I can't take it anymore
*NADYA POV*
I was going to the room that Jean used when she stayed to sleep in the tower, I was very nervous, what if she got mad at me for not being able to train? What if I no longer wanted to train? At first I didn't like the idea of being trained, I don't like my powers, I just wanted to take them away, they were created by my father, but now the idea of actually being able to control them doesn't sound so bad.
In a few seconds I reached the door of Jean's room, it took me a few seconds to find the courage to knock on the door and when I did I heard Jen's voice telling me to open
- Jean? - I asked when I opened
- Yes, what's up, Nadya? - She asked turning to look at me.
- Tomorrow is a special day for Wanda, Yelena, the Barton family and for me, and I didn't think about it when I said yes to training, but could we change it to another day, please? - I asked a little insecure for her answer, looking at the ground
- Yes, of course, we can change it to when you come back, what do you think? - she said, her answer made me look up from the ground to her eyes
- Oh really? - I asked her to make sure she was telling the truth and she wasn't playing me
- Yes, we are sisters, right? That's what sisters do, they support each other - she said
- Yes, sisters - I murmured.
- I think we should talk about it - she said and that's when everything collapsed - It doesn't need to be now, it could be another day, but we need to talk about it, we can't be running away from the subject, I left because I needed to go back to school, but now that I'm here we can't run away anymore, I'm going to stay a few months, so we have a lot of time - she explained when she saw my look
- I guess we should, I can't now, maybe when we get back - I said quickly and left the room
I couldn't talk about it now, I couldn't, I needed to find Lila.
I ran to her room, but I didn't find her, I searched in the living room, but I only found Thor
- Thor, have you seen Lila? - I asked him a little anguished
- No, I think she left a while ago with her father, I notice you're a little nervous, do you need anything? - he asked
- No... I'll go look for my sister - I said
- which one? - He asked, which made me even more nervous.
I ran from the living room to Yelena's room.
- Yelena - I called her
- Nadya? What's happening? - she asked leaving her book aside and approaching me.
- I was supposed to have no family, then I found you and now Jean and now she is my biological sister, but my biological sister was supposed to be Antonia and my father Dreykov, but I killed him and now we will have no answers for my fault. I can't take it anymore, Yelena, I can't take it anymore, I killed my father, the only person who could give me answers, I killed him - I managed to say through tears
Yelena didn't know what to say, so she just hugged me, when I fell to my knees on the ground.
- I can't take it anymore - I said over and over again.
- Yes you can - she said, but I didn't believe her
- I can't, I want it all to end, I don't want to be here anymore - I said without stopping crying - Please Yelena - I begged - I didn't feel anything when I killed him, I'm a monster - I explained
- NO - she said firmly - You're not a monster, he's a monster, he hurt a lot of people, he hurt his own daughter, he's the monster, not you - she said hugging me tighter, with tears in her eyes too
- I also hurt many people, I hurt Lila, when she has always been an angel, I hurt Pietro, when he helped me in HYDRA, I killed thousands of people, why am I an angel and not a monster? - I asked while still crying.
- Because you didn't do it because you wanted to, you were forced, and when did you do something to Lila? -
- I let her be taken away, I didn't protect her as I should have done -
- You didn't let her be taken away, you protected her and saved her - she said and I denied over and over again - Yes, Nadya, you protected her, as you have always done, you always protect the ones you love the most, you literally want to bring Natasha back with your powers that you don't control at all, but that doesn't matter to you because you only think about others, would that make you a monster? Was a monster lamenting its mistakes? No, because he doesn't even think they are mistakes - she told me, which made me cry more - I love you more than anything in the world, little sister, so don't ever talk about yourself like that again, okay? - she said and I nodded my head - Say something for me -
- What? - I asked
- Say that Dreykov is a monster and you are not - she asked me - Say it -
- He's a monster - I said.
- And you are not, say it - he said firmly
- He is a monster and I am not - I said with teary eyes
- Very good, little one, that's it, I love you, little sister -
- Very good, little one, that's it, I love you, little sister -
- I'm sorry - I said hiding my face in my sister's neck - I love you too -
She kissed me on the head and held me tighter
- Promise me one thing - she asked me
- What? - I asked raising my head from where it was to look into her eyes
- Promise me you won't fall into the same thing again - she asked me, grabbing my arm and raising the sleeve to show my arm covered with small scars, some more visible than others. Scars made by my own hand
I was silent for a few seconds, just staring at my arm.
- Promise me - she asked me this time more firmly and strongly
- Promise me - she asked me this time more firmly and strongly
I looked into her tear-filled green eyes.
- I promise - I told her just as firmly.
- Good - she said getting up from the ground where we were, grabbing my arms and lifting me up too - Thanks for coming here when you needed it and thanks for promising me -
- You and Lila are my rocks, as Tony said, thanks to you I'm here - I told her looking at my scars - Lila told me that the scars are marks of war, they mean we are survivors -
- Well, Lila is very smart - she told me and I smiled
- People underestimate her - I said smiling.
- You're absolutely right, come on let's have dinner, I'm sure Wanda has cooked something delicious - she told me leaving the room with me behind her.
- Hello girls - Wanda greeted us from the kitchen - Pietro pass me the plates - she asked her brother, who with his powers quickly took the plates and handed them to his sister
- Thank you - she said and then she turned to us - dinner will be ready in a few seconds, we just need to set the table - she said and again Pietro used his super speed so that in a short time the table would be set
- Thank you - we all said at the same time.
Wanda started to put the dinner on the plates and handed it over to us and Pietro complained because she didn't give it to him
- You will use your speed and the food will fall, so I am not going to give it to you - she explained
- Okay - he said rolling his eyes and sitting in his place at the table, while I laughed
I went to each of the rooms to tell everyone that dinner was ready, the last one was Lila's, I knocked on the door and she opened it.
- Dinner is ready - I informed her- Thor told me that you were looking for me and that you seemed to be nervous, I went looking for you but I saw that you were with your sister so I came back here, what happened? - she asked
- I'll explained later, but Yelena has helped me - I reassured her
- Okay, let's go - she said taking my hand and going to the kitchen.
They were all already seated, we sat down in our respective places and began to eat dinner.