, about a wife and husband living in a small suburban town. He didn’t really care about it, just needed something other than silence in the apartment.
“Are you mad he didn’t give it to you?” Sam questioned, genuinely wondering what was going through the other’s mind. Unfortunately, it came out more defensive than he meant, and he almost regretted asking. “You know…Cap’s best friend back in World War II, it wouldn’t be a surprise if you took on the role.”
“No.” Bucky replied almost immediately, letting out a bitter, humorless laugh. “I don’t deserve that shield…” he mumbled, looking down at the ground. He was smiling slightly, but obviously he wasn't happy. “I don’t…I’m not Captain America material. Maybe if things didn’t turn out the way they did I’d agree with you but…after everything that’s happened with Hydra and the Avengers I..don’t think I could be the next Cap.”
Sam finally looked over- really looked at the man he would consider a good friend now. The usual, annoyed, sarcastic Bucky face was gone, replaced with one of a sad, tired man who just missed his best friend. He missed him too, but he knew what he was feeling couldn’t even compare to what Bucky must have felt. Sam didn’t know the minute details of their history, but he could tell that the two were more than just close friends who fought alongside each other. He knew that was something he would never get back now that Steve was gone.
“It wasn’t your fault, you know.” Sam spoke quietly. “What Hydra did to you was…unforgivable. But it wasn’t your fault- and those…the things they made you do- it wasn’t you”
“Yeah, but I still did them.” Bucky hummed, twisting the lid off the bottle and taking a long sip. “I can make amends but I can’t bring people back from the dead, Sam.” He glanced over at the shield, hidden away in an old leather bag, no doubtably belonging to Steve. “That shield…it’s all I’ve got left of him.” he finally admitted, whether it be to Sam or to himself. “You planning on just giving it away- letting someone else throw it around…means that there’s nothing left.”
Sam sighed, nodding thoughtfully.
“Yeah, I know. I get it.” he said, looking over at Bucky. “I get it.” he said quietly.
-- fin.