Moving on
Red is gone when he wakes up.
It would've been weirder if he had stayed.
The man is a danger to himself. Sometimes he manages to fool Frank into thinking he is competent. Then he is reminded this man is fucking reckless and stupid.
The cut had been bad. Deep and he had lost lots of blood. No wonder he had started to hallucinate on that roof.
That night he hadn't gone out as the Punisher. He went out looking for a store where he could take some cardboard boxes. Then he found the devil. Talk about destiny.
Yesterday was interesting. Going to Karen's house was hard. Seeing everything she left. The house was still waiting for her to come back. Even after all the food had gone bad. Or the clothes gathered dust. It still felt alive.
Matt being there helped. It made everything faster. But it also helped as a reminder that he wasn't alone. That there was someone alive with him.
It's been a month since the snap. People are still dead. Half the world is still gone. But the world keeps spinning. He has to move on.
Maybe that's why he invited Red to lunch that one time. Maybe that's why he accepted Matt's invitation that first time.
Humans need social interaction. He is doing just that.
Now he takes a bath and brushes his teeth. He had asked Gabriela to take care of Max today. So he doesn't have to worry about that. He can focus on Karen.
After eating breakfast (a cheese and ham sandwich with coffee) he takes the boxes he found yesterday and walks all the way to Karen's house.
When he arrives it's around 11 am.
He enters and everything is as they left it yesterday. Without stopping to think he starts to pack everything.
It takes time. More than he bothers counting but he manages to fit everything in the boxes he brought.
He excludes some things. Like some cases Matt wants to take back. Some of her notebooks are filled with her ideas. Her computer filled with reports she never got to publish. Portraits and photos. He can't donate that. He can't throw that. So he keeps it.
(Call him selfish. But he needs it. A part of Karen that won't be taken away. That can't be turned into dust.)
The house is now property of the state, same with the furniture. It's some lawyer bullshit he didn't pay attention to. So he leaves it alone.
He loads every box into the car he had parked not far from Karen's house. He had prepared for this moment.
Now, before closing the door one last time he takes a good look. Without her stuff the house looks bare. Ready to be occupied by someone else.
It feels wrong.
But there is nothing he can do.
(He wants to but can't. This time he can't do anything. He can't punish the one who caused this. It's far beyond his capabilities. He wants to shout, to cover the streets with blood so that others understand his pain. But they already do. It's been a month but the city is still mourning. As much as he wants to hurt people, people are already hurting.)
(As strange as it sounds to him. He isn't mourning alone this time.)
He drives to orphanages, to organizations. He gives out boxes and boxes. He goes to his neighborhood and gives the old man downstairs silverware. He visits the widow from 5 floors above and gives her boxes filled with clothing.
He gives pieces of his old life to the new one.
(It hurts to think of Karen as part of his old life. But it is the truth. The facts he can't deny.)
He has nothing left by the end of the day.
He has nothing left to do.
Or maybe he does.
He goes to a flower shop and buys some jasmine and white tulips. Then he drives towards the cemetery. He visits his family.
He still has nightmares. He still wakes up in the middle of the night with his trigger finger twitching, his heartbeat out of control and trapped in memories. He still feels the blood under his nails. He still.has the images of his daughter, his dead daughter tattooed to his memory.
But he wants to move on. He already brought justice to the people who did it. The snap finished the job. The snap did the finishing touches.
He finally wants to close this part. He puts the flowers on their graves but doesn't leave. He looks down to the gravestone.
He spends the evening remembering the good and the bad. Mostly the good. He tries to ignore the bad.
He spends these last moments in complete silence. Letting peace wash over him. Wash over his mind. He doesn't force himself to relax.
God. He misses them so much.
He wants to have a life they would be proud of. Proud not of his actions but that he is free from the sins of the past.
God he is speaking like a Catholic. He's been spending too much time with Matt. And also Red.
Both of them like to talk.
Matt first talks about his job but then rants about his neighbors. Then about food. Then about alcohol. He enjoys spending time in the details. And Frank likes to listen. It fills him with content to see the other man talk to his heart's pleasure.
It reminds him of Curtis in a way. When they talk over beers. About their lives.
Matt Murdock became a friend in less than a month. But Frank might feel something more.
He goes to a chair and sits down. He enjoys the afternoon sky.
Matt is sweet. He is stubborn and a smartass. He is sarcastic and knows him. He knows he isn't perfect. He knows he doesn't handle things like people should. He knows some of the darkest parts of him.
Red does too. Both of them are too similar.
So similar, Frank suspects they might be the same person. Their mannerisms are too similar. They both tilt their heads. Like they want to hear better. It fits Matt. And it fits Red. It explains the bruises and cuts Matt usually wears. It explains Daredevil's insistence on sticking to the law. His way of talking, of debating, is that of a lawyer. Both of them have the same smile and grin. They have rough edges and sharp ends. Matt hides it well but it shows.
Frank knows they are the same person. But he'd rather have Matt tell him. You can't force Matthew Murdock into taking. If you do, he'll fight or run. He will distance himself. So, Frank lets him tell him at his own pace.
He leaves clues here and there. But he is patient. (At least with Matt he is.)
The man grew on him like a fungus. He feels things for this man and he only hopes he can keep him alive.
Maybe he is setting himself for heartbreak. But he already dug his grave.
And he is ready to lay in it if it comes to it.
Once the sun comes down he stands up and goes home.