Staring out at the still water, Penny felt as if she was being mocked. How could something be so still, so peaceful, when she felt like she was being torn apart from the inside out? She remembered how it felt to turn to dust. Her whole body tried to fight it, tried to stitch itself back together. Tried to prevent the inevitable. It hurt like hell, feeling yourself crumble. Somehow, this hurt worse.
Penny has known loss. Her whole life has been marked by loss after loss. It defines her now. Sections of her life, all land-marked by grief. She isn't sure she would know herself without it. Her parents, her uncle Ben...
Tony.
A hand on her shoulder brings her back to the present. She wishes it hadn't. She wishes she was quite literally anywhere else, anywhere but where she was. The lakehouse... Tony's lakehouse...
Tony's funeral.
She half-expected herself to break down, waiting for clarity to pierce through her veil of blissful ignorance. It didn't. Truthfully, Penny wasn't entirely sure she was even in control of her own body. Maybe it was a trauma response, her brain's way of protecting her from what would likely be her undoing. She knew if she lingered on it for too long, she would have to face reality. A reality where she came back to life and Tony Stark didn't.
She turns her head slowly, glancing at the owner of the hand on her shoulder. Rhodey. The man looked as if he had aged about 15 years. He held a deep pain within his eyes, but the look of resignation on his face was enough to tell Penny that he had been mentally preparing himself for this day years before she ever knew him.
"Hey, kid. I'm glad you came. Tony would've wanted you here." Rhodey looked away for a moment, his eyes shining in the afternoon sunlight. "You meant the world to him, Pen. I hope you know that. He loved you so much."
Penny knew these words were meant to comfort her. She racked her brain, trying to remember how one is usually expected to respond to these types of things. Instead, she just blinks, mumbling a barely audible "thanks." Rhodey looked at the young girl with a sort of sadness, one that Penny couldn't decipher. She realized belatedly that she didn't care.
As Rhodey walked back towards the cabin, Penny took a brief look around at the crowd that had gathered while she was off in la-la land. All her childhood heroes gathered in one place, and she couldn't bring herself to feel anything other than the emptiness that had consumed her since she left the battlefield. All of her heroes, except one. The only one she wanted to see.
Images of that final battle flash in front of her eyes, and the girl doesn't waste her time trying to blink them away. She can't run from them any more than she can run away from the tragedy that seems to cling to her like a plague. The portals, the aliens, the bodies.
Mr. Stark.
She had run to the man, unable to believe that it had really been 5 years like the wizard had said. She barely had time to take in his appearance, but a quick glance at his face proved that time had indeed gone on without her. His hair had taken on more grey than she had seen, as well as a few new wrinkles. None of that mattered to her, not when she hardly had time to get a word in before the man had wrapped her up in a tight embrace.
Tony had hugged her as if his life depended on it, and maybe in some way it had. The way he looked at her as if her very presence was a miracle, as if he thought he would never see her again. He held her close, like a father would his own child, kissing her cheek and cupping the back of her head as if she would fade away from within his arms, telling her how much he loved her.
When she closes her eyes, Penny still sees the look in Tony's eyes. When he had the gauntlet on his hand, the flashes of inconceivable pain, the rage, the fiery determination. She also sees the aftermath. The blank, faraway stare that should never be associated with a man as full of life as Tony Stark. The way she knelt at his side, whispering to him, begging him to be okay, The way his lips tugged up into an almost unnoticeable smile as he heard her voice.
Nothing could drown out the haunting echo of Tony's heartbeat, slowing down steadily until it came to a stop. Penny didn't think she would ever go a day without hearing it.
Footsteps approached her where she stood by the lake. She could tell without looking that it was May. "Pepper is asking for you, honey, They're ready to start the service." May said gently, tucking a strand of Penny's hair behind her ear. Her aunt wrapped an arm around her shoulders comfortingly as she guided the girl towards the cabin where everyone had gathered.
