Chapter 9
Since the incident, things had been relatively calm. I hadn’t gone on any missions, mostly out of fear that things would follow me home again that I couldn’t prevent, but also as a precaution from Tony. It wasn’t like I was fighting him to get back into the field, and Wanda would have killed me if I’d tried to push the issue. Though sleep was still something my body was fighting off, not trusting me to remain the opposite of a threat to Wanda. While it was annoying, it also gave me the chance to watch Wanda while she slept, and it was something that brought me immense peace. I normally read a book and listened to the sweet sighs that left her while she slept soundly. Suddenly, I felt something wiggling against me and knew it was Wanda. With a frown, I slowly tried to figure out what was wrong with her. She was still sleeping as far as I could tell, so I put my book on my bedside table. After setting it down, I rolled over and wrapped my arm around her, trying to comfort her with just my presence, but it didn’t seem to help. She was wiggling and seemingly fighting against the comfort I was trying to offer her. She was mumbling under her breath, and I knew it was a nightmare. I just didn’t know if it was a nightmare that I would be able to wake her up from it. Physical comfort wasn’t working, so the next option was to try to talk to her to either make the nightmare stop or it would jar her from her sleep, and it would end that way.
“Wake up, my love.” I tried gently next to her ear.
She groaned in her sleep but still didn’t wake up. I sighed to myself and did my best to think of what could wake her from her sleep. While I was thinking, I started to rub her back gently, trying to soothe her in any way that I could. Part of my mind was trying to think about what I could do to wake her up, and the other part of my mind was thinking of what I could do to help her after I woke her up. There were a few different things she normally needed after something like this happened, but most of them were designed to bring her comfort. I decided to try to wake her up one more time and got as close as I could to her so she would have to feel my body against hers. Once she was awake, I would see what state she was in and how bad things were, then I could figure out how to help her.
“Wake up for me, love. It’s only a nightmare. I’m right here.” I said, pressing kisses to the top of her forehead.
Her eyes shot open with a whimper, and she turned to look at me with her breath ragged. The second she realized that it was me, she instantly buried her face in my neck. I shushed her as I held her as close as I could. I was doing my best to calm her down, and I could feel tears hitting my neck where she was tucked in. Her body was shaking against me as she tried to calm her breathing. Her brain still hadn’t caught up to the fact that it was all a dream and none of it had been real. After a few minutes, she pulled away from my neck with puffy eyes, sniffling as she tried to stop herself from crying more. It was a habit of hers to tone down her pain in order to make others feel better, but it was easy to see through it and see just how scared she still was. I gently held her face in my hand, running my thumb over her cheek to help ground her in the moment with me as much as possible.
“What was it this time, angel?” I asked quietly.
“T-they took you from me.” She said with a hiccup.
“Darling girl. I’m right here.” I said gently.
“Took you.” She said with a sob.
“No one took me, angel. I’m right here with you. You can feel me, smell me, I’m right here.” I cooed.
“They…” She mumbled.
“Didn’t take me,” I said softly.
“You’re here.” She said quietly.
“I’m here. Who took me?” I asked, trying to understand the full scope of her nightmare.
“They… They kept me powerless… They said they would make me feel pain.” She said, looking at me with what looked like hollow eyes.
“Detka, I think you need a bath, hm?” I tried, running my fingers through her hair.
“But…” She said with a confused frown.
“You don’t need to figure it out right now. We can talk about it whenever you’re ready. Okay?” I said, not wanting her to force herself to talk.
“Okay.” She answered almost too quietly to hear.
“You’re being so brave for me, bug,” I said truthfully.
“Can I… Never mind.” She said, quickly shaking her head.
“You can ask, you know that,” I said, pressing my lips to her forehead.
“Your clothes…” She mumbled.
“After our bath, come on,” I said with a nod.
“What time is it?” She asked quietly as she shuffled to the edge of the bed.
“Still early. It’s a little after one in the morning.” I said with a soft smile, following her out of bed.
“You were still up?” She asked, already knowing the answer.
“It’s not that late, bug,” I said, dismissing her displaced concern.
