Awful Anxiety
You were always quite good at hiding things from the team. Well, the team minus your girlfriends. They knew you a bit too well for that. You didn’t really have to tell them for them to know what you were up to. Nat said you got a certain look on your face, while Wanda was just a mind reader. although she had promised not to unless you consented she couldn’t help it if your thoughts were too loud.
Your anxiety was managed. you were on meds you had told your girls were iron supplements. it was a bad lie but they believed it anyway. you were worried they would think you had too much baggage and would leave you. so you kept it under wraps. despite loving them your fear of loosing them always seemed to win out.
however your anxiety was a little unusual. along with the typical symptoms when you were too stressed or anxious your body tended to reject things. or more like eject things. when things were too much you threw up. it had been a constant issue throughout high school with exams and study being the main stressors. but since graduating and being put on new meds, the issue seemed more resolved. sure there was the day you missed a dose and had to excuse yourself from the briefing when Steve began to talk about the sheer volume of work the mission entailed. you had promptly ran down the hall once out of sight and emptied your guts into the waste bin. hiding all evidence and brushing your teeth before returning to the room. your girls had shot you odd looks and you swore to never miss another dose.
of course life was cruel. the team had been gathered for a mission, you had been briefed earlier this morning. leaving no time for you too refill your prescription when you found it to be empty that morning. you had sworn throwing the empty shell of a box at the wall. nat and Wanda were downstairs training so luckily they didn’t hear.
that morning you had to excuse yourself three times. Wanda seemed concerned whilst nat was too busy taking notes to notice you slipping in and out.
now the team was piled into the quinjet ready to take on a new hydra base Jarvis had located in the early hours of the morning. the team was suited up and you were pretty sure the only thing keeping you from throwing up in your lap was Wanda’s had tracing circles on your thigh as she stared absentmindedly out the window at the passing clouds. you quietly steadied your breathing like your therapist taught you. in through the mouth, out through the nose. on repeat until you heard the landing gear shift into place. the team got ready and Wanda pulled you to your feet as nat landed the jet.
“ready Y/n?” she smiled, taking in your slightly shaking hands with a frown.
you nodded your reply not trusting yourself to open your mouth with the pit of nausea which had taken up residence in your stomach. you squeezed her hand as the door went down. the team getting out. Steve went ahead with Wanda to clear a path while you and nat searched the bottom floor while Bucky, Clint and sam did the other two. upon entering your floor you quickly suggested splitting up. nat furrowed her brow and reluctantly agreed.
“radio if you need me y/n/n and keep it on at all times.” she kissed your cheek and set off down the hall. quickly switching the earpiece off, you ducked behind the pillar and into a small room as the water you had been sipping on the jet, splattered onto the floor. wiping your chin, you were glad you were experienced enough to drink water. which was much better than bile when throwing up. Grimacing at the mess you made you, quickly searched the room before leaving and shutting the door to hide the mess. the taste of stomach acid in your mouth was something you couldn’t help at this point in time. hearing nat over the earpiece you switched it back on.
“y/n? you ok?” nat sounded worried.
“I’m fine.” you tried to sound cheery.
“I’ve been trying to contact you for about three mins i said not to turn off the earpiece.”
“sorry babe.” you tried to distracted her with the nickname.
“its ok, just keep it on. please, for me.”
“and me.” Wanda piped up from who knows where.
“ok ok” you grumbled. “what did you need to tell me?”
“i wanted to ask if your wing was clear I’m almost done searching mine.”
you internally swore, you had taken more time than you realised being sick.
“um I’m almost done.” you said sprinting around and opening doors.
after another couple minutes you felt the need to throw up again. closing the door and quickly switching off your earpiece you gagged, hands on your knees to steady yourself. leaning over and dry heaving whilst on a mission wasn’t ideal. it left you vulnerable and exposed. but you hadn’t seen anyone yet so fingers crossed. you gagged another two times before the rush of sick hit you and you threw up for the fifth time that day. you were careful not to get it on your shoes or suit, that would be too hard to explain. when you finished you looked at the floor in disgust. more with yourself and the mess you’d made than anything else. you wiped your chin and spat the taste out of your mouth before going to open the door.
as your hand turned the handle it seemed to also spin on the other side.
Nat’s face came into view as you both stood ready for a fight. quickly you slipped outside. ignoring the odd look she gave you when you lead her quickly away from the room. luckily she trusted your abilities and allowed you to guide her back down the hall. you prayed your sour breath didn’t tip her off you had been sick.
