Masculine Man

Pavitr stirs away to a familiar pain in his stomach and lower abdomen. From the feeling alone he already knew he was fucked. The room was dim with little light leaking through the curtains from the moon outside. He checks the alarm clock sitting on Gayatri's bedside table and groans at how late it is, knowing full well he'd have trouble getting back to sleep for a while.

Slowly, to not disturb his girlfriend sleeping next to him, Pavitr sits up in bed, flinching at the annoying wetness between his thighs. He clutches his stomach and curls in on himself, trying to dull the pain of his cramps.

From how tight his insides are clenching and unclenching, a sudden thought crosses his mind. There have been a couple of times when he's woken up to find he's leaked through onto the sheets, but he was in his own bed. There was no way he didn't bleed through his clothes and stained Gayatri's bed.

He steadily shuffled out of bed, not wanting to make the stain worse if he did bleed through. When he stood up, he doubled over in pain from his cramps and held the edge of the bed for dear life, desperately trying to not make noise.

When the cramps soothed and hurt a little less, he lifted his head and checked the bed. His face flushed in embarrassment as soon as he saw the dark splotches on the light sheets. He couldn't help feeling guilty and a little ashamed for his accident, even though it was out of his control when it happened.

Thinking of what to do, he felt the uneasy familiar feeling of more blood coming out. He decided he'd figure out what to do about the sheets after he figures out what to do about his period and starts making his way to the bathroom.

Oh how incredibly grateful he was that Gayatri had her own small one part of her room, especially since he won't have to worry about waking her family or bumping into any of them in this state.

He quickly tiptoed to the bathroom, using the moonlight to see where he's stepping to not trip on anything left lying on the floor. When he made it in, he closed and locked the door before turning on the lights. He sat on the toilet, hunched over from more cramps giving him a harsh kick in the guts.

Tears streamed down his cheeks and his know began to grow snotty. He hated this. Hated all of this. All these issues he has to deal with when he's trying so hard to feel like he is a man. It's times like these he feels unworthy of being called a boy because he isn't a real one. Times like these that remind him of how different he is from everyone else.

He doesn't want to keep thinking these thoughts but it's hard to ignore when you're feeling blood drip out of you and cramps that make you wanna rip out your uterus. He hated his periods. He'd do anything to get rid of them or at least make them less frequent.

They're the cruellest reminder that he isn't actually a guy and that most men don't get their periods, making him spiral more and more into his gender dysphoria. It was difficult when he first came to realise he didn't actually want to be a girl and did whatever he could to keep a flat chest, especially since his aunty wasn't so on board about him starting testosterone just yet.

He uses an app to keep track and was expecting it to come the next week, but it unfortunately came early, and on today of all days, which made it worse. He had had the greatest time with Gayatri, from the moment he picked her up and went out for a picnic to bringing his stuff over for a sleepover and binge-watching whatever they thought was interesting.

To him, any day spent with Gayatri was the best, and every moment he got to be with her was always so wonderful. He loved the sparks and butterflies he felt being around her, she always makes him smile and laugh and fall absolutely in love with her. Those feelings only grew when he had the courage to ask her out and she gladly told him yes.

But now this day was ruined by a stupid biological cycle he could not control. He pushed his palms against his eyes while biting on his lips, regretting not being prepared for this. He felt stupid that he decided not to pack pads or period underwear just because he thought he wouldn't get his period that night. Normally he does keep something on him everywhere he goes in case it does happen but he just had to leave them behind on the day he actually needed them.

He tried brainstorming possible solutions to help him in his current situation. Maybe he could change into his other clothes and stuff toilet paper on his underwear to temporarily use as a makeshift pad and shove his bloodstained ones in a plastic bag to throw out later. Which is a shame because the pyjama pants he bled through were his favourite ones gifted to him by Gayatri when they decided to make each other pants for valentines day, and she made him special pyjama pants with little straw hat skulls along the sides.

He tried to think up a better idea when a gentle knock on the door brought him out of house thoughts.

"Pav?" Gayatri spoke softly through the door. "You okay in there?"

From hearing her voice, Pavitr quickly wiped his tears and forced back any more from coming, as well as taking a deep breath before replying. "I'm okay, Gaya. You can go back to bed."

Silence followed after his response. He couldn't tell if Gayatri was considering saying something else or was actually going to leave him to his self-loathing. He felt a tinge of guilt for lying to her but he also felt too overwhelmed by the situation he was in.

A couple minutes later, Gayatri speaks again. "Can I come in?"

Knowing she didn't leave made Pavitr's heart flutter at how much she cares, but also making him second guess whether or not he actually deserves her. He felt it wasn't her problem and that she should be resting instead of having to deal with him. Even though she knows about him being transgender, he had never went to her with issues relating to it because he didn't want to burden her with them or become a burden to her.

But right now, he felt too weak and exhausted to hide it from her, his stomach twisting in agony also convinced him to give in.

"Yeah…" He pulled his pants up a little more to cover up while sitting on the toilet before reaching for the door and unlocking it. Once she heard the click, the door began to open slowly, and there was Gayatri.

She was draped in one of his old shirts he grew out of, as well as the fluffy Kuromi pyjama pants he made her on Valentines day. She kneeled down in front of and rested her hands reassuringly on his leg. Her presence alone had Pavitr feel a little more at ease but he couldn't bring himself to look her in the eyes.

He leaned forward slightly to rest his head on her shoulder, the cramps decreasing as he let Gayatri hold him. He stopped trying to hold back his tears and let himself become more vulnerable in front of her. He was in too much pain emotionally and physically, he felt drained of all his energy and just wanted all this to go away so he and Gayatri could go back to sleep.

