“in which it’s a group chat”
2212 words
ships: spideychelle, stucky/starbucks/stevebucky, clintxlaura, wandavision
tw/cw: language, pickles
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• two geniuses and a peter •
guy in the chair: PETER
guy in the chair: PETER
guy in the chair: PETERRRRR
jm: ned he's on patrol
guy in the chair: i know
guy in the chair: may's asking where he is what do i say??????????????
jm: just say he's helping me study for a test
guy in the chair: I CANT LIE TO MAY
jm: chicken
jm: i don't know what to do then
spooder-boy: imo n my wsyba ck
spooder-boy: holdh er odf fir abit
jm: i just about had a stroke trying to read that
spooder-boy: well mso ry bote vryome can trxt snd awimg
jm: then don't text and swing, dummy
guy in the chair: WHAT DO I TELL HER PETER
spooder-boy: um
spooder-boy: tellhe acadec ra m lste
jm: peter, it's 2am
spooder-boy: so
jm: acadec legally can't run until 2am
guy in the chair: you guys are useless
spooder-man: wowi m honired
jm: 🖕🏾
guy in the chair: ouch
guy in the chair: i told her you're spending the night at my place so sneak thru my window after patrol
spooder-man: om g ura lifsver
guy in the chair: you owe me
spooder-man: illge tu a ssandwjich frmdel msrs
guy in the chair: YAY!!!
guy in the chair: i didn't think that would work
spooder-man: ned im at ur window
spooder-man: let me innnnnn
guy in the chair: ok ok i'm going
jm: don't do anything overly stupid
• le tonee stark •
le tonee stark: Kid, why did you aunt just text me asking where you are?
le tonee stark: Isn't your self-instated curfew 1 a.m.?
arachnid: yea about that
arachnid: patrol ran late and im spending the night with ned
arachnid: surprise????
le tonee stark: Why am I not surprised?
arachnid: bc im ur favorite
le tonee stark: That's currently up for debate.
arachnid: awww man
arachnid: will u cover for me with aunt may pretty pls 🥺🥺
le tonee stark: I don't know...
arachnid: did u rlly just use an ellipsis in a text message
arachnid: and pls cover for me
le tonee stark: May still doesn't know you're Spider-Man?
arachnid: nopeee :))
le tonee stark: Fine. Just this once.
arachnid: yay tyyyyyyy
le tonee stark: And you're gonna have to tell May eventually, or she'll find out on her own.
arachnid: i knowwww
arachnid: ill tell her eventually
le tonee stark: I wouldn't hold my breath.
• maymaymaymay •
maymaymaymay: Ned texted me that you're spending the night at his place
maymaymaymay: Is that true?
peter: omg yea!!! srry for not telling u sooner
peter: i spent a lot of today at neds bc we have a big science fair project and it still needs a lot of work so im spending the night
maymaymaymay: Okay, if it's for school I guess it's alright. Just make sure to tell me next time instead of scaring me half to death after I get home from my shift
peter: yea okay i will
peter: srry again for scaring u i didnt mean to
maymaymaymay: It's okay, just don't let it happen again
maymaymaymay: Also, when you get home, please vacuum your room, there are a LOT of cobwebs everywhere. It's like your roommate is Spiderman or something
peter: haha thats weird i wonder why
peter: oh and also:
peter: **Spider-Man
• ❤️my mj💙 •
❤️my mj💙: did you manage to get to ned's safely?
💙my idiot❤️: yea i did
💙my idiot❤️: crisis averted for now
❤️my mj💙: yeah, for now
❤️my mj💙: what happens when you run out of excuses? or nobody can cover for you?
💙my idiot❤️: ill figure it out when that happens
💙my idiot❤️: yknow ill tell may eventually
❤️my mj💙: you'll avoid telling may until you absolutely have to
💙my idiot❤️: lol yea
💙my idiot❤️: u know me so well
❤️my mj💙: 🙄
❤️my mj💙: you're lucky i love you
💙my idiot❤️: i tell myself that everyday
❤️my mj💙: and no more texting and swinging, i need to be able to actually read your texts
💙my idiot❤️: rodger that 🫡
💙my idiot❤️: love u
❤️my mj💙: to the moon and to saturn
💙my idiot❤️: OMG UR A SWIFTIE
❤️my mj💙: tell anybody that and you'll never talk again
💙my idiot❤️: duly noted
• GUY IN THE CHAIR💻 •
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: tysm for letting me spend the night yesterday and covering for me i rlly appreciate it
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: np
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: you still owe me a sandwich from delmar's tho
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: do i tho do i rlly
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: yes, yes you really do
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: YOU PROMISED
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: i was sleepdeprived
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: i made promises i cant keep 😭
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: pleeeeeeeease
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: you're my best friend 🥺🥺🥺
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: omg ur guilt tripping meeeeeee how dare u
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: if that's what it takes to get me a sandwich from delmar's, then yea, i'm guilt tripping you /jkjk
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: how rood
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: ill see what i can do
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: omg yay it worked
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: ill swing by after school which one do u want
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: your lack of punctuation scares me
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: do u want a sandwich or not
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: yes yes yes sorry!!! um i want the number four with extra pickles and toasted
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: ok ill get u that
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: i cant believe u like pickles theyre so icky
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
SPIDER-MAN🕸️: dont use taylor swift against me u know i cant argue with her
GUY IN THE CHAIR💻: i know 🙃 i'll be waiting for my sandwich!!!