Somewhere in her mind, Penny was screaming, crying, for a father that wasn't even hers. For the man who took care of her, who loved her like she was his own flesh and blood. On the outside, Penny looked like the poster child for indifference. She had run out of tears to cry, resigned to the cold feeling of numbness. She was so far away, she wasn't even sure it was worth her time to try and fight her way back to the present. It was as if she was watching her own life on a TV screen. She had no control. Penny decided to just surrender to it, and let her consciousness drift as it pleased.
She had done this before, she knew the drill. Funerals weren't an uncommon occurrence in the life of Penelope Parker. As she looked around, though, she spotted a small figure, clutching the hem of her mother's dress. Morgan Stark. Tony had had his own daughter in the time Penny had been gone, and Penny couldn't even bring herself to care. She felt for the little girl, who looked alarmingly like her father. The same curious, brown eyes and dark brown hair. She knew what it was like to lose a parent at a young age. She couldn't help but feel responsible. There had to have been something she could have done differently. Something that would have made sure Tony was standing here himself, right now, comforting his daughter.
As Pepper and Morgan walked through the group towards the lake, carrying a wreath with Tony's old arc reactor in the center, Penny felt nauseous. She didn't even get a chance to say a proper goodbye to Tony. Just like her parents. Just like Ben. Maybe it was the Parker Curse. Penny never having the chance to tell her parental figures exactly how much they meant to her before they were cruelly ripped away from her. She realized with a startling clarity that she barely remembered her own parents. Morgan was about the same age as she was when her mother and father died. Would Morgan even remember Tony? Would she remember his face? His voice? His laugh?
Tony deserved a happy ending, more than anyone else standing around. After everything he had been through, everything he had seen, he still managed to put everyone else before himself, while always taking the brunt of everyone else's blame and frustrations. She felt bitter. What right did Captain America have to be upset about Tony's death? Or any of his friends for that matter? Steve almost killed Tony in Siberia. Penny had seen the aftermath of that. She had seen the haunted look in Tony's eyes. The way he never seemed to fully let his guard down around them even after the Rogues were pardoned and moved back into the Tower. She saw how it had affected him, and Steve had the nerve to offer condolences to his grieving widow and daughter? When he could've prevented this from happening?
Penny ignored the burning hatred simmering in her chest, and focused instead on the water. As Pepper and Morgan set the wreath afloat, she didn't bother to watch it. She instead paid attention to the way the water rippled, the smooth, glassy surface of the lake disrupted.
The reflection of the trees began to warp, and Penny couldn't help but relate to that feeling. She felt as if everything was warped, because surely this was all just a bad dream right? She would wake up any minute in her bedroom in the Tower to the smell of Pepper's pancakes, listening to Tony cursing up a storm because she wouldn't let him have his 3rd cup of coffee at the ripe hour of 10am. Penny would smile to herself and make her way into the kitchen, a day with her found family ahead of her. Maybe her and Mr. Stark would work on her Spidergirl suit in the lab. Maybe they would order Thai food for supper. Maybe they would invite May over, and Happy and Rhodey, for a family dinner. Maybe they would end the night as they usually do, watching some sort of movie while Penny curled into Tony's side, drifting off as he combed a gentle hand through her hair.
But this wasn't a dream, and Penny wasn't that naive.
As the crowd of mourners began to disperse, Penny didn't budge. She didn't even react when Happy pulled her into a hug. She didn't move when countless Avengers gave her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. She did flinch as she heard Pepper's voice from her side.
"Penny, sweetheart, would you like to come inside? There's something I'd like to show you." The woman said in a soft tone, reminding Penny of how gentle the woman would be with her whenever she stayed at the Tower. Pepper became a second mother to her, and she hadn't had the courage to be alone with her for more than a few minutes since her return. Looking around slowly, Penny noticed Morgan's absence. She must've had a curious look on her face, because Pepper assures her that Morgan is with Rhodey, feeding Gerald, who Penny would later learn, to her surprise, is an alpaca.