"I'm sorry…" Pavitr sniffled. "Sorry I woke you up and sorry I'm not get tears and snot on your shirt…"

"Don't be, Pav. You matter more to me than sleep and a shirt." Gayatri raised her other hand to rub his back. "Did you get your period?"

His face flushed with embarrassment as he nodded in reply. His lips trembled and he squeezed his eyes tighter, wishing he could just disappear or the earth would open up and swallow him.

"Do you have anything? There's pads and tampons in the cupboard under the sink. You don't need to be embarrassed." She moved her hand to his head and combed through his hair as well as lightly massaging his scalp. "I can lend you a pair of period underwear because I know pads don't stay on boxers so well and you're not a fan of tampons."

Pavitr thanked the universe that Gayatri was raised the way she was and couldn't have asked for a better girlfriend. She couldn't be any more understanding of him and her kindness towards him flooded his heart.

"I'd like to borrow the underwear if that's alright, please." Pavitr asked, feeling less and less embarrassed.

Gayatri pressed a kiss to his cheek and smiled. "I'll go get it. Take a hot shower, alright? It should help with your cramps and make you feel more relaxed after. I'll bring in clean clothes and place on the vanity for when you're done."

"I love you so much, Gaya." Pavitr gave her a kiss on the cheek back, then she got up and closed the door, leaving him to do what he needed.

He used the toilet paper to clean some of the blood before getting up and flushing the toilet. He turned the shower on and stripped out of his clothes as the water warmed up. He closed the curtain behind him after stepping in, and not long after he hears Gayatri open the door and put clean clothes on the vanity, then took out his old ones before closing the door again.

His tensed body began to relax under the warm spray of the shower, making him feel cleaner and more refreshed. He let the water hit his stomach yo alleviate the cramps, then turn around to let it run over his back. He tipped his head back under the water and melted in the sensation.

He doesn't know how long he stood there absorbing the heat of the shower, but once he started feeling better and cleaner, he turned it off. He dried up and quickly hopped into the period underwear, afraid that if he didn't he might accidentally get some blood on the floor. As he reached for the new pants, he saw Gayatri had left a glass of water and two painkillers, which he took immediately before getting dressed.

The new pants were extremely comfortable and he enjoyed how the shirt made his chest a little less noticeable. Sure, he has some muscle from working out to get the flat chest, but his breasts weren't completely gone yet.

He took a deep breath and exited the bathroom, feeling the cool air of her room against his damp skin.

Gayatri was waiting for him in bed, she was sat up with her legs under the blanket and patted his side for him to come over. As he pulled the blanket up to get in, he scanned the sheets for the bloodstain, but there wasn't any, and he realized Gayatri had changed the sheets while he was in the shower.

"Did you take the painkillers?" Gayatri asked as Pavitr got into bed.

"Yes, thank you."

"Of course. Anything you need, I'm right here for you, Pav. Okay?" Pavitr nodded and turned off the lamp Gayatri had turned on earlier. They shuffle under the covers and get themselves comfortable, Gayatri choosing to wrap her arms around him and have his around her.

"Hey, I just want to let you know that this doesn't change anything. You're still a man, a very strong and handsome masculine man. Just because you had your period, it doesn't change that." Gayatri cuddles closer around his waist.

Her words made Pavitr cry, his annoying thoughts and inner voices silenced. He pulled her closer, happy tears rolling down his cheeks and he smiled. It's not always easy being trans. He loved he could express himself as a man but he still had days and nights when something happened or went wrong that made him upset and question whether he was "trans enough" or not, making him wish he was biologically a boy so he wouldn't have to do all this and feel this way about himself.

Deep down he knows that one good night with Gayatri's love and care for him would make all his problems disappear, but he knew that accepting her help was a step in the right direction.

That night, Pavitr easily fell asleep again, feeling safe and understood with Gayatri in his arms and himself in hers.

ADDED MINI EXTRA/DELETED SCENE:

The next morning, around 9am, because Pav doesn't really sleep in, he and Gayatri were in the kitchen getting breakfast. He fixed himself a bowl of cereal and sat at the bench. Gayatri was eating with him until she heard beeping come from one of the other rooms.

"Hold on, I'll be back in a sec." She pushed her seat back and walked out while Pavitr got up and made a second bowl. As soon as he sits back down and scoops the cereal into his mouth, Gayatri returns with something in her hand.

"Here you go." She places a pair of clean folded pants on the table as she sits herself down again and continues eating.

Pavitr raises a brow as he looks at what she had given him until he quickly realises they were his pyjama pants. The fabric was still warm when he unfolded it, meaning they had just come out of the dryer. Upon further inspection, he sees that the blood stain was gone like he never bled through them in the first place, they were spotless and good as new.

"Oh my god, Gayatri! You're a fucking angel! A-a goddess! You're the best girlfriend anyone could ask for! How did I get so luckyyyy!?" Pavitr leapt at her and embraced her in a tight hug, earning a fit of giggles as well as nearly knocking her bowl off the table.

"It was easy, I've had it happen with my clothes too and one of my cousins taught me how to do it. You rub a bar of soap into the stain and scrub it under cold water. Then you put the laundry pre-treater on it and put them in the wash. If the stain is still there then just do it again until it's gone before putting it in the dryer. Oh, also make sure the water is warm. I'll write it down for you so you know what to do until you remember."

"Yes! Thank you so much!" Pavitr gave Gayatri a big kiss on the cheek before running off to her room. "I'm putting them on right now!"