Hannah
Walking through the hallway Hannah still reeling from the headaches yesterday her vision slightly blurred, and she feels just tired. Maybe Ava was right, and she needs to call the doctor and see if they can move the appointment up. These migraines are becoming more intense and the recovery from them is becoming more and more daunting. As she makes her way to the kitchen to start coffee, she stands at the counter just trying to remember what she was doing. She shakes her head which doesn’t help the blurry mess her eyes see. She tried to focus on the sink in front of her, but she is struggling, her hands are going numb and the pounding in her head has stopped she looks around and everything is blurry.
Ava and Sara walk into the kitchen and see Hannah standing at the sink when Ava sees her, she knows something isn’t right, Hannah looks pale like a ghost as if all of the blood has left her face. “Hannah?” Ava asks but she doesn’t respond both Ava and Sara stop in their tracks and Ava repeats her call. “Hannah, are you okay?” Ava takes a step forward.
Hannah hears a noise, but she is trying to focus on what in front of her she can’t move everything is numb her eyes can’t focus. She hears Ava’s voice, but it seems like its coming from under water and when she turns and looks towards a blurry figure, she knows this can’t be good suddenly everything goes black.
For Ava everything moves in slow motion when Hannah turns to her and she sees her eyes not focused she can see in that moment a movement so subtle and so slow in her mind she lunges forward to catch Hannah before she collapses barely making it in time before her head hits the counter. Sara rushes behind her and tells Ava to lay her down. As Ava drops to the ground with her sister in her arms, she looks at Sara with so much fear and Sara immediately has her lay her flat on her back. Ava is watching as Sara is checking her pulse and lifting her eyelids to see her eyes. She looks at Ava who is pleading with her eyes, Ava doesn’t know what to do and Sara can see it in her face.
“Ava, I need you to call an ambulance.” Sara is saying to her, but Ava is not moving she is frozen. Sara puts her hands-on Ava’s shoulders and shakes slightly bringing Ava back to reality. “Ava, I need you to call an ambulance.” She says again and Ava nods and rushes off to get her phone. While she does that Sara is talking to Hannah and trying to get her to respond. “Hannah can you hear me?” her hands go to the middle of her chest she makes a fist and rubs it to see if she gets a response, nothing. She stands up and starts looking through drawers in the kitchen until she finds one with candles and flashlights. She grabs a flashlight and uses it to check her pupils and immediately drops the flashlight and pushes Hannah on to her side. She has seen this before and she knows that Hannah has had a stroke, when Ava comes back in and she is on the phone with emergency services and see’s Sara has Hannah on her side she freezes. Sara looks at her with concern in her eyes and Ava rushes to her side. “I think she has had a stroke I can’t be sure but that what it looks like.” Ava repeats the information into the phone and the person on the other end tells her that an ambulance is on the way.
Everything from that moment runs at lighting speed and the next thing Ava knows she is watching her sister be rushed out on a stretcher she wants to follow but her legs wont move its as if her legs weigh a thousand pounds and she finds herself face to face with Sara who is talking but she cant hear any words nothing she is saying is getting through and Ava is trying hard to focus. She should be going with Hannah she should be moving but nothing is happening nothing and then everything goes black for Ava. When her eyes flutter open, she is on the floor and Sara is holding her with her hand against her chest. “Ava just breath.” The first words she hears she takes a deep breath and grabs Sara’s wrist on the hand that is on her chest and takes a deep breath. When she looks up, she sees Alex rushing to her side and she can hear voices but not make out what they are saying. Alex and Sara are slowly pulling Ava up onto her feet and finally her feet move as she is being dragged by both to her room and sat on the bed. Sara and Alex are going around the room grabbing clothes and personal items.
Hannah can hear muffled voices and beeping a lot of beeping. Suddenly a flash of light and she is back on the ground staring up at the sky dirt flying all around her, no pain just peace. Another flash of light and she is with her sister laughing on the couch, but they are much younger in their teens. Ava is throwing popcorn at her as she tickles her, and they laugh and fall off the couch. Another flash and she is in a dark room a closet and she can feel breath on her face as her lips meet another pair of lips. Another flash and she is riding her bike through puddles and laughing, enjoying the wind on her eight-year-old face. Another flash and she is looking up at a woman with blue eyes, she looks so tired and so happy at the same time. Am I dying? Hannah thinks to herself; these are moments specials moments to her moments that only she knows the feeling of. The peace and love she felt in those moments she doesn’t understand what is happening. And she can still hear voices muffled voices, she must be asleep she needs to open her eyes.
