Chapter 5
The flashes went black and real Bucky remained unconscious. At least they had a code now- 32862.
A part of Tony was relieved that he’d made a good call in preventing Steve from calling it. At least all this wasn’t for nothing. Two more and they’d be in business.
“Do you think we can direct him to the next thing he remembers and go from there?” Tony may have sounded insensitive, but he really just wanted to end this.
“We can try” Bruce signed and walked over to grab Bucky’s hand.
“Alright Buck, you’ve just been knocked out, what happened next… go there”
A light appeared on the screen next to him. It was blurry, but definitely a memory. “That’s it Barnes, focus on that moment, what happened”
Bucky was half conscious being carried,
No — dragged
Across a cold cement floor. There was a soldier under each of his limp arms as the winter soldier regained consciousness. Bucky lifted his head, in the center of the room under old fluorescent lights was a hunk of metal.
“What is that?” Peter said, squinting as if it would remedy the blurriness.
“A table maybe? Or some kind of machine?” Clint said, crossing his arms over his chest.
“It’s a chair,” Natasha said, looking at her teammates.
As if In response, the image cleared. It was as if both Bucky and the avengers had the realization at the same moment.
“A chair? Why would hydra have a whole room dedicated to a metal chair?” Steve questioned.
Natasha didn’t answer.
Alarm bells rang in Bucky’s head. They were going to take his memories! They were going to erase him! Bucky tried to fight but his body hadn’t caught up to his mind yet. He struggled as best he could. When the men dragging him realized that the winter soldier was once again conscious, one spoke to him in a low Russian tone, “you’re lucky this is all you’ve got coming to you for your behavior” to which the other picked it up and said, “if it were me, I’d make you suffer”.
Nobody was in the room yet besides them. The two men must’ve made that very same connection as they roughly dropped Bucky onto the floor and rolled him over so that he was facing the ceiling.
Bucky groaned. He felt like he was moving in slow motion. One of the operatives kicked him in the stomach as the other grabbed the baton from his belt.
The two went to town on him as Bucky screamed. They only stopped when Bucky began spitting up blood and his skin turned an ugly purple. They hauled him into the chair and Bucky began breathing heavily. He knew what was coming. He knew that he couldn’t escape now.
The two men went to the control panel next to the chair and clicked some buttons that caused the restraints to lock into place.
“Tony I’m serious this time, don’t let him suffer any longer” Steve sounded tired, but firm.
“We only need the last two codes and the second we have them we’ll pull him out.”
“Tony, can’t you see that he’s struggling! It’s not just his memories Tony, look at him! And now we’ve got him strapped into our device just like they did!” He was angry now, shaking even.
“Don’t you DARE suggest that I am acting like Hydra Steve, I am doing what I have to! I’m making the decision because you can’t!” Tony was yelling now too.
Bucky began screaming bloody murder through the rubber in his mouth. His back arched off the chair and his eyes squeezed tight.
“PULL HIM OUT TONY, NOW!”
“Just give it a second Steve! Bruce, talk to him”
Bruce tried to redirect Bucky like he had last time, but he wasn’t entirely sure the man could even hear him speaking.
Bucky didn’t stop yelling once. Even when he sucked a long breath in, it was loud and pained. The heart monitor behind him was beeping incessantly.
Both Steve and Bruce were trying to calm Bucky now, trying take him to a more pleasant (or at least less painful) memory. One man was on either side of Bucky when his eyes shot open wide and he began thrashing, screaming muffled words now. His eyes flicked around the room erratically, unfocused and full of fear.
The screen blacked out and Steve rushed to open the cuffs on Bucky’s wrists.
He only got the cuff on his flesh hand undone before Bucky yanked at the other until it broke, making his metal arm spark and Bucky to crunch over, grunting at the pain.
This setback didn’t last long, however, as Bucky spit the rubber from his mouth and shot up off the table. He stumbled back until he ran into a table, knocking things over as he felt behind him for something to wield against the avengers.
He looked like a scared animal refusing to turn his back on the predator.
His hands caught hold of a scalpel and he whipped it in front of him as he quickly moved towards the team who took a collective step back with their arms raised.
“Bucky. Buck- it’s okay, you’re okay” Steve said as calmly as possible.
Bucky just held the weapon in front of him with a confidence that they might not have seen through had it not been for the wild look in his eye.
“что ты хочешь” what do you want
Bucky stared into Steve’s eyes with a threatening, unshakable confidence.
“Nat,” Barton whispered with a slight head nod
She seemed to be shaken from a daydream and spoke to Bucky in Russian.
