Miles was starting to rethink this whole thing. He truly was. It had only been about a month or so since the whole 'Chase' incident with Miguel. And only a few days after that huge battle against Spot that ultimately he and Miguel had to team up together to defeat. So to say he and Miguel, along with more than a few other were still sore or bandaged up from their wounds would be a understatement. Many members of the Spider Society had left, others stayed- some spent more time in other Universes, some spent only a small fraction of time involved in a of this. Miles couldnt really blame anyone for this. Since even he spends more time back home or in the universes of his friends verses actually here at HQ.
While things were still tense between many of the Spider people and Miguel, things moved on, slowly but surely. Miles could openly say that things were more or less okay now. He had come to learn a lot during his time as a member of Spider Society, he learned a lot about his fellow Spiderlings(As Miguel and Peter B referred to them as) as well as learning a lot about his mentor, Jess and even Miguel. And some of the most recent things he learned about Miguel he hadn't even learned from anyone here at HQ or anyone who is Spider person. He learned about recent information from his own father. Which lead to Miles having questions upon questions that in reality only Miguel himself could answer now. Thus it lead to his current situation- standing awkwardly at the Entrance to Miguel's personal Lab and Main Control room with a box filled with yellow colored folders.
While things were okay, that didn't necessarily mean that he and Miguel talked to each other much if at all since Spot had been defeated. Of course Miles was and is still very weary of the much larger and more experienced Spiderman, that was to be expected after having been chased all over the futuristic City of Nueva York. But Miguel in his own way tried to make amends each and every single day after that. He had even personally gone to keep his family safe for him until Gwen and the others had managed to find him on Earth 42. When they got there he apprently had been keeping them on the move for a good couple of hours, and it showed via the state they were all in. Honestly, Miles should have noticed then there was something else going on. The way his father patted Miguel on the shoulder and the way his mother seemed worried when he took off without another word to go after Spot.
"You've been standing there for like, three minutes, Miles." The said teen nearly leapt in the air when the all to familiar voice suddenly sounded right near his ear. Sure enough, there was Lyla, glitching and flickering with her usual heart shapes glases upon her face. "Did you wanna go in? Did you need something? What's in the box?" She inquired, curious and flickering now over the box and peering inside. "Ooooh what's this?"
"Hey, Lyla. Is Miguel in there? I actually wanna ask him a few things-"
The said holo assistant hummed. "Yeeeah he's in there just go right on in, he isn't doing anything he usually isn't." She said before flickering out of sight, the doors before Miles opened with but the smallest hiss.
He swore this room wasn't as intimidating as it was before, now that he knows why Miguel keeps it so dark in here. But less intimidating didn't mean it wasn't completely unnerving. The young Spiderman walked slowly through the Lab, making sure to watch his step snd even took the time to look around at the many projects that Miguel had going on or items he was simply tinkering with. Either way the lab was full with all kinds of these gadgets, gizmos and goobers. To say Miles is always left impressed when he sees these things is an understatement, typically he would wonder how anyone could keep up with so much going on at once.
But Miguel O'Hara doesn't have 3 PHDs for nothing.
Miles came to a stop as the elevated platform came into view and sure enough, there was Miguel, though for once he found him in a gray and white long sleeved shirt and black pants with boots. Sure, Miles could see his suit peaking out from under the collar of the shirt and he could see it over his hands since he had his thumbs in the holes of rhe sleeves. As usual, Miguel was surrounded by countless orange screens, some he enlraged, some he made smaller and moved to the side, others he simply swiped away. He was silent, he always was these days- not that he wasn't before, but even more so now. Despite it all, he mumbled a lot- before Miguel didn't seem to care about his Fangs being seen.
But these days? It's like it bothered him- had always bothered him. Perhaps it had all been a front, refusing to show any sort of vulnerability in front of anyone.
"¿Qué quieres, Miles?" Miles once again almost leapt into the air he had been so startled, not expecting for Miguel to know he was here, especially since he doesn't have Spider Sense. But as soon as his eyes landed on Lyla, he figured she warned him about coming by.
