Unexpected visit

"You know we can't be together, do you?" Sam asked the Bucky of Universe 192 once they were alone and he was certain that his Bucky, well, to be exact, that the Bucky of his universe couldn't hear them.

The face of his interlocutor was a poem, full of pain and confusion

"Why not?" he asked after a few moments of silence. "I know you love me, well you love him. I see it in your eyes and if that wasn't enough, we were going to kiss when he arrived. It wouldn't have happened if you didn't feel anything."

Sam smiled sadly

"Don't you see? That is precisely the problem. I'd be with you loving him. It wouldn't be because of who you are, it would just be because you look pretty much the same as the guy I'm in love with and doesn't reciprocate. And you'd be with me simply because of the memory of what you've lost, but I wouldn't fill that gap because as much as I look like him, I'm not him and I never will be. Neither of us deserve a relationship like that."

"But we can try. I don't care if you love your Bucky and me, not if it means we can be together and yes, I know I love my Sam and probably always will, but that doesn't mean I can't love you too. Millions of people lose their partner, the love of their lives, and get to fall in love and be happy with someone else."

"That's true, but in your case, you're looking for the exact same person you lost."

That situation was causing him tremendous emotional damage. He couldn't blame the Bucky of universe 192 for trying to win back the love of his life and if he was honest with himself, deep down a small part of him wanted to accept, let go and live the life he wanted with a version of the man he loved, but he knew it would be a stolen life, something that didn't belong to him and wasn't the right thing to do.

It hurt to look at the face of the person you love, even if it wasn't really your person and tell them you didn't want to be with them, but Sam knew it was the right thing to do, even though the Bucky he was talking to didn't seem to understand. His eyes were shining with tears, and Sam felt immensely guilty. All this added to the shock of knowing that he was dead in another universe, it was simply too much, but he would have time to manage it. Now he needed the Bucky of Universe 192 to understand what reality was like and how things had to be.

"I'm really sorry," Sam said, putting a hand on his knee, "I'm not going to tell you you'll get over it. When you're grieving it's shit to hear that, even if it's the truth. I just want to tell you that what you feel is valid, the pain is valid and also the anger and your desire to recover what you had, it really is.

The man shook his head

"After Sam died, I stopped going. I couldn't find the strength to do anything until I discovered that you could travel between universes and all my efforts were dedicated to it."

"You've got a spider brat in there, too, huh?" Sam said with a small smile, remembering that it was precisely against Spider-Man that he and Bucky first fought together

"You're thinking about the airport fight"

"Did that happen in your universe too?"

Bucky nodded

"I don't really know what the differences are between the two universes other than that in this one we're not together and my other self completely joined the Thunderbolts."

"Didn't you?"

"I help them with some missions, but everyone knows that my priority is always going to be Sam. It was Sam," he corrected himself in a broken voice, "Now you can be it," he said, sounding hopeful, "it's clear that for the Bucky of this universe you're not a priority and you deserve to be."

"I don't want to be Bucky's priority, of course I'd like us to have more of a relationship, but I want Bucky to be his own priority, to do what he wants to do and whatever makes him happy. He deserves it after everything he's been through. For years he had to submit to the wishes of others, for nothing in the world would I want him to submit to mine leaving his own aside."

Bucky was speechless for a few seconds, when he finally spoke it was not to respond to what Sam said, but to continue trying to argue in favor of his cause

"But, Sam, you haven't seen each other for months. I don't understand how that's possible."

"Well, it's happened once before," Sam said with an attempt at a smile that turned into a strange grimace, "it's the same thing. Only now for work and texting from time to time. It's not that bad."

"The Wakanda thing doesn't count, there it wasn't completely me and we were nothing, although you already caught my attention"

Sam was surprised to learn that

"So long?" Bucky nodded, "How could it be otherwise? Have you seen yourself?"

Sam laughed lightly

"In the end Steve was going to be right about you being charming"

"Am I charming you, Sammy?" He asked, sending a shiver down Sam's spine, though he couldn't tell if it was because of the tone of his voice, the pet name, or having Bucky finally flirting with him, except it wasn't his Bucky. Whatever the reason, he chose not to answer that

"I'm not talking about Wakanda, I'm talking about when Steve left and gave me the shield."

The Bucky from the other universe looked confused

"Do we walk away after that?"

"I see it was different where you came from. Yes, Bucky just stopped responding to my messages and didn't show up again until the government gave the shield to Walker."

"Expect the government what? How did the government get the shield? And who is Walker?"

Sam sighed, hoping this Bucky wouldn't react as badly as the Bucky he knew had

"The government had the shield because I gave it to the museum, I thought it was where it belonged. Walker was the man the government chose to pick up Captain America's legacy."

Even though he was tied up, Bucky clenched his fists "Here we go again," Sam thought bitterly

"How dare they? They didn't have the right to do that, you didn't give it to them for that."

"Well, they didn't seem to care about my wishes," he said, half surprised and half relieved that Bucky's annoyance seemed to be against the government and not against him, it was something new and satisfying.