No matter how hard Hannah tries she cannot get her eyes to open. A flash and she is standing in front of her sister who is now at least twenty-one tears falling down her cheeks and staring off in the distance. She turns to see what she is looking at and notices her mother walking away with Hannah trying to make her mother let go of her wrist she wants to hug her sister. She is in so much pain and her mother just keeps pulling her away as she fights to get free, and then darkness.
Another flash and she is sitting on her childhood couch again alone with no one near her as she looks to her right where Ava would be but there is no one there. Ava is gone she is at boot camp her spot is like an empty hole in Hannah’s heart. She misses her sister she misses the person who understands her and makes her laugh, she falls into the darkness again.
Hannah can hear muffled voices again and they sound close to her and she sees flashes of light and then darkness. Suddenly she is looking up at a plane and she can feel her excitement in her heart. its beating so quickly and she feels like everything is taking too long. Until she sees her sister in her uniform, and she runs towards her and crashes into a hug. Ava’s is laughing and Hannah has tears coming falling down her cheeks. Ava reaches up and wipes them away and smiles at her and wraps her up in a tight bear hug she has needed this she needed this safety. She hears Ava’s voice “Hey there Gidget, miss me much?” and she goes back into the darkness.
Muffled crying brings her out of the darkness and into a room where she is sitting on Ava’s bed. Ava is lying on her stomach her head turned away from Hannah. Hannah is rubbing her back trying to console her, but it isn’t working. Ava’s tears just keep flowing and Hannah’s heart is breaking for her sister, Hannah vows to never fall in love because it looks like it hurts too much. She falls back into the darkness.
Yelling brings her out of the darkness loud voices and more yelling she comes out of her room quietly and sits in the hallway and listens as her mother and sister argue. They always do, she knows they love each other but she knows they just don’t understand what each other is going through. Voices are still muffled, and she falls back into the darkness.
Hannah can hear a voice now clearer than before its close to her side and she wants to open her eyes, but she still can’t. “Hannah please don’t leave me.” No matter how hard she tries she is still stuck in the darkness. “I know you’re fighting, keep fighting, please.” The voice is tired but its Ava’s voice and its stern and close so close. She finds herself trying to scream but when her mouth opens nothing comes out. No sound she falls back into the darkness.
She can’t move the ground is hot and she is tired her mouth feels like a desert as she lays there dirt all around her. She hates the desert she thinks to herself; she wants to get up and run but she can’t. She lays on the ground thinking about her life and how she is only half living avoiding pain. Avoiding being hurt, she should have enjoyed life more. She falls into the darkness.
Hannah can hear a voice, Ava’s voice.
“What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering? For weeks, Marianne, I've had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.”
A flash and Hannah is in Ava’s room looking at her bookshelf trying to find a book for a report she needs to do there are so many books as she runs her fingers across their spines. Ava comes in and notices her and smiles. She throws her bookbag down and sits next to her on the floor in front of the shelf. Hannah hands her a paper that has a list of authors, Ava reaches back and grabs her bookbag and pulls out a book and hands it to her. Hannah looks down and sees the title Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen, Ava smiles and everything goes to darkness again.
She feels so alone in the darkness, but she can hear faint voices every now and then and she can hear people in conversation but never loud enough to make out what they are saying. Why can’t she open her eyes and wake up from this dream. Hannah is finding it harder and harder to hear the voices or maybe she is finally waking up and her dream is fading. But then there are the lights again and the beeping the beeping fills her head like a loud static from a television screen. She wants to focus on the light if this is what death is like it’s awful and lonely, she just wants to find her way out of the darkness.
Another flash and she is sitting alone in a chair she can feel someone hand in her hand and she looks down and follows the arm and it’s her mother. In black with tears streaming down her face she looks to her left and there is Ava with tears equally falling. She knows where she is and she doesn’t want to be here, this day this awful horrible day laying her father to rest. All of this time she has wanted to open her eyes but not here now, she closes her eyes tightly and welcomes the darkness this time.
