Interestingly, the first person Bucky comes out with is not Sam, as he had once imagined, but Sarah.
Not that he intended to tell her, she's just a good observer so she realizes his feelings for Sam and doesn't hesitate to take them out into coalition.
"You know?" I'm sure if you told my brother how you feel, he wouldn't reject you.
With wide eyes Bucky looks around nervously, which is absurd, since he knows perfectly well that they are alone there and no one else has been able to hear that.
"What?" I don't ...
"Don't insult my intelligence by denying me something that is evident" Sarah cuts.
"Is it so obvious?" He asks with resignation.
"For everyone except Sam, probably, although I admit that at first it was a surprise. I didn't know you were interested in men"
"I've always been, but also in women. At the time I grew up, well, men were frowned upon, so why would I complicate my life when my attraction to women was evident and I had such a good time with them? I didn't know if the men's thing was something that happened to all of us, but nobody commented or if there was something wrong with me, but whatever it was, the easiest and safest thing was to ignore that part of me. Now I know it doesn't happen to all men, but there's nothing wrong with me."
Sarah nodded
Bucky smiled weakly at these words and thanked the woman for them, he thought that the subject of Sam had been left behind, on the one hand it relieved him, but on the other, he always liked to have the opportunity to talk about Sam and there was a doubt in his mind.
"Why do you think Sam wouldn't reject me?"
Sarah laughed softly
"He loves you."
La esperanza comenzó a abrirse paso en el pecho de Bucky, pero las dudas aún estaban muy presentes
"How do you know?"
"I know," Sarah said simply, "and you're wasting your time around each other. He's not going to make the first move because he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable, but it would be nice if you did."
Bucky was silent for a few moments, Sarah remained quiet also to let him put his ideas in order. When he spoke, his voice and expression were filled with suffering.
"Sarah, I can't. I... Even if, as you say, he loves me, he deserves better.
Sarah raised an eyebrow
"What the hell do you mean by something better?"
The man sighed it was so hard to have this conversation, to explain everything that was on his mind, but he wanted Sarah to understand so he started with the basics.
"Did he tell you what happened the first time we met?"
She shook her head.
"I was still the winter soldier and he drove the car that took my target. I jumped on the roof and ripped the steering wheel out of his hands and that was just the first time I almost killed him."
The pain and guilt were evident and Sarah took him by the hand.
"Fortunately, my brother is a tough guy," he said half-jokingly, half-seriously, "but Bucky, you said it yourself, you were the winter soldier, at the time, not Bucky Barnes.
Bucky didn't tell Sarah that they were the same for him because the memories of the winter soldier tormented him constantly. He didn't want Sam to have to deal with something like that, he didn't want Sam to see the face of the man who almost killed him, he didn't want Sam to wake up every morning next to a man who had done so much damage, but he didn't say any of that instead what he said was
"If you want Sam to find someone," he interrupted himself for a moment before finding the strength to continue, "Joaquin would be a good choice. Believe me the guy is crazy about him, if he were a cartoon, he would have hearts in his eyes when he looks at him and practically melts every time Sam talks to him. Seriously, he has a most embarrassing crush" . although he had begun to speak in a sorrowful tone, now it was practically mockery, although what he said about Joachim could be applied to him. "Maybe Sharon, if she also likes women, I don't think she's in love with him, but it's obvious that she wants him," he said, recalling with some annoyance how Sharon had flirted with Sam when she saw him in the suit he had given him.
Sarah looked outraged.
"Are you really giving me a list of possible candidates to date my brother?" Bucky nodded, "I guess you think they do measure up to Sam Wilson, don't you?"
"No one will ever measure up to Sam Wilson. Maybe Steve would have been, but he left and left him so he didn't."
A thought came to his head, until now he had not considered it because he had always believed that both Sam and Steve were heterosexual, but now that he saw everything under a new glass, it made sense.
"What if Sam is in love with him?"
"Steve?" Steve Rogers?"
Bucky nodded
"I don't know how my brother felt about him in the past. Maybe he was attracted, he was a very attractive man and from what I've heard quite fascinating—Bucky nodded again, but he felt worse and worse. Sarah smiled fondly at him before continuing—What I can assure you is, if she ever felt anything other than friendship for him, that's gone. He's in love with you. You've got him totally and completely crazy, James Buchanan Barnes. So to begin with, you understand that it is not as perfect as you seem to think it is and to continue let you think about other options besides you, first because my brother is not interested, nor Torres, nor Sharon, let alone Steve and second because I know you really do not want my brother to be with someone else, you want he to be with you
"I know he's not perfect, I don't love him because I think he's perfect or idealized him, I love him because he's Sam, with everything he is and I would love him to be with me if I were a different person. Maybe if it was like it was in the 30s and if it didn't have the past I have.
"But Sam doesn't want the Bucky you were then, he wants the Bucky you are now with your past and everything.
"And you really don't think he deserves better?"
"My brother deserves someone who loves him and whoever he wants. Someone who knows, accepts and supports you, someone who makes you laugh, who brings out your most joking and playful side, someone who is willing to help you fix your family's boat and fight by your side, someone who protects you and watches your back, someone who trusts you and believes you are worthy as Captain America, someone who smiles when they see him and whom his nephews call uncle, someone capable of integrating with his people, someone who loves the hero, but even more the human. It deserves you, Bucky
Bucky's smile was the most genuine that had flowed from his lips in the entire conversation, despite the watering of his eyes.
"Thank you for everything, Sarah," he said, his voice filled with emotion. He wasn't ready to declare himself to Sam yet, but he was glad to have Sarah's blessing.
"Thank you for being honest with me, can I give you a hug?"
Bucky leaned over to hug the woman, but stopped when he heard Sam and the boys were coming and so he let her know.
"And who cares?"
Sarah hugged him and Bucky reciprocated.
"You're great," she told him and he hugged her tighter. They were still hugging when Sam, AJ and Cass arrived.
"For God's sake, can you behave? There are children in front of you"
"First of all, Samuel, there was no child here just now and secondly my children know that there is nothing wrong with a hug."
"Exactly, Samuel," Bucky said, twitching Sam's nerves more than they already were, hugging each other in the middle of the living room as if they lived alone in that house, who knows what they would have found if they had arrived a little later. Oh, no. I definitely wasn't going to think about it.
"Hugs are great! Cass said.
"Yes they are, do you want one?" Sarah offered and the boy ran to hug his mother and Bucky.
Sam, meanwhile, headed to the kitchen and AJ followed.
"Uncle Sam," he said in a whisper, which Bucky heard thanks to his improved hearing, "Are you jealous because Uncle Bucky was hugging Mommy and not you?"
The super soldier's attention was divided between hugging Cass and listening to Sam's response, but it didn't come or at least not audibly, as Sam's way of answering that question was a slight shrug.