"You Knew my dad and Mi mami. Antes de todo esto." He watched as Miguel froze, his hand stayed hovering over a screen. Even Lyla seemed shocked by the statement. Miles watched as she leaned in close to the man's ear, whispering something. "And you knew my Earth's Peter Parker-" Miles frowned at the way Miguel flinched at the mention of Peter. He saw a strange look pass over Lyla's features as she turned to look at Miguel. He was stiff, frozen in place and deadly silent. It was hard to tell if he was breathing but Miles could see the slight movement of his intakes and exhales of breath. "My dad- he had this whole box- files on you and Peter. I just- you knew- no. You know him."
Miguel said nothing, Miles figured perhaps he wouldn't. "Look- kinda messed up that you know my dad and just sort of were gonna let him die? I mean- don't get me wrong, I understand why, given what happened. But still-" Miguel again said nothing, it was terrifying that the guy wasn't saying a word to any of this. But Miles kept going. "A-anyway. He uh....he gave me this box of old files that NYPD had on you and Spiderman- dad even said he remembers you- he knew you're Spiderman?"
Now at that Miguel scoffed, or chuckled? Either way, the sound wad an amused sound. That in itself was a good sign, especially when the man finally turned to face him after swiping away the screens that surrounded him. "That's a light way of putting it. He knew Peter as well," finally, words, Miles had begun to worry the man wasn't going to speak, he watched as the larger Spiderman approached him after jumping down from the platform and took the box into his hands. He motioned for Miles to follow him as he walked over to a table with an empty spot, there he set the box down and pulled out a old case file. Sure enough, it's a rather thick one, and just one of many on him and Peter.
He didn't bother looking up from the file as he gently moved aside some disassembled parts of who knows what to sit on the edge of the steel table. He crossed his legs at the ankles and merely looked through the folder. His Red colored eyes scanning over the words, lingering on the blurry photos that were somehow still clearly him and Peter swinging through New York of Earth 1610. "Your Papa was still a rookie cop when I ended up trapped in your universe. Though I ended up there because of some time travel bull-" Miguel stopped himself ad soon as Lyla appeared with a scolding look on her face. "Because of some time travel shenanigans." He corrected, he took time to carefully pull out rhe photo of this case file and slip it under the paper clip outside of it. He laid that folder down and looked through a few of the others before pulling one out, when he opened that one, the photo used in that folder was clear. Hell, both spidermen in the photo seemed to be waving at whoever was behind the camera as they both stood over Rhino. Or well, as Peter stood in front of Rhino and Miguel was perched on the guy's back. "He was the one who handled most of the incidents involving me and Peter- don't know why they would put a rookie cop in charge of investigating the sudden appearance of another Spiderman, but they did."
Miles stared down at the photo in utter shock, mainly because Miguel in that picture looked so different from the one currently next to him. For one, he wasnt nearly as big, if anything he seemed to be only slightly slimmer when standing next to Peter Parker. Of course most Spidermen were built to be lean and somewhat muscular, but Miguel was one of a few that didn't really fit that description, for one, the guy was tall- Six foot Nine and all muscle. To say the guy is physically one of the strongest Spidermen Miles knows would be a understatement. He's seen the guy go toe to toe with Rhino and seen him take a punch from the guy and quickly bounce back as if he hadn't been thrown through several buildings.
Miguel eyed the teen next to him before pulling up a screen in front of their faces. The screen showed a old news video, a view from a helicopter filming the fight between these two Spidermen and Rhino. The video showed Peter and Miguel facing Rhino who in his usual fashion was charging at them. Thankfully the street they were on was free of any civilians, Miles saw the two looking at each other, probably coming up with a plan, in a matter of seconds he watched as the two combined their webs, creating a intricate web the two then spead the thing open before running down the street on opposite sides. It was amazing to watch as a huge web like net was made between the two. Soon Rhino ran right into the web like net and at first began to drag both Miguel and Peter down the road, however Miles could see them both digging their heels into the ground, slowly brining him to a stop. One moment they were keeping the man from running and with a powerful and probably muscle tearing tug they both managed to throw Rhino back enough to send him flying back down the road and right into an electrical plant.