Suddenly a light appears, and she notices the light is just sitting in the distance of her darkness. She stands up and makes her way to it but has a thought “Am I supposed to walk towards that?” she stops. And looks around there is only the one light just the one. She is scared but at the same time intrigued and she finds her feet moving on their own without her guiding them. She can hear voices, as she gets closer, she can hear a voice just one its Ava.
“I come here with no expectation, only to profess, now that I am at liberty to do so, that my heart is and always will be yours.”
As she gets closer and closer to the light, she can hear that Ava is talking to someone else is that her mother’s voice she hears. Well that’s not possible Ava and Mom in a room not yelling not fighting, she keeps walking and moving into the light until its so bright its overwhelming her and she cant see anything everything is bright and white and its like walking into the sun. And then suddenly the light dims and she can see a ceiling above her, her eyes start to move around slowly she is dizzy there is a faint blur in her eyes she tried to focus but decides that she is too tired. She can hear Ava and her mother talking about what Ava is reading to her. She can’t see anyone she can only hear them to afraid to move but she wants to see them. She closes her eyes and opens them again to see if the blur goes away, it doesn’t but she moves her head slightly to the right and she can make out a figure sitting next to her. Her head turned in conversation with another figure standing behind her.
Hannah just stares at them while they hold a conversation about Jane Austen, are they really arguing over if Jane Austen is her favorite author right now. Her mind is racing as she listens to them, where are they why are they in this room? She looks around and it begins to dawn on her they are in a hospital room. She brings her eyes back to the two so deep in conversation that they don’t notice she is looking at them. So, she tries move her arm, nope nothing happening, she closes her eyes again and tries to focus. When she does, she can feel a hand in her hand, Ava must be holding her hand so if she can just squeeze and get her attention. She keeps her eyes closed and focus’ on her hand and squeezing with all her might. She opens her eyes and the two are still in conversation, so nothing has changed maybe she didn’t squeeze hard enough. So instead of closing her eyes she looks directly at Ava and focus on her and squeezing her hand.
Ava is so annoyed with her mother right now as she tried to explain that Sense and Sensibility is Hannah’s favorite book but Jane Austen is not her favorite author and there is no need to go and buy Pride and Prejudice because Ava doesn’t want to read that book to her and Hannah hates that book. Her mother is determined to buy all of Jane Austen’s books now so they can all take turns reading to Hannah. Ava is used to Hannah’s hand twitching now and again and thinks nothing of the twitch while she is talking to her mother but then suddenly, she feels a squeeze not a twitch and she snaps her head around and sees two brown eyes staring back at her and drops the book from her lap standing up and leaning over Hannah.
“Oh my god.” Ava says and looks back at her mother who is rushing over to the other side of the bed and grabs Hannah’s other hand Hannah moves slightly to look at her mother and then looks back to Ava who is grabbing a call button down to alert the nurse to come in. Ava looks into her eyes “Hey there Gidget, we missed you.” Tears rolling down her cheeks.
The next few moments happen very quickly a nurse comes in and then a doctor and Hannah is being poked and prodded and lights being flashed in her eyes and Ava and their mother are at the foot of the bed just watching hoping and crying. She was finally awake; she had been in a coma for eight agonizing days. Hannah’s eyes stay fixed on Ava and her mother everything else going on around her vanishes and her fear takes hold she doesn’t understand what is happening and Ava sees it in her eyes and rushes to her side and grabs her hand. Hannah’s eye follow Ava and she looks at her big sister as their eyes meet Ava can see everything and she start to speak.
“You were in a coma.” Ava whispers and Hannah just stares at her in disbelief. “It’s been eight days and you have had surgery and we didn’t know if you were going to wake up.” As Ava’s voice breaks Hannah realizes what has been happening but she doesn’t understand when did this happen?