• earth's stupidest heroes •
capsicle🫡: Is everyone packed and ready for the retreat this friday?
gold-titanium alloy man: What retreat?
capsicle🫡: The retreat that we've been planning for weeks? We spend a weekend in oregon
HOW DO I PUT A NAME: I CANNOT RECALL A RETREAT BEING PLANNED FOR THIS OREGON
the rightful king: istg thor, do you not know how to turn off caps lock? and i don't know anything about a retreat either, but then again, i'm never invited to them
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: well, the last time we had a retreat, you were busy trying to take over the world.
the rightful king: that was ONE TIME
spider-boy (king of thieves): guys my phone is blowing up in the middle of class u guys are gonna get me in trouble
spider-boy (king of thieves): also THERES A RETREAT SINCE WHEN
capsicle🫡: Seriously? DOES NO ONE REMEMBER?!
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: i remember, stevie
gold-titanium alloy man: Of course Bucky remembers, he's your boyfriend!
capsicle🫡: NO HE'S NOT!
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: NO I'M NOT!
spider-boy (king of thieves): hmmmm how suspicious
gold-titanium alloy man: Just drop the act already!
eagle scout: I can't do the retreat, Laura and I have a date on Saturday
capsicle🫡: Since when?!
eagle scout: Since five minutes ago
eagle scout: And Steve and Bucky are totally, 100% in love with each other
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: i second that statement.
spider-boy (king of thieves): i third that statement
gold-titanium alloy man: I fourth that statement.
the rightful king: i fifth that statement
HOW DO I PUT A NAME: I SIXTH THAT STATEMENT
Dr. Bruce Banner: I seventh that statement.
BOOM BOOM WOOSH: I eighth that statement
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: i ninth that statement
bird impersonator: i 10th that statement.
toaster liker: I eleventh that statement
The Toaster: I believe I should Twelfth that statement.
capsicle🫡: Seriously?!
spider-boy (king of thieves): wait wait wait wait
spider-boy (king of thieves): ARE WE JUST GONNA IGNORE THIS:
reply to: “SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: i ninth that statement”
t'challa needs to t'chill: Finally, this is getting interesting
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: THAT WASN'T ME
BOOM BOOM WOOSH: Judging by the text, I'm pretty sure that's you
gold-titanium alloy man: Yeah, and we have this entire group chat as witnesses.
capsicle🫡: It probably wasn't Bucky. Loki probably did it to cause drama
the rightful king: hey! that's not fair, i've nothing wrong, ever
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: you tried to take over the world. multiple times.
eagle scout: you took control of my mind
gold-titanium alloy man: You killed eighty people in two days.
the rightful king: oh yea, i forgot about that part
HOW DO I PUT A NAME: LOKI HAS BEEN WITH ME THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE CHAT HE COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO IMPERSONATE BUCKY
the rightful king: thanks, brother. i'll teach you how to turn off caps lock at some point
gold-titanium alloy man: That settles it then. Bucky wrote the message.
t'challa needs to t'chill: And so the plot thickens
capsicle🫡: Is that true, Buck?
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSin: ...maybe?
spider-boy (king of thieves): OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD ITS FINALLY HAPPENING
capsicle🫡: Don't you have a class to get to?
spider-boy (king of thieves): its just advanced quantum physics nothing i dont already know
Dr. Bruce Banner: What.
Dr. Bruce Banner: That's a COLLEGE LEVEL COURSE.
gold-titanium alloy man: YEAH THAT'S RIGHT MY KID'S A GENIUS!
capsicle🫡: Moving past that, what do you mean by "...maybe?" Buck?
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: maybe it'll be easier if i pm you instead of everyone seeing this in the group chat
capsicle🫡: Okay
t'challa needs to t'chill: Oh, come on! The only reason I pay attention to this chat is because of the drama!
bird impersonator: sorry, man 🫤
BOOM BOOM WOOSH: How long are they gonna take? I need to know what happens
Dr. Bruce Banner: It's been like, thirty seconds.
gold-titanium alloy man: But knowing them, it'll take a while.
spider-boy (king of thieves): thats what happens when you put two senior citizens in a chat
the rightful king: real
toaster liker: Do you guys think they'll get together?