"May I ask why you felt I belonged there and not you?"

"It didn't feel like mine, I felt like Steve had left a footprint that I couldn't fill, especially if I tried to do it myself. I don't know about your universe, but there are a lot of people out there who aren't happy with a black man being Captain America."

"Assholes exist in every universe, Sam"

"Even in which we are cubes or undefined shapes?" he asked amusedly

"Probably, yes," he replied in the same tone and for a moment he almost felt like he was the Bucky he knew, but he wasn't and Sam's body seemed to know because he didn't react like he used to at times like that. His heart didn't beat any harder, nor did the butterflies in his stomach flutter, and Sam found himself feeling surprised by it, but also with an inexplicable desire to go find the right Bucky.

It didn't matter that he didn't love him and didn't travel between universes for him, he was his friend and maybe they weren't as close as Sam would like, but he was happy to have him in his life and it had taken Bucky from another universe to come to him to fully realize it.

Of course, he knew that he liked having Bucky there and that he enjoyed their friendship, but he hadn't been fully aware up to that point that even if he didn't have the relationship he wanted, he wouldn't change Bucky for even a version of himself who was crazy about him.

"Sam?"

"Excuse me, what were you saying?"

"It doesn't matter. You know? Sam was also hesitant about deserving that shield, but we helped each other. None of us felt that we deserved what we had, but we made each other see that yes, we deserved it and that we could have it."

Sam wasn't surprised by these words, he was pretty sure that if he'd had Bucky there, telling him to use the shield and that he deserved it, he wouldn't have given it. However, he did not regret the decision he had made. He did what he felt was right and didn't blame Bucky for not being there, he too had done what he considered to be the best thing to do and no one could or should call him out for it.

"Now I regret encouraging him to take up the mantle. If I had known what would happen, I would have told him that he was right and that this shield was not for him."

Sam froze at that. He understood what it was to feel lost and what it was to wish things were different. He himself, after Riley's death, had wished a thousand times that the man had not flown that day, that the maneuvers had been canceled, even that he had died, instead of Riley, but he had never wished that the man did not have wings. He could never have deprived him of having something that he loved and made him so happy, he couldn't be so selfish with someone he loved even in exchange for him staying alive so, for him, it was hard to understand that the Bucky from another universe was capable of lying to Sam, making him feel bad about himself and convincing him not to do what he really wanted. what he owed, for no reason.

He could have said a lot of things, but what came out was

"How did your Sam get the Captain America suit?"

"What?"

"When he became Captain America, he would wear a new suit, where did he get it from?"

Bucky frowned

"I don't know, I think someone recommended a weird designer to him. I don't know who made the recommendation and I don't remember the name of the designer either, I'm sorry, what does that matter?"

Sam couldn't help but smile.

During the whole conversation I had believed that the difference between this Bucky and his own was this Bucky loved him and his didn't, but now he understood that the main difference was that the Bucky of this universe supported him on levels that the other Bucky would never do or understand and the most important thing was that he supported him because he believed in him. Not simply because I felt it was the right thing to do. He had the feeling that eo Bucky from universe 192, had put Sam's wants and needs before his own, that he had not been assertive to say what he wanted or maybe he didn't even know and had simply accommodated what Sam wanted or expected, which seemed very sad to him and he hoped that his other version had not really noticed and not that he had simply used Bucky for their own benefit. The Bucky from another universe was still waiting for an answer, so Sam gave it to him

"Curious," Bucky didn't seem to believe him, but luckily he didn't push, which Sam appreciated. He didn't know why, but he didn't want to share that with him, he wanted to keep his suit for his Bucky and himself, as a unique and precious secret that not everyone could access

"We should be together," he said instead, "Come on, Sam, we could be happy."

Sam shook his head

"A relationship can't be built on love for other people and not for your partner. If you and I were together, it would be a relationship of convenience and it's not what I want. You should go back to your universe and get on with your life, go to therapy, give yourself time and space to heal. I know it's not easy, but it's the right thing to do and I'm sure you'll find the happiness you deserve there."

"I don't want any more happiness than to be with you"

Sam sighed

"And I understand it, but it's not possible and it's not healthy either, your happiness can't depend on another person and even less on another who is no longer here. And you can't do any of this here, you've got to go back to your universe, Bucky."

"Please, Sam, let me stay here," he asked in a broken voice and with tears in his eyes, again "Even if you don't want anything to do with me, we can be friends. You can have me and you can have him, too. I'll work with you, I'll be by your side, taking care of you and protecting you while he's in the Thunderbolts, I'll be by your side when he's not."

"Bucky, I don't want that and it's not what you need, and even if you don't see it now, it's not what you want neither ," Bucky opened his mouth to answer, but Sam kept talking, "Also, I don't think it's possible. We don't know how it can affect both universes that you are both here and that there is neither there. How did you get here? How could you travel between universes?"

"With a multiversal bracelet"

"Well, now you explain everything to us. I'd better call Bucky and Joaquin so they can come," he said, pulling out his cell phone to call Bucky