Penny, unable to formulate a coherent sentence to refuse or get away from the situation, stays silent as Pepper guides her toward the lakehouse. Pepper doesn't say anything as she shields the girl from the other guests gathered in the living room and kitchen, but instead steers her up the stairs and into the hallway. They pass a spare room, a room with a child's drawing on it and a sign that says "Morgan" in what Penny assumes is the little girl's own writing, and a larger door that she assumes is a master bedroom.
They come to a stop in front of a door at the end of the hall, just beyond Tony and Pepper's room. The door is plain, but a small spider symbol next to Penny's name in that same child's writing has her heart hammering in her chest. She turns to Pepper, confusion lacing her expression. Pepper smiles encouragingly, nodding towards the door. "Go ahead, open it." She says quietly.
Penny lifts a shaking hand to the doorknob, turning it slowly. She opens the door, revealing a fully decorated room. A bed sits in the middle, decorated with a dark duvet and several Spidergirl and Iron Man plushies. There is a desk in the corner, a fully stocked bookshelf, posters lining the walls, Lego sets waiting to be built. It looked like it was all ready for someone to move into.
"When we were drawing up the plans for this house, Tony refused to build it unless we built it with enough rooms for the whole family. A room for us, a room for any guests, a room for Morgan, and a room for you." Pepper said, not bothering to cover up the emotion in her voice.
Penny looked at her questioningly, her ears ringing with the implications of what Pepper was saying. "I- What?"
"Well, we couldn't build a house if we didn't have enough rooms for both of our daughters, now could we?" Pepper placed a hand on the girl's back, rubbing circles in a practiced and comforting motion.
All Penny could feel was shock, and fear, and disgust with herself. "Ms. Potts, I- No. I can't- I can't stay here. You can't possibly want me to stay here." She said, her tone weak but bitter, avoiding eye contact with the woman.
"Of course I do, Penny, why wouldn't I? You're family. Tony always thought of you as the daughter he never had. So did I. Then when Morgan came along, the only thing he talked about was how much you would've loved her. Morgan grew up with stories about her sister Penny. You are just as much our daughter as Morgan is." Pepper said as if she was simply stating facts. Facts that Penny refused to let herself wrap her own head around.
The teenager could only think about Morgan having to grow up without her father. Knowing that Penny was the cause of it. Knowing that if Tony had never tried to invent time travel to get her back, Morgan would still have a dad. That thought brings in a new wave of nausea, and Penny isn't sure how much more of this she can take.
"You don't understand! This is all my fault! Morgan is going to grow up without a dad and you've lost your husband and it's all because of me! If I was faster, I could've grabbed the gauntlet from him. I could've been the one to-"
"Penelope May Parker, don't you dare finish that sentence, do you hear me?" Pepper cut her off with a steely edge to her voice, holding the girl in place by her two arms. Penny stared at her wide-eyed, shocked, but reminded of the way Pepper would sound on phone calls when using what Tony had called her "CEO voice."
"Yes, Tony invented time travel because he thought it would give him the chance to get you back. Yes, Tony knew that doing so would possibly cost him his own life. But Penny, you have to know how much he loved you. He would've moved heaven and earth if it meant getting the chance to see you again, to give you the chance to grow up to be the amazing young woman we both know you would be. And he did. He did what he did fully aware of the possible consequences."
"He wanted nothing more than to be here with you. To watch you be a big sister to Morgan, to watch you graduate high school and go off to college and lead a new generation of great minds. He wanted to see you change the world like he knew you would. But if he had to give up the chance to see it for himself, to make sure that you would have the chance to do it in the first place? Well, that was a no-brainer for him." Pepper said firmly as Penny continued to stare at her, tears welling up in her eyes.