The Toaster: Judging from the way Steve and Bucky's current chat is going, I'd say there is a definite chance that they will end the conversation as a couple.
gold-titanium alloy man: I FORGOT VISION CAN ACCESS EVERYONE'S CHATS
toaster liker: Vis, we talked about this!
t'challa needs to t'chill: No, please tell us what they're talking about!
The Toaster: Unfortunately, I cannot tell you what they are talking about because that would be a breach of privacy.
spider-boy (king of thieves): dammit
gold-titanium alloy man: Language!
the rightful heir: i see you've taken over the captain's usual role, Stark
gold-titanium alloy man: He's a child, Loki. And, technically speaking, so are you.
the rightful heir: how dare you, i am a god!
spider-boy (king of thieves): yes u tell him loki 👏🏻👏🏻 pop off
gold-titanium alloy man: Okay then.
capsicle🫡: So, Bucky and I have some news...
the rightful king: what are you waiting for? spill
spider-boy (king of thieves): omg everyone stay calm its happening
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: steve and i have decided that...
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: omfg just spit it out.
capsicle🫡: We're gonna give dating each other a shot
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: we're going out for the foreseeable future
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: I THOUGHT I WAS ANNOUNCING IT
capsicle🫡: NO I WAS SUPPOSED TO
spider-boy (king of thieves): awww theyre already arguing like an old couple
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: YOU KNOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY IT
capsicle🫡: WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT THIS ALONE? THEY ALL KNOW ANYWAY
gold-titanium alloy man: I CALLED IT! NAT, YOU OWE ME $50!!
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: you're a billionaire, tony. i'm not giving you fifty bucks.
nick fury: Did you seriously bet on this?
eagle scout: You've got a lot of catching up to do
nick fury: No, I saw it all unfold in real time. Just didn't feel like saying anything.
nick fury: And you owe me $100, Clint.
eagle scout: What?! No I don't
nick fury: Yes you do. You made a bet with me a few weeks ago about Steve and Barnes, and I won.
eagle scout: I was blackout drunk when I made that bet, you can't possibly hold me to that
the rightful king: a bet's a bet
gold-titanium alloy man: As much as I hate to side with Loki, he's right. A bet's a bet, no matter how drunk you were when you made it.
spider-boy (king of thieves): ^^^this
eagle scout: Well, you're not making Nat pay, so why should I??
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: 1) because it's nick fury, and 2) because i already paid tony.
gold-titanium alloy man: Can confirm, I just got nailed in the head with a $50 in paper airplane form.
eagle scout: Ugh, fine. I'll get the money to you eventually, Nick
SuPeR sNeAkY aSsAsSiN: did you guys seriously place bets on this?
sUpEr SnEaKy RuSsIaN sPy: yep.
gold-titanium alloy man: Yeah.
eagle scout: Unfortunately
nick fury: Mhm.
capsicle🫡: Real unprofessional, guys
gold-titanium alloy man: You're one to talk, dating your coworker.
capsicle🫡: Nothing in the rules that explicitly states against it. Besides, Wanda and Vision are together and nobody said anything about that
toaster liker: Hey, don't bring us into this!
capsicle🫡: Fine, fine
capsicle🫡: So who's going to the retreat?
spider-boy (king of thieves): aaaand im out
fin
a/n: here's yet ANOTHER filler! the one-shot i'm working on is taking longer than i thought, so here are some highlights and teasers to hold you guys over and also prove that i am actually working on something:
—
"Mr. Stark? Mr. Stark, come in! This is Peter Parker, I'm on fifth avenue. We just— we just lost Cap, and I can't find anyone else. Please, Mr. Stark, just tell me where you are!"
—
"I don't— Pete, I don't think I have much time."
—
"You are the best one out of all of us. Remember that."
—
He wanted to scream, to break something, to burn the whole world because it was so unfair. Peter had lost so much.
—
"You have to do this, Peter. The world depends on it. Promise— promise me you'll do this."
—
It wasn't fair.
None of it was fair.
—
He'd been there for three days.
Three days since everything had gone wrong.
—
Peter's hands rested on Harley's back, pressing the boys closer, and Peter closed his eyes, able to relax for the first time.
—
"I'm just curious why you got sent here."
"Same reason as you, I'm betting."
—
that's all i can give you without giving away the entire plot! look forward to it, because i'm looking forward to being done with it!
i hope you guys are taking care of yourselves! make sure to eat and drink enough!!
until next time,
~cleo xx