“We aren’t here to harm you Bucky. We just need your help for a little longer”
Bucky clearly wasn’t convinced as he lunged in the blink of an eye, putting Natasha into a headlock with the scalpel pressed against her artery.
“Bucky calm down!” She gritted the Russian words through closed teeth.
“You don’t think I know what you want? Looks like you didn’t erase enough this time agent.” His voice was filled with anger and emotion, but Nat could tell that he was scared. She hates that it was the avengers he thought were harming him.
Steve and Tony lept into action, trying to pull him off.
“What did he say miss Natasha!” Peter yelled over the chaos, trying to find another way to calm the man.
Realization hit Nat like a wave, “Barton! The chair! Show him!”
“Hey Bucky, there’s no wires nothing!”
Steve and Tony forced Bucky to face it with one man under each arm.
“It can’t hurt you, look!” Clint sat in the chair and Bruce turned on the machine.
It must’ve been convincing enough because Bucky dropped the blade and shoved Natasha away from him.
He spoke in English this time, “why do you need my help”
A collective sigh was shared through the room.
“I need you to tell us the code to the weapons software for Hydra” Nat knew it was a big ask, but there was no point in sugar coating it now.
There was a pause where Bucky just stared through his hair.
“Why” he said without moving a muscle
“To take them down Buck” Steve pitched in.
Bucky snapped his head to the voice.
For a second, Steve thought he might’ve said the wrong thing at that moment, but instead Bucky’s icy glare cut through his soul.
Rapid sequences of all the times Bucky had geared up and put bloodied weapons away in that room flashed In front of them but Bucky seemed to kot even notice.
It stopped on one where Bucky barely made it to the room and caught himself on the metal door, a bloody handprint left behind. The man looked like he’d lost more blood than he could stand to lose.
Red fingertips rained the buttons
32557038
He said the words aloud as they watched his past self type them in and stumble into the room half conscious.
Steve knew he had heard that number before- His serial number. They made the code to the weapons room the number that he had repeated over and over to them in an attempt to hold onto himself. Sick
—
The memory didn’t stop there though, the team watched as their friend unloaded and cleaned his weapons, got out of his bloodied suit, hung it in it’s designated spot, and then go to the wall to pull out a first aid kit.
He had a stab wound on his abdomen, one that was still significantly bleeding.
Bucky did a quick look around, as if paranoid he’d be caught injured, before pulling out a curved needle and nylon suture thread.
Bucky sticker himself up without so much as a flinch even when his hands slipped on the blood and he couldn’t get a good hold on the needle.
He quickly packed up the supplies, looking over his shoulder like a kid stealing candy, and put on his all black Hydra suit.
—
“Okay man that’s good” Tony said gently, “now we just need one more number and you’re free to go”
He said it as if talking to a wild animal… I mean he kind of was right now.
That didn’t sit right with Bucky, however, and his paranoia got the best of him.
His full, murderous attention was on Tony now. In a second, he was on him. He punched Tony, effectively knocking him to the ground where he stepped over him, efficient and decisive, and sat his whole body weight on the man with his still short circuiting metal arm locked around his throat.
Tony grabbed at the arm and pleaded with Bucky with his face, but the only thing he could read on his attacker’s face was rage and the occasional wince/twitch from the sparking arm. “я не буду твоим оружием” I will not be your weapon.
He growled the words so close to Tony’s face that you’d think he was whispering a secret.
Natasha thought quick, “Winter Soldier!” She yelled with more confidence than she felt. It did the trick, though, Bucky froze. He didn’t let up, but he went rigid as if waiting for some kind of punishment.
“Soldat release the man.” She said sternly as she walked over to the two on the floor. He hesitantly let go and and stood up slowly and wordlessly.
His eyes looked confused as if he wasn’t sure why he could hesitate.
“I need a part of a mission report,” she looked at him for signs of disagreement, she found nothing but his poker face so she continued, “what is the last sequence I need to access all of Hydra’s databases without restriction.”
It wasn’t a question, it was a command.
“That doesn’t exist”
He looked so cold and removed, a seasoned killer
“I know that it does, tell me”
He opened his mouth to speak and caught himself,
“Why can I say no.”
The genuinity of the question broke Nat a little bit
“Because you’ve not been wiped yet, Soldat, give me the code. With or without your memories, you know what happens to those who disobey.”
She was scared at how easily her words came to her and fell off her lips. She felt as guilty as she would if it were a real scenario. It’s real to him.
She saw the faintest waver in his expression and she knew she had him; hook, line, and sinker.
“AOD: 77034SB” he looked pale, like he was going to puke.
“You got that?” Tony whispered to Peter, who nodded ever so slightly as if any movement would set off the soldier.