Then everything comes rushing back to Hannah she remembers waking up and feeling not so great and making her way to the kitchen to make coffee, she remembers going to the sink, but her eyes felt to tired to focus. She remembers seeing Ava and Sara and then that’s it. Nothing just darkness and flashes of light. The memories she kept seeing and why? The voices she heard, and the book being read to her. And now that she is thinking about it why was Sara there in their house early in the morning. A man’s voice gets her attention and she looks over to see a man leaning over next to Ava.
“Hannah can you try and say something for me?” He asks and she looks back to Ava who is nodding letting her know its ok. So, she says the one thing that she is thinking?
“Did Sara stay the night?” Her voice comes out quiet and roughly. Her throat hurts like she has sand in her mouth, she hates that feeling she remembers the last time she had that feeling. Ava’s eyes go wide, and she starts laugh and cry at the same time. Hannah reaches for her throat to indicate its sore.
“You’ve been in a coma for eight days and that’s the first thing you say when you wake up?” Ava’s says between sobs and quiet laughs. The doctor reaches over and puts a straw to Hannah mouth, and she sucks in some water and it feels like fire going down her throat, so she stops abruptly. His voice comes quieter this time.
“It’s okay, it’s going to burn a little but just take a few more sips and it will feel a little better.” He says as he continues to hold the straw to her lips. She takes a few more sips and pulls away. Hannah decides to answer Ava.
“Well, did she?” She looks at Ava who just stares back at her in wonder and she slowly leans down and kisses her on her cheek. She moves her lips near Hannah’s ear and whispers the answer quietly. “Yes.” When Ava pulls away Hannah gets a smile on her face and Ava’s matches the smile. Hannah looks to the foot of the bed where her mother is and reaches her free arm up to motion for her to come her arm falls quickly to the bed as she has no energy to keep it lifted. Her mother is quickly by her side and takes her hand and just leans over and kisses her on the forehead.
The doctor pulls her mother over to her and Ava doesn’t move she just keeps locked in on Hannah who is looking at her but feels her eyes getting heavy and she snaps her eyes awake and Ava sees the fear in them. Hannah doesn’t want to go back to the darkness not again, not so soon. Why is she so tired?
“I’m scared to close my eyes.” Hannah whispers and she squeezes Ava’s hand.
“Gidget, we are right here, and we aren’t going anywhere do you hear me.” She leans in and puts her forehead against Hannah’s. “You need rest, your body needs to rest.” And with the soothing tone of Ava’s voice she closes her eyes.
Hannah opens her eyes and this time her eyes meet sparkling blue eyes, Sara’s eyes she can’t help the smile that forms on her face to match the smile on Sara’s. Hannah looks around and doesn’t see anyone else.
“Hey there you.” Sara’s voice beings her eyes back to her. As Sara points behind her and Hannah’s eyes follow, she sees Ava asleep on a makeshift hospital cot no doubt uncomfortable. “She tried to stay awake, but she was exhausted.” Sara squeezes Hannah’s hand to bring her attention back to her.
“What happened?” Hannah’s voice still sore and scratchy. Sara hears this and reaches for the water next to her bed and brings the straw to her lips and Hannah takes some water sip by sip it goes down her throat. It doesn’t burn as much as last time but still Hannah squints at the feeling. Sara’s take a deep breath ready to explain how she ended up here.
“You had a stroke Hannah.” Sara’s eyes are fixed on Hannah’s.
“What?” Hannah shakes her head in disbelief, how is that possible how could she have a stroke she wasn’t old enough to have a stroke not in her mind.
“I know what you’re thinking and don’t. Anyone can have a stroke doesn’t matter how old you are or how healthy you are.” Sara says sternly. “Fact is that is what happened. Then you had to have surgery which was scary because they had to wait a couple days before they could do it. But you were in a coma so they tried to put it off and that really pissed off your Mom and Ava and there was this big fight with the doctor and needless to say you ended up with a different doctor after that. And they went ahead and did the surgery to remove the plaque in your carotid artery. So, your neck will probably be sore for a week or two just so you know.”
“Everything is sore.” Hannah whispers.
“I can only imagine.” Sara says she leans in. “But you have a wonderful physical therapist who will be right by your side.” Sara smiles as she leans back into her chair and Hannah smiles back at her.