The huge man didn't get up after that, and soon the video switched to a ground view of the two webbing up Rhino and even showed them posing for the picture.
"Whoa...."
"We worked well together, he and I. Your Papa was definitely someone I personally enjoyed to give a playful hard time to back then. We got along well- trusted him enough to tell him our real names and show him our faces. He always kept it a secret and did well at pretending he had no idea who we actually were...." Miguel trailed off for a moment and Miles could see a longing- a sadness in his eyes he swore he would actually openly show to anyone. The last time he had seen such a look had been when he first was talking about Gabriella, how he had been the cause of a universe falling apart. "Things were.....so much simpler back then."
"Was Peter apart of Spider Society?"
"Oh no, no, no, no. This was before Spider Society, this was before I got that idea into my head. But when I did, he was one of the first ones I asked if he wanted to join. He turned down the offer, something I didn't mind, I knew he had a good work-life balance going on so I didn't want to ruin that." The next video that came up was one Lyla recorded herself, the two of them sitting on the Empire State building. Miguel knew exactly what day this was, what conversation they were having. Part of Miguel always felt bad for saying what he did to him, but in a way Peter had returned those feelings had been far more hopeful then Miguel himself had been.
He put down the folders of case files and instead pulls up screens with countless pictures he and Peter took together. Or rather, ones Lyla took without their knowledge during moments she found worth you pictures.
"......you loved him." It wasn't a question, it was a statement, Miles had seen that look on Hobie whenever he was watching Pavitr who he thought never noticed but he did. "You still do."
Miguel took a deep shuddering breath and exhaled slowly. It was always a tricky thing- loving someone from another Universe, especially when it was a Peter Parker of all things. It was never a good idea for anyone outside of a Universe of their own to fall for someone from another. That never ended well, not one bit.
"Did you know about the Multiverse by that point?" Miles asked, looking up at the larger man.
"I did. By that point I had seen countless universes, had learned so much. And by that point I knew the dangers of messing with what I believed to be Canon events." He paused for a long moment as his younger self spoke with Peter, the conversation was serious, what was being said couldn't be heard, Miguel wasn't ready to hear all of that again, even if every now and then he could hash out the full conversation to himself- word for word.
"Did you ever tell him?" Miles did not need to elaborate on the question, Miguel knew what he was asking.
"I did." There was a pause, as if Miles was expecting a story. But there wasn't much of one- not in Miguel's eyes- he viewed himself as rough around the edges, far to morally gray when compared to someone as good as Peter Parker. Peter was soft, kind and warm. Miguel is none of those things- he's rough, harsh- cold even. He was and is nothing like any of thr other Spider people he has ever come across. Retractable claws, venom filled Fangs, enhanced senses- sensitivity to light- his unnatural superhuman strength for even a Spiderman-
How could someone so monstrous allow himself to even think he had a chance with someone so, so pure? So good?
He supposed that's why it never worked out, even in other Universes where Miguel himself was normal, nothing special about him. In those universes things never worked out with Peter Parker. Either he died befor when could tell him, or maybe he was die in his arms after telling. Or he would never get the chance to tell him before ending up with his beloved MJ.
Perhaps Miguel O'Hara wasn't made for peace, wasn't made to love. So far, in every universe he has looked into he ends up alone. Losing any love and family he had. He stared at the video and reached up, allowing for the audio to play before he could even stop himself.
"In every universe, Miguel O'Hara falls for Peter Parker....and in every universe, it doesn't end well." His younger-self said voice cracking slightly.
"Well, there's a first time for everything, right?"
Miles stared in shock, having to hear those words when Gwen had once said the same thing to him.
The next video that played was heartbreaking to Miles.
It showed Miguel staring in shock, in disbelief. On the large screens that surrounded him showed fhe news broadcast of Peter Parker's death. Spiderman had died in what many were calling an 'earthquake'. He could see the heartbreak, the sorrow. He didn't need the audio playing to know and just hear the scream that escaped him as he started to rip apart e erything in front of him. His claws tearing into the metal like it was butter. But even Miles could see where claws caught on the metal snd were ripped out. But it didn't matter, not to a man who was grieving, not to a man who had just lost someone they loved more then anyting else in all the Multiverse.