She hummed, choosing not to argue with me this time. Something I was thankful for this time. I didn’t like the thought of Wanda worrying about me, not because I didn’t want her to care about me. I loved that she loved me as much as I loved her. The problem came from me not wanting to cause her to worry and knowing that I wasn’t giving her reasons not to worry. But I could take care of myself and her at the same time and be fine, and I needed her to understand that. We walked to the bathroom, and she took a seat on the counter while I started the water to get it warmed to the right temperature. Once it was Wanda’s ideal temperature, I put the stopper in and let the tub fill. While the water was filling the tub, I got to work on gently taking Wanda’s clothes off for her. My heart broke at the shiver that ran through her the second she was naked, and I pulled mine off as quickly as possible. The water had filled the tub enough for the both of us, and I turned it off before getting in. As soon as I was settled in the water with goosebumps building across my skin, I held out a hand for Wanda to take as she got in. She carefully got into the water, and I watched the wave of goosebumps move across her skin before she lowered herself between my legs and fully submerged her body in the water. Her body instantly melted into mine, begging for the comfort that being close provided her. I allowed her to seek out as much comfort as she needed, knowing it could take her a while before she was ready to talk. After about ten minutes, she shifted, craning her neck to look at me. I met her eyes with a gentle smile, and I could see the silent storms raging behind the mask she was desperately trying to put up. As if knowing that I saw through her, she moved her head back to where it was resting, and I knew that I was going to have to be the one to start the conversation if I was going to get her to talk about it.
“Can you tell me about your dream?” I asked her quietly.
“I just… I don’t want to tell you about my dream and have you think that it’s something I need to be happy.” She said with a sigh.
“Detka, I know you can’t control your dreams. Just talk to me about it, okay?” I tried.
“W-we were happy. You and I. We were together and had a house surrounded by fields and trees.” She said with a shaky breath.
“Well, that doesn’t sound too bad,” I said, trying to continue to put her at ease.
“It… We had kids. And I know that you can’t have kids. I know that! And it’s so stupid that I had a dream where I fell in love with these wonderful kids that we had together. I don’t need kids to be happy. I just need you. That’s all that matters.” She said quickly.
“Detka, breathe. You didn’t do anything wrong. Keep going. What happened next? You said someone took me?” I prompted gently.
“Y-you were outside with them, and I heard you scream… I ran outside, and before I could register what needed to be done, I couldn’t use my powers anymore. I tried, Natty, I… I tried so hard to stop them, but nothing worked. I couldn’t protect you or our family.” She whispered with a sniffle.
“Kotenok…” I said, gently running my hands up and down her arms.
“I couldn’t. I was useless.” She said with an almost sarcastic laugh.
“You, my love, are not useless. No one can take your powers from you, okay? They are as intrinsically you as how beautiful and kind your heart is. Without those things, you’re not who you are.” I said softly, trying to alleviate some of her clear distress.
“But I didn’t have those things.” She said with a scoff.
“What I’m trying to say is that there is no version of you that exists without your powers, bug,” I said, trying to reassure her.
“But there was a version of me without my powers. What if… What if they disappear the same way they appeared?” She whispered, shrinking against my chest.
“Is that something you’re worried about happening?” I asked, not sure if she’d put much thought into the possibility.
“Well, I wasn’t… And then I had that dream.” She said in annoyance.
“Would it be the worst thing if it did happen?” I asked, unsure of her answer.
“It… Wouldn’t be, no. I guess not. But they make me who I am.” She mumbled.
“Sweet girl… They are not what make you who you are. Your heart is what makes you who you are. And I love your heart so much. So if you’re worried my feelings for you would change if you lost your powers, they wouldn’t.” I said firmly.
“But what if I can’t protect you?” She whispered with a chill running through her body.
“Detka, I love you, but I am the Black Widow. I am a Red Room-trained assassin. I can take care of both of us. But that won’t be needed. You’re not going to lose your powers.” I said, pressing a kiss to her shoulder.
“But I could.” She argued.
“You could, but you won’t. Do you want to talk about the other part of your dream?” I pushed slightly.
“What other part?” She asked, pretending not to know what I was talking about.
“Detka…” I said with a sigh.
“I don’t need kids to feel fulfilled, Nat.” She said quickly.
“Hey, hey. There’s no need for that; bring my good girl back for me.” I requested with a gentle sigh near her ear.