“When can I get up?” Hannah asks
“Do you want to sit up?” Sara stands as Hannah nods to her. She maneuver’s over to the bed and raises the bed into a sitting position and helps Hannah up into a sitting position and arranges the pillow behind her until Hannah nods in approval. “How’s that?”
“Better now I feel like I can see things.” She smiles as she looks over to her sister who is still fast asleep on the cot. “I could hear things.” She whispers. “I mean I couldn’t make out much, but I know that Ava was reading to me I could hear that clearly. And I think I might have heard the arguing, but I wasn’t sure what it was. I guess I just assumed I was dreaming about Mom and Ava fighting.” Hannah’s eyes stay fixed on Ava. “They didn’t fight, did they?” She turns to looks at Sara.
“Not that I’m aware of but boy did they both give that doctor a hell of a time.” Sara started to chuckle “I’m pretty sure they made him cry.” Hannah laughed at the comment. “When you say you could hear us what do you mean?”
“Exactly that I could hear voices and stuff, but I couldn’t clearly make out what people were saying all the time. Honestly I mostly heard Ava now that I think about it.”
“That’s because she hasn’t left your side.” Sara looks back to Ava on the cot and smiles. Hannah can see Sara’s affection for her sister in that moment.
“So, you stayed the night?” Hannah says and Sara snaps her head back to Hannah.
“Well Alex and I traded off staying here with you and Ava. We didn’t want her to be alone.” Sara answered.
“No, not here.” Hannah motions around the room. “You were there that morning; I saw you I heard you. You stayed the night.” Hannah got a big smile on her face and as Sara realizes what she is talking about she drops her head into her hands and laughs.
“Ava said that was the first thing you asked.” She laughs “Yes I did stay the night. And honestly there are so many reasons I am glad I did.” She smiles. “Ava said that she usually goes out for a run at the time all of it happened. She said if I hadn’t stayed, she wouldn’t have been in the kitchen and you would have probably hit your head, and this could have been so much worse.”
“So basically, what your saying is you guys having sex saved my life.” Hannah says pushing her lips together in thought.
“I didn’t say that Hannah.” Sara put her head down near Hannah’s hand on the bed. Hannah moves her hand and places it on Sara’s head and messes up her hair.
“You kind of did say it without saying it.” Hannah chuckles and Sara moves her head so she can look at her from the bed. “I just simplified it.” She smiles at Sara whose face is now beet red.
“ugghh I really hate you.” Sara mumbles into the bed.
“Well lets see if it weren’t for me, you wouldn’t have a sex life.” Hannah laughs.
“Wait what?’ Sara looks up at her. “And how is that now?”
“Well if I hadn’t broken my foot then this giraffe over here.” She points at Ava still sleeping “Would have never met you.” Hannah smiles and thinks for a second “Ohh... I kind of saved my own life now that I think about it.” She shrugs and starts to chuckle while Sara rolls her eyes and stands up and starts to walk away. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going to get the nurse I think you might actually have brain damage.” She smirks at her and walks over to a bag and grabs a deck of cards out, making her way back over to Hannah she pulls a small table over to the bed and places it between them setting Hannah’s water on the table and pulls the cards out and starts to shuffle. “Okay let’s keep you busy and play some go fish.”
Sara and Hannah play cards for a while to pass some time and then Ava starts to stir, and Hannah looks over noticing it. Ava sits up in the bed wiping sleep from her eyes as Hannah watches her.
“Hey sleepy head.” Hannah blurts out causing Ava to look over to Hannah and smile jumping up and moving over towards the two. She immediately goes to Hannah’s side and hugs her and kisses her forehead.
“I thought it was a dream.” Ava said looking at her.
“You thought what was a dream?” Hannah inquires.
“You, waking up. I thought I had dreamt it, but I didn’t its real you’re awake.” Ava hugs her again.
“Nope, I’m awake and quite rested to be honest. And I have had the best company this lovely evening.” Hannah motions over to Sara who is smiling and watching the two of them. Ava looks over at Sara and smiles, moving to embrace her and give her a slight kiss on the lips as they pull apart.
“Alex is on her way up.” Sara looks at her phone and then at Ava.
By the time Alex makes it into the room tears already running down her face she rushes over to Hannah and squeezes her so tightly that Hannah has to tap her so she can breathe.