“I’ve been trying to contact you. Y/n i said keep your earpiece on. whats with you today.” nat huffed. “we don’t need you screwing up the mission because you think you know better.” she huffed storming off down the hall. the nerves returned at your girlfriends words and this time you made quick work of emptying your guts behind a pillar. wiping your mouth before scurrying after her.
the team regrouped at the quinjet. when you saw Wanda’s pointed look and nat’s angry face, you told them you would meet them on the jet. Wanda shot you a look and you waved her off feigning nonchalance. nat stormed onto the jet, Wanda trailing behind. you ducked off past a couple trees. the stress of Wanda and nat being mad at you not helping. you gagged, steadying yourself on the tree with your hand. you gagged again praying this wouldn’t take long so you didn’t raise suspicion. little did you know Wanda was looking for you. when you finally brought up nothing but stomach lining, Wanda heard the wet noise and followed it to where you stood puking. she gasped quietly and approached you. pulling your braids behind your shoulders with one hand and rubbing your back with the other. tears burned your eyes as the acid continued to tumble from your lips.
“shhh shhh baby your ok. its ok. get it all out. I’m here now.” she whispered sweet nothings as you continued to be sick. Wanda grew worried at the sheer volume. as you finally finished you spat out the taste and almost collapsed into the tree, Wanda wrapping her arm around your waist to stabilise you before you fell into your own puke.
“thanks” you rasped, throat raw.
“oh baby.” she cooed wiping the fly away curls from your eyes. “why didn’t you tell natty or me you felt sick sweetheart?”
“‘m not sick.” you slurred, exhaustion taking over.
“oh baby, you just threw up. of course your sick. what else would it be?”
“anxiety.” you whispered shyly.
“Oh my heart, is this new.”
“no. was worried you would leave me if you found out. ran out of meds today and -and.” tears began to bubble in your eyes. “couldn’t g-get more with the m-meeting on.” Wanda wiped the stray tears away with her thumb.
“what made you anxious baby?”
“you and nat were mad at m-me.” Wanda’s look softened at that.
“baby you can always tell us anything. especially if its effecting you this much”
“felt weak.”
“Oh but your so strong for dealing with this by yourself. but you don’t have to anymore. natty and i are here now baby. let us help you.”
you nodded weakly too tired to do much more.
“do you think you can stand and walk back to the jet?” Wanda asked masking her worry as best she could, making a mental note to get more meds from bruce once they got back. you shook your head.
“don’t know.” you whispered shyly. Wanda’s heart clenched at your cuteness as she wrapped you in her arms. you legs around her waist and head resting int the crook of her neck. she carried you like a toddler back to the jet.
“baby was this the first time today this happend?” Wanda silently wished the answer to be yes. but when she felt you shake your head against her neck her heart broke for you. connecting the dots she asked. “is that why you kept turning off your earpiece? so we wouldn’t hear?” you nodded and she held you tighter.
“how many times babe?”
“s-six or seven” Wanda’s head span. that was too many times.
“oh baby” she cooed whilst trying to reign in the panic. you had gone out in the field with nobody by your side. she carried you onto the jet ignoring the look from Steve and sent into a privet room. nat was in the cockpit and took off when given the all clear before coming to find you. when she did you were asleep on Wanda’s shoulder, drooling slightly but she didn’t mind. telepathically she updated nat who immediately felt awful.
“i wish she told us.” nat whispered feeling guilty for making you sick.
“she was worried about us not taking it well.”
“hmmm” nat hummed.
when they arrived back to the compound. Wanda carried your sleeping form to the sick bay. nat who had been trailing behind went to update bruce whilst Wanda situated you on one of the medical beds. she pulled up the rail on one side whilst going to side by your other. when you woke up. Wanda had a sick-bag by her side and you had an IV in your arm.
“baby, I’m so sorry.” nat smiled looking sad.
“we both are.” Wanda agreed.
“‘s ok i forgive you both.” you slurred still exhusted.
“oh baby do you need anything?”
“w’as this?” you ask gesturing to the drip.
“bruce gave you some narcan to stop the nausea and we have sick bags just in case you need them. get some more sleep my sweet and when you wake up we will watch movies in bed and eat some ice-cream until you feel a bit better.” nat cooed stroking back your hair which was all messed up from sleeping.
“k” you mumbled falling back asleep.