To say the situation was in shambles was to be….polite. The attacking genetically modified….creatures….they might have been hedgehogs at some point, before they were gene-spliced with centipedes, turned neon orange and granted the ability to breathe fire and spit acid…really….who thought this was a good idea…but now that they were contained and no longer threatening that elementary school field trip to the museum…it was….good. Yes, good. The out door displays from the museum would need…repaired? replaced? reconfigured? Eh….who knew.
But, it was successful, the vile fiend who thought this was a great way to spend their time, was monologuing in restraints about something and Hawkeye was nodding in a way that all but guaranteed his hearing aids were damaged, missing, or at least turned off. The creatures were contained. The widow was keeping an eye on them. The captains s breathing in that way that meant he might have cracked a rib and it was healing funny.
But, the hulk was still here, so Tony could have a chat with him.
“Hey there, big green.”
“Hmph.” Hulk acknowledged.
“So, Cooper is getting married.”
“Plaid?” Hulk thought it good to verify it was the Cooper he knew, the plaid wearing food providing FBI man.
“Not so much anymore, he’s retired from the bureau.”
The hulk nodded. This was good. His friend was safer that way. “Wedding?”
Tony nodded. “Yep, found a nice guy, settling down in California.”
“Good.” This was good for Cooper. The hulk approved.
“So, you want to go?”
“To wedding?”
Tony was about to respond when the good captain butted in. Damn it. Apparently, the rib was fine and now he was paying attention to Tony and that never went well.
“What’s this?” Steve entered into the conversation.
“Just extending a wedding invitation from a mutual friend to the hulk.” Tony explained in a reasonable sounding voice, because it was a reasonable situation and not one where the good captain should be concerned.
“Do you think that’s a good idea? Shouldn’t you be asking Bruce, not the hulk?” Steve did not think this was a reasonable situation and certainly, absolutely was a cause for concern.
“Well, the hulk is the one with the invitation,Cooper doesn’t really know Brucie bear.”
The hulk nodded. This was true. “Wedding.” It was decided. He would go.
“Now wait, weddings are not really…hulk appropriate spaces…Tony.”
Hulk glared at the captain.
Tony held up his hands. “Big green, it’s okay, the captain doesn’t know how important it is to you to be at this particular wedding. Come on now, captain, he’s actually invited to be part of the wedding party.”
Steve blinked. Tony congratulated himself on that blink, he was thrilled when he could get the blink from the captain before a new argument.
“Wedding party?” Hulk sought confirmation.
“How’d you like to be the flower-hulk for the wedding?”
“Flowers pretty.” Hulk liked flowers.
Tony nodded. “Sure are.”
Steve shook his head. This was a horrible idea. A terrible idea. An oh god No let me back into the ice I can’t watch horrible, terrible, bad idea. “No way. That can’t happen. Tony…”
The hulk faced the captain. “You think hulk not good flower hulk?”
“I’m sure you would be good at it…Hulk…but….”
“You No think hulk pretty?”
“Uh….I’m sure you would be very pretty…” Steve looked at Tony. He needed some help here or there would be a captain America shaped dent in the building right there and it wouldn’t be a good thing.
Tony accepted that if Steve wanted to dig this particular hole, he could dig it all by himself.
“Hulk go wedding. Hulk have flowers. Hulk be pretty.”
Tony watched as Steve backed away slowly. “Perfect. I’ll let Cooper know you RSVP.”
“No Steve.” Hulk crossed his eyes and glared at the captain.
Tony nodded. “Absolutely, he wasn’t invited.”
Hulk nodded.