An empty morning
Miles woke up in the morning still on the bear; his mind in a knot as he remembers everything from the night before.
God that hurt. He almost couldn’t believe it. He finally was ready to let someone have his heart - for real this time - and they wanted to just be FRIENDS!!!
Deep down, he still had logic. He knew it was his fault. ANYONE could tell that it was his fault. He never reached out to Pav to smooth things over, and when he was about to… it was too late.
He sabotaged himself; and that’s what made him so pissed off yet spontaneously sad last night.
He wasn’t mad at Pavitr. He was mad at himself and his supposed doomed narrative.
He gets up from the bear and walks over to the bathroom to brush his teeth, his body sluggishly moving as he does.
Right now, he wasn’t mad. He was just very.. sad deep down. He had this deep feeling brewing in his chest, he felt the sadness in his core yet he also felt this numb sensation. It was almost like.. it was.. hallow? Seems like the whole ‘sleep the bad feelings off’ thing was a myth, because it sure didn’t work for Miles.
He grabs his toothbrush and runs the facet, wetting the brissles and grabbing the toothpaste.
Yet again, his parents were at work. His mom decided to pick up a shift at the hospital and crime had been on a bit of a spike in brooklyn ever since Miles fell into his… current mental situation. So his dad had to pick up a lot of work.
Like; a ton of work.
‘Wow, it really is my fault.’ He thinks to himself, a small frown on his face.
He shakes the thoughts back down to whatever sad part of his brain it came from and slammed a glob of toothpaste on his toothbrush, putting it into his mouth.
He didn’t have anyone to talk to about this. Ganke was visiting relatives, Gwen and him hadn’t talked in… weeks, and he had no idea what was going on with Hobie.
Plus; even if he did want to confide in someone, he didn’t want to be vulnerable to any of them.
Not because he didn’t trust them. but because he could only be vulnerable to one person, and that was Pavitr.
So right now, he’d just have to suck it up.
He sighs as he rinses his mouth and toothbrush, putting it back in the cabinet.
So far his summer sucked. He got broken up with, had a huge fear over not being loved or something, developed a crush, got scared, and now his crush had probably lost feelings.
Though even then, that wasn’t even the full situation.
Miles wasn’t upset at Gwen for breaking up with him, because he never loved her romantically.
She never loved *him* romantically.
They just fell in love with a fabricated lie that they both manipulated their brains into thinking it was more.
They were so busy dreaming in this lie that when it was time to wake up, it left one of them in shambles.
And that one was Miles.
In hindsight, Miles was never afraid of not being loved. He was afraid of not having any constants in his life.
The past couple of years were hell for him. Nothing was consistent or stayed. Everytime something happened.. it had to end.
When he first met Gwen, they clicked instantly. They were friends!!
Then Gwen had to go back to her universe.
Then he saw Gwen again and they were friends all over again.
Then she.. kind of betrayed him during the chase with Miguel.
But then she came to save him and they fell in love!
‘Fell in love.’ Miles thinks with a scoff as he recalls the events. He rolls his eyes.
Yeah, that part was a lie. But atleast it was a consistent one.
He understood that people come and go, it’s part of life. He’d just appreciate it if that wasn’t always the case.
That stupid lie was the only constant he truly had in his life, so when he had to face the bitter reality of everything…
He got scared, because now… he had nothing that he knew would stick around.
He stares into the mirror, glaring into his eyes.
He wanted to punch the glass and watch it shatter against his hand. Just like how he wanted to punch himself for being so stupid and losing the one and only person he had genuinely loved in a romantic way.
Though hating himself wouldn’t bring Pav back into his arms.
There was a chance that nothing will.
He sighs and backs up from the mirror, his own image seeming sickening.
He walks out of the bathroom and back into his room, the dreadful feeling in his chest still apparent as he sits back down on the bear.
He inhales sharply as he takes in the scent, the terrible looming feeling in his chest growing stronger.
It all hurt way too much, maybe a bit more than it should’ve.
And crying it out didn’t feel all that great…
but he needed to get it out his system.
He should’ve let Pav know how much he really wanted to love him. He should’ve said something.
But he didn’t. Because He was a coward. Miles Morales was just a coward.
A stupid, good for nothing, coward.
It all stung so much, everything hurt and nothing made sense.
He hates it all. He hated how he was forced to deal with his feelings, he hated how he was upset, he hated how he was such a coward, and right now?
He hated himself.
His emotions had him wrapped up and crying in the corner, completely ignoring everything around.
Infact, He was so wrapped around his emotions that he didn’t notice a portal opening up.
The man steps into the room from the portal, his blue slippers making no noise as he does so.
“Hey kid, gripping that bear pretty tight, huh?” A voice taunts in a lighthearted manner.