Chapter 1
Hydra was coming for the avengers. Bucky knew what they wanted- the winter soldier. He wouldn’t let them have that again. The rest of the avengers were ready to take them down, they’d been scheming for the past 2 weeks while Bucky has been stuck in a foggy haze. He’s been wrestling with the fact that, if it came down to it, he’d give himself over to save his friends. Let hydra do their worse, he can take it… Bucky just hoped his friends would forgive him.
“Well we can’t get access to their systems if we don’t have the code Tony!” Yelled Steve as everyone’s frustration limit is being reached. Needless to say, they’ve not made much progress in the plan.
“Well if we steal the file” Tony spoke as of he were speaking to a child, “then we’d have the code!”
“You know it’s not that simple” Bruce pitched in
…code. File. What file?
A nervous feeling sunk into Bucky’s stomach as he tuned back into the conversation
“What file are we looking for?” Bucky asked to which he got an eye roll and a sign from Tony in response
Steve spoke up, “there was a Hydra organized massacre in Socovia about 25 years ago, they got access to technology we’ve never seen before and definitely couldn’t replicate” he continued explaining, “ if we can get the mission report from that day, we’ll have the access codes to infiltrate Hydra and break their defenses, but if it’s even a little off we’re in big trouble.” He finished summarizing.
I remember this
Bucky looked down, he felt a weird combination of shame that he caused this mass destruction and pride that maybe he could help the team
there was more commotion and more fighting until Bucky broke through the noise
“I know the codes” he said plainly, eyes flicking up from his lap
A beat passed
“Sorry, you what?” Tony had his full attention on Bucky now.
“Well I guess I don’t know them. Not by heart at least, but I was there.”
Confused looked were passed… “it… it was me who-“ he was looking down again
Mercifully, Tony picked up the conversation “so you’ve seen the file”
“Yes.” Said Bucky monotony, he didn’t want to remember this day. “Not only that but I gave the mission report. After all, It was my mission to report”
He couldn’t remember the numbers though, he barely remembered the faces of the people he’d killed that night. That pained him, he always remembered their face.
Maybe it was his way of apologizing or maybe his way of punishing himself, but he never forgot their faces… except those.
“Can you remember them?” Steve said delicately, he didn’t want to trigger anything, but this was important
“No I- “ he paused eyes scanning the room, “ it’s all blurry I can’t-“ he was frustrated
I can’t remember! Why cant I remember!
“It’s okay” Bruce offered sensing Bucky’s rising panic
They took it. They’re still in my head after all this time.
His breathing was getting rigid
“Maybe they wiped it” Natasha pitched in “it’s not unreasonable to assume”
“Right but you still remember doing it, correct?” Bruce asked, seemingly building a plan. The team could practically see his dots being connected.
Bucky took a second to answer and averted his eyes, nervously fidgeting with his hands. He felt trapped in this seat. In this room. He schooled his expression blank before responding. “Yes” he said, trying to mask the break in his voice.
“That means it’s still in there. We can get to it, there’s something me and Peter were working on for fun… but if it works, we can get that code” Bruce said quickly and excitedly as if he’d just solved the puzzle.
“Well hold on Bruce” Tony glanced at Bucky “are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Now Bucky was nervous. What machine were they talking about…
“It’s the only thing we have” Bruce said exhaustively with pity in his eyes.
Bucky couldn’t stand that look of pity. He steeled himself and straightened his back.
You can do this he thought, these are your friends. You trust them.
He repeated it to himself like a mantra,
You can do this he thought, these are your friends. You trust them.
“What machine are you talking about” Nat said with a little concern in her voice.
Peter looked conflicted as he glanced at Bucky then back to Natasha
“It basically uses electromagnetic waves to intercept brain signals and show the images forming on the screen it’s connected to. We really only started building it because I thought it would be fun to see my dreams like a movie but if the person is thinking of a memory, it would theoretically be possible to see that on the screen too” a mix of shock and realization passed over Nats face. She was impressed and eager to have answers and worried for what this means all at the same time.
“It’s not been tested.” Tony said matter of factly,
“No. Absolutely not. We are not doing that to him!” Steve said angrily and the chaos erupted again.
Bucky drowned in the noise and stared at nothing, considering the possibility of doing this. He owed them this much.
“I’ll do it” he said quietly, then again louder when it didn’t grab the avengers attention.
They stopped talking and all eyes were on him
“Buck… you don’t have to do this” Steve said assertively, but gently all the same.
“I’ll do it” Bucky decidedly said a final time