Sketchy thoughts
A week had passed since the kiss
and Miles hadn’t hung out with Pavitr (or anyone, for that matter) since the awkward encounter.
He stares at the blank wall in front of him, swallowing his feelings for what felt like the twenth time since the last time he hung out with his… friend? crush? What would he call this?
Is there a word for a situationship that isn’t actually a relationship? I mean, it was only a kiss right?
He shakes his head as he directs his attention back to his sketchbook, He’d have to look it up later.
As of right now the only thing keeping Miles sane was drawing. It had always been his go to coping mechanism being that he tried to ignore his feelings more than actually feeling them.
Seems he didn’t get the jist of why they’re called ‘feelings’.
It was a bit weird, this coping mechanism of his. Most people draw to escape their thoughts, but not Miles. Miles drew whatever he was thinking about, WHOever he was thinking about.
He flips through the pages, searching for a blank one. He takes in his art with each passing page. All the people there brings a small smile to his face, something that hasn’t crept up on him in awhile.
Gwen, Uncle Aaron, Peni, Peter B, Peni, and Spidernoir…
All the people he cared about. All the people who made him feel something. People who were on his mind. He drew what he felt, who he missed.
Now, another person was added to the collection.
He sighs as he remembers everything that’s happened over the past two years.
Everything that happened… it almost brings tears to his eyes.
His uncles death, losing his friends, having to save his universe, reuniting with two of his friends only to get chased down, meeting himself in another dimension, having to save his universe from the spot, almost losing his dad.. it was all too much.
Getting with Gwen was the only good thing that came, though was it really even good?
The memories flash through his mind as he finishes one of his base sketches, he then moves onto the next.
Sure, they loved eachother for awhile but, it was never genuine. They loved eachothers personalities in a completely platonic sense.
Though that very thing kept him up. If he thought Gwen loved him when she clearly never did in a romantic sense… what tells him it won’t happen again?
and again.
and again until he dies.
That’s what his fear truly was. He wasn’t scared of not being loved.
He was scared of not knowing if it’s real.
He was scared of being alone.
He looks at the paper, nodding at his progress. He stares at the face on the paper as he starts his final sketch.
Sometimes, his fear didn’t make much sense to him. He wasn’t upset at Gwen for not being in love with him. Hell, he was gay anyways so it really didn’t matter.
He didn’t love her in a romantic way. So why did it hurt him? Why did it sting so much?
Maybe it was because it was his ‘first love’
Or maybe it was because he was so busy living this lie… forcing himself to be something he wasn’t… so when the truth came it hurt too much to bare.
Afterall, the truth hurts.
He begins to add details to his sketch, tears pricking his eyes.
He wishes it didn’t hurt so much.
He wipes his tears, he already added lineart. It was time to color.
He looked at his markers, sighing softly.
Maybe it would be better to admire from afar.
Before he knew it, he had finished the sketches he made.
Infact, somehow, subconsciously he added more sketches without realizing.
He hated to admit it, but right now he wishes he had his uncles advise. He closes his eyes.
He opens them back up, then looks down at the page on his desk.
He looks around the page, looking for where to sign his name. He settles on the right corner, scribbling out ‘Miles Morales.’
Then, in the top left corner, he writes something else.
‘Pavitr Prabhakar.’
He nods his head, closing the book and looking to his side. Nothing really catches his eye until he squints a bit.
It was dark in his room so it was fairly hard to see.
Turns out, something did interest him
And that something was is watch.
He hadn’t used it since the kiss, being that he didn’t want to see anyone that wasn’t in his dimension… it didn’t make sense to use it.
Though right now, he had one person he wanted to visit.
Or maybe two.
It depends on if he feels like talking to himself.