“Good, Go” he nodded toward the door, and Peter snuck out slowly to go put the codes in.
“Why are you afraid soldat? You don’t show fear.” She couldn’t give up the role just yet, she knew he was confused and it would be like waking a sleepwalker.
She stepped closer to him.
His eyes followed her, but he didn’t move a muscle save for the occasional eyebrow twitch when his arm shocked him again.
Tony will have to fix that — a problem for later
“Because I… I can choose” his breathing was picking up a bit, as if all of the thoughts he’d had in the back of his mind could be freed. All of Bucky’s thoughts that the winter soldier filtered out was coming through. That meant the guilt, fear, anger, hope… everything.
He looked around and saw Steve.
“Stevie?” His features softened as of it were their first reunion.
Then they turned into terror as he stagger back
“нет, ты моя миссия” no, you are my mission
Tony took that change to bear hug him from behind to stop him from hurting another person in his panic.
Bucky normally would’ve broken this hold easily, but his mind was going a mile a minute and his metal arm wasn’t exactly usable.
“Bucky listen to me, you’re not the winter soldier anymore.” Her tone was soft and motherly, long gone was the harsh commanding in her voice.
He gave no response and just tried to fight off Tony in his panicked state.
Natasha looked at Clint for support who just mouthed ‘book’
Nat understood, she didn’t like it, but she knew he was right.
Here goes nothing
“Желание!”
Bucky stopped moving, but his breath didn’t steady.
“Семнадцать” she said calmly
Bucky’s breathing only picked up and he struggled a bit
“Ржавый”
“Stop! pleasepleaseplease” he begged breathlessly and fought harder.
“Nat what are you doing!” Tony was struggled to keep Bucky subdued.
Clint answered for her, “trust her, Tony”
Tony just shook his head a held on tighter.
“Рассвет”
“PLEASE! please stop!”
“Печь”
“NOO!” The yell was so guttoral it broke Natasha’s heart, “I don’t want to I don’t want to,” he begged and shook his head at the floor. Tony was supporting most of his body weight at this point.
“Девять”
Tears filled Natasha’s eyes at the pained scream her friend let out at her words
“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS”
he slipped out of Tony’s hold and was intent on closing the distance between him and Natasha when she said the next word.
“Добросердечный”
He yelled as the word bit into him as if a hot poker had been stuck through his skull.
He grabbed his head keeled over a bit, grunting at the effort to stay upright and fight the effects.
“Возвращение на родину” Natasha choked on the word, seeing the pain it brought her friend riddled her with guilt.
He made a strangled noise and fell heavily to his knees, hands covering his ears half to block out the noise and half because of the pain in his head.
“Один” she was almost whispering it now as tears rolled freely down her face
He yelled again and went all the way down, he closed his mouth and growled, trying to handle it and regain control. He punched the ground with his flesh hand to distract himself from it all.
The pain let up a bit and he panted a bit and writhed as he grit out a, “I’ll do anything, please. Please don’t make me” he sounded so tired, so spent.
Natasha soundlessly cried harder when Bucky’s pleading eyes looked up at her.
She felt like she was going to be sick,
“Товарный вагон” she could barely say the Russian words as guilt weaved its way into her stomach.
Bucky was overtaken by the pain in his head, Natasha knew that the words had no true hold on him anymore, but Bucky fought the transition as hard as he could.
He couldn’t speak, he only writhed and choked on his own pained sounds.
“Nat what did you do!” Tony said, frozen at the scene in front of him.
He snapped her out of her trance,
“Bucky, Bucky look at me” and got on her knees quickly to get on eye level with him,
“You feel that pain? That means you’re not him, it means you weren’t him to begin with.”
Bucky looked at her and tired to comprehend what she was saying through his quick breaths and pained gaze
He sounded as if he’d just run 3 miles as he gasped for breath.
“What?” The question was mostly a sigh out as he still tried to catch his breath.
She thought for a second about how to convince him, and she could tell the pain was subsiding.
She adjusted as an idea hit her,
“Alright Bucky give me a mission report; March 25th 1971” the date was random, but it did the job.
“March 25t-“ he cut himself off.
There was a pause and Nat could see the switch flipping I his brain.
He flicked his eyes up to her in realization, “no” he said as if he couldn’t believe he had said it.
He shook his head, “No I- I don’t want to.”
His breathing was evening out.
Nat smiled and let out the breath she’d been holding
“Good” she said
He smiled and sighed. He was still breathing a little heavy, but it now felt giddy as if he’d been a kid playing with with his friend.
They both started laughing, Bucky laid back and caught his breath.
“You got the codes?”
“Yeah, Buck we did”
“Good” he breathed out in relief
“That’s good”