Miles soon realized why Miguel had sounded so upset during the chase, when he was telling him he wasn't supposed to be a Spiderman, that Peter Parker would have lived if he never got bit. All that pain, the sorrow he must have felt resurfaced and came back full force in that moment.
"I blame myself for his death," Miguel said, his eyes never leaving the screens in front of him. His tone gentle and soft but also filled with sadness. "Even when I was chasing you, when I said it was your fault- it was a lie to myself. It was no one's fault but my own. I knew the risks of falling in love with him and trying to make it work-"
"But he and MJ-"
"She knew. Trust me, I never would have tried if she wasn't okay with it."
Miles nodded, both falling silent as they stared at the screens, Miguel in the video had finally stopped destroying the room, had slumped to the ground, on his knees and was now simply sobbing.
"You know....it's not your fault. Kingpin- he was the one who took him from everyone. I'm sure he wouldn't want you blaming yourself. I know it, even if I didn't really know him- I know I wouldn't want Gwen to blame herself if I ever died. Never." He wasn't sure if he could what he had with her was anything like what Miguel had with Peter Parker, but he was positive that Peter wouldn't want Miguel to blame himself for something he couldn't have had any control over. And Miles truly thought that deep down, Miguel knew this- he had to know this, right? Though he supposed maybe he didn't, Maybe he truly blamed himself for Peter's death. After all, if he died after both of them got together, it would be extremely difficult, if not damn near impossible to not blame himself. "You gotta trust me on that, Tio. You gotta be kinder to yourself."
You gotta be kinder to yourself.
Words Miguel oddly enough didn't actually hear often if from anyone at all. It was no secret even to himself how hard he was on himself, however, how could he not be? He had the very safety of all the Multiverse on his shoulders, caused the destruction of one Universe because he was lonely- wanted a family, caused the death of someone he loved more then life itself.
How could he be kinder to himself when he had done things that he knows he should technically be punished for?
"Miles!! You in here!? Come on, Hobie and Pav are waiting!!"
Gwen's call for her boyfriend startled both Miguel and Miles just enough to cause them both to jump ever so slightly. The larger man and Miles turned to look at the Entrance of the room. Miguel turned back around to look at the box of folders.
"I'll leave it here for you, Tio. But seriously, think about what I said, yeah??" Miles chuckled when Miguel looked at him and gently ruffled his hair before forcing him to turn around.
"Claro, claro, mocoso, vete. Ella te está esperando." Miguel said nothing else as he watched Miles meet Gwen at the Entrance, the two pulling each other into a hug before they held onto each other's hand and began to leave to go meet the other two Spiderlings.
Miguel slowly blinked before looking down at the box, he took a few moments to dig through it, finding a specific folder snd opening it. As gently as he could he lifted the photo from it, the very last time he and Peter had held each other before his death. A picture taken after Miguel himself had been wounded and thrown off of the Empire State building. He could still remember Peter's expression of panic as he jumped to try and catch him. He remembers the relief on his face after he managed to do just that, when he got them both back up onto a roof. Miguel could clearly remember how Peter had hugged him so tightly that it causes his joints and bones to crack and pop.
In the picture, Peter was on his knees, hugging his upper body, face buried into his neck, Miguel had his aown arms wrapped around Peter, his face pressed against the side of Peter's head. This picture had been one neither he or Peter had realized had been taken. Of course hours later it was all over the news and all sorts of rumours and questions came from it. Ones Peter nor Miguel himself bothered to answer simply because both couldnt be bothered.
"You have to care about yourself more, Miggy! You can't just throw yourself inyo fights like that and expect yourself to take hits like that for me!"
"Well I'm not about to just let you get hurt, Peter. Especially if I can keep it from happening-"
"Miguel please. You have to be kinder to yourself."
Miguel closed his eyes, nodding slowly. Maybe Peter and Miles have a point. Maybe he could start to be just a bit kinder to himself.