The woman sighed before continuing. "Penny, you and Tony are so much alike it scares me. You're both crazy smart, you're both kind souls, but the two of you also have the most outrageous selfless streaks I've ever seen. I won't sit by and watch you drown in guilt and regret over this, and you know Tony wouldn't want that either. So yes, I do expect you to stay here. Whenever you want. You can visit on weekends, school breaks, hell, you can move in tomorrow if you wanted to. But May needs you, too. So I will be as patient as I can and wait for your visits whenever you feel like coming up, okay? Do you understand me, Penny?" Pepper finishes softly, cupping Penny's cheeks and wiping a stray tear from her face.
Penny struggles to form a sentence, so she does the next best thing. She wraps her arms around Pepper, hugging into her tightly and crying in earnest into the woman's black dress. Pepper rubs a soothing hand up and down her back, holding her gently and whispering words of comfort to her. As Penny's tears taper off, Pepper guides the both of them towards Penny's new bed, sitting them down on the foot of the mattress. She brushes Penny's curls away from her face and smiles softly.
"You know, when Morgan was born, we only had a first name picked out for her. Tony and I decided that we would choose a middle name when we saw her." Pepper said as the younger girl remained tucked into her side. Penny smiled softly, the image of Tony and Pepper holding their newborn baby heartwarming. She always knew they would make the best parents, after all, she had spent so much time wishing that they were her parents before she had been dusted.
"What did you guys decide on?" The girl asked. Pepper glanced down at the girl in her arms and smiled. "The minute Morgan opened her eyes, Tony started crying. I thought something was wrong, but he just looked at me and said that her eyes reminded him of yours. He said they were the same chocolate brown. We decided pretty quickly after that what her middle name would be," She paused.
"Morgan Penelope Stark."
Penny sat up so fast she almost fell off the bed, tears immediately springing to her eyes as she looks at Pepper with shock. "You- you guys- you named her after me?" She whispered, voice thick with emotion.
Pepper smiled and nodded. "Yeah, sweetheart, we did. We named her after her beautiful big sister. We told her stories about Spidergirl, and more importantly, the brilliant and kind young lady behind the mask. Her favourite bedtime story was one that Tony would tell her about Spidergirl and Iron Man's adventures in the big city. You can't even imagine how excited she is to meet you. I asked her to give you some space at first, until I had a chance to talk to you."
Penny didn't try to stop her tears from falling this time. She couldn't even explain how she was feeling. Tony and Pepper had truly loved her, they really did think of her as their kid, so much so they named their own daughter after her. They built her a room in their house even though they thought she was dead. They carved out a place in their new lives just for her, knowing that she may never have gotten the chance to even take that place.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a hesitant knock at the door. Happy pokes his head in. "Sorry to interrupt, but Little Miss wanted to say hi." No sooner does he finish his sentence, when a small face peeks through the gap in the door.
Pepper looks at Penny, an unspoken question on her face. Penny understands, and nods. Pepper turns her attention towards the door. "Morgan, you can come in sweetie."
Morgan pushes the door open and toddles in slowly, looking up at Penny. "You're Spidergirl, right? You're my sister?"
Penny glances up at Happy, and back to Pepper, who has tears in her eyes. Penny turns her focus back to the little girl, and nods. "Yeah, I am. I'm Penny. It's nice to meet you. Morgan."
Morgan doesn't take long in jumping into Penny's arms, clinging to her like a koala. Penny wraps her arms around the young girl and a strange warmth fills her entire body. She knows, in that split second, that she loves this little girl. That she would do anything in her power, anything at all, to protect her. She imagines this is how Tony must've felt about her.
"I'm so happy you finally came home, Penny. Mommy and Daddy missed you a lot." Morgan said innocently.
Penny saw Pepper wipe away a tear out of the corner of her eye. If Penny tried hard enough, she could almost see Tony standing in the corner of the room, gazing softly over at his two girls, right where they belong. With each other. She makes a silent vow to Tony, wherever he may be now, that she will keep Morgan safe.
"I'm happy too, Mo. Really happy."
And somehow, she can tell that Tony already knew.