“I just…” She said with a frustrated sigh.
“Don’t want me to think that you need kids. I got that, love.” I said with a nod.
“I know you can’t have kids, and I just don’t… I want you, Natty. You.” She tried to reason with me.
“Detka, detka… I know you want me. You accepted my proposal, and I hope that means you want me. But why are kids out of the question just because I’m not able to have them?” I questioned carefully.
“I just thought… I didn’t think you wanted kids…” She admitted.
“Bug, I want you, so why wouldn’t I want to have more of you running around?” I asked with a small smile.
“Because the baby couldn’t be the best of both of us.” She mumbled with a shrug.
“My sweet girl… You are the Scarlet Witch. You make the impossible possible. You’re telling me that you couldn’t make it possible for me to get my perfect girl pregnant?” I asked, holding her tighter.
“I guess I didn’t really think about it like that…” She said lightly.
“I’m sure you didn’t, kotenok. That’s why I do all of the thinking, hm?” I asked lightly.
“Yes, ma’am.” She said with a slow nod.
“If they’re with you, I want kids, detka,” I mumbled into her hair.
“Oh…” She practically whispered.
“And I promise that you will never lose your ability to protect any of us,” I said, not giving her room to argue or suggest that I could be wrong.
She sighed and nodded, choosing not to continue the conversation. I accepted her boundary, knowing that her feeling safe with me was more important than anything else. We stayed in the bath, quietly enjoying the closeness our positions provided, neither of us daring to break the silence in the air. Eventually, the water started to get cold, and Wanda’s shivering became something I couldn’t ignore. She whined in protest when I moved to pull the drain but stood up from the water all the same. I knew she didn’t want to get out, but we could be close in bed where she could freely fall asleep without getting cold. I wrapped a towel around her and worked to dry her off before moving to myself. When we were both dry, I made sure her towel was secure around her, and we walked back to the bed. It had been a long night, and I was desperate to see her smile at least one more time before she fell asleep again, so I decided to pull out the surprise I’d been trying to keep from her for a few more days.
“You know, I have something I was going to wait until Valentine’s Day to give you, but I think you might enjoy it more now,” I said as I motioned for her to sit down on the bed.
“Natty, you don’t need to do that. I’m okay.” She argued, dropping where I’d told her to.
“No, this is kind of the perfect time for it, believe it or not,” I said, waving her off.
“You’re sure?” She asked as I made my way to my dresser.
“I’m sure. It’s almost too perfect, actually.” I said with a light laugh, pulling out clothes for the both of us.
She nodded, agreeing to let me give her the gift early. I could only smile and bring the clothes to her so I could help her get dressed before I surprised her. She thankfully accepted my help until she was fully dressed in my clothes, burying her nose in the collar to breathe me in. I quickly pulled my own clothes on before moving over to my desk. I could feel Wanda’s eyes on me, trying to figure out what it was that I was going to surprise her with. I grabbed one of the folders from my pile of case files and notes and turned back to her. There was an adorable frown of confusion on her face as she was trying to figure out why case notes would tie into a Valentine’s Day gift, and I knew it was no time to gloat, but I couldn’t help but feel proud of my hiding spot. Maybe it was a dumb victory as an ex-assassin and spy, but I was going to take the wins where I could get them. When I made it back to her, I opened the folder and grabbed the key before it could fall, handing it to her gently.
“Nat… What is… What are you saying with this?” She asked carefully.
“I got us a house. I was worried you wouldn’t want it since it was surrounded by fields and woods, but apparently, that’s the house of your dreams.” I said, shaking my head in disbelief.
“You didn’t.” She said in shock.
“Should I not have? Your reaction is telling me that this wasn’t the good thing I thought it was going to be.” I said in a slight panic.
“It isn’t a bad thing. I just… Think I figured out why I was having such specific nightmares. When did you figure out you wanted to have kids with me?” She asked curiously.
“I don’t know. A few weeks.” I admitted with a shrug.
“And when did you buy the house?” She asked again.
“They accepted the offer officially yesterday. Tony had the robot pick up the keys for me,” I said, still not understanding.
“So these two things have been on your mind lately.” She said, not asking this time.
“They have…” I said with a frown.