“You scared the shit out of us.” She says while hugging Hannah, whose eyes have moved to the doorway where Kara is standing not sure if she should come in. Ava and Sara just sit back and watch as Alex scolds Hannah who is still looking at Kara. Finally, Hannah waves Kara over and she slowly steps into the room and makes her way over to the side of the bed where Alex is embracing Hannah.
“Hey Alex.” She taps on Alex shoulder and she pulls back a little to look Hannah in the eyes.
“Let a girl breathe yeah.” Hannah laughs, and Alex lets her go but Hannah puts her hand towards Kara who slowly takes it and Alex takes a step back. Ava, Sara, and Alex all watch as Kara comes to Hannah’s side and she pulls her down into a hug. Hannah’s hand reaches the back of Kara’s head and when they pull a part slightly Hannah’s hands move to either side of Kara’s face and she pulls her into a kiss. Alex looks at Ava who is looking now in complete and utter shock and then shifts her eyes to meet Alex’s. Sara is just smiling and happy looking at this whole situation unfold. When Kara and Hannah finally take a breather, they rest their foreheads together and Kara manages to find words.
“You really did scare the shit out of us.” She smiles, Alex is still looking so confused as is Ava.
“Someone like to explain what the hell is going on?” Alex blurts out, Kara and Hannah laugh, and both look at Alex smiling.
“What she said.” Ava chimes in and Sara just sat and laughed, which causes Ava to glance at her. “Did you know about this?”
“NO! but you should see the look on yours and Alex’s faces.” Sara says still laughing.
“Nobody knew.” Hannah’s voice breaks through the laughter as she makes eye contact with Ava. “We never told anyone we kept it to ourselves.” She looks at Kara and takes her hands. “But I’m kind of not okay with keeping it to ourselves anymore.” She smiles looking into Kara’s eyes and Kara nods in agreement.
“Yes, it would be nice for people to actually think my girlfriend isn’t on another planet or something.” She laughs Alex shrugs and leans in.
“So, wait how long has this been going on?” Alex is constantly looking between the two women and Ava.
“Three months before I deployed.” Kara says without breaking her eyes away from Hannah.
“Holy shit that like a year and a half Hannah.” Ava says irritated “Why didn’t you say anything Kara? You could have stayed here with me a…and why didn’t you say anything?” She moves to put her hand on Kara shoulder and Kara looks at her.
“I guess I was nervous because we were going to say something at Christmas but honestly, we just never got around to it and then well then this happened. And I wasn’t sure how to just tell you. Hey I need to stay here every waking moment because surprise Hannah is actually my girlfriend even though we hid that from you and everyone and no one else knows except for her and she can’t tell you because she is in a coma…” Her rambling is stopped by her letting out a sob and falling into Hannah’s arms.
“It’s okay, I’m okay.” Hannah repeats to her and looks at Ava and Sara with pleading eyes.
“Hey, lets step out for a minute and give these two a second okay.” Sara says pulling on Ava who nods and motions for Alex to follow them. As they step out of the room Ava and Alex just stare at each other and then turn to Sara. “I swear I didn’t know but seriously you guys I saw them at Christmas there was definitely something going on there.” She looked at Alex “you were to busy with z and drooling over my sister.” And she turned to Ava “And you were too busy with your mother and well ill just say it. Flustered by your super-hot girlfriend.” She smiled and leaned in wrapping her arms around Ava’s waist.
“I wasn’t drooling over Laurel.” Alex said in shock
“Oh, good lord Alex please.” Sara pointed at her “You my friend have a massive crush on my sister.” Alex just rolls her eyes and looks at Ava.
“So, our sisters are dating? Alex and Ava turn to look in the window that lines Hannah’s room where the two are talking closely together and are wiping away each other’s tears.
“They are adorable.” Sara adds, Ava looks down at her and kisses he softly in agreement.
“I can’t believe they didn’t tell us.” Ava watches the two in awe. “But I guess it kind of makes sense, Hannah was Lena’s best friend. And I know after the funeral they spent a lot of time together. I just didn’t know it has morphed into something beyond friendship.”
“Well now we know it definitely did at some point.” Alex motions towards the window.