Brock swore, he was hundred percent sure that it won’t affect him, that all the time Steve had woke up beside him, with just one of his eye slowly opening before pecking him on his lips, or the way Steve would hugged him from behind as he made breakfast for them, or the way he would held Steve closed whenever the nightmares kick in, he was not compromised. He was just too into the role, it was a mission. He was assigned to get close to Steve and he had accomplished it to the max, nothing more nothing less, he had done what was expected of him.
Steve had been strung along like a lost puppy right until the very end, when they were standing in the lift, he knew from Steve’s body gesture he had wanted to reach for Brock’s hand, but the arguments that they could not make it public was still fresh on his mind. It was a mercy, Steve should be grateful he had spared him more pain when he fought against revealing the relationship even when he had to pay the price when they had punished him for his failure to make their entanglement public. Brock reasoned that it was not done out of concern, far from an act of love but out of respect for Steve as a great soldier, just for the wrong cause.
But life after Project Insight had succeeded was different to what Brock had imagined it would be, there was still some power struggle happening, the only difference is that it is more focused on the within. But he had done so much, sacrificed his moral and all the life that was taken, there was no turning back. He just had to suck it up, they had gotten what they had wanted , he had accomplished what he had believed to be the vision of the perfect world.
And yet, sometimes he can’t help but reach a hand for someone laying beside him, the bed feels larger than it had been, there was no soft humming accompanying him as he wait for the coffee to brew, there was no longer cuddling at the sofa as he watches the television, no one worrying that he had gotten injuries during mission. The house feels so empty, his heart feels like it has sunken it, he now has a Steve shaped hole on his chest.
Maybe he had played the role too well, maybe he should have realized it earlier, should have known that instead of being repulsed when Steve had softly whisper I love you when he had assumed Brock was sleeping just hours before everything had fallen apart, that he was compromised. He was supposed to make Steve trust him, fall in love with him and he had succeeded, god did it succeed. Whenever he closed his eyes, he couldn't get rid of the look of hurt, the crushing betrayal, the pure heartbreak that was apparent on Steve’s face.
Brock had lost the sense of time, life was just a cycle he had to go through, wake up, go to work, go on mission here and there whenever there’s a thorn on Hydra, get himself checked if he was injured, he is still functioning, nothing is out of sort, nobody has the slightest clue that he is just going through life in motion, he does not go out of his way to end his life, he owes it that much to Steve, if he had chosen this life over everything that could have been, could have happen in a reality where Steve is still with him, then he should at least life as if it was worth it.
And then one day, everything broke loose. The Asset had gotten away, he had diminished everything that had crossed his path, he was screaming murder. He was like a wild animal raging, killing everything on sight, and the reason was that the Asset had remembered. He had choked, ripping people apart as tears streamed down his face as he kept on mumbling he had killed Steve and there would be hell to pay.
Brock had laughed until he was cramping his stomach. How even after years, decades after decades of the Asset’s memory being wiped clean, being frozen time and time again in the cryo, the tight lease Hydra had strung on his neck, and Steve still did the impossible. Even if it was too late. But Steve had accomplished it again.
He was assigned to find and terminate the Asset, and Brock, well the current Brock does not do too well under pressure. After just living life monotonously, something as far fetched from how life should have been, stirred something within him. Maybe the Asset or the Rebels can revive something out of the shit show he had hand in hand took part in. Maybe Steve will be on the winning side this time.
And so he had made it his mission, to sneakily help hide the Asset’s track, even when the thought of the Asset reuniting with Steve, the thought of the Asset kissing Steve, how Steve would smile and softly whisper “Bucky” or how the Asset will be replacing him got Brock punching the wall until his knuckle bleeds, but at least Steve will be alive. Right, Brock owes it to Steve, he deserves a happy ending after everything he has gone through.
Oh but how it kills Brock, whenever he hides their tracks, whenever they are one step closer to turn back time. He snaps when he wakes up and the dream of Steve moaning under the Asset’s body, Steve loves Brock, he had said so himself. He should be here with him. So no, if Brock can’t have Steve then nobody else should have a chance with him. He starts to hunt and there was no stopping him until he had crushed the windpipe of the Asset, he is not allowed to turn back time and make it like Brock and Steve had never happened.
He must have been out of his mind, how could he had almost given Steve away, how could he tarnished Steve’s love for him, he can feel the weight of Steve’s head on his shoulder a small peck on his cheek as he was just few miles away from where the Asset had taken sanctuary with the Rebels.
“I love you.”
He should have said it back but now it was too late, he can feel the rippling of time, he will lose Steve, all the memories they had shared, all the insight jokes and look only he and Steve knows, it will no longer exist in the new reality. He should have taken Steve’s hand in the lift, should have not kept on pretending he was asleep, should have held him tighter, he should have loved Steve better and now it will no longer matter, cause the next time Brock had opened his eyes, he only knew of Captain America and not of Steve Rogers. As Hydra was truly taken care of, Steve Rogers had never separated from Sergeant Barnes. There was no Asset, there was only Bucky and Steve, and Brock was just an outsider looking at memorabilia of death heroes.