“Your thoughts were probably loud enough that they made their way into my own while I slept.” She said, shaking her head with a laugh.
“Well then, did your dream tell you that Tony approved us having a jet to ourselves to make sure we can still make it back in the event that some aliens from space come to Earth to try and disrupt life here and take over?” I asked, raising an eyebrow, secretly just elated to hear her laugh.
“So we’re basically…?” She asked, not sure if she should finish her sentence.
“Retired? Pretty much. Pietro can literally run to us faster than a jet will get him to us, and my family will be just fine taking a jet to come see us.” I said with a nod.
“Holy shit.” She whispered.
“Unless you don’t want to retire. We don’t need to, and we still have to stay in shape if they do need us for any reason. There’s a whole set of rules that make it feel like we aren’t really retired, but we get to have a house to make a home and live a normal life like Clint gets to do. And Tony felt like it was for the best that I put some distance between myself and work so that I can truly feel safe when I’m in my own bed with the woman I love and won’t wake up holding a gun to her head.” I explained as well as I could.
“Have I mentioned that I love you?” She asked with a sigh.
“It might just be my favorite thing you’ve ever told me, so I could never forget it. However, I have no objections to hearing it again and again.” I said with a gentle laugh.
“I love you.” She said with a smile spreading across her face.
“I love you, detka,” I said, crinkling my nose at her.
“But also, you know I don’t hold that against you, right? If that’s the only reason you bought the house, I know you didn’t mean to hurt me and would never do anything to cause me harm.” She said with a sigh.
“Detka, I know. I promise. But I agree some space between our home life and work life would be amazing.” I explained truthfully.
“If you’re sure.” She said with a gentle frown.
“I’m sure. Are you sure you want to move?” I asked, not wanting her to feel like she had to.
“I can’t wait to start this chapter with you.” She said, fighting off a yawn.
“Okay, let’s lay down and get you ready for bed,” I said gently.
She nodded, not strong enough to fight me on it. I took the key and put it back in the folder, setting it down on a table in the room. Once that was taken care of, I made my way back to where Wanda was desperately trying to stay awake. She accepted my help and allowed me to lead her around the bed to her side. My heart shattered slightly when she reached for me with a confused frown and a pout. The tears built quickly in her eyes, and I calmed her down, telling her I was going to get in and hold her. She seemingly understood what I was saying and nodded. I quickly made my way around the bed and slid in behind her. A happy hum left her when my arms wrapped around her and pulled her into my body. She just felt like a puzzle piece fitting perfectly against me every time I held her, and it was the most intoxicatingly perfect thing about her. It was the perfect reflection of our relationship; she just fit with me.
“Did you mean it?” She asked with a sleepy voice, pulling me from my thoughts.
“Mean what?” I asked with a frown.
“You want kids with me?” She whispered.
“Bug, I would kill to have mini versions of you running around the house,” I said, shaking my head as if it were obvious.
“And you really want to be the one that… Gets me pregnant?” She asked, her wording awkward and unsure.
“Kotenok… I think you underestimate just how badly I want to get you pregnant when I fuck you.” I said, shaking my head with a breathy laugh.
“So, we’re moving?” She asked quietly.
“We’re moving. Just not right now. So let’s try to get more sleep.” I said, kissing the back of her neck.
“Okay.” She mumbled, nodding weakly as her body finally settled against mine.
It took her no time at all to drift off to sleep, and I was thankful that she was now calm enough to sleep again. I made a mental note to ask her more about the kids we had in her dream because I wanted to know if they were similar to the kids I saw in my own, a perfect mix of the both of us. I desperately hoped that they would get her heart and mind, not wanting them to struggle like I had. But I couldn’t stop thinking about how loved they would be by an entire village of people. Just like Morgan and all of Clint’s kids, they would have a million aunts and uncles, but more than that, they would have other kids who get what it’s like to have a life like theirs. The thought of kids, while knowing all of that, no longer felt as daunting as it used to. We wouldn’t be alone, and we would have an endless amount of resources of parental advice for every age the kids were. Now, when I thought about having kids with Wanda, I got excited instead of nervous and it made me want to cry. Instead of crying, I closed my eyes and melded my body against hers, taking the comfort she provided for me, and fell asleep almost instantly.